Why am I blue? Wait! Don't eat me!
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May 8, 2015Posted in: Discussion
They also aren't worth 200$ Like really? You're going to make a server shop, and put insanely high prices?
"Oh, so to keep the server up!" I know it doesn't cost thousands of dollars to host a server! Even really big ones, I doubt they even cost 50$ to host!
And then the kids
stealborrow their parent's credit cards and go out and actually buy those things.
The only way I would donate to a server is if it's a really good server with an excellent community that is small.
Oh, and it doesn't give you anything in return for the donation.
The Minecraft community has forgotten the meaning of the word "donate".
May 8, 2015ThePiDay posted a message on What would you do if you woke up with the person above you ?Posted in: Forum Games
DUCK! You're so cute! I'll call you Pillowfluff!
Nov 4, 2012*** The list is continued in post #4, only three posts down from this one. ***Posted in: General Gaming
1TrollLTD (Me) is taking this thread under my wing. Continue to suggest whatever you want!
1. The Ultra-Arrogant
The average human body is kept alive by a steady flow of a red substance we know as blood. A liquid substance we commonly see in video games and horror movies. The type of arrogant gamer I'm talking about doesn't stay alive by blood, as he is only kept alive by being right, or so it seems. The day this gamer is proven 100% wrong, the world will implode and logic will be violently turned inside out.
This gamer has reprogrammed himself/herself to be the ultimate bearer of knowledge, despite being a mortal bipedal bag of flesh like the rest of us. If you happen to prove this gamer wrong, it doesn't matter, because this gamer is still correct as you only "disproved something else" and not the actual point. Save your breath, because in the end, this gamer will only think "I've triumphed in this argument, as usual..." despite the actual outcome.
1a. The "Rationalizer"
Thank you pinballboy7 and TheKian1337
This sub-type gamer, as expected, has never lost a game. It doesn't matter how many points you beat him by, or if you managed to stomp his team of 9 with your team of just 2. Either this "rationalizer" has won, or has won but in a different smaller scale method.
"Did a sniper headshot me? Ugh, camper. Was I gunned down with that Luger pistol? Yeah, because that pistol is overpowered. Was I blown up by a rocket? That required hardly any aiming. Did I lose a fight with you while we were both using the exact same weapon and at full health? Yeah, because you were lagging. Wait, your ping is 23 while mine is 131? That's because this server is bugged."
2. The Griefer
Thanks for reminding me of this one, whatsamagiga. I had no reason to forget this one.
That guy that blocks your house doors with obsidian in Minecraft. That guy who dances in your line of fire when you're trying to snipe someone. If you read on through this list, you'll find the "Misery-Eater" gamer type, but griefers take a step further by trying to troll EVERYONE, and not just the opposite team.
Like many other sad pathetic wastes of oxygen in this list scraping the bottom of the suicide barrel, this type of gamer probably never got any sort of attention throughout his life, and the only way to grasp it is on a server full of (innocent) players. These types of gamers also seem to get angry when they get banned, as if they got banned for no reason.
3. The player who "never loses"
Ahh yes, this person never lost a single online game in his life, or so it seems. You'll find plenty of these guys in Call of Duty games, as well as any other types in this list... Not everyone is given the gift to lock our minds in state of "I won. No explanation. End of story. I've won. You lost." despite losing by 53 points. But these kind of gamers are "blessed" with that "gift".
"Wait, your team won the round without losing any lives while everyone in my team was killed off before the time limit? Well, that may seem like it's the case but it isn't. It was actually the rest of my team that lost, while I was the only one making any effort, so there's no loss on my part."
Then this gamer sits back with a self-created sense of power coupled with a forced grin upon his/her face, telling oneself that once again, no loss occurred and the perfect winning streak still remains. At least, mentally.
4. King of the Portal
Oh yes, even gamer "kings" exist out there. Self-proclaimed kings actually, but you get the id- actually no, scratch that, sometimes they aren't self-proclaimed, because they do have some power in some cases.
These "kings" have other players/friends accompanying them in the same server, awaiting every wish and whim of their vitual and faceless rulers. Sometimes, we may know them as clan leaders, but that isn't always the case. If the king wants to votekick you, his minions will votekick you and win by a landslide. If the king wants you banned, his minions will abuse the server's plugin settings to make you sure you never return to this server again. This ruler/king/queen usually has 0% control in his/her life, so one turns to the internet to simulate this.
5. The Perfectionist
If these type of gamers had a motto, it'd be something like "100% completion, or 0% completion. Nothing in between." These perfectionists' actions start to spread out and damage the fun of any other teammate unlucky enough to be on Dr. Perfect's team.
"Sure, we conquered Crayon World, but did we collect ALL the colors in the world? No? Then we do it over." or how about "Yeah, we made it out of the armed forces base and stole the secret cloaking plane project, but did we kill every enemy with a single headshot? No? Then we better restart this map and play another 45 minutes until we get it right!" This is the part where other players find another game and hope to not meet Dr. Perfect ever again.
6. The Misery-Eater
"Pwned!" "lol fail" "later kid" "lol umad?" "you noob" "play better!"
I always picture this scenario where some kid is sitting at a computer with a bomb strapped to his/her chest and the only way to disarm the bomb is to type self-douchening insults within a fixed amount of time. These are usually the 14-year-old kids who get shredded in middle school and use the internet to rebuild their inner strength.
This kid also slips into the "I never lose!" type of gamer. Whenever this little tyke headshots you or stabs you, the tyke now has this power over you for killing your virtual character. However, if you manage to kill the tyke instead, the blame will be placed on "lag" or the super sad "lol I let you kill me". Very much like the "I never lose!" dork, a list of excuses has been made for every time this kid dies.
7. The Abusive Admin
A variant of "King of the Portal", but with more direct approaches to punishing people the admin doesn't like. If the admin's team loses, he spams the slap command on all of the opposite team as if to say "You were wrong to beat my team. The correct move was to let my team win! You're being punished!" when in actual reality the admin is saying "I'm really angry and I can't handle loss! I'm not mature enough to push past it! Did I mention I'm angry?! I'll abuse the winning team to make myself feel better and in control! I've won!"
8. T-T-The 56k P-P-P-Player-r-r
Come on, you guys know what I'm getting at. I sometimes feel sympathy for these players, because they can be very nice but be bogged down by the world's crappiest internet connection which in turn can damage the flow of the team. There are also the hurr durr laggers that blame the rest of the planet for lagging, when that isn't the case and they're the only person in the server with 450 ping. A cable modem. Use one.
8a. Captain Bandwidth
These are people who have decent connections, but lag constantly and have horrible ping because they're downloading two movies via Bittorrent. You'll witness their ping constantly bounce back between 40 and 730, yet they seem to still get kills as no one else can target them with their teleporting lag.
8b. The Mock Lagger
Suggested by Dwarvenhero81, that swell guy.
This one is a little different, because this is a player who actually isn't lagging, but constantly uses that as an excuse.
Many times. Most of the time.Every time.
Whether this player fell into an explosive trap, was headshotted, telefragged or simply walked into a stationary hazard contained in the map, it just so happened that "it was lag". This player seemingly has a sentient internet connection that purposely causes lag only when s/he is in a position to be killed.
Much like "The Player Who Never Loses", these gamers don't seem to recall a time where they were defeated fairly. It just so happens that this gamer only mentions his lag seconds after he dies, rather than any other time. "Woah lag spike!" "Wow my ping went to like 1000!" "ffs my internet is messed today!" which can be translated into "An excuse!" "I can't handle being killed!" and "Saying something to make myself feel better!"
9. The Attention-Craving Girl
"Do you guys acknowledge the fact that I'm a girl? Hear me talking in the mic? I'm gonna keep talking about trivial solitary things as an excuse to use my mic and keep trying to prove I am - in fact- a girl. Don't hit on me. I just want to play the game. No, you guys, don't be silent and continue playing the game yet! I still need you all to show me that you know I'm a female! Don't ignore me!"
Eventually, some guys are gonna get real annoyed and forge some sexist comments in a vain attempt to shut her up, where the girl follows that with "Omg you're so sexist omg back off! Get a life creep! I'm still a girl by the way! Back off! Rage! Anger!"
10. The Team Swapper
"Wait, that's the winning side?! I better be on that team instead."
11. The Bad "Comedian"
It's as if Dane Cook started showing more interest in online gaming, and wanted to test his material there. Now, not every "comedian" gamer is bad, as some of them can have an entire server rolling around in painful side-contracting laughter, but this entry is about the ones who think they're funny, but aren't.
These mock-comedians can be dead giveaways by the way they force out their "jokes" or "funny" observations. This is also evidenced by the fact that they desperately use the same material as if to say "Just in case you didn't hear it the first time, I'll say it 4 more times!" Someone referring to TF2's Spy as OJ Simpson or using a name tag to rename TF2's Soldier's rocket launcher as "Rawkit Lawnchair" may have been funny the first few times, but things get dry eventually.
