Minecraft Forums

I write a lot of fanfic (though not for Minecraft), and critique a lot more. Here's my take on your story:

First, don't get all stressed out about what I'm saying here. For some reason, most people are terrified of public speaking (I'm one of the rare exceptions; I'm a show-off) and public writing, like fanfic, falls into the same category. I know it's not easy for a lot of people to put a story out there and invite all and sundry to comment on it. So there's something to be said for doing it at all.

You asked for comments so I'll give you mine, but I know my fanfic critiques come off as very harsh sometimes. Remember that I'm commenting on your story, not yourself. Whatever I have to say about your story, good or bad, is about the story you presented for commentary -- not about you as a person. Just the story. Again, I'm commenting on this very cold-bloodedly, as a reviewer. This is about how to make your story better, that's all.

Also, with regard to your "...I was too scared" caveat: Don't be. Every last one of us is just a disembodied voice, just text on a screen. I'm not your boss, not your parent, not your minister, nothing but Aky, random forum ranter. I'm just someone who read your story. I like to think that my words have some value, but if you disagree, you can just ignore everything I said and nothing in the world will change. Don't be scared of what any of us disembodied voices have to say. All we are is voices. You can choose to listen to any or us, or ignore us, or draw mustaches on our avatars for that matter. There are a lot of things in the world to be scared of, but the opinions of a bunch of forum weenies is not one of them.

Now, on to the story itself:

The big problem with it, more than anything else, is that it's waaaaay to short. It's an outline for a story, not an actual story. There's no there there. Even a short-short is about twice as long as what you've written here. It has definite possibilities, but it never gets the time or space to develop them.

Most people think short stories are easier to write because, after all, they're not so big. Actually, it's the other way around. In a hundred-thousand-word novel, it doesn't matter if you waste a few words, or a few pages, or a chapter or two. The signal-to-noise ratio is still good, so long as you write the rest of it well. The shorter the piece you're writing, the more carefully you have to choose each element of it. When you get to a short-short (usually 300-1000 words) you have to choose every word very precisely, like a jeweler selecting just the right gems for a setting. In that regard, story writing is a lot like poetry: something like Paradise Lost has a lot bigger margin for error than a haiku.

Remember, also, that what you can see in your head only exists in your head, not in ours. You know what Mike looks like, what he sees around him, what his world is like, and so on. But we don't; you, the author, have to tell us. We can't know any of those details -- the details that make the story come alive -- until you tell us. That's another reason to make it longer: The longer the story is, the more space you have to put all those essential details.

So take that outline you've written, and start expanding it into a story. It's 170 words now ... try to expand it to, say, 1500 words. If you find you want to write more, don't stop there. You don't have an editor like the one I used to frustrate who's trying to cut your writing to fit a certain length; write as much as you need to in order to tell the whole story, and to let us see, hear, feel, etc., the same things you are when you're thinking about it. It's a decent outline, so now make a story out of it.

As far as the grammar: The finish matters. Think of it like a car: sure, that car will drive just as well even if it looks like it was painted by some amateur with a spray can from the hardware store, but most people would walk right past that wrinkly, drippy, oversprayed mess on the used car lot. A good presentation matters. There's a reason that, say, a store has their sign made by a professional sign company, rather than painting the name on a piece of plywood with whatever leftover paint they had lying around. Well, most stores; as you might guess, I'm thinking about one memorable exception to that. (they didn't stay in business long) It's also a sign of respect for your readers. Taking that store with the bad sign as an example, if they couldn't be bothered to even make all the letters in their sign the same size and on a straight line, they obviously don't care very much about their (soon-to-be-ex-) store. So, you need to get the grammar right, or at least close to right. Don't depend on a computer; learn this stuff. If you were going to fix a car, you'd learn how to use your tools right, wouldn't you? Writing is the same thing; words are your tools, so learn how to use them properly and effectively. A lot of it is pretty basic stuff. There are a lot of books out there that can help with this, and a lot of websites. If you're going to continue writing (and you absolutely should), you need the tools to present your work in the best way possible. Those books and websites can give them to you.

You should get what fanfic writers call a "beta reader" -- someone who reads over your stories and tells you what you need to change. (it's really a lot more complicated than that, but that's at least the gist of it). No, I'm not volunteering! I have no real advice on how to find a good one, because I found mine when they criticized an unclear use of pronouns in a story I posted elsewhere. Plenty of people praised the story, which did no good at all; that person who pointed out the pronoun problem showed me what I had to do to make it better.

And that leads to my last piece of advice: never stop improving. Whatever you write today should be better than what you wrote yesterday. What you write tomorrow should be better than both. In everything you do, whether it's writing a story or just a forum post, write the best you possibly can. Practice good writing all the time. You will get better, guaranteed.

And you definitely have some talent there. You really should develop it. I'm looking forward to seeing "All For Diamonds" expanded into a full-blown story, because it can be a good one.