Quote from Mixmaster1190
Windows Vista, there's your problem
Exception_Access_violation=Java can't get a certain action to perform because your computer won't allow it.
Windows Vista/7 UAC.
Disable UAC (You might be able to fix it by running Minecraft as administrator, but I haven't tested that.)
tytyty, figuring out how to do that asap. Stuuuupid Vista--eerrrrrrrr. It's given me so many problems. I "inherited" this crappy Dell laptop a few months ago when my desktop pooped out. Thx again <3
Edit -- UAC disabled! :-*