Oh yeah, this is also the kind of gamer that keeps repeating old, dead memes such as "om nom nom", "do not want" or "durr kill it with fire!" Come on funny-guy gamers, think up something new.
11a. The Time-Locked Kid
Not as common as the general bad comedian, but still exist. These sub-gamer types have a slightly harder time realizing that "Hey! I'm not funny!" Here we all are in 2013, whether we want to be or not. Yet, we have this kid joining the server with the name of "lolcat" and shows us that his mindset is permanently stuck in 2004.
This "lolcat" keeps playing the Numa Numa song (Dragostea Din Tei), has cat pictures as his sprays in Source games with really retarded captions such as "penis goes where?!" or "i am not amused!" When others berate this kid constantly telling him how old and dried out his memes are, the "lolcat" just goes on thinking, "They just don't get it." Followed by quoting "WHAT?!" or "OKAY!!" by Lil' Jon.
Now we got another time travelling kid joining the server with the name of "SPARTAAA!" who's stuck in the year 2006. He'll play 6 versions of sparta remixes on his mic back to back, then the play the loop of "Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!" for a minute straight. Everyone once in a while, he'll spurt out "durrrr i can haz cheeseburger". Thinking he's the ultimate Dave Chappelle of the server.
Wait, we got another guest on the server! Known as "don't taze me bro!" who is stuck in 2007. "Hey, you guys see 2 Girls 1 Cup yet?!" "You guys see that Miss South Carolina thing olOL!!"
11b. The Class Clown
olbud from the Facepunch forums gave this one.
These gamer types aren't usually the most annoying because they don't stick around for long. What makes this person different from the normal "bad comedian" is that their methods of making people laugh are more desperate and volatile.
Come on, we all knew (or were) that person in school. That kid that would jeopardize himself just to get a few laughs out of people. That kid would get detentions daily because he just had to get those momentary laughs, no matter the cost. Sometimes this kid was funny, and other times, he just brought double negatives on himself because he failed to get those laughs and got in long-term trouble - just making douches of themselves.
Yup, the internet has that too. They'll break server rules many times just to see a "lol" in the chat box. When they banned from a server, they tell themselves "I got banned, but it was worth it. I may have permanently lost access to a good server, but I got a few laughs. Yup, it was totally worth it. I think... Sort of... I hope..."
12. The "mic-always-on" Player
Suggested by Nenntt
Yeah man, because we all totally love to hear every single thing that goes on in the background of this player's house. It's also awesome when you can hardly hear the game itself because of this person's incomprehensible reason to have his mic running 24/7. We all love hearing your siblings arguing in the background. We all love hearing you make crunch sounds because you're eating and playing at the same time.
The best part of all, is that we love hearing that static hum that is overlapping the audio of the game. 10/10
12a. The Iron Lung
Remind me to give Acknid a gift basket for this one.
Not only do they physically, sexually and mentally abuse their mics non-stop, they just got a new pair of lungs and they have to show them off. This person can't talk with the mic being nearby. Oh no, they have to talk with it pressing right against their peach-fuzzed, developing moustaches.
Whenever an 'H' sound or a vowel is about to be pronounced, you'll start to grow an envy of Marlee Matlin. Whenever those H's or vowels are said, you'll near nothing but an eardrum-ripping burst of static. You're probably listening to a tape of "Microphones made in 1998 used to capture the sound of wind tunnels. Volume 3. Special Edition. Tape 1 of 20."
13. The "Not Actually a Gamer" Gamer
Suggested by Metadigital
Every day you get at least one invite to the latest social game on Facebook from them. Farmville, Cityville, The Ville, it doesn't matter. As long as it ends in "ville" or is made by PopCap. They will tell you all about their latest Bejeweled accomplishments and complain about the ads that appear every few levels. Yeah, they know what an ad blocker is, but it just seems like too much trouble to get working. Just like actual video games.
13a. The Jock
Even though he's always out drinking and partying, and usually practicing for a sport between that, he still calls himself a "gamer". Because playing the Wii twice a week or him playing Halo a few times automatically makes him a "gamer".
He may even retain that stereotyped jock attitude, such as calling out "nerds" or "virgins" who are playing the exact same game the jock is playing at that exact moment. When this jock gets into some argument and knows he's getting losing on all fours, he retreats to the good ol' "get a life" response when fresh out of clever comebacks.
Like many other gamers in this list, they usually have an attitude of "everyone worse than me sucks, and everyone better than me has no life! And I happen to be in that perfect middle! Herp!"
14. Silent Bob
So you're playing some Left 4 Dead 2 with 3 other strangers, and one of them gets ensnared by a Smoker. As everyone else is distracted by hearing a Tank or Witch some distance away, this poor silent player is constantly losing health but decides not to type a single letter, as if this player thinks "Eh, whatever, I'm sure they'll save me eventually. If not, then good game I guess." When all they needed was a quick "help?" over the mic or in the chat.
It's not uncommon for this kind of player to have a mic sitting right near his face but remain unused.
14a. The Silent Killer
1TrollLtd, one day I may hand this list to you. If I haven't already.
He's not as much of a casual gamer as "Silent Bob". He's extremely good, and he'll kill you in the most surprising and ninja-esque ways. He's cool to have on your team, but otherwise, he's the silent Satan. A very deadly mute.
He's a mystery wrapped in an enigma, laced with confusion, coded with pure liquid unknown and propped right on top of a question mark. He knows every exploit and tactic in the book, and will never share what those are. Don't waste your time asking him anything, because you'll just end up talking to yourself in the end.
On top of that, this gamer type may stick to silenced weapons, because the suppressed weapon is almost as soundless as he is. Who is this person? Why are we so interested in him?! Why can't we uncover the mystery?!!
15. The Prepubescent Gamer
Thanks for the heads up, Dinh AaronMk.
Not all of these types of gamers are bad to be around. You might get a 10-year-old player who's decent at the game and uses his mic rarely. Sadly, not all of us get the luxury of those "matured" types of young gamers. These kids may talk so much, that even 2 hours after playing the game, the high-pitched whine of their voices is still drilled into your psyche.
On top of this, you might get that little kid that keeps using his mic - not because he loves talking, but he's trying to hammer in our heads "Guys, I'm a little kid playing with you big kids! I'm awesome huh?! I'm good at the game too, isn't that awesome guys?!" But it doesn't stop there, they can go a step further and start saying "Don't worry guys, I headshotted that Smoker from a mile away. Problem solved. Wasn't it awesome that I'm a little kid and I pulled that off?!" At this point, people stop responding and silently slip over to the mute function. So this little kid ends up still talking while everyone else is enjoying a blissful peace on their ears.
15a. The Prepubescent "Punk"
Xenophobia_Lord gave gave me this one. I'm telling you, that guy is great.
Sometimes, you might actually feel bad for this kid. He's that kid with a mic that makes people want to Helen Keller themselves - at least by 50%. He's that annoying kid who thinks he's the sh** or desperately tries to be due to low self-esteem or not getting enough attention.
Xenophobia_Lord says that "they put the 'A' in annoying". I like to say that they put the "A", the last two N's and the "Y" in the middle in annoying. Maybe a period too, if the word was on the end of a sentence or something. Anyway, you can spot them easily by not only the annoying voice, but also their horrible spelling and grammar.
Did a girl join the server? "jus cuz im 9 don mean i cant be n lov!!!" or "lol u mus be more drunk thun me later kid!!" Yeah, you know some 9-year-old kid looks cool when he says he's drunk. In short, it's kids on the internet who overcompensate because they pray they were older.
16. The Attention-Craving Guy
This gamer type's mom hardly even paid attention to him as he slowly emerged out of said mother and into the mortal world, and this guy demands attention reperations! I know I already posted "The Attention-Craving Girl", but the guy variant of this is much more different. Sort of... Now, this type of gamer will never make "pay attention to me I'm a guy" remarks because the playerbase of every game is overwhelmed with them.
Unlike the "Player who never loses", this guy doesn't really care if he wins or loses. All that matters is that all eyes are on him, and the current subject of discussion is just this guy. When everyone is now focused on this attention-craver, the latter is now entrenched in a mystic high of happiness and peace of the soul... until the subject gets changed.
16a. The All Caps Player
PicklePackle gave this one.
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE CAPS LOCK. BECAUSE SAYING "CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL" IS STILL FUNNY! INTRODUCING THE HANDY SWITCH, THAT LETS YOU CONTROL ANY LIGHT, FROM ANYWHERE. TURN THE LIGHT OFF UPSTAIRS, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS!
16b. The Name Dropper
Goomboliver deserves the credit on this one, not me.
