Why don't you go hit your head on that little slab of stone?! It'll be fast and easy -- you can finally escape from this place!
No, no, please stop...
Oh wait, you're right! You'll just be revived again, huh?!
Please! I'm begging you!
You shouldn't have done it, Steve. Look, now that place is infested with those whatcha-ma-call-its -- those things your people mutated! Just to eat them, huh? You were "hungry", no, your people just started breeding like rabbits. We don't even HAVE rabbits anymore, dimwit! What's wrong with humanity?
It's not my fault... They forced me to!
Oh, they forced you, did they? You designed the plan. Don't blame them for it.
Stop!
And then what happened? Oh, yeah, they started rebelling. Too much intelligence that you gave them. Started finding the weapons, didn't they? Oh, yes, let's go put those gold rods JUST in their reach. They won't mess with them, will they?
We didn't know... No!
Yes, and then they studied its origins. They found materials, and ohhhh, yes, they made their own objects.
Please... no... I'm sorry... please stop...
What did you have to do then? Oh, no, you just pushed it aside. It was a phase, you said! And then they started killing.
Don't remind me!
What were those other things you mutated? You were trying to eat those ones too -- I forgot the name. But, oh, you forgot to cool them down properly, didn't you? They developed resistance!
I don't even know how that happened!
Those fire charges you guys had developed, they were using those too, weren't they? Oh yes, and the rest of the world was in quarantine while they ROASTED the whole scientific labs! That's like, EVERYWHERE, pretty much! One here, one there, oh, let's send a message over to the other side of the world. There's always more, it's not like it's going to end.
Please... It's not my fault...
Those little patches you guys farmed. With those mushroom ickies, the ones you thought always tasted a bit awkward. The ones you had to eat, because the rest of the food you guys sent to the quarantines.
...
Oh, stop BLUBBERING, you! It's not your fault little Stephanie and the rest had to go there because of the disease. It was also created by you, don't even forget!
...
And then when everything went out of control, and everything got absolutely ROASTED, to a CRISP, you decided to chicken out and use that door you've been saving. And where is that door now? Oh, yes, it's in that room you've been hiding down there! It makes those strange noises, kind of like the sound at the quarantine's asylum! I bet it's them, telling you that you're horrible.
Please... go away... It's too dark.
Why don't you set down some torches, then? Right about now is when the fungus starts developing, it only develops in this kind of dark, remember?
...
Yeah, that light is better, but I bet those groaners will probably find you. They can smell you from 100 footsteps away, remember? Oh, listen. It's the clunkers, those guys will probably shoot you if you don't cover it up.
...
Uh huh, better. You've surrounded yourself in! But those 7-footers can totally get in, you know.
...
Yes, just tall enough so you don't have to crawl on the floor. Doesn't your head hurt?
Please go away. I just want to go home...
Last time you went home, those fire chargers roasted you. And what happened? Oh, you just came back to your OTHER home. THIS is your home now, Steve.
The scientific lab... I found the door...
Yeah, you found the door and those awkward-mushies. So delicious, weren't they?
Nothing compared to the pigs from over here.
Yes, they have mushies here, too, they're just not awkward.
Yeah...
Oh, and then in the scientific lab, you saw your bros! Remember, they had those golden rods the test subjects had. Like, eight of them! So many.
Shut up, it's not my fault I had to kill them!
They probably went through so many mutations through all those years you were gone. How many years, Steve?
I don't know! Go away!
Oh, and the quarantine people that had been roasted! The toxic ones? Remember, they were, slapping at you. They were so mad!
Shut up! Don't talk about the quarantine people!
You SWORE you saw Stephanie, didn't you? Poor, sweet, Stephanie, you hacked at her until she broke into pieces. You were blubbering a lot, too. Wipe the snot off your face, Steve.
...
Don't be a baby, Steve.
...
Steve, if you do that -- ohhh, that's... a lot of blood.
I found separating the voices to be kind of difficult. Maybe switching one to bold/italics?
Should I expand on it?
A lot of times, a series can get dry and disgusting. It's like stale cake -- you can still eat it, but what's the point of eating something so expensive (time-wasting) that tastes better when it's fresh?
ohhhh, me and my crazy comparisons.
I would make one of them bold, but it's already been done :/ can't change it now.
Should I expand on it?
