This is really one of the more amazing apps out there. The length wasn't really an issue as the writing was definitely worth the read. Your character is very interesting and well developed, and while it was a little strange you didn't have a proper skin posted, I'm sure you'll find one before you play. Regardless of that, welcome to the server! Go say hello on our forum if you haven't already at http://aneria.enjin.com
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Jul 26, 2013Pubble123 posted a message on THE ANERIAN CHRONICLES [RP][Airships][Classes][Player-Driven-Story][Extensive Lore]Posted in: PC Servers
Jul 10, 2013Pubble123 posted a message on THE ANERIAN CHRONICLES [RP][Airships][Classes][Player-Driven-Story][Extensive Lore]REJECTEDPosted in: PC Servers
Swagasm, your app was very obviously a trolling app. I hope now you feel like you have achieved something of great importance and I wish you luck in your life. You may not apply again, if you ever felt like being serious. Have a nice day.
Jul 6, 2013Pubble123 posted a message on THE ANERIAN CHRONICLES [RP][Airships][Classes][Player-Driven-Story][Extensive Lore]DaedraDemon:Posted in: PC Servers
Good work on the app, and congrats! Welcome to the server!
Jun 2, 2013DEFFERED:Posted in: PC Servers
I understand that Wheatley is taking your apps, but I have been asked to look over yours by staff because you have been waiting so long. Apologies for that, now on to the notes:
I read the old one and Wheatley's notes and it has improved, but there are still a couple things that need sorting. First, your strengths and weaknesses need some work, by that I mean that you have some strengths marked as weaknesses, and you didn't read the top of the Strengths section; using a weapon/tool outside your class is NOT a weakness (I'm referring to the sword-thing here).
Another thing that bugged me was how there are so many different class attributes in your bio. You say your class is Labourer, yet you mention many aspects about ALL the classes. Choose your class and follow through with what that class can do, I.E farming. You can still want to be a mage and all, but just sort your bio out so your character isn't a jack of all trades here.
Lastly, you were told by Wheatley to flesh out your ICRs and you did, but I think it would do you the world of good to add that little bit extra to them. Make them interesting. Surprise us if you can. It all helps
I cannot say if I or Wheatley will review your next app, but we have been fair and given a similar review to each. I wish you luck on your next application, and sorry again for keeping you waiting so long.
May 18, 2013Deffered: ReconditusPosted in: PC Servers
This is actually a very good app, well done on that! There is just one crucial thing that is bugging us whitelisters. And thats the strengths and weaknesses section. Weaknesses in particular. They just aren't all good enough weaknesses. Every superman has his kryptonite, so dig deep on this one. Look for emotional and physical weaknesses that would actually affect his role-play. Not just as combat weaknesses (though those need work too) but some normal day to day ones. Look through some of the highly commended accepted apps if you are really stuck.
The only other thing was your understanding of the Medori, or Fallen. Your bio makes it sound like the island collision has already happened. At this point the people of the main city know nothing of the Medori. If you just edit this out and change your answer about who the Fallen are so it makes more sense with the lore that would be great. Again, looking at other apps that have been accepted is a must. I wish you luck and look forward to seeing your second attempt.
Apr 30, 2013Jasonbladex: DEFFEREDPosted in: PC Servers
Alright, this is a big one. The last guy to post an app like this got rejected on the spot. I decided not to do this to yours, and to give you a chance to try again. And to REALLY try. I'm sorry if this seems a bit harsh, but this app looks like it lacks ANY sort of effort. It also looks like you didn't even read the instructions on how to make an app. Lets break it down shall we?
First, people are only allowed to kill each other IC if both consent to the action. Second, players can only use magic if they complete the correct courses at the Acadamy. PLEASE read the rules and lore properly.
Moving on to the bio. It's too short. And thats an understatement. Minimum wording is 400 and this looks like 100. Your bio is very important, as it sums up your characters entire LIFE up until present moment. It gives reason for their personality and goals, and is usually creative and interesting. This goes for the IC responses too. Also, the person who was going to be your brother has been rejected, so you may have to rethink things there.
Your goal is too short and overdone. Think about this again after re-doing your bio. It needs more interest and story to go with it. Be creative.
