That scares me too! On my ego's tenuous leash I think "Oh no! ohcrapohcrapohcrap." I get an idea of self. "Oh? That was respected? I have to maintain That!" And I lose my more genuine feelings and responses to my ego's ********. Saying something like this is like paying a fee for accepting such a compliment. But then is demonstrated humility really humility? If I say nothing at all is that humble or haughty?
If I say nothing at all is that humble or haughty? I guess it's sort of a stupid thing to say since it will manifest in each person depending on how they see it. How much of that is actually my responsibility? What if I demonstrate humility, but I'm dishonest with myself and in fact demonstrate myself to be more humble than I actually am? Am I morally liable? Not in a ******** academic morality kind of way, but in a "do I need to start behaving differently right about now?" kind of way. The "Oh, that's strange, why does everyone think I'm an asshole?" kind of way.
This liability bothers me to hell. Watch people, qualify behaviors, organize and describe categories, predict behavior. It's fine to be generally predictable since one is expected to seek what they want and avoid pain and all that ********. Basic empathy brings us to more easily understand how what I think is how what you think. And how it is not.
So am I liable: if I conceive of something that will make you happy or better off, if it will incur me absolutely no extra burden, to make you thus happier or better off? Prevent your suffering? Now this is getting into ******** academics. **** that.
Everyone can predict things to whatever degree, with whatever probability. Fine. Are you morally liable for getting better at predicting what's going to happen?
seriously. It's small, but however much you know, you are that much more responsible. The one way road out of innocence. Isn't that why the word is used that way? Because once you know, you can't unknow. Except with different forms of brain 'malfunction.' But not generally.
like, "damn. +1 respect to me?" Me that body of text? Me the person I imagine you imagine I am who would write that thing? Do you consider respect what I consider respect? Is that ****ing retarded and this is just an arbitrarily named +1 internet upvote? Appreciated but not overrated.
So how ****ing crazy am I to actually lose myself to such a comment? Had I seen it written to another I would have thought it appropriate, but somehow I implicate myself.
Goddamnit, I think, now do people expect better of me? If don't maintain what they saw before, will they be disappointed? OH ****. WHAT WILL I DO IF THEY ARE DISAPPOINTED? Right, doesn't matter, but it kind of does. What if they have better standards than I do? Standards I will one day take up when I realize how much more beneficial and useful they are . . . Maybe if I avoid disappointing them, I will conform to this imagined non-specified standard. Goddamn spiral. A spiral I usually filter out that turned into a half-assed thank you
I used to be apprehensive about saying what I wanted until half an hour ago when a good chunk of that apprehension disappeared, and then I wrote a bunch of crap, pleased that it was written, that some might read it, and with disregard for the people who don't care for it. It's curious to me, especially since I do it also, that someone would bother to post tl;dr. What a strange state of mind to think, "yup, that's what I'm gonna post."
I wonder which such posters care or not about what is written, which simply don't care and would read a shorter version if there was one, but still cared enough to say it was too long to read. I like to imagine those people as warning "don't you know? It's too long. I think it's too long, other people will think it's too long, no one will really care. The least you could do is give a summary so people can determine if they are interested or not."
Eh. I'm not apathetic to such sentiments but I really just wanted to say what I said and what I'm saying now. It's okay that people won't read it. I really have no target audience because I don't really know anyone, so I just spoke for myself and how things seem to me.
When I do something, who will care? It's a good question. When other people are too self-referential in posts, depending on what is written, it will throw me off. I won't be interested. It feels like they're trying to bait me to give them support of some kind. "Who will care?" How dare you say such a thing, implicating those who would respond! I hate being in that position, so I might be the kind of person that wouldn't care to read what I write. I'm not sure, I'm invested in what I do as a matter of self-expression I can't and refuse to control.
So it's compulsive to me, and . . . You know when a sentence feels like it needs to be longer so as to fit a certain rhythm or flow established previously? But then you have nothing else to say?
So I read books and I watch movies and I hear stories of people with mystical abilities. Some stories are ridiculous and outlandish, some are hypothetically plausible. All are frustrating because, honestly, the idea of affecting the world in ways I currently conceive as miraculous is an attractive idea. The stories range from the monks who mummify themselves slowly while alive, people who can detect underground water, . . .. . . There is also, of course, the Great Master, the placebo effect.
