“I will never forget about the events that happened and the experiences I had during this story”
It all began when I had been awakened from a loud noise to see my city, being sucked up into a tornado before my very own eyes. I tried to escape, but I was only able to grab my axe, shears, compass and clock, as my house was being engulfed by the tornado. I managed to get past the tornado, running as fast as I could, I then tripped on a rock and fell down the edge of a cliff. I was falling at very high velocity, just before I made physical contact with the ground; I was able to make out flat grassland that went on for miles before blacking out.
When I woke up, there was grass and animals like pigs and sheep, there were even horses! There were no structures or signs of civilization AT ALL not even trees. I thought I was stranded, but then I remembered that I had collected some wood from the trees I cut down from the previous day. I decided to use to build a house from them. I used my shears to take some wool from some sheep to make a bed. I soon realized that it was getting dark, so I decided to go to sleep. The next day, I had to kill some pigs and cows to obtain food as there were no other food sources in that area.
I continued with the construction of my house when I decided to make a fireplace. I decided used this stone material called obsidian that I found before I fell off the cliff that I forgot to mention earlier. When I lit the fire place, I could’ve sworn that I had gone insane. The area inside the fireplace had turned into a spinning purple vortex of a portal. I decided to go to sleep to see if I was seeing things and that it would disappear the next morning. No luck, it appears that I wasn’t seeing things and that the portal WAS real. Then I did something that I regret ever doing, I decided to jump into the purple vortex and found out that it was a portal that took me to another dimension in another universe.
On the other side of the portal was what appeared to be a completely black room with a door, that didn’t disturb me but, gave me a large feeling of dread, but the things that were on the other side of the door were beyond imagination. On the other side of that door was this hellish dimension inhabited by tentacled flying white creatures that shot balls of fire, humanoid pig zombies wielding golden swords, black skeletons wielding what appeared to be stone swords, and blazing metallic heads surrounded by flaming rods that also shot fire balls.
The terrain was made up of some type of red gooey substance that seemed like blood with white crystal ores appearing occasionally. There was this other sand-like terrain that had what looked like screaming faces in it, as if there were souls trapped inside of it wanting to escape from their prison and return to their lives on earth. When I walked on it, it felt like someone was grabbing my legs, as if the trapped spirits wanted me to put an end to their torture. There was also a lot of fire and lava everywhere, there were rivers of lava, lava lakes, and even lava falls! I tried to check the time, but my clock and my compass were going insane. The area where the portal was located was right next to a fortress. I tried to run back to the black room when I accidentally fell into a pit of lava and possibly died.
I remember waking up in this new land that had certain animal like chickens, pigs, cows, and horses. I kept seeing this strange message to collect wood by punching a tree and when I collected the wood I was rewarded with an achievement for completing that task. I could now punch things without hurting my hand. I decided to make a shelter to survive in the night, but I didn’t build it in time and soon found out that monsters spawned in the night. I finished building my house, made a bed, and then crafted some tools.
After I crafted the tools, I went mining to get the materials to build a house as fast as I could so I could survive the horrors of the night. I mined the stone, which became cobble stone and used it to build a 3x3 square meter house and I crafted a bed to sleep in… The next day, I went back to the mine I mine I had made to mine some ores. First I mined coal, which I soon used to fuel a furnace that would smelt all the other ores that I mined. I soon realized that it was evening and that I once again, had to go back to my house and rest.
The next morning, I crafted stone tools using the workbench I built using the wooden planks I made. I then mined some iron ores which I had to smelt into iron ingots which I crafted into tools using my workbench. I then went back into the mine and mined some more iron, which I used to craft more tools, this time made of iron. I soon went back to the mine and mined some Lapis Lazuli ores which I smelted to create Lapis Lazuli that I used to dye some leather tunics blue. I once again rested.