Your strengths are ok, but adding to them is wise. Your weaknesses however, need a lot more added to them. It looks like one thing that you just repeated with the whole "anger" thing.
In the ICR, the armed men are not guards, why would they defend the Capitol? The other responses are dull and short, and need to be more creative.
I hope you realize I am not trying to be rude or mean, but the other Whitelisters would have rejected you on the spot. Please have a look at past apps that have been accepted to get an idea. Go over all the stuff on the list above, and make an effort on it. It is a lot of work but if you really want to join us, its worth the extra hard work. However I will issue a warning. Since this app was really rejection worthy, I will only give you ONE chance to re-do this. I wish you the best of luck.
Apr 1, 2013ACCEPTED.Posted in: PC Servers
that was a much better app this time around. Sometimes I think apps don't entirely capture how the player would RP, or if they would RP well. ICRs for example. Things happen way more randomly in game, because another player controls the other side, making it hard to guess what they may say, which means more improv, which usually means interesting RP.
All that aside, I liked your app and think you'll fit in just fine here. Welcome to the server! I'll go pencil ya in now.
Apr 1, 2013Posted in: PC ServersQuote from The carl
I'm not sure how to change the ICRs to make Ultan more unique. I've tried adding some parts to the responses, but it doesn't change them or him very much, it just makes them a bit longer.
longer is always a start, but just think of a way to make his action's less generic. Adding unique dialogue is one way, but if you tried to redo your strengths/weaknesses, you can use that in your ICRs. Us white-listers use ICRs as a way to gauge your RP skills and also as a way to get to know your character apart from the bio. It's like the bio continued in a way. I can't tell you exactly what to write, but I hope this was helpful at all.
Apr 1, 2013DEFFERED.Posted in: PC Servers
Carl97, I would like you to try again with this app. There are just a couple of small things you could fix;
A longer bio would be great, with a bit more detail about things please. Also, in one part he sounds like a thief/hobo, and I don't think you can make a makeshift forge out of hobo stuff, haha.
If you could add a little more character to your ICR, to make your character a bit more unique. Give it a twist only that person would do!
And finally, please try and redo your Strengths and Weaknesses. What you listed for both parts are not really strengths or weaknesses. Think more emotional. Have a look at other apps and see what I mean.
I hope you understand, these are small things and if these things are fixed then you have a good chance of getting in next time ok? If you are unsure about your app, contact a whitelister, or go on the site http://aneria.enjin.com/ and ask about it. We are always willing to help or answer questions
Hope to see your redone app soon! Also, Deremotive, I won't review your app till its all there. Just post it when you can, ok?
Mar 30, 2013ACCEPTED.Posted in: PC Servers
this was a bit of a close shave, not for a bad app, but because we think your character may be slightly too badass for a craftsman. However, I think that you can role play well, and that you will be careful not to be OP in game. So welcome to the server, I hope to see you there!
Quote from welknair
No. You're terrifying.
SHHH! Keep it down! My smiley profile picture isn't always enough to fool everyone!
Mar 30, 2013C'mon guys! We need more applicants! Because reading them is always fun for me!Posted in: PC Servers
(also don't be scared. I'm the nice white-lister. Apparently.)
Mar 29, 2013Out of Character InformationPosted in: PC Servers
Real-Life Age: 15
Do you have a Skype? If so, what is your Skype Name? (This is by no means required and holds no weight on your acceptance. We just use Skype a lot): You guys have my Skype, but just in case: issie.loseby
Have you read all of the rules, agree to abide by them, and by the decisions of our staff?: Of course
What is the definition of “Power gaming”?:
Power gaming is when a player shows an extreme amount of power that his/her character should not be capable of. It also applies to situations when a player does not give the other player a chance to respond or a chance at winning at all. E.g.: Steve swung his mighty blade that is unbreakable at Fred’s head and sliced through his neck, killing him. He then gets all the money and girls because he is awesome. (Seriously people don’t do this… it won’t end well)
What is the definition of “Metagaming”?:
Metagaming is when a player uses information that they learned OOC in the game. E.g.: Steve notices that on the forum Fred has posted that his character is allergic to daisies. He then proceeds to send Fred a malicious bouquet of daisies, even though he has never met Fred before IC. Another example is when someone says, “I think someone is eavesdropping on us…” just because they can see the other player’s IGN through the wall. Nobody likes stalkers.