How confusing to me, all these stories because now I don't know what Human really is. What is really the relationship between the mind and the body, if we can cure maladies by simply believing that the pills we take are cure, though they are only made of sugar. Why was the malady not already cured before, if no new chemicals were necessary for treating it? And so, what mechanism is activated by taking a placebo, and isn't that mechanism already present without the placebo? If so, it seems we have an understated control of our own body.
I can, albeit poorly, call up ideas and memories that **** me off. Indignant, forcing tension unto myself, my heart rate increases, my perception narrows to a few more poignant visual cues and tense muscles. The ideas and memories I used to create the tension dissolve away, but the tension and BPM remain for a while before calming. How curious, when I consider, that my body so reacts to a non-real thing. A thing I created deliberately to provoke my self.
I think I am merely overstepping my imagination and clumsily messing with the controls. Like how when I stand still I switch from a reactive, corrective form of balancing to a proactive form of balancing where I imagine a line that goes up through the center of my body which holds me up straight as if I sort of dangled down. My brain gets more tired, but it is easier to stand straight and I sway less.
What the hell?
Where are these mechanisms hiding? Body, why do you keep acting up if you're not really sick? Is it my fault? Is it like the stories I hear that the body reflects one's disposition, not only because of what one is driven to do by one's disposition but also by how one feels? The lightness of one's spirit? Are happy people more healthy or just less afflicted by their suffering? Is there a difference?
And why aren't answers obvious? It seems like a stupid ****ing question, and I suppose it actually is. But understanding always seems obvious once it is attained, and so the steps between what I know now and what I will know soon are the difficult steps. The older I get, the more those steps move away from being based on forming new categories and learning new things, and moving closer to erasing previous categories and distinctions and revisiting my relationship to whatever is under consideration, or whatever is going to slap a mark of humility across my face from out of nowhere.
I hear stories of monks that attain high states of mind and proclaim that life is but a dream, many monks in many places. And not just the monks. But while I understand that sentence, I don't understand what it means at all! Life is a dream? An Illusion? In which way? What are these things that seem to be real and seem to make up the whole, or most of reality? Is this to say that physical interactions aren't real? Is the way we regard the things we perceive not real? Are the people who make this claim not aware how confusing it is to experience reality and come to terms with this claim? Indeed, when I dream I am in a world I would consider illusory while awake, since I can just be awakened from it, but then in "reality" I expect to see a similar world.
If indeed we can be awakened from reality, what would we awake to? And why does it matter?
When I dream I love, I fear, I succeed, I fail. I cannot engage in lucid dreams, and so, when I say that I do these things, I really mean that these things are done, but I cannot take credit for them, I can only experience them.
Isn't that strange? To do something, but not of myself, and yet in accordance with myself. I act like me, but I'm not the one acting at all! At least it feels that way, for I am sure if I acted as when I feel "in control" and then forgot about the control but remembered the actions, I might feel the same way.
But even when I listen to someone speak, sometimes I will disengage a part of my mind. I will understand everything that is said to me, but will be unable to repeat a single thing, I'd have to reform the ideas myself, only this time the information would be available for me to do so. What's going on when I can listen to someone but not work out what they're saying, and yet I can still understand them and act in accordance with the new information. How am I storing the information? How am I accessing it? Why don't I need to think when I play the guitar? What the hell is muscular memory? Can I access it more deliberately?
WHAT THE HELL?
Why can I watch myself do something cruel? Watch myself be malicious or apathetic? Why am I embarrassed to watch someone do something good and noble? Why am I embarrassed of the word noble? I see, when I look at myself, that I am afraid of being caught in a noble act that is not done with casual regard.
"This is important, I must do this. I must be selfless." That scares me. Selflessness is ********, everyone knows that, right? One can't really be selfless, there is always something deep down that is waiting to benefit from every situation. But is seeking to be truly selfless a fool's errand? 10,000 Iterations of "What will it take to satisfy me now?" have not revealed anything which is always satisfying, and only the transition from one thing to another is satisfying. Just a fix, and the activity I do to enable the next fix.