Then I mined some gold ore that I smelted to make gold ingots that I used with some more sticks to make gold tools. The problem with gold is that it’s less durable than wood but stronger than iron. And it’s the most enchantable material in that universe. (Yes I could enchant items.) I then hastily mined some Redstone ores which are used as the main power source of the universe, and diamond ores along with an emerald ore and got out of the mine. I then made diamond tools and armor I went back to the surface and took another rest.
I then mined some obsidian because I had to go back to that hellish dimension that I found out was called “The Nether”; I obtained some Blaze Rods after I killed some Blazes, (those blazing heads). I got Ghast tears from Ghasts (Those floating white things with tentacles). Finally, I collected a few golden swords that were dropped from Zombie Pigmen. (The humanoid pig zombies), the ground’s material in that universe’s Nether looked more like human flesh and was called “Netherrack” I mined some “Nether Quartz” (The material that came from the ores) Finally, I collected some skulls from the black skeletons which I found out were called “Wither Skeletons”.
Then I had to fill in a portal frame with Eyes of Ender, made from Ender Pearls dropped by Endermen, to get to a third and final dimension called “The End” a floating island in the sky inhabited by Endermen and defeat the Ender Dragon to save the Multiverse. I had also found out that this universe was the medieval time period, infected by the monsters controlled by the Ender Dragon. I returned to the Nether and something happened, the whole dimension transformed into my universe’s Nether so I started to search for the black room and guess what? I found it! So I entered the room, locked the door and entered the portal. The next thing I knew, I was back in my house! I decided to go to sleep, when I woke up, I couldn’t believe my eyes, everything was back to normal, even my city was still intact! It was as I had gone into an alternate universe…
But then I remembered something! I had kept some of the Wither Skeleton Skulls and Souls Sand and kept having this dream that gave a cryptic message to stack the soul sand in a T-shape and put three wither skulls on top of it. So after about a week passed I decided to perform this task. And I wish I never had done that at all in my entire life. When I put on the third and final skull, the model became a living being!!! And since it was created with wither skeleton skulls; I assumed that the creature might’ve been called The Wither, which was the mental sign that told me, defeating the Ender Dragon was only the beginning of my journey and that I have a bigger purpose in my life.
Now as I was saying, I had summoned the Wither a black skeletal creature that had three heads. It also had the ability to fly, after it was summoned, it created a HUGE explosion that made a crater roughly 10 meters in diameter, during that period, it had some type of protective armor that didn’t go away until after the explosion. Then it started firing skulls at me and the other animals in its range of view. The skulls detonated when come into contact with anything. I shot it with quite a few arrows and after what I’d say was about 50% of its health was depleted, its armor appeared again, this time it protected it against arrows, which forced me to use my sword, after I defeated it, and I had obtained a ”Nether Star”. After that battle, the monsters from before started to appear again, in both my universe and the alternate universe.
I had no idea why it was happening; I had defeated the Ender Dragon, conquered the Nether, and recently defeated the Wither, but the monsters were spawning. I tried to kill them off, but they would keep respawning. Then, in the daylight the zombies and skeletons started to burn up! Literally! They tried to find shade but if they didn’t find it in time, they would die. Spiders became neutral, creepers stayed hostile while endermen teleported away when I came close to them. I was wandering off until I ran into an iron golem. I decided to follow it and what it lead me to, was a village!
At the village, a noble priest told me about the history of their people and their world, they told me that the entire world had been infected by the Ender Dragon many years ago. The results were devastating… causing massive earthquakes and other natural disasters such as tornados… and causing the world to temporarily be reverted back to its… original, state… then I realized that it all made sense now! From the tornado to the reversion of my universe, everything and I mean EVERYTHING was all a part of the Ender Dragon’s doings. The priest also said that these phenomena were the beginnings of the corruption process. He said I could trade with their people anytime. So, I soon realized that my armor was heavily damaged and that I needed either a new set or a repair, so I traded with the villager and got a new full set of diamond armor, which cost me about one emerald. The priest also ordered three equally noble knights to assist me in my journeys. Then I was back on my adventure to save my own universe and the rest of the Multiverse from further corruption by the Ender Dragon.
