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I have tried 3 different ways to fix the issue. I have tried turning off my firewall completely, I have tried re-directing the java the launcher uses to the newest version, I have tried uninstalling and re-installing both minecraft and java (including nuking my .minecraft folder), and I have tried to go under advanced computer settings and under environment settings, added the _JAVA_OPTIONS thing. Nothing has worked thus far, and I am still getting the same error message. Please help me.

C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\javaw.exe (0x00DB0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\ntdll.dll (0x77D20000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\KERNEL32.DLL (0x76EB0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\KERNELBASE.dll (0x755F0000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\apphelp.dll (0x63F80000)
C:\WINDOWS\AppPatch\AcLayers.DLL (0x63440000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\msvcrt.dll (0x75520000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\USER32.dll (0x76C80000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\win32u.dll (0x77400000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\GDI32.dll (0x77CF0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\gdi32full.dll (0x77500000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\SHELL32.dll (0x75830000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\cfgmgr32.dll (0x77330000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\windows.storage.dll (0x77660000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\combase.dll (0x77020000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\ucrtbase.dll (0x77420000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\RPCRT4.dll (0x76DE0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\SspiCli.dll (0x747E0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\CRYPTBASE.dll (0x747D0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\bcryptPrimitives.dll (0x75410000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\sechost.dll (0x76C10000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\powrprof.dll (0x748F0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\advapi32.dll (0x77BF0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\shlwapi.dll (0x748A0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\kernel.appcore.dll (0x755E0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\shcore.dll (0x76F90000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\profapi.dll (0x77CE0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\OLEAUT32.dll (0x75480000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\msvcp_win.dll (0x77370000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\SETUPAPI.dll (0x74F10000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\MPR.dll (0x73D50000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\sfc.dll (0x004C0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\WINSPOOL.DRV (0x65490000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\bcrypt.dll (0x73F70000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\sfc_os.DLL (0x70450000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\SortWindows61.dll (0x5C440000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\IMM32.DLL (0x74940000)
C:\WINDOWS\WinSxS\x86_microsoft.windows.common-controls_6595b64144ccf1df_6.0.14393.0_none_74bc87d3d22d9abe\COMCTL32.dll (0x64020000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\msvcr100.dll (0x02210000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\client\jvm.dll (0x6CEC0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\PSAPI.DLL (0x76C70000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\VERSION.dll (0x73D40000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\WSOCK32.dll (0x6A640000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\WINMM.dll (0x73E50000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\WS2_32.dll (0x77C70000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\WINMMBASE.dll (0x02440000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\verify.dll (0x6F930000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\java.dll (0x6D5F0000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\zip.dll (0x6F7D0000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\management.dll (0x6F860000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\net.dll (0x6FC80000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\mswsock.dll (0x73070000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\nio.dll (0x6F840000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\napinsp.dll (0x71720000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\pnrpnsp.dll (0x715C0000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\NLAapi.dll (0x71430000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\DNSAPI.dll (0x71280000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\NSI.dll (0x75470000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\IPHLPAPI.DLL (0x73F20000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\winrnr.dll (0x707E0000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\wshbth.dll (0x705F0000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Bonjour\mdnsNSP.dll (0x705B0000)
C:\Windows\System32\rasadhlp.dll (0x70550000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\fwpuclnt.dll (0x70560000)
C:\Users\Christian\AppData\Local\Temp\f6f7-da6b-856b-1279\lwjgl.dll (0x16E80000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\OPENGL32.dll (0x68CB0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\GLU32.dll (0x4FFB0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\DDRAW.dll (0x5F590000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\DCIMAN32.dll (0x6CDA0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\CRYPTSP.dll (0x71920000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\rsaenh.dll (0x718F0000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\USERENV.dll (0x73F50000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\dhcpcsvc6.DLL (0x71210000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\dhcpcsvc.DLL (0x711F0000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre1.8.0_121\bin\awt.dll (0x18340000)
C:\WINDOWS\system32\uxtheme.dll (0x64F60000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\MSCTF.dll (0x74C60000)
C:\Program Files (x86)\Overwolf\0.102.213.0\OWExplorer.dll (0x19C70000)
C:\WINDOWS\System32\ole32.dll (0x75320000)
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\dbghelp.dll (0x73AC0000)
C:\ <log4j:Event logger="byv" timestamp="1486763717208" level="INFO" thread="Client thread">
<log4j:Message><![CDATA[Created: 1024x512 textures-atlas]]></log4j:Message>
</log4j:Event>

Can you copy the full error?

Also, remove the _JAVA_OPTIONS, it doesnt cause anything more than problems

That was the full error message it gave me. Unless you think im missing more.

should have more on top