The Villager Project, Day 4: Amusement

High Speed Hijinks

Hello, fellow scientists! Today is a special day in science, because your feedback led us to this point!

Many of you expressed concern over cruel treatment of the villagers in Village, so some new standards have been put in place to protect them from themselves, AND the environment!

 Pictured: gratitude. On the right, we see the cauldron being opened up for the villagers to come and go as they please.

I woke up this morning to a billboard erected by the townsfolk, seemingly written in some arcane language. Without knowing more about their word structure, I was forced to assume that the message was an insult about my mother. Normally, this would mean many, MANY highly stressful experiments for them (to determine why they're so aggressive, of course), but today, things are different. In light of recent community events, I have decided to show mercy to these irrationally savage creatures, and build them a theme park!

Now, to be perfectly fair, I don't know the first thing about a theme park. They have funnel cakes, and...mirrors, I guess? After doing some digging around, I noticed two recurring themes: roller-coasters, and rides. So, that's what they got!

Seen here, the "Enchanted Arrow" roller-coaster, and the "Frozen Funtime" water slide! FUN!

Villagers are a strange lot, mostly ungrateful and completely incapable of understanding the awesome gift of a theme park. Granted, to understand the awesome gift of a theme park, I would need to know something about them, and as we previously established, I don't. So naturally, the first thing I started looking for was a consultant!

In the world of Village, consultants are hard to come by. The locals mostly speak in strange guttural utterances, write in cryptic block characters, and bumble around with no clear goals in life, save to farm vegetables. I knew that finding a consultant among these ingrates would be a fruitless effort, so it was time to call in some...outside help. This would take a special kind of mind, someone who knows three-dimensional spaces, speed, and terror. That's right, it was time to call in none other than the one, the only: Mister Pigsy.

TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH! ...once I settle into my new home.

Mister Pigsy's first act was to move into the newly opened iron cauldron. He has parked himself inside, and has refused to move from that spot since arriving. For now, I will assume he is setting up shop.

Join us next week, as we begin experiments on aerodynamics, electricity, and more!


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