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Basically, the title is self explanatory. Here's the crash report

// Surprise! Haha. Well, this is awkward.

Time: 4/8/15 7:10 PM
Description: Updating screen events

java.lang.IllegalStateException: failed to create a child event loop
at io.netty.util.concurrent.MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.java:68)
at io.netty.channel.MultithreadEventLoopGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventLoopGroup.java:49)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:61)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:52)
at lm$1.a(SourceFile:44)
at lm$1.b(SourceFile:41)
at np.c(SourceFile:10)
at lm.a(SourceFile:121)
at avf.a(SourceFile:1941)
at axw.i(SourceFile:172)
at axw.a(SourceFile:135)
at axv.a(SourceFile:350)
at axv.k(SourceFile:413)
at axw.k(SourceFile:81)
at axv.p(SourceFile:390)
at avf.s(SourceFile:1497)
at avf.av(SourceFile:888)
at avf.a(SourceFile:325)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(SourceFile:124)
Caused by: io.netty.channel.ChannelException: failed to open a new selector
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.openSelector(NioEventLoop.java:128)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.<init>(NioEventLoop.java:120)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.newChild(NioEventLoopGroup.java:87)
at io.netty.util.concurrent.MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.java:64)
... 18 more
Caused by: java.io.IOException: Unable to establish loopback connection
at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer.run(PipeImpl.java:101)
at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer.run(PipeImpl.java:68)
at java.security.AccessController.doPrivileged(Native Method)
at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl.<init>(PipeImpl.java:170)
at sun.nio.ch.SelectorProviderImpl.openPipe(SelectorProviderImpl.java:50)
at java.nio.channels.Pipe.open(Pipe.java:155)
at sun.nio.ch.WindowsSelectorImpl.<init>(WindowsSelectorImpl.java:127)
at sun.nio.ch.WindowsSelectorProvider.openSelector(WindowsSelectorProvider.java:44)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.openSelector(NioEventLoop.java:126)
... 21 more
Caused by: java.net.SocketException: Permission denied: connect
at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect0(Native Method)
at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect(Net.java:457)
at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect(Net.java:449)
at sun.nio.ch.SocketChannelImpl.connect(SocketChannelImpl.java:647)
at java.nio.channels.SocketChannel.open(SocketChannel.java:189)
at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer$LoopbackConnector.run(PipeImpl.java:130)
at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer.run(PipeImpl.java:83)
... 29 more

A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- Head --
Stacktrace:
at io.netty.util.concurrent.MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.java:68)
at io.netty.channel.MultithreadEventLoopGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventLoopGroup.java:49)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:61)
at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:52)
at lm$1.a(SourceFile:44)
at lm$1.b(SourceFile:41)
at np.c(SourceFile:10)
at lm.a(SourceFile:121)
at avf.a(SourceFile:1941)
at axw.i(SourceFile:172)
at axw.a(SourceFile:135)
at axv.a(SourceFile:350)
at axv.k(SourceFile:413)
at axw.k(SourceFile:81)
at axv.p(SourceFile:390)

-- Affected screen --
Details:
Screen name: ayb
Stacktrace:
at avf.s(SourceFile:1497)
at avf.av(SourceFile:888)
at avf.a(SourceFile:325)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(SourceFile:124)

-- System Details --
Details:
Minecraft Version: 1.8.3
Operating System: Windows 7 (amd64) version 6.1
CPU: 2x Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU T6500 @ 2.10GHz
Java Version: 1.8.0_25, Oracle Corporation
Java VM Version: Java HotSpot(TM) 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Oracle Corporation
Memory: 129392976 bytes (123 MB) / 286842880 bytes (273 MB) up to 1060372480 bytes (1011 MB)
JVM Flags: 6 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance_javaw.exe_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xmx1G -XX:+UseConcMarkSweepGC -XX:+CMSIncrementalMode -XX:-UseAdaptiveSizePolicy -Xmn128M
IntCache: cache: 0, tcache: 0, allocated: 13, tallocated: 95
Launched Version: 1.8.3
LWJGL: 2.9.4
OpenGL: Mobile Intel(R) 4 Series Express Chipset Family GL version 2.1.0 - Build 8.15.10.2302, Intel
GL Caps: Using GL 1.3 multitexturing.
Using GL 1.3 texture combiners.
Using framebuffer objects because EXT_framebuffer_object is supported.
Shaders are available because OpenGL 2.1 is supported.
VBOs are available because OpenGL 1.5 is supported.

Using VBOs: No
Is Modded: Probably not. Jar signature remains and client brand is untouched.
Type: Client (map_client.txt)
Resource Packs: []
Current Language: English (US)
Profiler Position: N/A (disabled)