What's so terrible about not being happy? I feel it, but cannot describe it. If I could I would explain why it's never enough. A leak in the goddamn happiness tank or some asshole siphoning it off, probably my ego.
And if I a remain satisfied, can my disposition not then overflow onto others in a pure way? Or is that naivete? Will I always fail to let go of all that ********, yearning, self-defense, self-righteousness, presumption, dejection, laziness, frustration, indignation, egocentric masturbation, anxiety and loneliness, fear and loathing?
What kind of thing is that? What kind of thing is afraid that another being will think ill of them? How do you think about people you dislike? How would you react if they acted how you were planning on acting yourself towards the person you are afraid will think ill of you?
I asked myself that and found myself more forgiving than I give other people credit for being. A douchebag is easily redeemable if he demonstrates in any way that he has overcome his douchebaggery.
Thought I was getting better at coming to terms with what it meant to be human, but now I'm entirely perplexed by the simple fact that I can be complacent about my weaknesses of character. It's not okay, and I feel a gap. There's something someone's not telling me. The people who are telling me things are confused themselves, and are confused about how confused they are. If things are not how they seem, why do they seem this way? It smells fishy. Everything is simple and complicated. Everything is simple and I am complicating.
What is the next thing that will matter?
OMFG MAKE IT STOP.
after the update modders will get to work on updating their mods as well. You'll have to keep an eye on the topic of the mods. There will probably also be update instructions if anything other than an overwrite is required
I don't know what else to say to you "insult to injury" people. Mainly because I've already said it several times in this thread. If you die and respawn in your shitty shelter that does not protect you from creepers, or if you do not know how to make an exit to your house that is protected from mobs . . . tough ****. Honestly. Get killed? Hope you also learned a lesson which will improve your performance in the future. Get killed that way on easy? Dunno what to tell you if you don't wan to play on peaceful. Especially since the player is faster than every mob except spider. You can literally just move in a single direction, jumping blocks, and you can get away.
Welcome to the learning curve. It's not even steep. It's mostly filled with laziness that prevents prudence. Which is fine, just a trade off.
To you who is saying you will "waste your creativity" on this mechanic. That doesn't even make sense. If you're creativity is hampered by this, I have bad news for you. Don't arbitrarily define a thing, saying minecraft is open and free without defining what that means. This game would suck (every game would suck) without restrictions. Otherwise we'd spawn unlimited blocks . . .etc . . blah blah blah.
Time locked health: surf the web while my character is indoors so that the lock expires.
0
0
0
hylighter
0
0
0
0
That scares me too! On my ego's tenuous leash I think "Oh no! ohcrapohcrapohcrap." I get an idea of self. "Oh? That was respected? I have to maintain That!" And I lose my more genuine feelings and responses to my ego's ********. Saying something like this is like paying a fee for accepting such a compliment. But then is demonstrated humility really humility? If I say nothing at all is that humble or haughty?
If I say nothing at all is that humble or haughty? I guess it's sort of a stupid thing to say since it will manifest in each person depending on how they see it. How much of that is actually my responsibility? What if I demonstrate humility, but I'm dishonest with myself and in fact demonstrate myself to be more humble than I actually am? Am I morally liable? Not in a ******** academic morality kind of way, but in a "do I need to start behaving differently right about now?" kind of way. The "Oh, that's strange, why does everyone think I'm an asshole?" kind of way.
This liability bothers me to hell. Watch people, qualify behaviors, organize and describe categories, predict behavior. It's fine to be generally predictable since one is expected to seek what they want and avoid pain and all that ********. Basic empathy brings us to more easily understand how what I think is how what you think. And how it is not.
So am I liable: if I conceive of something that will make you happy or better off, if it will incur me absolutely no extra burden, to make you thus happier or better off? Prevent your suffering?Now this is getting into ******** academics. **** that.Everyone can predict things to whatever degree, with whatever probability. Fine. Are you morally liable for getting better at predicting what's going to happen?
seriously. It's small, but however much you know, you are that much more responsible. The one way road out of innocence. Isn't that why the word is used that way? Because once you know, you can't unknow. Except with different forms of brain 'malfunction.' But not generally.
like, "damn. +1 respect to me?" Me that body of text? Me the person I imagine you imagine I am who would write that thing? Do you consider respect what I consider respect? Is that ****ing retarded and this is just an arbitrarily named +1 internet upvote? Appreciated but not overrated.
