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I got an idea today and wrote a quick story in about 30-45 minutes about my experience in the nether today it wasn't my most successful trip but hey I normally have keepInventory because of my brother/friend Caleb... Let me know what references you get

Here is the story:

Ethan ran through the hellish landscape trying to escape as he felt his hearts slowly decay. The nether brick bridge felt soft on his feet. He could feel death coming... And out of the blue.. Er... Red. A black charred skeleton strutted around the corner and saw him weilding a stone sword which wouldn't be considered strong unless you thought about the fact that the blow of a wither skeleton would be hard enough. He was going to die. Ethan grabbed some polished andesite which was the first block he grabbed out of his inventory and started rapidly placing it desperate to survive. But the stiff souless monster mercilessly slashed him with his sword. Leaving him on the brink of death. His final heart decayed and everything turned a dark blood red color... And than black... Ethan respawned in a cloud of bright white sparks. He sighed. He knew it would be okay. He went to his kitchen and grabbed a gold sword. The only half-decent thing he found since he entered the nether. He looked in a furnace to see 5 baked potatoes. And collected them and ate one. He went to his hallway and saw his dogs. Lucky, Steven, Ruby and Garnet. Amethyst however sat in his living room window at the front of the house. She always had thought she was a cat. Even though Ethan never even had a cat to make her think that. Ethan looked into his fish tank and watched his Salmon and Cod swim around for a few minutes than went to the bathroom to get some water. He grabbed a bottle out of a chest and looked in the mirror. Ethan was a white furry creature with dark gray horns with yellow ribbons on them. He was a Tawkerr from one of his other favorite games. Normal Tawkerrs had dark purple-ish eyes but he made his skin have green eyes to match his in real life. Ethan drank the bottle of water and left to get back to the nether. His portal which sat next to a lava pool had a sand wall behind it. Ethan had found many diamonds before and had a diamond pickaxe but knew it would be quicker to use buckets to form a nether portal. He entered the portal and appeared in the firey land. He followed the dirt trail to the left to the nether fortress. He saw his items. There were 2 wither skeletons that looked like they were guarding it. Minecraft mobs AI wasn't good enough for them to be actually be guarding the items anyways. If they were they would have been looking around instead of streight ahead. Ethan said to himself "Well.. I need to go get those things maybe I should just jump down..." He smiled to himself but did it anyways. He dove down and landed knee first into the soft nether brick. It hurt but not because of how he landed. He grabbed all his items but still was stabbed by one of the skeletons. He felt his hearts decay but jumped over a small 1 block tall wall and ran. He was also being shot at by blazes. Which honestly isn't the most convenient thing tbh. Anyways he was almost dead. He was going to die again. He ran across the bridge and well... Everything turned dark blood red color and than... Black... Ethan respawned in his house and quickly went into his chest room and didn't even bother to make a sword and grabbed some more potatoes, and some dirt. He ran through the portal and back to the nether fortress. The word 'fort' always made him a bit grumpy... As it was in the name of a game that made him go insane. He saw his stuff. He jumped to it and grabbed it and ran into a inside area of the nether for-... Bunker like structure. He grabbed polished diorite and built a quick room and stopped. Took a deep breath and...

Well ummm.... Thats where I am er.... I don't know what to do next... Actually I do but um... Yeah next chapter will be what happens next. Thats where I stopped before I realized I could totally do a survival stories series. Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger

Edit: There will not be a second chapter. But I am working on a new "book" that takes place in the same world as the same person (me) except not a Tawkerr and they are actually living in the world.

Not bad on the whole. A few problems with the grammar here and there but the spelling is good and descriptions are solid. You also have a good sense of humour. While the jokes aren't laugh-out-loud funny they do add a more unique voice to your work.

The only major critiques I would have are that you don't really use paragraphing. That makes the post a bit daunting to read and will convince some people to click off immediately. Also, it's a little hard to get invested in the story as a narrative when you draw attention to the fact that this is just a character playing a game, such as referencing the AI. The respawning aspect is fine and I think is underutilised in Minefics. However, I do wonder if there isn't a way to make this a bit more arresting. For example, if this were a character who exists within minecraft's world or someone trapped in the game. Idk, this one isn't that important.

Overall, solid story. I would definitely like to see you post more like this.

- K

Quote from Kmandy»

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Not bad on the whole. A few problems with the grammar here and there but the spelling is good and descriptions are solid. You also have a good sense of humour. While the jokes aren't laugh-out-loud funny they do add a more unique voice to your work.
Reply: I know I dont have the best grammar, but I try... The only major critiques I would have are that you don't really use paragraphing. That makes the post a bit daunting to read and will convince some people to click off immediately. Also, it's a little hard to get invested in the story as a narrative when you draw attention to the fact that this is just a character playing a game, such as referencing the AI. The respawning aspect is fine and I think is underutilised in Minefics. However, I do wonder if there isn't a way to make this a bit more arresting. For example, if this were a character who exists within minecraft's world or someone trapped in the game. Idk, this one isn't that important.
Reply: I didn't use paragraphs because originally I just did this after this happened to me in Minecraft and didn't realize I would be putting it on the Minecraft Forum. I am going to be releasing a different story with 13 chapters which is a character who is in the world themself.
Overall, solid story. I would definitely like to see you post more like this.
Reply: This series is discontinued but like i said im working on one