Hi!, A long time ago, I began a short story series called "Crafted", years later, I found the unfinished work, and continued working on it.
Here's the first part, I wish for your opinions and observations about the story, and anything you think could be changed.
The waves.
That’s all I could think about, the waves. Bouncing around, crashing into the large boat. Well... Hi, my name is Steve. Right now I’m on a boat, transporting goods from my town to another one. My boss told me it was too long by foot, and all the planes were occupied.. Now, I was never really a fan of the ocean, all the dangerous creatures and plants. Either way, I had no choice.. The waves, crashing, the air, stormy.. Lighting crashing down onto the waters surface, the clouds dark and black, the surface of the boat wet and slippery. I went down into the bottom of the boat, checking on the cargo. Still there, still held tightly.. Moving back up onto the deck, I looked down at the water, nothing... Just waves. And then I noticed it, the boat had been sinking.
I quickly ran down to the bottom, checking the cargo, it was filling up with water. This wasn’t good, obviously. I ran back up, looked down, there was nothing I could do, the boat was sinking rapidly... After a while, I began to climb up, the water rising, the boat sinking. I stared down and waited for my inevitable fate... As I fell into the water, I held my breath for as long as I could...
Then everything went black.
As my eyes opened, I saw the sky, roughly around mid-day if I had to guess, I heard footsteps, and then an oink. As I slowly began to stand, I saw a pig. Well... I was alive, on a random island, in the middle of nowhere. But, I had a pig.
Now that I think about it, a pig wouldn’t do me much good. EIther way, I stood up, stretched and looked around. If I had to guess, I would say the water drifted me away to this island... At this point I’m wondering if death would’ve been a better option, and then I sighed. No, death wouldn’t help, I should be thankful of my safety. Making my way further inland, I found a couple of forests, a lot of hills and a desert. Well.. I stood in the centre, on my right was a lot of large mountains and hills, on my left was a desert, in front of me was a forest, and behind me was another forest, and I stood in the plains, nothing but dirt and grass. I had to pick somewhere to go, and then it hit me. I wonder if anyone else lives on this island.. I pushed that thought aside as I continued forth, into the forest.
The forest was filled with trees, obviously, the sun barely visible from above, and then I thought, if someone else was on this island, could they be cannibals?, Would they try and eat me?, I should perhaps make some shelter, or some protection. I looked around at the trees, I could use these. Throwing my fist into the brown wood, many times before it gave way, the tree falling down at my feet, the wood somehow had shrunk into a tiny size, small enough to fit in my pocket.. So that’s what I did, I put it in my pocket. Punching more wood, collecting it all up, my pocket barely full at all. I decided to do something with the wood, that’s when I spotted the book. A book, just lying on the ground. I picked it up, it seemed to be a guide... A survival guide. After reading the first couple of pages, I was told to make a sword using the wood. I turned one of the logs into four planks, then turning that into a workbench, as I looked at it, the top of it was a 3x3 grid, perhaps I could make things with this. The guide had informed me how to make things with it, I place a stick at the bottom middle, and two planks going upward, this made a sword. Turning more logs into planks, then turning two planks into four sticks, using one stick and two planks, I had made a sword. Perhaps not the best of swords, but it would do the trick. Now, I read a bit more...
“The best defense is to hide underground, to dig, simply make a pickaxe using two sticks and three planks, you can upgrade it later using cobblestone which you will mine with the wooden pick.” Okay. Seemed simple enough, I did as it had instructed, made a pickaxe. A bright smile on my face as I dug through the dirt with my fists, eventually hitting stone. I held the pickaxe high and smashed it into the stone several times, as it broke I stared at the stone, it wasn’t nice and smooth as it had been, it was cracked and boring. Well, that’s a disappointment. I continued to mine however, as I needed some more to upgrade my current tools, as I began to feel hunger. The oinking from earlier had seems to follow me.. The pig had been attracted to me, followed me. I climbed up my little staircase, and stared at my new sword, then at the pig. Needless to say, I slaughtered the pig, taking it’s fresh pork. Although it was raw.. But I was starving, I ate it. Then, now I was up here with about 7 cobblestone, I made a stone pickaxe and a stone sword, leaving two left. The guide had now said to mine more.. Enough to make a furnace to cook materials, ore, and food. Well, without hesitation, I mined a bit more, until I had 9, then I had come across a strange stone. It had little bits inside of it, somewhat skin-coloured, I mined it out using my pick, and put it in my pocket. After mining it, I saw more of it, I mined the rest out, leaving me with four of it. I moved back up to the surface, crafting a furnace, now, I needed fuel. Lumber would work, I suppose. I threw my fist into a couple more trees, collecting more wood, now I had about 17 logs, using them as fuel, I firstly smelted my remaining pork. After a while, I had two cooked pork, now, I put the odd stone inside the furnace, as it smelted, I removed the shiny white ingot, then it hit me. It was iron, I had found iron.. Well, I read about it in the guide, it told me that armour and tools are best to make.. But I only had four ingots, well, long story short, I made an iron pickaxe, that might serve me better. Although, that left me with one iron left, I decided to keep this. Heading back down into the mine, I continued to dig down, I had made it quite far down, and now, I couldn’t see anything. I made my way back up slowly, and on my way up, I noticed a black ore in the side. Coal, I thought, mining it out with my pick. As I headed back up, I used some of the coal to make torches.
