Quote from niloc692
Don't mean to be rude, but you're missing a few key things.
- Personality: The very essence of your character is to be described here, and it's blank. Problematic.
- RP Example: This example is little more than jumbled dialogue, while it shows you can talk with the technicalities expected of a protectron, it does little else to show me you could tackle one on one RP, or even combat RP for that matter. It's a cool little tid-bit you've added, but I suggest writing something different to give you a wider range to work with.
- Background: A number of things here make this a bumpy road. For one, the father who loved his son more than anything left him completely alone at the age of 8 to go on military tours and serve on duty? There is no way an 8 year old could provide for themselves for an extended period of time as you suggest here. Also, regarding DI-74, I am afraid this is not going to work, and if it does, it won't be as you described. Fully functional Artificial Intelligences were not deployed into combat bots at the time of the war, the government was focused on other things, and AI's in the game are actually very rare. To simply have an NCR soldier pick one up with no description seems nigh near impossible, and with all the work you'd have to go through to explain why it was there, how it was there, what it was even doing, what it's purpose was, yada yada yada, I believe it would be easier to just drop it. You can make a unique character without diving into left field. Also, you say his father was killed by Legion? That's quite the distance from the NCR Shady Sands to anyplace where the Legion would even be, you know.
This app has a few problems here, but it's nothing that can't be fixed. Little hard work and you'll be in in no time, until then,
For one, I do have a personality. I see how it can be misleading because it's on the next line because there is two, one for Asher and one for the AI.
As for the RP example , I wouldn't say the dialogue is jumbled, because it does follow a logical chain of events.It says no where that I have to include actions such as fighting, just dialogue, which has been included. While it is a bit of a glorified monologue, I see no where that says that that is not acceptable.
As of the background, besides the fact that I never stated anywhere that the father loved his son more than anything in the world (you might have misread the sentence saying Asher loved his father more than anything in the world and construed it as that). And if he did, he would probably try to provide for his son however possible, and if that means going off and fighting in the NCR military, then so be it. There are also several instances of orphans and young children surviving alone in fallout (such as Little Lamplight). Also, it would not be inconceivable for an NCR soldier from Shady Sands to go fight in the Mojave Wasteland, where the NCR - Legion war took place. On a bit of a side note, that war started in 2277, which would have made Asher 12, and his father died in combat when he was 13, and the server starts in 2279, when Asher would have been 14 so the timing is perfect too.
When I was writing about the AI, I was not aware that I had to do a backstory for it as well as write about how his father found it. I thought it was good enough to say "his father found it" since it's really just a way for my character to talk to himself. Also, no where does it say that it was an AI from a government robot, or pre-war. In fact, I would find it quite odd if it were to be manufactured by the government, considering it wanted to kill all the meatbags. It's possible that it was put together post-war by someone such as Mr. House, which would also explain it;s location. If you have any other unanswered questions, tell me and I'll see if I can answer them