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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I use my Necronomicon.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I reload, move to cover, and heal the most injured person if possible.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I use Sign of Four, then throw a bottle rocket at a cyber soldier. The bottle rocket sends the cyber soldier into bottle space, a version of space where everything is made of bottles. As the cyber soldier drifts past bottle planets and bottle stars, he realizes that he's inhaling bottle vacuum and asphyxiates. Then he remembers that he is a robot, and doesn't need to breathe. The cyber soldier fires his gun to try and push his way back to Earth, but he can't see anything because he's floating in a bunch of bottles. He gets angry and shoots the bottles, but they split into smaller bottles. He shoots the smaller bottles, but they turn into even smaller bottles. The cyber soldier becomes furious and fires everywhere, turning all of the bottles around him into microscopic bottle particles, which float into the cyber soldier and cause him to get jammed. No longer able to move because of the bottles in his joints, the cyber soldier spends several thousand millennia floating through bottle space until he is attracted by the gravity of a bottle planet. He crash lands on the planet, burning off all of the bottles as he falls through its atmosphere, and is discovered by some primitive bottle aliens. The cavealiens inspect him, grunting in a distinctly alien primitive language. The cyber soldier is intimidated and shoots all of the aliens, but then he takes a closer look at one of the corpses and realizes that they're an ancient ancestor of Coalition aliens! He is shocked as his hand starts fading away, and desperately tries to revive the dead alien by zapping its brain with his electricity. Then he remembers that this is bottle space, not normal space, and that the aliens he killed were ancestors of the Bottle Coalition and therefore not him. He roams around the bottle planet, trying to assemble a spaceship to get back to his own world, but he has no experience with metalworking with bottle ores, so he simply digs a tunnel into the bottle planet's mantle and waits there for a few million years until the aliens above are advanced enough to provide him with a bottle spaceship. Unfortunately, when he reemerges, he finds that the bottle aliens are extinct and in their place are bottle dinosaurs, due to a bottle asteroid wiping all of the aliens out. Fortunately, the cyber soldier discovers that the bottle dinosaurs are so tall that he can climb up one of their necks and jump straight into space again. Unfortunately, his gun melted in the mantle of the bottle planet, so he must wait for several billion years before a bottle alien spaceship comes across him. These bottle aliens are from a different planet altogether, and they think of the cyber soldier as a monster. They stick him in their hold and release poisonous bottle gas into his cell, but the cyber soldier doesn't need to breathe and kicks down the door of the cell. He climbs into the conveniently large air vents and stalks each bottle alien one by one and kills them. However, the last bottle alien shoots a flamethrower at the cyber soldier. However, the cyber soldier is made of metal, and kills the bottle alien and flies the ship back to where he was before. However, the dimensional portal he goes through to get back to Earth releases his gun at the same time, which hits him on the head.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I frag grenade the assault drone.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I wonder what my Necronomicon does, then fire my gun at a cyber soldier. The cyber soldier cowers in fear, then wonders why he's not being hit with a bullet. Then I reveal that the bullet was a ploy to distract him from the robotic arm stealing his wallet. The cyber soldier, being a robot himself, feels betrayed by this, and slaps the robotic arm to smithereens. This triggers a hidden mechanism designed to release a swarm of bees onto the cyber soldier should the robotic arm be destroyed. Unfortunately, he is made of metal, and easily repels the bees. In return, I shake up a can of mutant hornets and throw it at the soldier, releasing a cloud of angry, armor-piercing insects on him. The cyber soldier runs in fear, shooting wildly and receiving several nasty puncture wounds for his trouble. He runs into a nearby building and closes the door, locking the hornets out. He laughs at them and instantly repairs his wounds with a can of metal polish, until he realizes that a robotic arm has stolen his heavy repeater and thrown it down a well.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I shoot Bio. Fortunately, the gun is loaded with fiber, which will help his bowel movements in the future. For the sake of convenience, the health is assigned to him right now.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I shoot the soldier.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I reload and shoot the weakest enemy.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I wonder why I'm still leveling up despite increasing damage, then shoot the officer.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I increase damage and shoot the deadeye.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I suppress the officer.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    Healing seems incredibly underpowered when enemies deal over 100 damage a hit on average.