What is the definition of “Roleplay”?:
Roleplaying is when you create a character and live out their lives pretending to be them and controlling their every move, thus creating a story for the character.
Who can use flymod, X-ray and other such clientsided mods?:
When are you allowed to cause the death of another character?:
Never, unless the player you are trying to kill has organized an RP death with you OOC and agrees to it. Literally just walking up and hitting a player until they die so you can run off with their items is NOT okay and will probably result in a penalty.
When are you allowed to speak out of character?:
When you are asking questions about the server and requesting help OOC. This must be done with either (( )) around your speech or in the OOC channel. OOC does not mean you can spam nonsense.
Have you read the primary server lore of our server and agree to role-play in accordance with it?:
Yes I have. The lore is awesome btw.
Who is allowed to use magic?:
No player may start with magic (unless given special permission) and in order to use any kind of magic players must attend the Academy and finish it’s courses.
Who are the Fallen?:
A group of people living on floating islands that were separated from the mainland during the Ascension of the Islands. They have lived separate from “normal people” and have simple lives and housing. They also seem to have a stronger sense of magic than others.
When and how did our current government come to be?:
169 A.R when the former monarchy was overthrown and replaced with a Chancellor and a three branched system to keep the land at peace and in order.
Who are the Order of Aradin?:
Originally formed to protect the Chancellery, and to keep order from the sky, but have now are not as strong as before and have fallen apart. There is hope now though that these Sky-Knights will return to their former glory, but we’ll see.
What are the Net and Essence?
The Net is a barrier that catches individuals that fall off the edge of the islands. It teleports them back to where they were safe and sound. Essence is essentially XP that is gained from overcoming obstacles and completing challenges. Players with more Essence are less likely to lose items when falling into the Net. Mages can harness it for spell casting, and it can also be stored in emeralds and sold by merchants.
What previous roleplay experience have you had, if any?:
Silver Age, Book of Halegron, Shrines of the Ancients. And now I feel all veteran-y.
If you have played on other RP servers, please say which and why you left: The ones previously stated above, and I left with everyone else because they mainly exploded. Or finished. Yup.
Name: Jasmine Collins
Class: Laborer (but her job is a bardess)
Physical description: Scrawny stature, medium height, long red hair and bright blue eyes. Not too bad looking (heh heh… can I say that?) Always carries her lyre and book for song writing. Is sometimes seen with her pet bird, which is a colourful parrot she calls Rathmus.
Screen capture of your skin: http://imgur.com/pYEdEAW
I can change the skin later if I have to, but this is basically what she looks like. Yep. Another red head
Biography (Minimum 400 words. Cannot include loved ones being killed, kidnapped, tortured, or the like, unless you can do it in a non-cliché manner.):
When Jasmine was born, her family was indeed saddened by the loss of her mother, who had died in childbirth. Jasmine did not understand at the time of course, being so young. But as she grew older she learnt the truth, and came to secretly blame herself for her mother’s death. Other than that, life was pretty normal for her. Her father was a great man, that she and Eddie looked up to, and while he did his best to keep the family going, it was tricky for Jasmine to grow up without her mother. But she had discovered early on in life that sometimes it is better for everyone if she pretended she was fine. She didn’t want other people to worry. Despite all this, Jasmine found she had a passion for music after she was given a lyre for her 6th birthday. She spent her free time reading any song or poetry books she could find, thus teaching her the basics of reading and rhyme. Around the age of 8 she was given a colourful bird for her birthday, which she named Rathmus. The bird was free to fly wherever it pleased, and to catch it’s own food, but it always returned to Jasmine, as it was a loyal companion. With no mother around to teach her, she tried teaching herself how to cook whenever Eddie and her father went out to matches. Eddie was getting quite good at the sport of cockfighting, but Jasmine didn’t really see the appeal. One day a few years later, when they were out again, Jasmine was trying out a new recipe from her mother’s cookbook. She was doing okay with it, as she had been practicing, but while she was minding the stove, something outside the window