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Warning this story is meant to be disturbing and creepy, if I've succeeded then I suggest NOT reading this before bed.


We were camping in the forest and taking turns telling scary stories around the fire and Jerry was finishing his.

"And then the monster of the west chased him into the forest and killed him, some say his ghost now haunts these parts still asking witch way's north."

"You call that scary?" Said Bruce loudly.

"Well I thought it was scary." I said.

"Then you need to hear the story of Mr.Stevenson then you will know what's actually scary."

"I'll even tell it from his point of view!"

"Oh great here we go again." Said Josh as he rolled his eyes.

"I was in the mine looking for diamonds. Just then I came across a strange perfectly square room made of stone bricks. The room had nothing in it except for one chest, I went over and opened it, hoping for some good loot. Inside was nothing, but a weird black substance. When I reached out to touch it, it jumped on my hand and when I tried to get it off I couldn't. My heart started racing, I couldn't explain why it just felt like some dark force had just grabbed me. I took deep breaths and reassured my self that the village priest would know how to fix this. I climbed through the tunnels into the main cave. I saw monsters at least one of each kind that can be found in the overworld, but the weird part was that they didn't attack me, they just stood there then they said in unison:

"Let us take you. There is no use running or hiding for we will always find you. Let the darkness consume you, let us show you how useless life is. Let us take you, let it take you."

I took out my sword and killed them all, then ran the rest of the way out. When I reached the village my heart was beating wildly inside my chest, I had to find the priest and quick! When I found him I told him everything and asked for advice and he said:

"I am sorry to say that your days are numbered for I know little of this disease, but the few things I do are not promising. It feeds off of fear and sorrow and to tell you what it can do will only shorten what little life you have left. If you keep happy thoughts close to your heart and move away from the village, then you might just become the first surviver of this horrible disease."

I didn't need any more information, and I did as he said and moved away. I set up a house and a farm. It would have been nice, but not for the disease, Every day it got stronger and I got weaker, I heard things, awful things that I knew were not real. I felt uneasy when I should have felt happy. Every night the monsters would stare at me threw the windows and say:

"Let us take you. There is no use running or hiding for we will always find you. Let the darkness consume you, let us show you how useless life is. Let us take you, let it take you."

On the rare event someone would pass by my house I had an urge to hit them, scratch them, bite them, to kill them. I felt like happiness had become a thing of the past that I could never understand again. Sometimes I'd find my self saying under my breath:

"Let them take me. There is no use running or hiding for they will always find me. Let the darkness consume me, let them show me how useless life is. Let them take me, let it take me."

One day I got up out of my bed and went out side and walked towards the village as if some force made me. When I arrived I felt a surge of anger and blood thirst. I flung my self on a near by farmer I hit him, I scratched him, I bit him, I killed him. I felt like a starving person who had just eaten for the first time in weeks. The sight of what I'd done sent all of the villagers into a panic. I went on a wild rampage killing everyone in sight, by the time night had fallen everyone was dead. When I came to my senses I was horrified at what I'd done, the priest who had helped me so much now lay dead in my arms, his blood on my hands. The monsters surrounded me and before they could start again I said:

"Take me. There is no use running or hiding for you will always find me. Let the darkness consume me, show me how useless life is. Take me, let it take me."

Then Mr.Stevenson died at the hands of the monsters and became a zombie. Legend says that even as a zombie Mr.Stevenson can be heard whispering his last words "

"You call that scary?" Jerry called.

"Ok enough is enough! I am sick and tired of you two fighting. It's late, we should be getting some sleep." Josh said.

Everyone agreed and we put out the fire and slipped under our blankets. In the darkness I could have sworn I heard someone whisper: "Take me.".

I understand the pretense, but they way you wrote it didn't make it very scary. Try to use more detail as a first person view, for example, when he become touched by the blackness, instead of "When I reached out to touch it, it jumped on my hand and when I tried to get it off I couldn't. My heart started racing, I couldn't explain why it just felt like some dark force had just grabbed me." You could write "As i slowly reached to touch the substance, it leapt forward from its container. It stuck to my hand like black glue. I scratched and wiped at it, but it wouldn't remove itself. I began to panic, ferociously swatting and swinging to remove the substance. It felt as if some dark force had grabbed onto me." Good first try though!

Quote from OnlyThePie»

I understand the pretense, but they way you wrote it didn't make it very scary. Try to use more detail as a first person view, for example, when he become touched by the blackness, instead of "When I reached out to touch it, it jumped on my hand and when I tried to get it off I couldn't. My heart started racing, I couldn't explain why it just felt like some dark force had just grabbed me." You could write "As i slowly reached to touch the substance, it leapt forward from its container. It stuck to my hand like black glue. I scratched and wiped at it, but it wouldn't remove itself. I began to panic, ferociously swatting and swinging to remove the substance. It felt as if some dark force had grabbed onto me." Good first try though!

Thanks, I'll try to do that next time. This was a bit of an impulse story made in a relatively small slot of time so I didn't have much time to perfect it.

you say that scary?