So how ****ing crazy am I to actually lose myself to such a comment? Had I seen it written to another I would have thought it appropriate, but somehow I implicate myself.
Goddamnit, I think, now do people expect better of me? If don't maintain what they saw before, will they be disappointed? OH ****. WHAT WILL I DO IF THEY ARE DISAPPOINTED? Right, doesn't matter, but it kind of does. What if they have better standards than I do? Standards I will one day take up when I realize how much more beneficial and useful they are . . . Maybe if I avoid disappointing them, I will conform to this imagined non-specified standard. Goddamn spiral. A spiral I usually filter out that turned into a half-assed thank you
0
I used to be apprehensive about saying what I wanted until half an hour ago when a good chunk of that apprehension disappeared, and then I wrote a bunch of crap, pleased that it was written, that some might read it, and with disregard for the people who don't care for it. It's curious to me, especially since I do it also, that someone would bother to post tl;dr. What a strange state of mind to think, "yup, that's what I'm gonna post."
I wonder which such posters care or not about what is written, which simply don't care and would read a shorter version if there was one, but still cared enough to say it was too long to read. I like to imagine those people as warning "don't you know? It's too long. I think it's too long, other people will think it's too long, no one will really care. The least you could do is give a summary so people can determine if they are interested or not."
Eh. I'm not apathetic to such sentiments but I really just wanted to say what I said and what I'm saying now. It's okay that people won't read it. I really have no target audience because I don't really know anyone, so I just spoke for myself and how things seem to me.
When I do something, who will care? It's a good question. When other people are too self-referential in posts, depending on what is written, it will throw me off. I won't be interested. It feels like they're trying to bait me to give them support of some kind. "Who will care?" How dare you say such a thing, implicating those who would respond! I hate being in that position, so I might be the kind of person that wouldn't care to read what I write. I'm not sure, I'm invested in what I do as a matter of self-expression I can't and refuse to control.
So it's compulsive to me, and . . . You know when a sentence feels like it needs to be longer so as to fit a certain rhythm or flow established previously? But then you have nothing else to say?
2
How confusing to me, all these stories because now I don't know what Human really is. What is really the relationship between the mind and the body, if we can cure maladies by simply believing that the pills we take are cure, though they are only made of sugar. Why was the malady not already cured before, if no new chemicals were necessary for treating it? And so, what mechanism is activated by taking a placebo, and isn't that mechanism already present without the placebo? If so, it seems we have an understated control of our own body.
I can, albeit poorly, call up ideas and memories that **** me off. Indignant, forcing tension unto myself, my heart rate increases, my perception narrows to a few more poignant visual cues and tense muscles. The ideas and memories I used to create the tension dissolve away, but the tension and BPM remain for a while before calming. How curious, when I consider, that my body so reacts to a non-real thing. A thing I created deliberately to provoke my self.
I think I am merely overstepping my imagination and clumsily messing with the controls. Like how when I stand still I switch from a reactive, corrective form of balancing to a proactive form of balancing where I imagine a line that goes up through the center of my body which holds me up straight as if I sort of dangled down. My brain gets more tired, but it is easier to stand straight and I sway less.
What the hell?
Where are these mechanisms hiding? Body, why do you keep acting up if you're not really sick? Is it my fault? Is it like the stories I hear that the body reflects one's disposition, not only because of what one is driven to do by one's disposition but also by how one feels? The lightness of one's spirit? Are happy people more healthy or just less afflicted by their suffering? Is there a difference?
And why aren't answers obvious? It seems like a stupid ****ing question, and I suppose it actually is. But understanding always seems obvious once it is attained, and so the steps between what I know now and what I will know soon are the difficult steps. The older I get, the more those steps move away from being based on forming new categories and learning new things, and moving closer to erasing previous categories and distinctions and revisiting my relationship to whatever is under consideration, or whatever is going to slap a mark of humility across my face from out of nowhere.