Some gamers get this strange theory in their heads that the more videos you watch and subscriptions you have to famous people, that somehow makes these gamers famous as well. It doesn't work that way, internet fame doesn't "trickle down" like that in this case. Watching hours of RoosterTeeth or Rage Quit does not somehow "add" to your fame rating.
These gamers can be easily spotted by the gets-old-fast terminology, as if to say, "Yeah, I watched those videos and am now repeating lines from them! That moves me closer to them in terms of fame!" No. No it doesn't. Saying "Brofist" will not boost your status up to that of PewDiePie's. Saying that retarded "BUDDER!" does not make a notoriety connection between you and SkyDoesMinecraft. You're still an invisible nobody.
Yes, you used some well-known catchphrases that are popular, but saying them won't reprogram us to think higher of you just because of that. 3 seconds after you used the popular term, we all forgot about you again.
16c. The Scenester
From 12hh from the Facepunch forums.
Ever see a fight happen in your school, then all of a sudden some other dorky kid bursts in goes "Alright! Break it up!" even the fight had nothing to do with him? The dorky kid just wanted to look cool for a minute to have everyone think "Woah! I just stopped a fight! You see that everyone?!" Yeah...
This desperate gamer type won't do just anything for attention, he'll wait until some sort of conflict or argument begins, then jumps in to assert his forced "dominance" and publicly display how assertive he is, because random people on the internet will totally remember how you "trashed that guy in that argument". You know, because people care to remember that stuff.
Whenever someone says "I hate this new shotgun, it sucks." The durr Scenester will reply with "no you just suck at it" in a botched attempt to "tell him off". When an argument occurs, the Scenester jumps in and blurts out some self-created facts and labels himself the winner, when in reality the Scenester just made himself look more like a douche, and awarded himself only the negative kind of attention.
16d. The Wannabe YouTuber
I'm getting kind of suspicious at how good 1TrollLtd is at this.
Before a match starts, they'll mention (many times) that "I'm recording this match guys!" As if that'll deeply affect other players somehow. They could have easily just recorded the match anyway without telling anyone, but this kid mentions it to try and imply that he's some cool YouTube personality.
This kid thinks he's a famous director, and that actors would kill just to be in one of his works, but this isn't the case. This "director" is just a kid running Fraps and posting gameplay videos with pointless commentary over it.
This kid's channel has 2 subscribers and his videos accumulate about 40 views over the timespan of about 2 years. You're not famous kid, try something different.
16e. The "1-Up"
See, Acknid knows this stuff.
Also known as "Hey guys, did I mention how better I am as a person because I have something that's better than someone else's stuff?" Yet another gamer type with low self-esteem, and tries to "1-up" people by saying he has something or has done something better than whatever was mentioned by someone else.
Did you mention that you own a nice BMW? "Oh yeah? Well I have a rare Jaguar!" Did you buy a brand new Playstation 3 for only $100? "Oh yeah? Well I... um... only payed $70 for mine!" Did you headshot two guys with one bullet? "Oh yeah?! I headshotted 4 guys with one bullet once! Blindfolded!" Do you own 2 planets? "Oh yeah?!! I own an unnamed galaxy with a spare black hole! Herp!"
At this point, we know that most of this kid's 1-ups are lies and desperate pleas of "please think I'm cool please please!" And even if this kid was telling the truth, it matters little. We don't wake up the next morning and think "That guy headshotted 4 guys with one bullet! God he's cool! He's worth remembering as I continue my life!"
16f. Chester McChat
This sub-gamer type isn't always begging for attention, but his actions will have you think that he is. This is a person who has fallen in love with the ability for humans to communicate better than any other species out there. That we know about.
This gamer type doesn't need drugs, because him using the chat function in any game is his infinite supply of heroine. Did I mention that this guy loves talking? Did I make that point clear yet? We all know or will know that person who rambles forever and we start to desperately create distractions to not hear this person's voice anymore.
If the server has an anti-spam plugin, Chester won't be around for long. When he joins the server, don't bother saying anything, because he will use the chat so much that any other message will be pushed out of the way before anyone can read it. In real life, you might see smoke come out of his mouth because his vocal cords are being overworked. When in a situation where silence is golden, Mr. McChat doesn't seem to grasp logic. Example:
bigBadAdmin: I need to check the timing on this plugin, so no use the chat for a bit.
bigBadAdmin: laddy please be quiet so i can check this.
Laddy_mcchatty: alright i won't use chat
bigBadAdmin: stop using the damn chat!!! silence now!!
Laddy_mcchatty: woah sorry :/
Laddy_mcchatty: i was just saying
bigBadAdmin: SHUT THE **** UP
Laddy_mcchatty: alright sorry!!!
(Player Laddy_mcchatty has been banned from server. Reason: minus 1 working brain.)
17. The Backpedaler
This is almost like the "player who never loses", but with much less confidence. This type of gamer prioritizes his internet "reputation" rather than proving a point or winning an argument. When this gamer's points get shredded into dust with little or no recovery, then this gamer starts to say "Woah. You guys, I was joking." or "Haha oh wow, it was my plan all along to get you guys worked up and it worked!"
The thing is, even after this gamer attempts an escape, he/she just gets made fun of even more, because no one fell for the "escape plan" and all know for a fact that this gamer wasn't actually trolling and is using a badly crafted excuse in a vain attempt to avoid further embarrassment. Which failed.
17a. The Bad Troll
Keep it coming, Goomboliver!
What these sub-gamer types need to realize, is that when you openly admit you were "trolling just now", that most likely means you failed as a troll or never were one. Or you're using that as an excuse to cover up something really stupid you did. You might actually have a better situation by giving a simple "sorry".
"What's that, guys? You find my racist comments offensive and you're trying to ban me? Well, I was just trolling! You're all moro- *banned* These people probably saw a Minnesota Burns video or two and confused "trolling" with "trying badly to offend people and being annoying".
Yeah, because mentioning you were trolling just then will totally let you off the hook. On top of that, you're making it obvious that you're backpedaling, which will only add to the embarrassment.
17b. The guy who "wins by losing"
Indirectly given to me by beesknees and Theriasis.
Also known as "the guy who still loses". You can humiliate this guy and reduce him to ashes in the most painful ways the laws of logic will allow, but in the end, this gamer still labels himself the true winner.
"Yes, it was my plan all along to get beaten in every way while it looked I was trying hard to but just failing even more in the process. And that plan worked! Yeah, I lost everything and I've been embarrassed on the global scale which will be remembered for decades to come, but that's... all part of... my plan! Yeah!"
18. The Backseat Admin/Rule-Setter
Suggested by neaman.
These are humans with a mental defect that constantly tricks them into thinking that they have some sort of power, when they're actually just powerless guests. Once the cure for this defect has been discovered, the world will be a brighter place.
Imagine a guy in a server who constantly states things like "Don't do that, or I'm banning you." or "I know the admin, and he'd kick you for that." Yeah, ever meet that guy before? Also, note that that guy has most likely never met any of the server's admins before, but his random mental programming forces him to think that he's on the exact same level with the admins of that server, and can set the rules just like an admin could. But actually can't.
18a. Leader of No One
Good ol' Muenzen, taking the time to add to this list.
Remember when this gamer type had everyone in the palm of his hand and could order them with ease? Well, you shouldn't remember that, because that never actually happened.
Like the Backseat Admin, they tricked themselves into thinking they have power for reasons unknown, but continue in life without actually having it. This gamer type branded himself leader, and constantly crafts plans and orders for his team, never truly realizing that no one is following them or caring to listen.
This kid will charge at the enemy, thinking his "squad" is right behind him, but will get shredded and die alone, while the rest of his team are surviving and playing the game a lot smarter. As this dumb gamer type respawns, he keeps making himself think he has a backing squad, when in reality, that squad is nothing more than a figment of thought - which will remain that way forever.
19. The Stockholm Syndrome Player
Possibly the saddest excuse for a sentient being to ever breathe. Almost every single type of gamer in this list has a heavy dose of unwarranted self-importance, but this specific player I'm bringing up instead has unwarranted self... I don't know, but you'll see where I'm going.
This gamer type has exactly 0% of self-esteem, and would be a lot lower than 0 if the laws of logic allowed it. Where any other gamer type shoots from the hip with his insults and observations, this stockholm player paints a target and his/her face and says "Fire!"
While everyone is mocking and picking on the stockholm player, someone might grow a pair and say "Hey! Teacher! Leave that kid alone!" The bullies will respond with something like "Mind your business!" or "We're just having fun, man!" Sadly, the guy being picked on will also respond "Yeah! Leave us alone!" and actually defend the same people picking on him, because this poor stockholm player believes being everyone's punching bag is the only attention and respect he will ever get.
19a. The Crony
All too good, Goomboliver.
Usually hangs around the "King of the Portal" gamer type. You know the one, that guy in your workplace that sucks up to the boss non-stop, or that kid in your elementary school that sucks up to the teacher because they think "Well, I'm never gonna be on top anywhere in life, so I might as well try to be the right hand man instead."