With new information available, I sent out to find the nearest End Portal I could, but I was halted in my tracks by a horde of monsters. We fought off as many as we could but the horde somehow captured us and took us to a dungeon. In the dungeon there were many blocks surrounded by metal bars with a spinning monster inside it, and before our very own eyes, monsters spawned out of them and started to pursue our party. We managed to escape the dungeon and make it to the surface. The following day, we were on a trail to something, we followed it and what it lead us to was another stronghold, but this one had an End Portal inside it! So we killed some more Enderman and received their Eyes of Ender to fill in the portal frame, go to the End, and defeat the Ender Dragon once and for all!
But when we went through the portal, something was different, there wasn’t just Enderman, it was all of the monsters from the infected universes along with multiple Ender Dragons. We were able to destroy the Ender Crystals to prevent the Ender Dragons from healing. After that, we started attacking the dragons and defeated all but one. We also defeated some of the monsters while simultaneously attacking the final dragon and we managed to defeat it and save the whole Multiverse! We were transported back to the village and was rewarded by the priest. Soon after, I went back to my universe and said “Farewell” to the villagers, and everything was back to normal.
The End
David Berube/pointlessdavid42
Inspired by the indie game “Minecraft” created and developed by; Mojang AB and Notch
Honestly, this wasn't that good. It has no sense of actual linear progression, no character development, and there is a distinct lack of explanatory details. As well as the way it is told is rather lack-luster.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
The problem with the truth, is that it never lies.
Well the story is not necessarily bad, it's just that there are a few things that could have been done better. I am just pointing them out so that this story and others you might write will be better.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
The problem with the truth, is that it never lies.
You should never make your story of a lower quality merely to cut down on length, with how long it is, it might also help to cut it down into chapters.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
The problem with the truth, is that it never lies.
The only thing I have to say is avoid the word decided. It’s a very common mistake; most people in this section of the forum make it. Using 'decided' was probably the single most destructive mistake I've made in my narratives. Just replacing those words will make your literature a lot better.
Edit: “"sans-serif">…obsidian … that I forgot to mention earlier.” This is also a potentially destructive mistake. If you forgot to put something in, just go back and fix it. Don’t just say you forgot to mention it, or you’ll look like you have no idea what you’re doing. This story actually echoes the style of my narratives from just a few years ago. Keep writing; you'll figure it out.
The only thing I have to say is avoid the word decided. It’s a very common mistake; most people in this section of the forum make it. Using 'decided' was probably the single most destructive mistake I've made in my narratives. Just replacing those words will make your literature a lot better.
Edit: “"sans-serif">…obsidian … that I forgot to mention earlier.” This is also a potentially destructive mistake. If you forgot to put something in, just go back and fix it. Don’t just say you forgot to mention it, or you’ll look like you have no idea what you’re doing. This story actually echoes the style of my narratives from just a few years ago. Keep writing; you'll figure it out.
I just didn't have the time to edit those parts and didn't take the time to think about my wording and the indents were messed up while trying to convert the document on to the forums. I'm trying trying to write a sequel more info on that here! http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/2499040-important-pointless-announcement/
Well, seeing as there's a sequel down the line time to offer some blunt and brutal criticism. Plz don't hate me. I have to say all of these for the benefit of your work.
First of all, the title:
I read the entire thing and I'm still not sure what The Order of the Stone is. I'm not sure if I missed something, but I just can't find it. It just makes you feel cheated because the subject matter is so different. I for example was expecting perhaps some sort of semi-masonic thing that we rarely see on these forums (from my searches anyway) and instead I got "Steve kills ender dragon again". I'll get back to this later in the post.
Second of all, the writing style:
It's written in the style of a possibly interesting story you might want to tell to your mates in a busy school-yard, but as it's too long you find yourself skimming over as many details as possible lest you lose their attention span. This is the only way I can describe it, having had that happen to me earlier today. The result is a sadly bare-bones story where little can be visualised in the way you want it.
