Minecraft Forums

I run Windows 7 64-bit.
I have Java 8 update 40, both 64 and 32 bit.
By reinstalling Java, I was finally able to get the Minecraft launcher to start. However, I get this whenever I try to play:

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ExceptionInInitializerError
at org.apache.logging.log4j.util.PropertiesUtil.<init>(PropertiesUtil.java:71)
at org.apache.logging.log4j.util.PropertiesUtil.<clinit>(PropertiesUtil.java:31)
at org.apache.logging.log4j.status.StatusLogger.<clinit>(StatusLogger.java:48)
at org.apache.logging.log4j.LogManager.<clinit>(LogManager.java:44)
at avf.<clinit>(SourceFile:145)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(SourceFile:41)
Caused by: java.lang.NullPointerException
at org.apache.logging.log4j.util.ProviderUtil.<clinit>(ProviderUtil.java:70)
... 6 more
Java HotSpot(TM) 64-Bit Server VM warning: Using incremental CMS is deprecated and will likely be removed in a future release

My Java-proficient friend thinks Minecraft is having trouble calling to and getting information from some online service, so after numerous wipes and clean reinstalls of MC and Java I gave it full permission through all firewalls...still won't work.
I'm rather frustrated, as I've been trying this for days now.
As stated, numerous uninstalls and reinstalls of Java and Minecraft have done nothing. I cannot play offline or online.
Hopefully there's a solution.

See: http://hopper.minecraft.net/help/special-characters/

That link did absolutely nothing, but thank you for trying. There are no special characters in any of my folder names.

I am incredibly wrong, and also very stupid.
Thank you.