The Crony doesn't think for itself, act for itself or even feel for itself. The Crony is nothing more than a robot who only performs with orders under the person s/he's sucking up to. In Team Fortress 2, they heal only one person and no one else. When the Crony's idol gets a headshot, the Crony says "pwned" for them. If the Crony's idle gets into an argument, the Crony slips into "internet bodyguard" mode and defends the idol like no tomorrow. If the idol starts a votekick, the Crony votes "yes" without justification.
19b. The Self-Pity Gamer
Right on the money, Theriasis.
This gamer will attack himself loooooong before anyone else will. They attempt to be very humble and use reverse psychology in a vain attempt to gain some affection, but that usually fails.
When they begin to lose horribly, they put on their "big sad eyes" face and say "Sorry guys I suck =(" or "I'm a bad player I know I know!!" As if others will suddenly develop a soft spot for them and be all "well you said you were bad so we forgive you =)", and that usually... never happens.
20. The Broken-Voice Player
This player is sometimes one of those laggy 56k p-p-p-play-ay-ers-s. However, this particular player ONLY uses a mic, and NEVER types. This gamer bought his mic about 6 years ago, and refuses to shell out another $10 or $15 to buy a newer decent one. No one else seems to understand this gamer because his mic (and his bad connection) are making his voice chats very unclear.
Player 1: hey BrokenVoice, did you collect the fire powerup yet?
BrokenVoice: I think so... but... *static* ...with... *static*
Player 1: huh?? did you get the powerup?
BrokenVoice: I did... *static* bu- *static*
Player 2: dude, just stop using your mic and type, we can't understand you at all...
BrokenVoice: Well there's *static*
Player 2: STOP USING YOUR MIC AND TYPE
BrokenVoice: Er... *static* if... *static*
Yeah, BrokenVoice has both a voice and brain that are broken, as his brain cannot comprehend that no one can hear him properly, but still keeps using his mic. Herp.
21. The "Sophisticated" Gamer
A more awkward variant of the "Player who never loses" type. Like any other gamer on this list, they seem to only stack on their own embarrassment rather than being able to shift it onto other people, but THINK they shift it, when they really don't. Anyway, this gamer usually speaks like a rich James Bond-movie type villain. Yeah... they speak all "high class" when they're playing "Kill Confirmed" on Call of Duty or "King of the Hill" on Team Fortress 2.
"Oh wow, you're bragging over a headshot on me in a video game? How droll..."
"Dear sir, don't flatter yourself. Stealing my care package is nothing short of an immature ruse."
"Ah, yes. You captured our flag 5 times in a row. Applause. Don't let it get the better of you."
Then the part comes where everyone else in the server realizes how fake and pompous this gamer is, and start to dig into him and exponentially embarrass him without hope of rest. This """"sophisticated gamer"""" well then "calmly exit" the "immature and profane" server with some cheesy exit line such as "This is quite pitiful. Well, I'm off to find a server with a higher quantity of maturity. Take care, everyone!"
But once this """""high-class""""" gamer leaves the server, he begins to think "Alright, I really gotta stop using the rich folk talk..."
22. The Forum List-Maker Gamer
That guy who goes on a forum to make lists about "types of gamers we've all seen before" as if to raise some sort of awareness and cause some half-baked conversation to start up about annoying gamers. You think these kind of people would just go on with their lives, but they don't, they just keep making lists on forums and occasionally adding to these lists.
23. The Script Kiddy
Not only do these gamer types have 0% experience with hacking, but they make things up to make themselves sound smart. The problem is, these made-up things don't really work, because someone out there who is a hacker (or anything similar) will know how things really work.
Much like the "Attention-Craving Guy", the Script Kiddy just does or mention things in a vain attempt to make oneself look better. We've all met these guys before. "You better watch it or I'll hack your steam account." or "I have your IP, your computer is doomed hahaha!" Yeah...
These "hack" newbies are so infatuated by a few simple "complex" actions they performed on their PC's in the past, that they trick themselves into thinking that they are not far from a certified hacker. These gamers use one keygen or write a few simple batch files, and they feel like they "beat the system" by doing that. In the end, everyone just points out this gamer's failure of knowledge and crush his confidence into dust.
24. The Anger-Induced
This type of gamer is extremely general, but can still have a place in this list. They can be seen in any Call of Duty multiplayer. Remember that kid in elementary school that had really severe anger/bipolar issues? You know, that super selfish kid that yelled and threw tantrums and would not stop until he got his way? Yeah, the internet has them too.
If you manage to kill this gamer with a very well-timed headshot or have him walk right into your extremely clever explosive trap, this gamer will fall into a pool of bloody red rage. The rage can last from 2 hours to the remainder of his lifetime. This gamer will screech at you over his mic non-stop. This gamer will make constant death threats.
Sometimes, this gamer might realize he's making a **** of himself but still wants to get that revenge against you. So this gamer logs out and logs back in with a different name and still tries to get at you, because the angry gamer thinks "Hah! If I keep pretending to be more people, he'll think he's outnumbered!" All the while, you don't care and forget that this kid on the internet exists - even though the angry player tries to "get you" weeks later.
25. The "Super Social Butterfly"
Similar to the "Stockholm Syndrome" player, this gamer will use every fiber of his existence to "look good" over the internet. And much like the "Attention-Craving Guy", he wants everyone to acknowledge that he's there, but that he has some serious "connections".
The easiest way to spot this player is by his stupid mock-edgy name, such as "xXxBeeFShadExXx" or "]-+-// DoggI_StYLe \\-+-[". Something that an overconfident 12-year-old uses. Despite the stupid names, they almost always have 2 to 4 clan tags stuck to them, making the names not fit on the scoreboard and kill feed.
Out of nowhere, these gamers will forcefully include themselves in a conversation, place themselves on the winning side of an argument that has nothing to do with them and constantly greet admins/clan members as if to "get on their good side". Once this gamer gets enough attention and clans joined, he feels like a made man who's got it all.
26. The DJ
"Alright guys, I know you're all trying to focus on playing the game, but I'm gonna blast this childish Japanese music. Then I'm gonna blast this whiny boy band song. Then I'm gonna blast some meme songs that were funny 4 years ago. That alright with you guys?"
27. The Derp-Name Player
If there was a way to determine a player's skill from just the name, these players would possibly be the dumbest and least skilled. Analyzing a player by just his name can be a very dirty, elitist thing to do, but it's not without good reason. Ever see names like this?
davey0002928828282 (Guys, my name is David! *slam numbers on keyboard numbers for 2 seconds*)
da_killer3 (Yeeeaahh... I'm a little too ahead of the curve to use a "The"...)
An Very Hoppy Grasshopper (Wait, what grammar error? Whatever, you're just a grammar nazi.)
Batlantis (the noob slayer) (It's alright everyone, every noob on this game will be dealt with by me. Free of charge.)
Arrow in the Knee (Look out guys! A really funny guy is in this server!)
Mussx420 (Look everyone, I smoke weed or at least claim to. Yes, I'm cooler than you and must demonstrate this.)
27a. The "Elite-Name" Player
Good stuff, TheKian1337
xX_L0L_qUikSc0p3r_1337/\420_eP1c_Xx ("My name determines my skills!")
<(- - <)_t3h_uNtoUcH4ble_\/\/innar_(> - -)> ("When I put ASCII Kirbies in my name, you know I mean business!")
27b. The Impersonator
Also good stuff, Goomboliver.
Yeah, we get it, your username is "garry" on Garry's Mod. We all totally believe it. Yes, naming yourself Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Notch, Gabe Newell or any other well known creator is still very funny. It never gets old when you're in a server and 4 players have names like that since 2004. Keep it doing it guys, we'll still laugh at it every single time.
28. The Attention-Craving Admin
"C'mon 0_Zippy, you're getting dry now. You already have two of the 'attention-craving' gamer types on your list." Don't worry, this 28th entry still has enough originality to be on the list.
I know I added the "Abusive Admin", but this admin does things out of attention, and not balled-up anger and insecurities his bad parents left with him. This gamer must let everyone know he's an admin, so he convinces himself "They all must know of my power, so they fear and respect me!" Although if some unlucky players get banned by this dork, they're just gonna find a better server with smarter admins.
This gamer type will have a 3-hour erection upon banning someone, because he'll think "Everyone saw me ban this player! Now everyone knows how dangerous I am! Hah!" No. Sometimes he'll forcefully mention things to assert is cyber-dominance:
Player 1: good god, that explosion sent him off the map xD
Admin: Yeah, like that guy I banned!
Player 1: heh
Player 2: how are mages going underground?
Admin: My admin powers pound them down there! >=D
Player 2: uhh ok? lol
Player 1: seriously how do ppl get underground??
Admin: My admin powers teleport you there! XD
Player 1: ...
Player 2: yeah...