Now, I could mine more. When I looked around I could see the sun was setting, using my torches, I lit up the area, and in the distance, I saw a white face.
A person?, I kept my sword handy as a I slowly made my way over to it, hiding behind trees, bushes, anything to hide myself, with a closer look, I saw it.
A skeleton. White and boney, a skeletal structure, holding a bow. I thought about it for a second, eventually jumping around from the tree, and slashing at the skeleton with my stone sword, it eventually died, well, it vanished, leaving a slightly-broken bow on the ground, a couple of arrows and a bone. I held the bow tightly, a new weapon, more hostiles. To my left, a green man, to my right a skeleton. I charged forward, evading both of them as I headed to my little base. It was no use, an arrow came flying towards me, as the green man groaned and charged as fast as he could. I was done.
It was over..
Or, I thought it was. Everything went black, and I found myself lying on a beach, close to where I had first awoken on this cursed island. It was still dark, rather I’d been out for a while.. Or not very long. I had no time to think, in the near-distance, I saw four glowing red eyes. This could not end well. I heard rapid tapping as the eyes came closer, a black figure appearing around the eyes, it had 8 legs, and highly resembled a spider, but it was far too big for that.. Was it? I panicked, with nothing on me but my bare fists, I threw random punches, hoping to survive. The spider fell back at the impact of my fist, I took the chance, and bolted. I’ve gotten myself lost.. Haven’t I? I asked myself, but looking around, everything seems so familiar. Floating tree.. I knew where I was. I took a quick turn, and in the distance, saw a few things lying on the ground, a skeleton, and a green man nearby. As well as my little base, too. My confidence grew as I took a charge towards the skeleton. With all my force, I leaped into the air, slamming down on him with my elbow. I had hoped this to disable him, and it did. As the skeleton his the ground, my force spread his bones all across the ground. I looked up and saw the green man, taking an arrow from the skeleton, I jabbed it into the green man, with hopes to take him down too. Presto!, Both were down. I collected the gear from the ground, and headed into my little home. I continued to build it up, until I knew I was safe inside.
To Be Continued.
What did you think?
There are 4 more parts coming whenever I get around to it.
Here's the first part, I wish for your opinions and observations about the story, and anything you think could be changed.
The waves.
That’s all I could think about, the waves. Bouncing around, crashing into the large boat. Well... Hi, my name is Steve. Right now I’m on a boat, transporting goods from my town to another one. My boss told me it was too long by foot, and all the planes were occupied.. Now, I was never really a fan of the ocean, all the dangerous creatures and plants. Either way, I had no choice.. The waves, crashing, the air, stormy.. Lighting crashing down onto the waters surface, the clouds dark and black, the surface of the boat wet and slippery. I went down into the bottom of the boat, checking on the cargo. Still there, still held tightly.. Moving back up onto the deck, I looked down at the water, nothing... Just waves. And then I noticed it, the boat had been sinking.
I quickly ran down to the bottom, checking the cargo, it was filling up with water. This wasn’t good, obviously. I ran back up, looked down, there was nothing I could do, the boat was sinking rapidly... After a while, I began to climb up, the water rising, the boat sinking. I stared down and waited for my inevitable fate... As I fell into the water, I held my breath for as long as I could...
Then everything went black.
As my eyes opened, I saw the sky, roughly around mid-day if I had to guess, I heard footsteps, and then an oink. As I slowly began to stand, I saw a pig. Well... I was alive, on a random island, in the middle of nowhere. But, I had a pig.
Now that I think about it, a pig wouldn’t do me much good. EIther way, I stood up, stretched and looked around. If I had to guess, I would say the water drifted me away to this island... At this point I’m wondering if death would’ve been a better option, and then I sighed. No, death wouldn’t help, I should be thankful of my safety. Making my way further inland, I found a couple of forests, a lot of hills and a desert. Well.. I stood in the centre, on my right was a lot of large mountains and hills, on my left was a desert, in front of me was a forest, and behind me was another forest, and I stood in the plains, nothing but dirt and grass. I had to pick somewhere to go, and then it hit me. I wonder if anyone else lives on this island.. I pushed that thought aside as I continued forth, into the forest.