Third, your reception of criticism:
Feel lucky you're getting any. I'm bloody desperate for intelligent criticism beyond the ever-insightful "You're good", or "Lol, at that joke". These are helpful in knowing what you're doing right, but you need the opposite side in order to produce a proper piece of writing. Plus, a number of your comments suggest a complete lack of enthusiasm in the writing and care for how it turns out. "I didn't have time to think about my wording." I'm sorry but this statement is an insult to good writing and why people cringe when they hear the phrase fan-fiction. No one is beating you to get a new segment out. Take your time. I take two weeks to a month on each of my things. As for the whole "Its already 5 pages". Length doesn't matter. My personal rule for this is, "if it's less than 2000 words, it's not worth posting. 3000 however, is the border of a respectable stand-alone piece." If it's longer the worst that'll happen is some troll'll say tldr. It shows at least some effort and commitment even if quality is lacking. Plus, work in size 11 font for writing. 14 gives no reflection on how long an actual thing is (yes, I tested, call me mythbuster). Also, if you're the only person who writes or is interested in writing or reading in your group of friends, its pretty much a guarantee you'll get no feedback of worth and they'll mostly enjoy it because they're just impressed you can put yourself through this. Try to find out what people found enjoyable about it. If they can't answer you, don't take the feedback for granted, it's fluff. Hate to put it this way, but it is.
Fourth no character development/dialogue:
Okay, I can't complain too much about this because I'm no master of character development myself. But at least try and create a cheap charicature or knock-off if you're going to create a character of significance. You don't even explain who the main character is, even by name. It makes him a blank story-telling vessel who just sort of does things. He didn't have an arc of any sort and never spoke, questioned what was going on, or had a personality of any sort. The three knights were just an embellishment given by generic priest number 75. What you've done here is give us no reason to care about what happens to anyone.
Fifth, the pacing in this story is just plain awful:
I'm sorry, but this is the only aspect of the story that is completely and totally flawed. It can be summed up like this:
"I woke up in a world via deus ex tornado. Then I did crafty things and went to the nether and fell in lava. Then I woke up in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD for unexplained reasons. Then I did more crafty things and went to the nether again and then went to the End because YOLO. Then I beat the Ender Dragon and came back to my original world and immediately thought everything was alright. Then I had unexplained dreams to make a wither and made it without questioning this whatsoever and I beat it in less than 5 lines of text without any apparent difficulty. And then villagers and something about parallel universes and the Ender Dragon is back without need of explanation and he's doing bad stuff. Then I went back to the End with more Ender dragons and a climax that lasts less than 2 lines. Then the villagers and I were happy and then apparently they were in another universe and I went back to mine. The End."
And this is all done in about the size of one of your paragraphs. I have nothing against simple storylines that can be easily summed up. But when the summary can detail the entire content of the story in a more clear method than the actual story you know you've
done something wrong. Just let things sink in before resolving them man! Show some grasp of suspense!
Sixth, originality (or lack thereof) and story:
This story has been done to death so many times that it has to be done impeccably to garner satisfaction. Steve vs Ender Dragon is the cliché MC story. The most original thing you had here was the multiverse idea and that was unexplained and just ended up confusing me. The plot-holes were relentless and destroyed the flow of the story.
Seventh, it's humourless:
It takes itself way too seriously.
That's all I can think of now after two hours fine-tuning this. So I hope you find this help useful for your writing and don't completely hate me after it.
The Order of the Stone was just a title taken from Minecraft's original subtitle which is based of the webcomic "the order of the stick", everything after the Ender Dragon being defeated was constantly being added, the story itself was started about a year before i added the extra things from the wither, the villagers and the part about horses so i didn't want to actually rewrite the entire story just to make it about 10 to 20% better and i haven't read any fan stories before i just did this because it was originally supposed to be a science fiction story... (Don't ask what Minecraft had to do with the Sci-Fi genre, the multi-verse idea was THE ONLY thing Science Fiction about this "thing") and i kept adding things after until i wanted to butcher the ending because if i didn't i would be adding 1.8 features by now. I might make another post about more things to do with this topic the sequel might take a longer time to make and will be on Google Drive, so people can follow the development of the story and give me ideas so until then. This is pointlessdavid42 signing out!