Player 3: dude, we get it. you're an admin.
Player 3 has disconnected. (Kicked by console: Admin Disrespect.)
29. That "I always have to be AFK" Player
Makes you wonder what the hell this player is always doing. Apparently, s/he had enough time to launch the game, and find their way into a network game but upon entering one, this player becomes somewhat of a superhero and responds to some "bat signal" that are 8 minutes apart.
When you're team is making that final push that could very well work with proper planning, this player suddenly stops moving and becomes nothing more than an animated character holding a gun with a slow-moving idle animation. All of a sudden your team loses that extra firepower and screws everyone over all because this dumb player thought "I ned a sandwhhich!1" or "i'm alll out ov m&ems!!" but decides to return to the game after s/he bones everyone over.
This player sure loves to show up in Left 4 Dead games...
29a. The Multitasker
Another gold one from 1TrollLtd, the savior of this thread... Probably.
This gamer type hasn't fully grasped the concept that games are meant to be enjoyed and to bring you into the experience. Instead, this gamer thinks that games are meant to be a side task, such as eating a bag of Bugles while watching M.A.S.H., or blinking while talking.
Sure, they may be playing the game... Fractionally. But they're also talking on Skype, Steam chatting, sending a tweet and commenting on some Facebook status all at once. Social media is so important to this gamer, that it needs constant attention even after making a conscious decision to run a game. Pretty amazing right? Try not to be on the same team as this person.
30. The Mindless/Stoner
"Zippy, honestly. You waited until #30 to post this one?" Yeah, sorry. Though this type of gamer, new or not, has a problem with trial-and-error procedures and piecing logic altogether. Be it stoned or stupidity, this player's brain... Can. Not. Work. These are gamers who've been diagnosed with durrrr.
Example #1 - In a game of Left 4 Dead: A player with the name of "stonednboned420" isn't helpful. He shoots the Witch and barely survives it, an ally heals him up before continuing. In the next map, another witch has spawned 2 miles away from where you need to be, but stonednboned420 once again shoots the witch and tries to kill her with a single pistol and gets shredded once again.
Example #2 - In a game of Team Fortress 2: A player with the name of "farts_smel_bad" plays the Medic class. Two ignited teammates run up to this Medic and beg to be healed, however, the dumb medic decides to keep trying to kill enemies 20 meters away with his syringe gun while forgetting that teammates need to be healed. The Medic could've saved two burning players and keep the pressure on the enemy, but no. The Medic's tiny little brain couldn't compute that Medics should help keep is allies alive and does nothing but use this syringe gun to hit enemies across the map.
Example #3 - In a game of Portal 2 multiplayer: A player with the name of "i'm_a_super_geneous" gets teamed up with you. The other player constantly asks what to do, however you when you tell him, he does nothing and his mind suddenly stops sending signals and makes this other player run around aimlessly for no reason. Once this gamer's pseudo-brain starts up again, he asks the exact same questions that were already answered.
30a. The Fake Stoner/Drunk
Excellent gamer type, Quaggers!
Sometimes, you don't need to meet a man in person to know when he's lying. Badly. You can spot them easily by the stupid word choices or forced mentionings of something, one after the other:
"Sorry if I suck tonight, I'm kinda drunk =("
"Again sorry guys, I'm pretty hammered..."
"Yeah, was totally at this party earlier and drank so much."
Okay, you might have hooked us the first time, but you gave it away. Stop it. You aren't drunk, and we won't automatically think you're cool if you were drunk. You're begging for attention. Stop increasing the theoretical amounts of drinking you did in every sentence.
"Yeah my bad I'm kinda high right now..."
"Oooohoho man I'm blazed right now."
"I've been tokin' it so hard lol."
No. Please stop while you're behind. This isn't 1998, getting high doesn't give you the permanent "I'm funny and cool!" medal anymore. No, you aren't high. You don't need to make desperate pleas to get some internet strangers to like you. If you're gonna convince someone you're high, don't slip in overused and forced terminology like some middle school kid:
"hey dawgs i'm tokin it wid a huge bongg and puffin and passin on dis phat spliff"
Herp, derp and durr.
31. The One Man Band
This one can be divided up into two smaller types: the mindless adventure craving rambo that rushes through games and attempts to play it alone because he keeps forgetting that his team actually exists, and the kind that's aware he has a team, but tries to rush ahead in an effort to showcase either his skills or is simply too impatient.
For example, that guy you see in Left 4 Dead games that runs a mile ahead of you and collects everything before anyone else, then finds himself being taken down by a smoker or hunter, where his allies can't easily get to and save him. All because Speed Racer assumed that he had to complete something within a self-inflected time limit. Or decided, "Uh oh! This is a competition! I've got to get to the safehouse first because... Just because!"
31a. The Miser
Top of the line, Iamcreeper2468.
You're playing Simcity and you and the other regions are short in simoleons and going bankrupt. A region has over §1,000,000 but never give them to any other regions that needs the money, no matter how you bag him/her.
In other words, these cheap sub-type gamers are the Mr. Krabs of the internet. God forbid they contribute a little something rather than it. In a game of Left 4 Dead, they'll heal themselves at yellow health while a teammate is near death at red health. In Team Fortress 2, they go Engineer and build dispensers only for themselves rather than acting as a team aide.
In Portal 2 co-op, they... leave and never play that mode again. Because playing that requires mandatory teamwork with a hint of unselfishness.
32. The Deserter
Suggested by Drawvenhero81.
Yes, I know these guys are called rage quitters, but I just wanted to use something different for a change. These players can dish it out, but can't take it. Sure, this kind of player may have upgraded his shield to maximum strength and upgraded all of his weapons with every attachment, but as soon as an actual challenge comes, it's time to leave.
Like any other gamer in this list, this gamer type has the concept of "Me, me, me!" locked into their heads. It doesn't matter that this person has a decent team, if one tiny little thing doesn't go the right way, it's a "lost cause" all of a sudden, and this person leaves in the middle of something leaving their team with the hard work that's not yet finished.
Did this person get incapped once in Left 4 Dead? Is it taking a bit longer to find the solution to a chamber in Portal 2 multiplayer? Does a map have to be restarted because the team got unlucky and all got killed? "Uh oh! A disadvantage or loss! It's hopeless! No redemption! Losing once means you lost forever! The horror! The shame!"
33. The "Chick Magnet"
Suggested by TheRealAD2011.
Deep down, I'm not sure this one fully qualifies to be on the list. Then again, I put a lot of not-so-good ones on the list. Still, I think this type of gamer has enough annoyances for me to talk about for a few paragraphs. This gamer is similar to the "Attention-Craving Guy", but not really.
As we go through life, we're gonna come across at least one guy who claims he's some sort of womanizer. You know, the guy that points to random girls saying "I did her!" or "I made out with her!" despite only doing so to maybe 33% of the girls he pointed out. Or most likely 0%. Yeah, they exist on the internet too.
They do two things: they brag about the girls they've claimed to have been with (out of nowhere, as if to cry "Guys, I'm cool! I'm cool!"), and they try to be some Dr. Smooth when they spot a girl playing in the same server. I personally never seen this type of gamer succeed in his woman-getting goal. This gamer gets a few girls to accept his friend request, and he feels like it's the exact same thing as having some sort of 3-way with them. You might witness this gamer trying to ask out some random girl on the internet, and upon getting the "no, sorry", the gamer might begin to think, "Ahh, she's just putting on a show or playing hard to get. She didn't mean that." When she did, and this "womanizing gamer" truly achieved nothing.
34. The Fan-Boy
Well said, Predat0r593.
Also known as a vir- nah, too easy, I'll stick to the term "Fan-Boy". Start Black Op 2 Multiplayer and simply wait to be put in a lobby with some other players, and congrats, you already found this type of gamer with hardly any effort.
The Fan-Boy (or even Fan-Girl) plays one game they love, and all of a sudden they reprogram themselves into think "This game is the original!" and that any other game with any similar mechanic is a "rip off", regardless of how different or reworked the mechanic is. "The game has physics? Rip off of Half-Life 2!", "You can look down the sight? Taken from Call of Duty!" or even "You're allowed to build stuff in this game? Omg stolen from Minecraft!"
It's very apparent that the Fan-Boys can read minds of other developers, and can totally dictate where the ideas for games come from.
35. The Cheater
I'm embarrassed to list this one because of how easy it is, but I might as well just complete the list.
The fact that this gamer type hacks or cheats isn't always the issue, but the mere fact that this person couldn't take the time of day to just understand the game itself. Learning the game might have been a very fun experience, but no, this person takes a different road by using script kiddy tools to noclip around and aimbot everyone to have a forced higher score.
It doesn't matter how the cheater's mind works. Even if he wins, he loses. In the end, he's getting banned from every server. The players he cheat-killed have moved on, and now he has a nice permanent VAC ban. So if he wants to cheat again, he has to rebuy games with his own money, which only furthers the cheater's costs and losses.