The forest was filled with trees, obviously, the sun barely visible from above, and then I thought, if someone else was on this island, could they be cannibals?, Would they try and eat me?, I should perhaps make some shelter, or some protection. I looked around at the trees, I could use these. Throwing my fist into the brown wood, many times before it gave way, the tree falling down at my feet, the wood somehow had shrunk into a tiny size, small enough to fit in my pocket.. So that’s what I did, I put it in my pocket. Punching more wood, collecting it all up, my pocket barely full at all. I decided to do something with the wood, that’s when I spotted the book. A book, just lying on the ground. I picked it up, it seemed to be a guide... A survival guide. After reading the first couple of pages, I was told to make a sword using the wood. I turned one of the logs into four planks, then turning that into a workbench, as I looked at it, the top of it was a 3x3 grid, perhaps I could make things with this. The guide had informed me how to make things with it, I place a stick at the bottom middle, and two planks going upward, this made a sword. Turning more logs into planks, then turning two planks into four sticks, using one stick and two planks, I had made a sword. Perhaps not the best of swords, but it would do the trick. Now, I read a bit more...
“The best defense is to hide underground, to dig, simply make a pickaxe using two sticks and three planks, you can upgrade it later using cobblestone which you will mine with the wooden pick.” Okay. Seemed simple enough, I did as it had instructed, made a pickaxe. A bright smile on my face as I dug through the dirt with my fists, eventually hitting stone. I held the pickaxe high and smashed it into the stone several times, as it broke I stared at the stone, it wasn’t nice and smooth as it had been, it was cracked and boring. Well, that’s a disappointment. I continued to mine however, as I needed some more to upgrade my current tools, as I began to feel hunger. The oinking from earlier had seems to follow me.. The pig had been attracted to me, followed me. I climbed up my little staircase, and stared at my new sword, then at the pig. Needless to say, I slaughtered the pig, taking it’s fresh pork. Although it was raw.. But I was starving, I ate it. Then, now I was up here with about 7 cobblestone, I made a stone pickaxe and a stone sword, leaving two left. The guide had now said to mine more.. Enough to make a furnace to cook materials, ore, and food. Well, without hesitation, I mined a bit more, until I had 9, then I had come across a strange stone. It had little bits inside of it, somewhat skin-coloured, I mined it out using my pick, and put it in my pocket. After mining it, I saw more of it, I mined the rest out, leaving me with four of it. I moved back up to the surface, crafting a furnace, now, I needed fuel. Lumber would work, I suppose. I threw my fist into a couple more trees, collecting more wood, now I had about 17 logs, using them as fuel, I firstly smelted my remaining pork. After a while, I had two cooked pork, now, I put the odd stone inside the furnace, as it smelted, I removed the shiny white ingot, then it hit me. It was iron, I had found iron.. Well, I read about it in the guide, it told me that armour and tools are best to make.. But I only had four ingots, well, long story short, I made an iron pickaxe, that might serve me better. Although, that left me with one iron left, I decided to keep this. Heading back down into the mine, I continued to dig down, I had made it quite far down, and now, I couldn’t see anything. I made my way back up slowly, and on my way up, I noticed a black ore in the side. Coal, I thought, mining it out with my pick. As I headed back up, I used some of the coal to make torches.
Now, I could mine more. When I looked around I could see the sun was setting, using my torches, I lit up the area, and in the distance, I saw a white face.
A person?, I kept my sword handy as a I slowly made my way over to it, hiding behind trees, bushes, anything to hide myself, with a closer look, I saw it.
A skeleton. White and boney, a skeletal structure, holding a bow. I thought about it for a second, eventually jumping around from the tree, and slashing at the skeleton with my stone sword, it eventually died, well, it vanished, leaving a slightly-broken bow on the ground, a couple of arrows and a bone. I held the bow tightly, a new weapon, more hostiles. To my left, a green man, to my right a skeleton. I charged forward, evading both of them as I headed to my little base. It was no use, an arrow came flying towards me, as the green man groaned and charged as fast as he could. I was done.
It was over..
Or, I thought it was. Everything went black, and I found myself lying on a beach, close to where I had first awoken on this cursed island. It was still dark, rather I’d been out for a while.. Or not very long. I had no time to think, in the near-distance, I saw four glowing red eyes. This could not end well. I heard rapid tapping as the eyes came closer, a black figure appearing around the eyes, it had 8 legs, and highly resembled a spider, but it was far too big for that.. Was it? I panicked, with nothing on me but my bare fists, I threw random punches, hoping to survive. The spider fell back at the impact of my fist, I took the chance, and bolted. I’ve gotten myself lost.. Haven’t I? I asked myself, but looking around, everything seems so familiar. Floating tree.. I knew where I was. I took a quick turn, and in the distance, saw a few things lying on the ground, a skeleton, and a green man nearby. As well as my little base, too. My confidence grew as I took a charge towards the skeleton. With all my force, I leaped into the air, slamming down on him with my elbow. I had hoped this to disable him, and it did. As the skeleton his the ground, my force spread his bones all across the ground. I looked up and saw the green man, taking an arrow from the skeleton, I jabbed it into the green man, with hopes to take him down too. Presto!, Both were down. I collected the gear from the ground, and headed into my little home. I continued to build it up, until I knew I was safe inside.
To Be Continued.
What did you think?
There are 4 more parts coming whenever I get around to it.
Here's a little cover thingo I did.
Side note, I began writing the second one!