The Villager Project, Day 2

Day 2

Greetings, science enthusiasts! Today was a productive day indeed in Village.

I personally felt the Village chapel was lacking a certain something, and I couldn't put my finger on it. After pondering the problem for many hours, it dawned on me that I had not seen a SINGLE bouncy castle anywhere in this forsaken town.

Before: Dull and boring. After: Colorful and bouncy.

My first act to save these people from overwhelming, lethal levels of boredom was to convert their dingy old chapel into a bouncy castle, complete with colorful windows, and a diving board at the top. It was incidental that I discovered that villagers cannot survive falls from a great height without bouncy blocks.

Suffice it to say, the villagers were amused with their improved structure, bouncing the day away without a care in the world. Not a single chore was finished, and not a single villager sale was made that day.

Experiment 2.1a conclusion: Villagers like bouncy things

While amusing themselves on the slime blocks, the villagers offered a proposition. They claimed, much to my surprise and disdain, that the netherbrick roads were terrifying them. They kept whining on and on about moaning voices, hot bricks burning their feet, and something about their souls (honestly, I wasn't listening very closely). I am nothing if not a benevolent experiment manager, so I conceded that quartz roads would look much nicer, and probably wouldn't drag them off into the nether in the middle of the night, maybe. As with all things in life, a price must be paid for this glorious new road!

Namely, an occupied prison cell, and a spectator sport for my amusement.

I erected a cozy containment building in the middle of town, where a community garden had previously been staining the landscape. The villager tagged as "Barnaby" volunteered at sword-point to enter the cell, and is now locked inside for an undetermined duration. We will see how that goes. Still, the cell was a minor concession. The real experiment lay ahead, in the form of Villager/Zombie races!

I erected a track on top of what has now been named "Death Mountain", designed to allow two villagers to race each other, in the friendly spirit of competition. In keeping with this friendly spirit of competition, the villagers are encouraged to race harder by friendly zombies, hot on their heels, the entire race. The loser of the race will be eaten by the friendly zombie, while the survivor will go on to more friendly advanced tests. I am nothing if not merciful! Having heard the cries of the villagers lamenting their road, I feel this solution was equally beneficial to all involved.

The blue-lane villager was eaten, so he was renamed "Zombie Chow". Red-lane won the race, and has been given the name "Peon". He will be given power over the others.

In conclusion, villagers are morons.

...I mean, they seem to respond to bartering, even under extremely unfavorable terms. Also, waving a sword at them makes them more receptive to uneven bargains. Join us next week, as we test the conductive properties of villagers, have another race to see who is the new jailer, and build a brand-new monster petting zoo!


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