36. The Elite
It's not physically possible to be a gamer for at least a few weeks and not come across this gamer type. These people have played a game so long that they begin to develop health problems. Much like the fat guy seen on the South Park episode "Make Love, Not Warcraft", this person is too skilled and practically untouchable.
You try and try and try to refine your focus to kill this guy at least once, but your best isn't good enough. Not only is this person's aim near perfect, but it's almost as if he can read the minds of other players as well. He knows when you're reloading. He knows that you're going to throw a grenade. He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good.
On top of this, the game's mechanics and hit detection favor this elite player as his enemies can never catch a break. You can jump out of a corner and spray 12 shells at his direction, but this elite player fires 2 pistol bullets that seemingly curve around walls and headshot you - while this elite guy has been using his mental game manipulation powers to deflect the 100's of shot pellets.
36a. The Bros
Another good one from 1TrollLtd.
Two players who have known each other since birth, and possible before that. When seperated, they aren't worth noticing, but together, they're unstoppable. That Heavy-Medic in Team Fortress 2 pair with scores of 250 while the rest of the players have from 1 to 60. They can read each other's minds and know every 2-man trick in any game that involves teamwork.
In a free-for-all game, they might still band together to punish everyone else in the server. No matter how you try, you can't stop these two. If a blood moon occurs on Friday the 13th and you kill one of them, the other can be taken out too.
36b. The One-Sided Invincible
Given to the list from lasereyetuna.
Same as "The Elite" but a little more yappy and arrogant. They can one-shot, one-kill snipe you 12 times in a row, but as soon as you manage to kill them with a grenade, they descend into a blind rage because they didn't get that #13 in there in terms of kills-in-a-row on you.
He'll cry and moan about how you're cheating, lagging or taking the easy way out when he was the one who was quickscope headshotting you for the past 2 hours. They have this mentality of "As long as I'm winning and dominating every enemy without any hinderance, life makes sense and the world keeps turning." Kids who have gone through life having everything handed to them generally become these kind of gamers.
36c. The Feared
1TrollLtd keeps delivering the gold, and it never gets old.
This is a form of being elite that isn't developed with practice, as it's most likely a pre-given gift. Not only is this sub-gamer type extremely good, but his method of playing is so well-rounded and inhuman, that it's scary. These are people on the internet who are remembered and feared.
Don't even try to best this gamer type, as it will only make you die slower. Your best is his worst, and when this player joins, everyone else leaves, because playing against this guy has a predetermined fate. The Feared can end up being lonely people, as all others run in fear of him.
36d. The Elitist
Based on an entry from Minor107.
Being good at a game isn't enough for them, they have to impose the need for extreme skill on others. The bodies they were born with aren't allowed to feel satisfaction or happiness. They forcefully brag about their skills, and insult those who aren't as good as them. Because this guy's life somehow runs off of other people being just as elite.
You can't shut them up, and you can't do anything to make them not complain about something. Giving some tips here and there is alright, but spouting crap like "You're an idiot, use the flute before the red potion and you get the +10 health bonus." or "Why are you not using the enhanced scope?!"
In the end, all of their words translate into "Implement MY way of playing good, or else I will berate you for it and make that my problem for reasons unknown! So be better!" When the admin mutes this dork, they can't understand why they were muted. Even if you're as good as this elite kid, s/he still might berate you for not killing enemies in a more bada** or "flashier" way.
36e. The Backseat Gamer
1TrollLtd. Why are you so good at this? HOW are you so good at this?!
This sub-gamer type is someone who's not exactly elite, but dictates how things should be as if this person was elite at a game. He'll say things like "You're doing it wrong!" or "You should have got the red shotgun upgrade..." All the while, he's sitting in spectator mode instead of making actual effort to help.
In short, this is a gamer who's mad with power, but without any actual power. This gamer may have read a game's wikia multiple times and may know every trick in the book, but still decides to be the self-proclaimed "voice of reason", as if he's the messiah of good playing... Even though he... hardly plays the game to prove his skill, but keeps talking...
36f. The Veteran
This one was suggested by so many people, that I might just give everyone in this thread credit because I don't want to make the effort and reread this whole thread.
This gamer type is elite because he devotes his life to only 1 or 2 games. They have studied a game so much that they know every single number of damage that every weapon does. They know all 1's and 0's in a game. They might as well be one of the game's developers.
In Call of Duty, they've prestiged the max amount of times. Whatever achievements or reward the game offers, they have it all. These usually become the people who make excellent mods for a game. Sometimes.
36g. Dr. Popular
You don't exactly (always) hate this guy because he's annoying; you hate him because he's got it all. Not only is he elite at the game, but he happens to be elite at life as well. He's got cronies who act on command, he apparently has girls who swoon over him at first sight. Every single positive thing in life is all being funneled into this one person for reasons unknown. It's like he's already dead and in heaven, but the image of his soul is on Earth for... even more reasons unknown.
You don't know this person's secret to a "good everything", or how good he was in a previous life to deserve it, but you sure as hell would like a taste. All we can do is just envy the hell out of them.
37. The Game Grump
Goomboliver, you really know the good stuff.
"Hmm, a lot of people are having fun on this server. I'll have to do something about that." Even the words "misery loves company" is lowballing it.
Much like "The Ultra-Arrogant", they can reprogram their own minds to push aside the actual logistics of life and replace that with their own selfish ones. These gamer types not only try to get their own team to "DO THIS! NOW DO THAT!" They also try to demand the enemy team as well.
"Hey you! Don't play Spy. Be a medic and keep healing me." "Guys on the other team, don't headshot me, I'm trying to avoid a stalemate here." "Hey server! Give up your free will and just carry out my wishes." In the end, we just ignore them, or kick/ban them, then enjoy the rest of the game without them praying another grump doesn't slither his way back in. It really sucks when one of these dorks is an admin.
37a. The Beggar
You might think Goomboliver suggested this one. And you'd be right.
The kind of person that says "Can I have this?" rather than "Looking for work." As the name would imply, these are gamers who expect to get something and not give something in return; freely running away with your offer.
"Can you give me your hat? Can you give me that weapon? Anything I can have for free? Anyone giving stuff away? Can I be showered with free things while I don't put in any effort? Can I live in your house? Can you give me some diamonds? Can you suddenly allow me to be in your clan without any reason or tryout?"
These gamers are generally kids who haven't learned how to share or that other people have consciousness with emotions, and that you gotta work to get. Instead, they are stuck in their 3-year-old-minded "mine mine mine!!!" phase and have yet to grow out of it. Instead of being thankful if someone gives them something, they immediately ask "Can I have another?"
38. The Role Player
1TrollLtd, is there anything you CAN'T do?!
Has over 300 hours of playing DarkRP servers or... any other RPG game or server in existence. These are gamers with the ability to forget that they are sitting on a chair using a keyboard and mouse. They become so entranced in the game that they perform some witchcraft on themselves to take the consciousness of the player, and the form they had that is working the keyboard and mouse is just an empty husk.
They take things a little too far. When they die, they type "Guys I'm... I'm bleeding out, just go on without me... *dies*" When they reach the end of a level, they type "Guys, check my leg. I'm really bleeding out here..." They think that others will join in on the acting, but no, the others just get uncomfortable and continue being normal. And uncomfortable.
39. Mr. Energy
Once again, 1TrollLtd brings the good stuff to this list.
This gamer has apparently downed 3 red bulls within the timeframe of a delayed sneeze. You might even question yourself, "Huh, I didn't think the models in this game could move that fast." Hell, this gamer might move and jump around so fast that he lags the server.
His fingers sexually pounding the mouse and keyboard aren't enough, he'll top it off with excited screaming into his mic and his messages will be along the lines of "sdasdaipdjdaspju182yru38r89U" to symbolize how damn hyper he is.
If these gamers suddenly stop moving. They either passed out, simply died or ran away quickly to consume more energy drinks and will return within that delayed-sneeze time I mentioned earlier.
40. The Wimpy Woo
You know 1TrollLtd, you should make a career out of this.
Remember that kid at your school that always threatened to fight you after school while all his friends were around, but kept his overweight mouth shut when no one was around him? Yeah, they exist in the technology world too.
Oh sure, they could be "pwning u" or "brb killin n0obs durr" while his virtual posse is nearby, but the second it's just you and him, he's a scared little kid at the carnival who got seperated from big brother. He is petrified with fear that his own words will come back to haunt him, so he leaves the server only to return when his "posse" is back.
41. The One Class Ranger
Spot on, Xenophobia_Lord, spot on.
These are gamers that just don't seem to get it. When a game has classes, each class usually (or is supposed to) have advantages and disadvantages. Rather than just advantages. You'll see them on Team Fortress 2 all the time. The guy that picks Sniper then tries to no scope a Heavy and Medic pair to death, yet the Heavy mowed him while the Sniper did 0 damage prior.