    I take cover, move to the right, and put up a turret.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I liberally apply bandages to Bio. As his wounds are conservative, they and the bandages have a scuffle. The police come to break it up. Unfortunately for Bio, the police are Coalition police and beat him up, leaving him with even more wounds. Fortunately, those wounds are willing to make a deal with the bandages so Bio has less wounds than before.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I shoot at an enemy.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I move the elite grunt to another location. To be specific, the middle of the Berlin Wall at peak murderability.


    The grunt steps on a hidden landmine and blows up. His dense alien armor protects him, but leaves him disoriented as the guards nearby raise the alarm and focus floodlights onto the unexpected intruder. The guards fire madly into the grunt, and he shakes his head and charges for the wall. He scrambles through a field of barbed wire and anti-tank caltrops while the guards unload about a pound of lead into him. He punches through the concrete and runs through while the guards scratch their heads in confusion at the apparently invincible man who just stomped past all of their defenses.


    The elite grunt runs madly through the streets of Berlin as the whole city wakes up. He sees a sign - "Welcome to East Berlin!" As an alien who invaded Earth about a century after the Cold War, the elite grunt doesn't know his history and scrambles to the nearest police office to complain about the random strip of incredibly militarized land. He asks a scrawny officer who's in charge of setting land claims anyways, and why would they just put that there for anyone to barge into? The officer faints because a big alien dripping alien blood is talking to him. Also, he has anemia from not getting enough food because, well, Soviet Union. The elite grunt is annoyed, and goes somewhere else.


    He wanders out of East Berlin into a forest. Past the forest is a small, rustic town with a collective farm. There are some miserable-looking farmers on it, and the grunt decides to extort some information. He clomps over and grabs one by the neck, then raises him above the ground and yells menacingly to take him to their leader. The farmer doesn't speak English, of course. The grunt mumbles something about dirty Nazi immigrants and goes somewhere else, making sure to step all over the farm's potatoes in spite. Once the alien guy leaves, the farmers all look at the potatoes, which have grown into gigantic potato trees due to the grunt's alien armor leaving behind alien metal bits everywhere, which apparently work as great potato fertilizer. The farmers all dance and wave their straw hats around underneath the trees as potatoes rain down above them.


    Walking across rivers, through towns full of gaping villagers, and into another city, the elite grunt notices that he needs a bath. He goes to a big building topped with a colorful onion-like roof and asks where the bathrooms are. The receptionist doesn't speak English either and instead runs screaming down the halls. The elite grunt is annoyed at how these people all seem to treat their jobs with disrespect. Kids these days! Back when he was a young recruit to the Coalition force, the grunt was forced to run twenty miles uphill in the snow just to go the the refrigerator to get some orange juice. Yes, oranges exist on the Coalition's native planet. He stands at the desk thinking about his childhood when suddenly some security guards appear, along with Joseph Stalin himself. Stalin asks the elite grunt in heavily accented English what he's doing here. The grunt is not familiar with humans and recognizes Stalin's bushy mustache as a Tanabaranian 4B Hypno-Parasite, and punches Stalin in the face. Stalin falls to the floor, clutching his upper lip, and the guards fire upon the grunt with wild abandon. Stalin gets up, revealing his face to be smooth, clean, and free of facial hair. He tells the guards to stop firing, and proclaims the elite grunt to be a Soviet Union First Class Hero for removing the strange alien beast controlling his thoughts. Stalin returns to his desk and drafts an alliance message to the United States, pledging to stop the oppression of his subjects and to forever be a pacifistic society. The elite grunt is escorted to the front desk, where a crowd of press is waiting to snap a picture of the Soviet hero who released the USSR from a monster's grip. He basks in his fame before he is moved somewhere else. Namely, right here in the present, where Stalin killed millions of Ukrainians and didn't have potato trees to give food to everyone. The elite grunt doesn't know this, however, and in fact has forgotten everything he just did, and gets back to firing at these Resistance humans. Then for some reason he is suddenly hurt with about the same amount of damage as a shot from a gun.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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