After reading this story again, I realized how terrible some parts of it were; I kept repeating sentences, things were out of order, and the whole thing seemed rushed. You can see videos of one of my friends reading it (Part 1) and (Part 2)
Actually, I've been making better SHORTER forms of writing! BUT they're not related to Minecraft so I can't post them here, UNLESS I rewrite this story, improve all of the bad parts, (maybe even put some of the suggestions Kmandy provided to use) and it's going to be great
Wow, i can't believe people are actually making detailed analyses on a story that my friend made, instead of generic comments like "this story sucks kys lol" that people make all the time. And also, i was the one who had to read the stories while pointlessdavid watched in these videos:
It all began when I had been awakened from a loud noise to see my city, being sucked up into a tornado before my very own eyes. I tried to escape, but I was only able to grab my axe, shears, compass and clock, as my house was being engulfed by the tornado. I managed to get past the tornado, running as fast as I could, I then tripped on a rock and fell down the edge of a cliff. I was falling at very high velocity, just before I made physical contact with the ground; I was able to make out flat grassland that went on for miles before blacking out.
When I woke up, there was grass and animals like pigs and sheep, there were even horses! There were no structures or signs of civilization AT ALL not even trees. I thought I was stranded, but then I remembered that I had collected some wood from the trees I cut down from the previous day. I decided to use to build a house from them. I used my shears to take some wool from some sheep to make a bed. I soon realized that it was getting dark, so I decided to go to sleep. The next day, I had to kill some pigs and cows to obtain food as there were no other food sources in that area.
I continued with the construction of my house when I decided to make a fireplace. I decided used this stone material called obsidian that I found before I fell off the cliff that I forgot to mention earlier. When I lit the fire place, I could’ve sworn that I had gone insane. The area inside the fireplace had turned into a spinning purple vortex of a portal. I decided to go to sleep to see if I was seeing things and that it would disappear the next morning. No luck, it appears that I wasn’t seeing things and that the portal WAS real. Then I did something that I regret ever doing, I decided to jump into the purple vortex and found out that it was a portal that took me to another dimension in another universe.
On the other side of the portal was what appeared to be a completely black room with a door, that didn’t disturb me but, gave me a large feeling of dread, but the things that were on the other side of the door were beyond imagination. On the other side of that door was this hellish dimension inhabited by tentacled flying white creatures that shot balls of fire, humanoid pig zombies wielding golden swords, black skeletons wielding what appeared to be stone swords, and blazing metallic heads surrounded by flaming rods that also shot fire balls.
The terrain was made up of some type of red gooey substance that seemed like blood with white crystal ores appearing occasionally. There was this other sand-like terrain that had what looked like screaming faces in it, as if there were souls trapped inside of it wanting to escape from their prison and return to their lives on earth. When I walked on it, it felt like someone was grabbing my legs, as if the trapped spirits wanted me to put an end to their torture. There was also a lot of fire and lava everywhere, there were rivers of lava, lava lakes, and even lava falls! I tried to check the time, but my clock and my compass were going insane. The area where the portal was located was right next to a fortress. I tried to run back to the black room when I accidentally fell into a pit of lava and possibly died.
I remember waking up in this new land that had certain animal like chickens, pigs, cows, and horses. I kept seeing this strange message to collect wood by punching a tree and when I collected the wood I was rewarded with an achievement for completing that task. I could now punch things without hurting my hand. I decided to make a shelter to survive in the night, but I didn’t build it in time and soon found out that monsters spawned in the night. I finished building my house, made a bed, and then crafted some tools.