The guy that picks Pyro, then runs blindly into a huge sentry nest trying burn 3 sentries but getting killed, where maybe a single puff of flame tapped one of the sentries but got repaired instantly. The guy that picks Medic, and tries to kill the entire enemy team with his syringe gun. See a pattern here?
Not only do these gamers try to use one class to "do it all", they also fail to realize that some classes have limitations, and that teamwork work out better. Don't bother warning them though, they'll probably just not listen.
41a. Sam the Sporadic Spammer
Precise aiming is something that's presumably too difficult or mainstream to do, so these gamers take the easier way out and pick a class or a weapon loadout that is based on nothing put increased area damage.
When people are using M4A1's and Desert Eagles, this gamer uses only rocket launchers, grenade launchers, overpowered shotguns, explosive traps and grenades. The sad thing is, if it works for him and he's the one winning, then... power to him.
They'll always have a grenade launcher attachment in a Call of Duty game. They'll always choose to be a Soldier or Demoman in Team Fortress 2. They'll always use the rocket launcher in Day of Defeat: Source. They run around scoring easy kills, and sit back with a forced grin when they're topping the scoreboard, thinking they've applied more effort than they truly have.
42. The Adbot
1TrollLtd never runs out of what this list needs.
Can be human or automated. When spamming forums and listing self-promoting URL's on their Steam and forum profiles aren't enough, they have to get a little "live action" with it. They join a with the intent to gain notoriety for something of theirs than to actually just play the game.
"You guys play Minecraft? Then you should check out my channel at http://www.youtube.c...ywhenweplaythis! You'll love it! It's very funny and no one has done what we're doing!" These dorks also try to convince others to join their little clans they made a week ago, but will die out in about a month.
You can ban them all of you want, but it makes no difference to them. They still got to spam their dumb gaming channel URL in the chat long enough anyways, and they'll just keep doing it in every other server in the world.
43. The Purely Hopeless
Honestly 1TrollLtd, make a career out of this.
This one is so sad that it kinda makes me not want to list this. These are gamers that you usually feel bad for, rather than hate. They are condemned to forever suck at some, most or even all games. They can sit at their computers for 64 hours straight, trying to retain focus with every fiber of their breathing existence, but still suck in the end.
These is no salvation for these players. Leaving the only option to just stop playing. When this happens, we can only hope that they'll come across something they'll get good at. Godspeed you... types of gamers that match this description...
44. The High-Strung
Don't thank me for this one, thank Goomboliver.
You know those stories about people that do too much LSD or PCP, then end becoming paranoid of every single object or living being in existence? Where they see hands morphing out of walls to grab them or see a half-dragon half-squirrel creature that uses rolled up magazines as a weapon? Yeah, the internet has those kinds of people.
In Team Fortress 2, they use their übercharge too early when they hear a distant gunshot. In games where friendly fire exists, they end up killing many teammates because they freak out when an ally jumps into view. With this type of gamer in the server, the map you're playing will have a lot more bullet decals than normal.
45. That Spoiled Rich Kid
1TrollLtd, your brain is a gold mine.
Parents, this is what happens when you don't teach your kids how to share, and that there are other people in the world with consciousness and emotions.
As expected, these kids assume they are the center of the universe, and that the rest of the world should "kick up" to this kid before being happy. As if this arrogant little kid is a mob boss, and the rest of the planet are his capos.
We all knew that kid in school, that kid who had their parents spend 100% of their paychecks on just them, and that the kids' wants are "top priority". Wherever there's a "pay to win" server, you better believe he's gonna win. Wherever a server gives extra powers to those who make donations, they've gotten all the powers. Wherever there's a server where you can "buy admin", you better believe he's an admin 4 times over.
Parents, please be wary to not raise a kid like this. His/her future will be horrible, and so will the online gaming world's.
46. The Renegade
Because this forum has a language filter, I can't title this gamer in the way I initially intended. I've covered a lot of gamer types that involve low self-esteem, but this is a type of gamer that does everything in his power to overcompensate by using videos games as that only outlet. These gamer types can be the least annoying in this list, and in some rare cases, can be interesting to come across.
In real life, they're quite dorky and can only bench whatever weight involves not having actual weighted dumbells in the exercise machine. Because of this, they try to be the most muscular bada** in the video game world. If a game has moral choices, they will take the "evil" path to adopt a feeling of domincance and being feared.
In Mass Effect games, their renegade bar is maxed out. In Dishonored, they have high chaos. In BioShock, they've killed all the little sisters. In Deus Ex: Human Revolution, they only used lethal takedowns. In Black Ops 2, Chloe, Farid, Admiral Briggs and Menendez have all been killed at the end.
In online games, you'll see this gamer's avatar with the most "hardcore" and "intense" appearance. They may try difficult "cooler" ways to defeat their enemy, and they may seem awesome at first glance, but may be some kid who's the exact opposite of the captain of the football team.
47. Colonel Cool
We all knew/know that person that was just naturally "cool". The kind of person that everyone wants to be around and every person of the opposite sex wanted to get with this person. There's always a well-liked "Fonzie" out there who's a magnet to everyone. On the other hand, we've all come across a person who thinks they're just as cool, but aren't. Perhaps this person is you.
These type of gamers have these warped personalities where their brains reprogram themselves into thinking that they're "the cool guy" when they're the exact opposite. People who have extremely high self-esteem when they shouldn't. Wherever they go, they walk around with a forced look of satisfaction on their faces, thinking "Yup. Everyone wants a piece of me. Those guys/girls want me."
In reality, they aren't cool, they aren't guy/girl magnets and they aren't popular in any way. In reality, they're just another blur in people's peripheral vision.
47a. The Punk
Xenophobia_Lord gave me this one, and I commanded that he feel good about it. No excuses.
Like Colonel Cool, he actually isn't cool but thinks he is, but doesn't fully have the "I'm awesome and the world knows it" mentality. Yet. Because The Punk isn't initially satisfied with his own "popularity", he breaks rules and does destructive things that supposedly make him "look cool" or "tough".
With every rule he breaks, and with every forced story about how s/he "beat up this bigger kid" or "put a gang of people in their place", they think that others will be impressed by that, when in reality it did the opposite. This gamer type keeps doing and saying things that actually damage his/her reputation and become more hated.
These kids get banned from servers and forums pretty quickly for their "bada** rule breaking", and while everyone else in the server/forum/whatever are laughing at the banned kid and cheering that his annoying self won't be around anymore, the actual Punk tricks himself into thinking, "Oh man, I just got banned. I'm one bad mother!"
These Punks go on through life thinking we all like them and envy their... "toughness", but in reality, we all just want them to stop breathing and have their consciousness vanish forever.
48. The Pacifist
It's like if Mr. Van Driessen from Beavis and Butt-head suddenly became real and expressed interest in online gaming. Even though these people are nice "pacifists", they still find themselves playing games where you can wear your enemy's entrails like a makeshift turban, or can cremate corpses by just mudhole stomping them.
These pacifists aren't usually annoying, but can still make a situation pretty awkward. "Hey, leave Player 4 alone, he's trying." "Could you please not use that racist term here?" "Let's keep it civil everyone!" These pacifists fail to realize that, as long as we're all safe behind our keyboards and remain faceless to all, someone's gonna test that out by being an internet tough guy, knowing that little to no consequences will happen.
48a. The Diplomat
All the way from Xenophobia_Lord himself.
Like anyone else in this list, they seem to forget that when you're playing an online game, no one else is gonna care about your "political" views and moral standpoints. When we all join a server, we want to play the game, and not go over pseudo-treaties.
This sub-gamer type will constantly try to win everyone's attention and convince them all that a "more peaceful solution" can be found. Even in pure team deathmatch games. They may even try to stand in the middle of the map and try to look important, but will be headshotted in mid-sentence.
Sorry Diplomat, you may want a more peaceful online world, but you won't get it. We will not care for your views and opinions when we all just want to play the game. Move on.
49. Laughing Gas Garry
When they come online, all of a sudden, every little solitary thing becomes funny. These gamers don't usually type out full sentences or even some onomonopias. The only form of typing they seem to favor is "LOL", "XD", "AHAHA", "lolo" and... "lawl"
These kind of gamers are usually pretty stupid or usually pretty stoned. Did someone in the distance die of an explosion? "lol!!!!" Did someone commit suicide via typing a command in the console? "xD" Did someone get kicked for being idle? "OLOlloLO XDD"
If you're this type of derpy gamer, tell us your secret to constant happiness. We'd all love to try it too. Even if it's a drug.
50. Best Friend Bob
This is the only addition to the list that physically hurts me to type, because this gamer type isn't the worst, and can be very difficult to make fun of because of how nice he might be, but can still be a nuisance.