caught her eye. Her eyes flew open in shock. In one of the fields she saw a stray cat poking something with its paw. It was Rathmus! He was lying limp on the dirt, with what looked like a broken wing. Without thinking, Jasmine dashed out of the house towards the cat, forgetting all about the meal she was cooking in her haste. As she neared, the cat snatched up her bird in its jaws and sprinted into the town. From then on it was chaos. Jasmine chased the cat through several streets, not giving up yet always out of reach. Finally she managed to corner the cat and get Rathmus back. He was all right minus some scratches and his broken wing, but as Jasmine walked back into the marketplace she heard a merchant call out. Word was spreading of smoke seen near some fields on the edge of town. She couldn’t believe it. Not her house. But… the cooking! It must be! Cursing herself for being so foolish, Jasmine sprinted back to the house with Rathmus safely inside her coat. The inferno that once was her home spewed black smoke like an angry dragon. Jasmine hovered outside, not sure what to do. That’s when she heard it. Her father’s voice shouting her name. Before she could reply, a great crash was heard, followed by her father’s cry of pain. Then there was nothing except the roaring of the blaze. Eyes almost blinded by smoke, Jasmine stumbled through the wreckage and flames, trying to find her father. She turned, about to give up and flee, when she heard her big brother yelling out for father. She moved past a beam to see him shaking a crumpled ashen figure. Jasmine froze up and only just managed to utter a quiet “Eddie...?” How he heard her she’ll never know, but he turned and grabbed her, running out of the building, yelling something to the flames. Jasmine couldn’t understand the words; she was in too much in shock. This was all her fault. All her fault… again.
Jasmine strummed the last note on her lyre as the crowd applauded her. It felt good to be working at this sort of trade. It felt like what she was meant to do. “Besides screwing up, you mean?” a little voice in her head sneered. She knew full well how the fire happened, but she would never tell Eddie. She couldn’t. He was the last family member she had. She couldn’t lose him too. Jasmine sighed as she packed her music sheets away, and walked out of the tavern. One-day things will change. Maybe then, even a rotten human being like her could set things right again. Everything was fine.
((Sorry it’s so long!))
What is your character’s main goal? (Motivation):
To someday become a famous singer and songwriter, or at least to get famous enough to earn a steady living off of it. She also wants to experience the world that she has heard songs about, to go on an adventure someday, if she feels brave enough.
Strengths (Both physical and personality):
Jasmine always seems to try to look on the bright side, and to others she seems constantly cheery, despite what happened to her parents. She is stubborn (in the good sense) and has a pretty strong will when it comes to things she believes in. She also is very musically talented with her voice and her lyre, and does her best to make her living this way. She can read and write, and is quite good at coming up with verse, since she learned these skills from poetry books and songs. Because of her thin/light figure, she can run quite fast, as this is mainly her only choice when it comes to fight or flee situations.
Weaknesses (Both physical and personality. Not knowing how to do something that is outside of your class is not a weakness. IE not knowing how to use bows and magic, if you are a swordsman.):
She can be naïve at times, mainly because of being so sheltered by her older brother, and despite his protection has a knack for getting herself in trouble. She is pretty weak physically, and would be very hard to train in any sort of combat. Her constant cheer and bright outlook on the world is mostly true, but a lot of it is an act, just part of her job as an entertainer. She tends to trust people a little too easily, but it not entirely stupid. She also hates getting money from her brother, simply out of guilt for everything that happened, but would never tell him this.
Does your character have any connections to currently-existing characters or characters yet to be accepted? If so, which? (See “Character Linking Aid”. Please post a link to the topic.):
Jasmine is Edward (Eddie) Collin’s little sister. This character belongs to WheatleyLabs777
In-Character-Responses (ICRs. For each scenario, write at least a paragraph describing entirely in-character how your character would respond to the situation. Your ICRs will be used to see how well you can RP. Please post them as if in IC chat. An example can be found after this form.)
Walking down the streets of the Capitol, you encounter a pair of heavily armed and armoured men harassing a young girl.