I hear stories of monks that attain high states of mind and proclaim that life is but a dream, many monks in many places. And not just the monks. But while I understand that sentence, I don't understand what it means at all! Life is a dream? An Illusion? In which way? What are these things that seem to be real and seem to make up the whole, or most of reality? Is this to say that physical interactions aren't real? Is the way we regard the things we perceive not real? Are the people who make this claim not aware how confusing it is to experience reality and come to terms with this claim? Indeed, when I dream I am in a world I would consider illusory while awake, since I can just be awakened from it, but then in "reality" I expect to see a similar world.
If indeed we can be awakened from reality, what would we awake to? And why does it matter?
When I dream I love, I fear, I succeed, I fail. I cannot engage in lucid dreams, and so, when I say that I do these things, I really mean that these things are done, but I cannot take credit for them, I can only experience them.
Isn't that strange? To do something, but not of myself, and yet in accordance with myself. I act like me, but I'm not the one acting at all! At least it feels that way, for I am sure if I acted as when I feel "in control" and then forgot about the control but remembered the actions, I might feel the same way.
But even when I listen to someone speak, sometimes I will disengage a part of my mind. I will understand everything that is said to me, but will be unable to repeat a single thing, I'd have to reform the ideas myself, only this time the information would be available for me to do so. What's going on when I can listen to someone but not work out what they're saying, and yet I can still understand them and act in accordance with the new information. How am I storing the information? How am I accessing it? Why don't I need to think when I play the guitar? What the hell is muscular memory? Can I access it more deliberately?
WHAT THE HELL?
Why can I watch myself do something cruel? Watch myself be malicious or apathetic? Why am I embarrassed to watch someone do something good and noble? Why am I embarrassed of the word noble? I see, when I look at myself, that I am afraid of being caught in a noble act that is not done with casual regard.
"This is important, I must do this. I must be selfless." That scares me. Selflessness is ********, everyone knows that, right? One can't really be selfless, there is always something deep down that is waiting to benefit from every situation. But is seeking to be truly selfless a fool's errand? 10,000 Iterations of "What will it take to satisfy me now?" have not revealed anything which is always satisfying, and only the transition from one thing to another is satisfying. Just a fix, and the activity I do to enable the next fix.
What's so terrible about not being happy? I feel it, but cannot describe it. If I could I would explain why it's never enough. A leak in the goddamn happiness tank or some asshole siphoning it off, probably my ego.
And if I a remain satisfied, can my disposition not then overflow onto others in a pure way? Or is that naivete? Will I always fail to let go of all that ********, yearning, self-defense, self-righteousness, presumption, dejection, laziness, frustration, indignation, egocentric masturbation, anxiety and loneliness, fear and loathing?
What kind of thing is that? What kind of thing is afraid that another being will think ill of them? How do you think about people you dislike? How would you react if they acted how you were planning on acting yourself towards the person you are afraid will think ill of you?
I asked myself that and found myself more forgiving than I give other people credit for being. A douchebag is easily redeemable if he demonstrates in any way that he has overcome his douchebaggery.
Thought I was getting better at coming to terms with what it meant to be human, but now I'm entirely perplexed by the simple fact that I can be complacent about my weaknesses of character. It's not okay, and I feel a gap. There's something someone's not telling me. The people who are telling me things are confused themselves, and are confused about how confused they are. If things are not how they seem, why do they seem this way? It smells fishy. Everything is simple and complicated. Everything is simple and I am complicating.
What is the next thing that will matter?
OMFG MAKE IT STOP.
0
Because there is no better way to describe adding stuff to the game to satisfy a half-assed pun
0
EDIT: found it. never mind
0
0
is pretty decent for browsing instant watch
0
0
Welcome to the learning curve. It's not even steep. It's mostly filled with laziness that prevents prudence. Which is fine, just a trade off.
To you who is saying you will "waste your creativity" on this mechanic. That doesn't even make sense. If you're creativity is hampered by this, I have bad news for you. Don't arbitrarily define a thing, saying minecraft is open and free without defining what that means. This game would suck (every game would suck) without restrictions. Otherwise we'd spawn unlimited blocks . . .etc . . blah blah blah.
Time locked health: surf the web while my character is indoors so that the lock expires.