After I crafted the tools, I went mining to get the materials to build a house as fast as I could so I could survive the horrors of the night. I mined the stone, which became cobble stone and used it to build a 3x3 square meter house and I crafted a bed to sleep in… The next day, I went back to the mine I mine I had made to mine some ores. First I mined coal, which I soon used to fuel a furnace that would smelt all the other ores that I mined. I soon realized that it was evening and that I once again, had to go back to my house and rest.
The next morning, I crafted stone tools using the workbench I built using the wooden planks I made. I then mined some iron ores which I had to smelt into iron ingots which I crafted into tools using my workbench. I then went back into the mine and mined some more iron, which I used to craft more tools, this time made of iron. I soon went back to the mine and mined some Lapis Lazuli ores which I smelted to create Lapis Lazuli that I used to dye some leather tunics blue. I once again rested.
Then I mined some gold ore that I smelted to make gold ingots that I used with some more sticks to make gold tools. The problem with gold is that it’s less durable than wood but stronger than iron. And it’s the most enchantable material in that universe. (Yes I could enchant items.) I then hastily mined some Redstone ores which are used as the main power source of the universe, and diamond ores along with an emerald ore and got out of the mine. I then made diamond tools and armor I went back to the surface and took another rest.
I then mined some obsidian because I had to go back to that hellish dimension that I found out was called “The Nether”; I obtained some Blaze Rods after I killed some Blazes, (those blazing heads). I got Ghast tears from Ghasts (Those floating white things with tentacles). Finally, I collected a few golden swords that were dropped from Zombie Pigmen. (The humanoid pig zombies), the ground’s material in that universe’s Nether looked more like human flesh and was called “Netherrack” I mined some “Nether Quartz” (The material that came from the ores) Finally, I collected some skulls from the black skeletons which I found out were called “Wither Skeletons”.
Then I had to fill in a portal frame with Eyes of Ender, made from Ender Pearls dropped by Endermen, to get to a third and final dimension called “The End” a floating island in the sky inhabited by Endermen and defeat the Ender Dragon to save the Multiverse. I had also found out that this universe was the medieval time period, infected by the monsters controlled by the Ender Dragon. I returned to the Nether and something happened, the whole dimension transformed into my universe’s Nether so I started to search for the black room and guess what? I found it! So I entered the room, locked the door and entered the portal. The next thing I knew, I was back in my house! I decided to go to sleep, when I woke up, I couldn’t believe my eyes, everything was back to normal, even my city was still intact! It was as I had gone into an alternate universe…
But then I remembered something! I had kept some of the Wither Skeleton Skulls and Souls Sand and kept having this dream that gave a cryptic message to stack the soul sand in a T-shape and put three wither skulls on top of it. So after about a week passed I decided to perform this task. And I wish I never had done that at all in my entire life. When I put on the third and final skull, the model became a living being!!! And since it was created with wither skeleton skulls; I assumed that the creature might’ve been called The Wither, which was the mental sign that told me, defeating the Ender Dragon was only the beginning of my journey and that I have a bigger purpose in my life.
Now as I was saying, I had summoned the Wither a black skeletal creature that had three heads. It also had the ability to fly, after it was summoned, it created a HUGE explosion that made a crater roughly 10 meters in diameter, during that period, it had some type of protective armor that didn’t go away until after the explosion. Then it started firing skulls at me and the other animals in its range of view. The skulls detonated when come into contact with anything. I shot it with quite a few arrows and after what I’d say was about 50% of its health was depleted, its armor appeared again, this time it protected it against arrows, which forced me to use my sword, after I defeated it, and I had obtained a ”Nether Star”. After that battle, the monsters from before started to appear again, in both my universe and the alternate universe.
I had no idea why it was happening; I had defeated the Ender Dragon, conquered the Nether, and recently defeated the Wither, but the monsters were spawning. I tried to kill them off, but they would keep respawning. Then, in the daylight the zombies and skeletons started to burn up! Literally! They tried to find shade but if they didn’t find it in time, they would die. Spiders became neutral, creepers stayed hostile while endermen teleported away when I came close to them. I was wandering off until I ran into an iron golem. I decided to follow it and what it lead me to, was a village!
