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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I take cover and build a sentry.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I obliterate the captain with my minimum damage.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I throw my frag grenade at the captain.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I attach a leather strap to my pants, turning it into suspenders. The suspension in combination with my already-suspended pants causes my pants to choke me, rendering me unconscious. The hipster gods strike me down for using leather instead of vinyl, but since I'm already laying down, the strike rolls over and strikes me up, healing me.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I place down a sentry, get under cover, and move away from the enemies.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I engage the lieutenant in a game of chess. Unbeknownst to him, I have swapped his pieces with a set doused in vinegar. As he is a lieutenant, and thus closely related to the lyetenant, the lieutenant's hands turn into sodium acetate and water, severely dampening his ability to attack.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I open a crate and reload if possible.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I snap my fingers. Coincidentally, both enemies suffer from a rare congenital heart disorder that causes their hearts to explode whenever they hear a snap.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    How is it that they were alerted? All of the attacks were stealthy. Were we supposed to ignore the enemies and move straight to the VIP without killing anyone?


    I get under cover and throw a mason jar of strawberry jam onto the floor. The jam jams all electronics nearby, delaying the enemies from alerting the rest of the base.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I throw a rock in the other direction, hoping to distract the enemies. The rock falls into a bush, which makes one of them look in that direction. I quietly sneak up to him and get ready to snap his neck, but suddenly the enemy is struck in the head by a steel girder dropping from above us. It turns out that the rock fell through the bush, landed on a control panel, pressing a button, activating a bulldozer, which drove into a brick wall, demolishing it. The wall was Donald Trump's Great Wall, allowing a flood of bad hombres through, who proceeded to make America bad again. This caused America to start another world war by nuking China, causing Chinese bootlegs to stop. The bootlegs no longer inspired other bootleggers to make bootlegs, and since there are no more bootlegs, nobody can afford anything any more. The world economy crashes, causing stock prices to drop, causing stock graphs to look like big jagged red lines going into toilet bowls, increasing the sale of toilets among stock investors, increasing the toilet economy, returning jobs to America (primarily in the toilet sector), and returning the world economy to normal. As a result of this, toilets are no longer required for stock graphs, causing the toilet economy to crash, causing toilet prices to inflate to exorbitantly high prices, causing billions of people to hold off on buying a toilet and just do their business on the street, which results in mass pandemics. Disease sweeps the Earth, and death sweeps after it. The world is reduced to a population of several hundred million overnight. The Coalition is okay with this, and does absolutely nothing. However, this raises the ire of the humans, who hold a referendum to impeach the Coalition, which passes. The Coalition is replaced with the Labor Party, who is then replaced with the Conservative Party, who is then replaced with the Green Party, who is then replaced with the Bull Moose Party, who is then replaced with the Party Party, who is then replaced with the Galactic Senate, who is then replaced by the Sverigedemokraterna Party, who is then replaced by Stephen Hawking's Time Traveler Party, who is then replaced by the Coalition again, who, in order to keep control of the population, legislates a new law saying that all Coalition soldiers must have a steel girder dropped on them.

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    posted a message on Item Fight 3: Bigger, Better, The Opposite of Badder

    I make America great again by building a wall of cement around myself to absorb any attacks towards me.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    Hard. I also reload.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I research some items. Also, I feel like we should be able to buy items in missions. If not all the time, maybe at certain points within the mission.


    Ballistics Gel Armor [$130]: 200 health. Wearer takes half damage from attacks, armor takes half of that reduced damage. Also halves moving speed.


    Invincibility Candy [$160]: Makes you invincible for 3 rounds. Attacks from close range deal 1.5x damage.


    Restroom [$250]: 350 health. Acts as medium cover. One person at a time can go inside it, completely shielding themselves from damage for the round (the Restroom takes all of it) and regenerating 15% of their health. They are booted out at the beginning of the next round. Does not follow between areas.


    Steroids [$100]: Grants an additional 200 maximum health for the rest of the mission, but lowers actual health to 20.


    Anchor Arms [$80]: Reduces incoming damage by 15% when in use and has a 25% chance to stun on hit, but can only hit at close range. 8 uses.


    Handful of MRSA [$50]: Target deals 15% less damage, takes 15% more damage, and spreads effects to other enemies within a 5x5 tile radius after enemy actions. Lasts 2 rounds, but enemies who have worn off the effects are not immune. Enemies will move away from infected (one tile without needing an action, two tiles with action), but infected can be pushed towards enemies at half normal moving speed.


    The Machina [$160]: Takes one turn to charge up, but pierces through enemies in a straight line (so if you're one tile up and one tile left of an enemy, and another enemy is one tile down and right of that enemy, both enemies are hit). 3 ammo.


    Robobot Armor [$340]: Has 1.5x the health of its wearer. Allows wearer to copy an enemy in lieu of a normal action, giving the wearer a unique power; the power is removed if the wearer is attacked. Armor regenerates 7.5% of its health per round.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I use the last vestiges of my strength to bop the siegemaster on the nose.

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    posted a message on Rise of the Coalition | That's all she wrote.

    I reload and choose minimum damage.

    Posted in: Forum Games
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