Bennett signaled to the bartender. "I'd like a martini. Nothing else," he said. The bartender nodded, and turned back around to get his drink. After a moment, the bartender turned back around and handed Bennett his drink. Bennett passed a couple coins over, and turned around, leaning back on the counter. His eyes scanned the crowd, looking for someone, as he took a sip from his glass.
* Your name: Bennett Emerson
* Alcohal level: Sober
* Condition: Reserved
* Location: Bar counter
* Money: Equivalent to $492
* Your name: Bennett Emerson
* Alcohal level: Sober
* Condition: Reserved
* Location: Bar counter
* Money: Equivalent to $500
Bennett entered the bar, dusting his neatly-ironed suit off. He frowned, muttering, "Crazy lot they are, dashing all over town. Almost got my suit covered in dust." He avoided colliding into a couple tipsy individuals, neatly sidestepping them. Grimacing, he ignored the loud and rowdy drinkers, heading straight for the counter. This better be the right place.
This work is quite nice. I liked it. As I was about to read it, I was expecting third-person kind of writing. I don't know why, since they were the four horsemen. But how you chose one horseman, and narrated the story through him was interesting. Certainly gives a different feel. Really brings you right up to the characters. It shows the horsemen through a different lens. Looking forward to the next chapters.
The only things that slightly put me off as I was reading were the errors in writing that occurred every once and a while. For example, you wrote, "My job had begone..." Reading that in context, I assumed you meant to write "begun." Just a simple homophonic mistake, but it caught my eye. There were a couple other errors, but only a few. I don't know, I tend to be picky with that sort of stuff, especially if it came from a final product that was meant to be presented to others. That's why it pains me to read most stories concocted by others here in this Section. But this story, I can tell you put real effort into it, and I applaud you for that. Keep up the good work :smile.gif:
((Hm. I saw that as well, but some applications contradicted that statement. Alright then, I guess I'll post an application later. Save a spot for me Feokris :wink.gif: ))
Cole looked back up, his ears picking up what Grandtree was saying. He didn't have a glass to raise. "Err..." he shrugged, watching to see how everyone else would respond.
((Lol, the irony of Stingray's last statement was somewhat amusing. Because in reality, obsidian is a very common rock found around volcanoes, and are very easy to tell apart from any other sort of rock. A bit of irony?))
[Lunch Buddies]
Cole listened in silence. He had not idea that the crew was so able-bodied. It seemed like Grandtree hadn't just chosen any random people, but people who would be of actual use. Cole sunk into his seat. He was good for anything but music. "No, I'm honestly fine. I already ate here earlier, so I'm still full."
Cole frowned even more, listening to Scott's voice. The voice reminded him of his father's voice, no matter how hard he tried to forget about that. The way he talked reminded him of his father too. "I already ate here before hand, thank you for offering," he replied to Scott. He sat down, next to the rest of the crew, eyeing them.
Cole looked up at Ulrich. "Grandtree? Wait..." he paused. With a gasp, he pulled out his invitation. Scott Grandtree. "Oh! You never told me we were going to meet that crew," he exclaimed. He was cut short by the rude acknowledgement, however. Cole looked over, to see him... a bit tipsy. Cole frowned. "HE'S Grandtree...? Wait- that man," he mumbled. "He's the one who got rid of the muggers," he whispered to Ulrich, "The ones who always took money from me!" Cole's disgust for the man who slightly resembled the way his father acted momentarily disappeared as he remembered how grateful he was. "Er... Hi. My name's Cole Verdi. I received an... invitation for the, you know, the voyage," he said to Scott.
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((Only one bartender? I'm sure this bar would have more than one...))
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Nope, that's a Gameboy Light. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_Boy Scroll down to Gameboy Light. Gameboy Color is this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_Boy_Color. Different than the Gameboy Light.
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* Your name: Bennett Emerson
* Alcohal level: Sober
* Condition: Reserved
* Location: Bar counter
* Money: Equivalent to $492
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0
* Your name: Bennett Emerson
* Alcohal level: Sober
* Condition: Reserved
* Location: Bar counter
* Money: Equivalent to $500
Bennett entered the bar, dusting his neatly-ironed suit off. He frowned, muttering, "Crazy lot they are, dashing all over town. Almost got my suit covered in dust." He avoided colliding into a couple tipsy individuals, neatly sidestepping them. Grimacing, he ignored the loud and rowdy drinkers, heading straight for the counter. This better be the right place.
0
The only things that slightly put me off as I was reading were the errors in writing that occurred every once and a while. For example, you wrote, "My job had begone..." Reading that in context, I assumed you meant to write "begun." Just a simple homophonic mistake, but it caught my eye. There were a couple other errors, but only a few. I don't know, I tend to be picky with that sort of stuff, especially if it came from a final product that was meant to be presented to others. That's why it pains me to read most stories concocted by others here in this Section. But this story, I can tell you put real effort into it, and I applaud you for that. Keep up the good work :smile.gif:
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Cole looked back up, his ears picking up what Grandtree was saying. He didn't have a glass to raise. "Err..." he shrugged, watching to see how everyone else would respond.
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[Lunch Buddies]
Cole listened in silence. He had not idea that the crew was so able-bodied. It seemed like Grandtree hadn't just chosen any random people, but people who would be of actual use. Cole sunk into his seat. He was good for anything but music. "No, I'm honestly fine. I already ate here earlier, so I'm still full."
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Cole frowned even more, listening to Scott's voice. The voice reminded him of his father's voice, no matter how hard he tried to forget about that. The way he talked reminded him of his father too. "I already ate here before hand, thank you for offering," he replied to Scott. He sat down, next to the rest of the crew, eyeing them.
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Cole looked up at Ulrich. "Grandtree? Wait..." he paused. With a gasp, he pulled out his invitation. Scott Grandtree. "Oh! You never told me we were going to meet that crew," he exclaimed. He was cut short by the rude acknowledgement, however. Cole looked over, to see him... a bit tipsy. Cole frowned. "HE'S Grandtree...? Wait- that man," he mumbled. "He's the one who got rid of the muggers," he whispered to Ulrich, "The ones who always took money from me!" Cole's disgust for the man who slightly resembled the way his father acted momentarily disappeared as he remembered how grateful he was. "Er... Hi. My name's Cole Verdi. I received an... invitation for the, you know, the voyage," he said to Scott.