Hello, I'm TheCarlagas, and welcome to the Steve's Diary! Here, I made a diary about the adventures of the most explorer and brave player in the history of Minecraft: Steve. Day 1:
Today, I made a new world, I spawned in a forest, so by now I have a good start.
So, the first thing I need is some wood, so I chopped a tree and made a Crafting Table. Next, I made a pickaxe, and mined some stone. Then, I made a Furnace, a Stone Pickaxe, a Stone Sword, a Stone Axe, and a Stone Shovel. I walked some time, and I found a village, so I put my Crafting Table, my furnace, and a chest in one of the houses. I picked some wheat and traded with the villagers. Finally, I killed sheeps and made a bed.
-Steve I
22/09/13
CRITIQUE TIME
Brevity is the soul of the wit, and I like that.
However, I need to point out some things.
To make the writing both aesthetically pleasing as well as smoother (LIKE PEANUT BUTTER) you need to use less transition words such as "First, blah. Second, blah blah blah. Then, blah."
Also, like I said earlier, brevity is the soul of the wit. You don't need to include every tool (Stone Pickaxe, Stone Sword, etc). Simply "A set of stone tools" would suffice.
Also, the chapter entries should actually go somewhere.
Something more detailed, like if you walked some time, did you fight monsters? Was it a desert or plains that you walked through?
There isn't really a plot, and unless that's what you're going for, this is simply just an everyday person's survival adventure while playing.
Sorry if I seem harsh, this is just feedback. I'm attempting to be constructive.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Hello, I'm TheCarlagas, and welcome to the Steve's Diary! Here, I made a diary about the adventures of the most explorer and brave player in the history of Minecraft: Steve.
Day 1:
So, the first thing I need is some wood, so I chopped a tree and made a Crafting Table. Next, I made a pickaxe, and mined some stone. Then, I made a Furnace, a Stone Pickaxe, a Stone Sword, a Stone Axe, and a Stone Shovel. I walked some time, and I found a village, so I put my Crafting Table, my furnace, and a chest in one of the houses. I picked some wheat and traded with the villagers. Finally, I killed sheeps and made a bed.
-Steve I
22/09/13
Special Thanks to: CitrusFlower
I am Piccolo, the strongest Namekian!
Brevity is the soul of the wit, and I like that.
However, I need to point out some things.
To make the writing both aesthetically pleasing as well as smoother (LIKE PEANUT BUTTER) you need to use less transition words such as "First, blah. Second, blah blah blah. Then, blah."
Also, like I said earlier, brevity is the soul of the wit. You don't need to include every tool (Stone Pickaxe, Stone Sword, etc). Simply "A set of stone tools" would suffice.
Also, the chapter entries should actually go somewhere.
Something more detailed, like if you walked some time, did you fight monsters? Was it a desert or plains that you walked through?
There isn't really a plot, and unless that's what you're going for, this is simply just an everyday person's survival adventure while playing.
Sorry if I seem harsh, this is just feedback. I'm attempting to be constructive.