Jasmine wore a panicked expression as she fumbled quietly for her lyre. “This is such a stupid idea… here goes.” She whispered as she twisted the tuning gears on her lyre and then suddenly strummed as loudly as she could. The two thugs yelled out and clasped their ears in pain and surprise as they turned around and furiously made a grab for Jasmine. But Jasmine was ready for them… sort of. She turned and sprinted away down another street, turning briefly to make sure they were both following her. They were. “OhcrudohcrudohcrudohcrudohCRUD!” Jasmine hoped the guards would help, but it didn’t look like there were any around. Where were they? Jasmine noticed she had blindly headed towards one of the taverns her brother sometimes liked to go in the evenings. Jasmine dashed into the tavern and skidded to a halt, only to be snatched by the arm by one of the thugs. “Gotcha! Little b**ch! Oh…” His grin fell as he realized something. They had found the guards.
A man approaches you with a proposition - Go to Bloodstone and retrieve something for him, and you will be well rewarded.
Jasmine laughed at the idea. “You want me to go to Bloodstone? Sir, I think you are terribly mistaken. I may be in need of coin but not enough to die painfully. I’ll just continue with my song writing thank you very much!”
You pass an old man lying on the side of the street, begging for food.
Jasmine felt sympathy for the old man. She knew what it could be like to be in his place. She had been there once too, when she was younger and she and her brother had to struggle to get back on their feet after the fire. She reached into her satchel and found her last coin from her performance the other night. She handed it to the old man with a smile. When he asked her if she was sure she simply replied, “No that’s fine, really. I can probably make more soon… I just wish I could give you more, that’s all.” Before walking off with a smile and a wave. When she was further away her smile turned into a worried expression. She now had to worry about finding another slot at the tavern. She felt too guilty about getting money from her brother or getting his help. So she just pretended everything was fine… wasn’t it?
In a tavern, a slightly inebriated fellow insults your mother.
The rude yell could be heard over Jasmine’s song and even managed to turn a few heads in the tavern, but Jasmine was used to this by now. It was all part of the job. She just kept singing and smiling, trying hard to fight back the tears that threatened to ruin this vital business opportunity. She assured herself silently that she was fine. That it was all fine. Why shouldn’t it be?
You take a liking to a beautiful necklace a passing woman wears.
The glimmer of the beautiful necklace was indeed impressive, but if Jasmine had the money for something like that, she would rather have a new songbook or maybe even a new lyre. Besides, why would she want a necklace other than her mother’s? She was glad that at least it had survived the fire. Then again… she should probably save her money for a present for Eddie. What would he want, anyway? Jasmine wandered through the market pondering this.
Do you have any questions about the server or our lore?
Just one? Do you even lift? (haha sorry, no I haven’t got any questions)
I work for the llama protection society; can I get a discount on this?
Mar 28, 2013Please remember to keep non-app posts to a minimum. It makes the white-listers job easier.Posted in: PC Servers
Mar 27, 2013ACCEPTED.Posted in: PC Servers
This was a great app, you showed a clear understanding of lore and the rules, and your character is well structured and realistic. Your ICRs after the first one could have been longer, but at the same time I say that you clearly displayed your character's personality and intent through them, so good job! I particularly liked how your bio isn't a ten page long book about your past that is overdone and unoriginal. Normally people use bio for backstory (e.g childhood and up) but you showed that you can write a shorter bio that is closer to present, yet shows us EXACTLY who your character is and who he wants to be. Again, kudos dude! Hope you have fun on the server when it opens!
Dec 18, 2012Pubble123 posted a message on Shrines of the Ancients Roleplay [RP][Factions][Player-Driven Story]Zaros25: ACCEPTEDPosted in: PC Servers
Well, I looked over your latest try and it is better, though I think your actual rp could be improved, but maybe it would be better to improve IG don't you think? I saw how you said that no one wanted to talk to you in your last server, and is there any reason for that? I suppose your app is now up to scratch to be accepted, but on the server be friendly, be understanding and considerate of others, follow the rules of course and it will go awesomely. Welcome to the server! I'll add you as soon as possible.
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