At the village, a noble priest told me about the history of their people and their world, they told me that the entire world had been infected by the Ender Dragon many years ago. The results were devastating… causing massive earthquakes and other natural disasters such as tornados… and causing the world to temporarily be reverted back to its… original, state… then I realized that it all made sense now! From the tornado to the reversion of my universe, everything and I mean EVERYTHING was all a part of the Ender Dragon’s doings. The priest also said that these phenomena were the beginnings of the corruption process. He said I could trade with their people anytime. So, I soon realized that my armor was heavily damaged and that I needed either a new set or a repair, so I traded with the villager and got a new full set of diamond armor, which cost me about one emerald. The priest also ordered three equally noble knights to assist me in my journeys. Then I was back on my adventure to save my own universe and the rest of the Multiverse from further corruption by the Ender Dragon.
With new information available, I sent out to find the nearest End Portal I could, but I was halted in my tracks by a horde of monsters. We fought off as many as we could but the horde somehow captured us and took us to a dungeon. In the dungeon there were many blocks surrounded by metal bars with a spinning monster inside it, and before our very own eyes, monsters spawned out of them and started to pursue our party. We managed to escape the dungeon and make it to the surface. The following day, we were on a trail to something, we followed it and what it lead us to was another stronghold, but this one had an End Portal inside it! So we killed some more Enderman and received their Eyes of Ender to fill in the portal frame, go to the End, and defeat the Ender Dragon once and for all!
But when we went through the portal, something was different, there wasn’t just Enderman, it was all of the monsters from the infected universes along with multiple Ender Dragons. We were able to destroy the Ender Crystals to prevent the Ender Dragons from healing. After that, we started attacking the dragons and defeated all but one. We also defeated some of the monsters while simultaneously attacking the final dragon and we managed to defeat it and save the whole Multiverse! We were transported back to the village and was rewarded by the priest. Soon after, I went back to my universe and said “Farewell” to the villagers, and everything was back to normal.
Edit: “"sans-serif">…obsidian … that I forgot to mention earlier.” This is also a potentially destructive mistake. If you forgot to put something in, just go back and fix it. Don’t just say you forgot to mention it, or you’ll look like you have no idea what you’re doing.
This story actually echoes the style of my narratives from just a few years ago. Keep writing; you'll figure it out.
Nothing to see here...
First of all, the title:
I read the entire thing and I'm still not sure what The Order of the Stone is. I'm not sure if I missed something, but I just can't find it. It just makes you feel cheated because the subject matter is so different. I for example was expecting perhaps some sort of semi-masonic thing that we rarely see on these forums (from my searches anyway) and instead I got "Steve kills ender dragon again". I'll get back to this later in the post.
Second of all, the writing style:
It's written in the style of a possibly interesting story you might want to tell to your mates in a busy school-yard, but as it's too long you find yourself skimming over as many details as possible lest you lose their attention span. This is the only way I can describe it, having had that happen to me earlier today. The result is a sadly bare-bones story where little can be visualised in the way you want it.
Third, your reception of criticism:
Feel lucky you're getting any. I'm bloody desperate for intelligent criticism beyond the ever-insightful "You're good", or "Lol, at that joke". These are helpful in knowing what you're doing right, but you need the opposite side in order to produce a proper piece of writing. Plus, a number of your comments suggest a complete lack of enthusiasm in the writing and care for how it turns out. "I didn't have time to think about my wording." I'm sorry but this statement is an insult to good writing and why people cringe when they hear the phrase fan-fiction. No one is beating you to get a new segment out. Take your time. I take two weeks to a month on each of my things. As for the whole "Its already 5 pages". Length doesn't matter. My personal rule for this is, "if it's less than 2000 words, it's not worth posting. 3000 however, is the border of a respectable stand-alone piece." If it's longer the worst that'll happen is some troll'll say tldr. It shows at least some effort and commitment even if quality is lacking. Plus, work in size 11 font for writing. 14 gives no reflection on how long an actual thing is (yes, I tested, call me mythbuster). Also, if you're the only person who writes or is interested in writing or reading in your group of friends, its pretty much a guarantee you'll get no feedback of worth and they'll mostly enjoy it because they're just impressed you can put yourself through this. Try to find out what people found enjoyable about it. If they can't answer you, don't take the feedback for granted, it's fluff. Hate to put it this way, but it is.
