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I've followed all tutorials (and they all say the same thing, let's be honest) to a T, but nope, no results. My client just crashes whenever I try to open Optifine with it. Here's a detailed report of the last time this happened.

---- Minecraft Crash Report ----

WARNING: coremods are present:
Contact their authors BEFORE contacting forge

// I just don't know what went wrong

Time: 7/1/16 7:52 AM
Description: Initializing game

java.lang.AbstractMethodError: net.minecraft.client.resources.model.ModelRotation.apply(Lcom/google/common/base/Optional;)Lcom/google/common/base/Optional;
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.IPerspectiveAwareModel$MapWrapper.getTransforms(IPerspectiveAwareModel.java:52)
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.ModelLoader$VanillaModelWrapper.bake(ModelLoader.java:526)
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.ModelLoader.func_177570_a(ModelLoader.java:139)
at net.minecraft.client.resources.model.ModelManager.func_110549_a(ModelManager.java:28)
at net.minecraft.client.resources.SimpleReloadableResourceManager.func_110542_a(SimpleReloadableResourceManager.java:120)
at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.func_71384_a(Minecraft.java:478)
at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.func_99999_d(Minecraft.java:329)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(SourceFile:124)
at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method)
at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(Unknown Source)
at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(Unknown Source)
at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Unknown Source)
at net.minecraft.launchwrapper.Launch.launch(Launch.java:135)
at net.minecraft.launchwrapper.Launch.main(Launch.java:28)

A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- Head --
Stacktrace:
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.IPerspectiveAwareModel$MapWrapper.getTransforms(IPerspectiveAwareModel.java:52)
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.ModelLoader$VanillaModelWrapper.bake(ModelLoader.java:526)
at net.minecraftforge.client.model.ModelLoader.func_177570_a(ModelLoader.java:139)
at net.minecraft.client.resources.model.ModelManager.func_110549_a(ModelManager.java:28)
at net.minecraft.client.resources.SimpleReloadableResourceManager.func_110542_a(SimpleReloadableResourceManager.java:120)
at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.func_71384_a(Minecraft.java:478)

-- Initialization --
Details:
Stacktrace:
at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.func_99999_d(Minecraft.java:329)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(SourceFile:124)
at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method)
at sun.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(Unknown Source)
at sun.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(Unknown Source)
at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Unknown Source)
at net.minecraft.launchwrapper.Launch.launch(Launch.java:135)
at net.minecraft.launchwrapper.Launch.main(Launch.java:28)

-- System Details --
Details:
Minecraft Version: 1.8.9
Operating System: Windows 7 (amd64) version 6.1
CPU: 4x Intel(R) Core(TM) i3-2120 CPU @ 3.30GHz
Java Version: 1.8.0_71, Oracle Corporation
Java VM Version: Java HotSpot(TM) 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Oracle Corporation
Memory: 79613792 bytes (75 MB) / 294957056 bytes (281 MB) up to 1060372480 bytes (1011 MB)
JVM Flags: 6 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance_javaw.exe_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xmx1G -XX:+UseConcMarkSweepGC -XX:+CMSIncrementalMode -XX:-UseAdaptiveSizePolicy -Xmn128M
IntCache: cache: 0, tcache: 0, allocated: 0, tallocated: 0
FML: MCP 9.19 Powered by Forge 11.15.1.1722 Optifine OptiFine_1.8.9_HD_U_G9 3 mods loaded, 3 mods active
States: 'U' = Unloaded 'L' = Loaded 'C' = Constructed 'H' = Pre-initialized 'I' = Initialized 'J' = Post-initialized 'A' = Available 'D' = Disabled 'E' = Errored
UCH mcp{9.19} [Minecraft Coder Pack] (minecraft.jar)
UCH FML{8.0.99.99} [Forge Mod Loader] (forge-1.8.9-11.15.1.1722.jar)
UCH Forge{11.15.1.1722} [Minecraft Forge] (forge-1.8.9-11.15.1.1722.jar)
Loaded coremods (and transformers):
GL info: ' Vendor: 'Intel' Version: '3.1.0 - Build 8.15.10.2462' Renderer: 'Intel(R) HD Graphics Family'
Launched Version: 1.8.9-forge1.8.9-11.15.1.1722
LWJGL: 2.9.4
OpenGL: Intel(R) HD Graphics Family GL version 3.1.0 - Build 8.15.10.2462, Intel
GL Caps: Using GL 1.3 multitexturing.
Using GL 1.3 texture combiners.
Using framebuffer objects because OpenGL 3.0 is supported and separate blending is supported.
Shaders are available because OpenGL 2.1 is supported.
VBOs are available because OpenGL 1.5 is supported.

Using VBOs: Yes
Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'fml,forge'
Type: Client (map_client.txt)
Resource Packs: §bAzurine UHC (1).zip, ChromaHills-64x1.8_v.12.zip, [1.9.2]Dramatic Skys [v1.6].zip (incompatible)
Current Language: English (US)
Profiler Position: N/A (disabled)
CPU: 4x Intel(R) Core(TM) i3-2120 CPU @ 3.30GHz

Works fine for me. Are you dropping Optifine into the mods folder?

Try using the latest version of Optifine, I can't find the version you're using (G9)