He's never met you before, nor have they seen you in-game before, but for unknown reasons, they've targeted you and you're now their best friend forever whether you like it or not. They'll (literally) kill you with kindness. These situations can end in two ways:
- Good outcome: Turns out, this person is awesome! Playing games with this guy was a hundred times funner than you'd imagine. Good luck to both of you!
- Bad outcome: This person is in love with you, and it's creeping you the hell out. You don't want to be mean, but you can't exactly stand the person either, so you come up with a well-crafted lie and silently block the person somehow. If the person is blocked, this could double as another good outcome.
See what I did there? I used a unisex name so I could better point out that a male or female could be this type of gam- Actually I don't care, I'll just stick with the male prefixes to cut out effort.
This gamer is guaranteed to make your game sessions at least 4 times longer. They have to see every pixel of a wall's texture. They have to find every vertex of a 3D model. Is there wall decals of graffiti and bullet holes in sight? Yes? Then you better have an extra hour to spare.
There's a bright side though, this guy's triple checking of rooms could spot that easter egg or hidden ammo cache you missed! Still, that won't cure the overly long game sessions.
51a. The Narrator
A combination of two entries given by both Goomboliver and Milikeny.
Let's get the term out of the way, this gamer is Captain Obvious, and even that label alone is... also obvious. They are the John Madden of the server, and these gamers will briefly make you envious of deaf people. If the game you're playing has no mute function, then either leave the server or be ready for some deathmatch highlights.
Just in case you couldn't comprehend or see a specific event that happened in the server, this guy will repeat it. A few times. Every little solitary thing that The Narrator has seen will be reported out loud. Did someone quickscope you? You'll be reminded just in case you didn't understand what happened. Did your team lose my 3 points? You'll be notified of it even if your HUD already tells you this.
Did a Sniper headshot a Pyro, then take 4 distant bullets from a Heavy, then go back into his spawn, then come back out and try to headshot a Medic but missed twice and got killed by a Demoman? Don't worry, you'll hear all about it! Because it's so important!
Imagine if a person accompanied a comedian on stage, then explained every single joke and told the audience why they laughed at it just now. Alright, now imagine that in a guy-on-the-internet form.
52. The Assassin
You must've done something bad in your previous life to this gamer type's previous life. This person doesn't just see you as an enemy, he makes you his arch enemy and you are marked for death. Forever. He targets you, and only you. It doesn't matter how dangerous you are, you're tagged.
This gamer will ignore any other enemy around him and could care less of how tough his opposition is. He'll have chances to take out your strongest allies, but won't, he'll just headshot you a mile away while his other enemies are standing right in front of him.
Don't try to hide or take alternate routes, he can smell your blood and will find you no matter what, because God gave this assassin the ability to sense you for reasons unknown. No, don't try to be unimportant either, because even though your assassin had the chance to steal your flag and win the game, he won't. He just eternally chases you.
52a. The Kamikaze
Did Goomboliver give me another good one? Yeah, he did.
This person has no form of evasion or any kind of tactics. He just runs straight at you without thinking of the possibility of failure. When he gets killed over and over doing that crap, he doesn't learn or improve. He just keeps coming at you in a straight derpy line.
This gamer also cares little if he lives or dies. All that matters is that he gets that one little knife thrust in there before the enemy team turns him into a red mist. They will mock you for "being a coward" because you aren't playing the same as him, and are using actual tactics and not doing straight line attacks as well.
Does the server have friendly fire? Yes? Then everyone is gonna have a bad time. Hope this kamikaze doesn't have an explosive equipped, or else he will really live up to his name. When he suicide bombs you with that grenade, he may also carelessly kill his teammates in the process. If you press Tab to look at the scoreboard, this durr kamikaze will have kills in the negative numbers.
53. The Clan Fan-Boy
Don't applaud me for this one, applaud BearKind.
He just got accepted into a clan, and now he thinks he's in the highest ranks of gaming. If that exists. He joins games and chats just to force others into seeing the clan tag stuck on his name. In his mind, he's wearing a sign around his neck saying "I'm one of the Gods now."
Even when his other clan cronies aren't there, he still retains the behavior of the clan members regardless of if his clan "superiors" would want him to or not. His forced actions start to confuse and even make other players uncomfortable. While this clan dork is flaunting his """power""", the rest of the world still sees him as just another extra avatar in the server.
54. The Transfer
Why's everyone starting at me? Goomboliver was the one who gave this to the list.
Remember that foreign exchange student in your school who could hardly speak English, but you didn't want to call him on that because you didn't want to be mean? The internet has that too. Kind of.
Their names can be dead giveaways. Such as "XxXshotgun_killrXxX" in a game of Minecraft. Or "_the_untouchable_demoman_" in a game of Left 4 Dead. They've spent so many years of playing one game, that once they start playing another, they just jump in and assume the mechanics are the same. No, they just skip the tutorials because "they don't need 'em".
For example, he's that guy that quickscopes everyone on Black Ops 2, so he picks the Sniper class on TF2 and thinks he can do the same thing. Not realizing that the game is, in fact, not the same, he still continues to make the same mistakes. Another example, is that a guy who plays The Sims for far too long, complains that he can't monitor the hygiene and muscial talents of all of his soldiers in a Command & Conquer game.
83: The "Everything is Legal" Guy
By the people, but not really for the people. This is private-use material by Xenophobia_Lord
We've all seen that classic server fight, where the law-abiding player argues with a noob who thinks what he's doing is totally okay. You'll hear phrases such as "thats not against the rules" or "its a mod not a hack" over and over again. Sometimes these idiots honestly think that what they're doing is okay, but most of the time it's little kids who want to prove how "mature" they are by breaking what is blatantly a server rule, then coming up with some crazy technicality which supposedly makes it "okay". Either way, nobody likes this joker and he's banned relatively quick.
84: Braindead Barney
I took some of sweden_revenge's work and used it as my own! Ha ha ha ha!
Don't we know that one airhead in class that just can't seem to understand anything without hours of explanation, and even then forgets things? That's Braindead Barney here. No matter how hard you try to teach him something ingame, he tries it and fails miserably. A conversation with him might go like this:
B4rney: Mmk show me agin
Reasonable Man: Okay. Lemme be clear on this. Do a 180 degree spin to get through the tunnel with the jet fighter.
B4rney: k [proceeds to fly straight into the tunnel by not turning]
B4rney: why dont it work dude i trusted you
Reasonable Man: I. told. you. SPIN.
B4rney: k [slams into the tunnel again]
Reasonable Man: WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT TURNING?
B4rney: o i was supposed to turn?
85: The One Man Team
On most sane game servers, a team consists of a group of people with a common goal in mind working together to achieve their desired point. However, this man thinks he can be that entire group of people. Since in most games victory is achieved with many people, this man usually fails in his singular quest to win. Most often this player will become enraged when he continually dies while the other team wipes the floor with him, not remembering he has exactly the same manpower on his side. However, he just ignores that fact and keeps to himself with the odd mindset that he is skilled enough to take on many other people in combat.
An easy way to think of this person is that one guy who always plays scout in TF2 and sprints right for the intelligence box, not remembering that there are many deadly places in the map.
86: Prince Valium
Guess who made this! Guess! Duebelman did!
What is often stated here are gamers that rage, rant, pro game, l33t speak or whatever but these guys are different. They are comlpetely non competitive and remain calm or stoic in most situation which is normally appreciated but someone needs at least a bit of ambition in order to achieve something. While this type of gamer is mostly kind, it can be exhausting to play with prince valium as he does not really pay attention and often forget things or oversee something. It is particularly bad in rpgs or mmo's when he takes the role of an important person such as the healer or tank.
The attention level is not really high and keeping things in mind for more than 2 hours is a difficult task that shall never be accomplished. However, he does not blame you for any mistake and does not get bothered when someone blames him. This type of gamer is completely indifferent in terms of winning or losing.
87: Turbo Toddler
Please rise for our friend Elaxter, who shall share this post with you.
This gamer-type is normally young. Not 13, 12, or even 11. Under 10. They screech into the mic when they lose and laugh at your corpse when they win. And worse of all, they never shut up. They will repeat "Stupid" at you until the cows come home, tea-bagging your lifeless, mangled corpse until their next prey steps into the field of vision. Did I forget to mention that these gamers are uncannily good? They will be high rank in competitive shooters, will have all the gear to fight the Goblin Lord, and will mostly be at the top of the leaderboards. Why are they so good? A better question: where are their parents?
88: Lord Emperor Perfect
Is engie_ninja the hero this topic doesn't need, but the hero this topic deserves?
This guy never makes mistakes, and as a result, expects his team to be the same. Of course, since not everyone is a super cyborg mecha god emperor, he doesn't understand that people CAN make mistakes, and gets WAY too angry when they do slip up. Rather amusingly, they usually do incredibly badly themselves. They also may be territorial, since disputes between them can get... Heated.
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