Fourth no character development/dialogue:
Okay, I can't complain too much about this because I'm no master of character development myself. But at least try and create a cheap charicature or knock-off if you're going to create a character of significance. You don't even explain who the main character is, even by name. It makes him a blank story-telling vessel who just sort of does things. He didn't have an arc of any sort and never spoke, questioned what was going on, or had a personality of any sort. The three knights were just an embellishment given by generic priest number 75. What you've done here is give us no reason to care about what happens to anyone.
Fifth, the pacing in this story is just plain awful:
I'm sorry, but this is the only aspect of the story that is completely and totally flawed. It can be summed up like this:
"I woke up in a world via deus ex tornado. Then I did crafty things and went to the nether and fell in lava. Then I woke up in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD for unexplained reasons. Then I did more crafty things and went to the nether again and then went to the End because YOLO. Then I beat the Ender Dragon and came back to my original world and immediately thought everything was alright. Then I had unexplained dreams to make a wither and made it without questioning this whatsoever and I beat it in less than 5 lines of text without any apparent difficulty. And then villagers and something about parallel universes and the Ender Dragon is back without need of explanation and he's doing bad stuff. Then I went back to the End with more Ender dragons and a climax that lasts less than 2 lines. Then the villagers and I were happy and then apparently they were in another universe and I went back to mine. The End."
And this is all done in about the size of one of your paragraphs. I have nothing against simple storylines that can be easily summed up. But when the summary can detail the entire content of the story in a more clear method than the actual story you know you've
done something wrong. Just let things sink in before resolving them man! Show some grasp of suspense!
Sixth, originality (or lack thereof) and story:
This story has been done to death so many times that it has to be done impeccably to garner satisfaction. Steve vs Ender Dragon is the cliché MC story. The most original thing you had here was the multiverse idea and that was unexplained and just ended up confusing me. The plot-holes were relentless and destroyed the flow of the story.
Seventh, it's humourless:
It takes itself way too seriously.
That's all I can think of now after two hours fine-tuning this. So I hope you find this help useful for your writing and don't completely hate me after it.
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
The Order of the Stone was just a title taken from Minecraft's original subtitle which is based of the webcomic "the order of the stick", everything after the Ender Dragon being defeated was constantly being added, the story itself was started about a year before i added the extra things from the wither, the villagers and the part about horses so i didn't want to actually rewrite the entire story just to make it about 10 to 20% better and i haven't read any fan stories before i just did this because it was originally supposed to be a science fiction story... (Don't ask what Minecraft had to do with the Sci-Fi genre, the multi-verse idea was THE ONLY thing Science Fiction about this "thing") and i kept adding things after until i wanted to butcher the ending because if i didn't i would be adding 1.8 features by now. I might make another post about more things to do with this topic the sequel might take a longer time to make and will be on Google Drive, so people can follow the development of the story and give me ideas so until then. This is pointlessdavid42 signing out!
Everything will be explained in either a video or a third post
After reading this story again, I realized how terrible some parts of it were; I kept repeating sentences, things were out of order, and the whole thing seemed rushed. You can see videos of one of my friends reading it (Part 1) and (Part 2)
Actually, I've been making better SHORTER forms of writing! BUT they're not related to Minecraft so I can't post them here, UNLESS I rewrite this story, improve all of the bad parts, (maybe even put some of the suggestions Kmandy provided to use) and it's going to be great
Wow, i can't believe people are actually making detailed analyses on a story that my friend made, instead of generic comments like "this story sucks kys lol" that people make all the time. And also, i was the one who had to read the stories while pointlessdavid watched in these videos:
I can confirm this!