A lot of times, a series can get dry and disgusting. It's like stale cake -- you can still eat it, but what's the point of eating something so expensive (time-wasting) that tastes better when it's fresh?
ohhhh, me and my crazy comparisons.
I would make one of them bold, but it's already been done :/ can't change it now.
Thanks for feedback! :33
Maybe just one or two chapters explaining why he is so guilt ridden, who Stephanie is, what happened with the riots, etc.
Are you not allowed to edit posts?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
No trees were destroyed in the sending of this message, however, a significant number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
That story shall haunt me forever on MCF. Great job. I loved it the ending.
IT WILL HAUNT YOU FOREVER. AND EVER. AND EVER. UNTIL YOU DIE.
Haha, I would say "jk", but I really hope it sticks in your head. Thanks for the feedback!
I really do love it, plus, it's in bold now or something. I think keeping it from revealing too much (how it already is) is great. It's really suspenseful, I like it the way it is unless you can SOMEHOW find a way to make it better (Can't imagine how...).
No, no, please stop...
Oh wait, you're right! You'll just be revived again, huh?!
Please! I'm begging you!
You shouldn't have done it, Steve. Look, now that place is infested with those whatcha-ma-call-its -- those things your people mutated! Just to eat them, huh? You were "hungry", no, your people just started breeding like rabbits. We don't even HAVE rabbits anymore, dimwit! What's wrong with humanity?
It's not my fault... They forced me to!
Oh, they forced you, did they? You designed the plan. Don't blame them for it.
Stop!
And then what happened? Oh, yeah, they started rebelling. Too much intelligence that you gave them. Started finding the weapons, didn't they? Oh, yes, let's go put those gold rods JUST in their reach. They won't mess with them, will they?
We didn't know... No!
Yes, and then they studied its origins. They found materials, and ohhhh, yes, they made their own objects.
Please... no... I'm sorry... please stop...
What did you have to do then? Oh, no, you just pushed it aside. It was a phase, you said! And then they started killing.
Don't remind me!
What were those other things you mutated? You were trying to eat those ones too -- I forgot the name. But, oh, you forgot to cool them down properly, didn't you? They developed resistance!
I don't even know how that happened!
Those fire charges you guys had developed, they were using those too, weren't they? Oh yes, and the rest of the world was in quarantine while they ROASTED the whole scientific labs! That's like, EVERYWHERE, pretty much! One here, one there, oh, let's send a message over to the other side of the world. There's always more, it's not like it's going to end.
Please... It's not my fault...
Those little patches you guys farmed. With those mushroom ickies, the ones you thought always tasted a bit awkward. The ones you had to eat, because the rest of the food you guys sent to the quarantines.
...
Oh, stop BLUBBERING, you! It's not your fault little Stephanie and the rest had to go there because of the disease. It was also created by you, don't even forget!
...
And then when everything went out of control, and everything got absolutely ROASTED, to a CRISP, you decided to chicken out and use that door you've been saving. And where is that door now? Oh, yes, it's in that room you've been hiding down there! It makes those strange noises, kind of like the sound at the quarantine's asylum! I bet it's them, telling you that you're horrible.
Please... go away... It's too dark.
Why don't you set down some torches, then? Right about now is when the fungus starts developing, it only develops in this kind of dark, remember?
...
Yeah, that light is better, but I bet those groaners will probably find you. They can smell you from 100 footsteps away, remember? Oh, listen. It's the clunkers, those guys will probably shoot you if you don't cover it up.
...
Uh huh, better. You've surrounded yourself in! But those 7-footers can totally get in, you know.
...
Yes, just tall enough so you don't have to crawl on the floor. Doesn't your head hurt?
Please go away. I just want to go home...
Last time you went home, those fire chargers roasted you. And what happened? Oh, you just came back to your OTHER home. THIS is your home now, Steve.
The scientific lab... I found the door...
Yeah, you found the door and those awkward-mushies. So delicious, weren't they?
Nothing compared to the pigs from over here.
Yes, they have mushies here, too, they're just not awkward.
Yeah...
Oh, and then in the scientific lab, you saw your bros! Remember, they had those golden rods the test subjects had. Like, eight of them! So many.
Shut up, it's not my fault I had to kill them!
They probably went through so many mutations through all those years you were gone. How many years, Steve?
I don't know! Go away!
Oh, and the quarantine people that had been roasted! The toxic ones? Remember, they were, slapping at you. They were so mad!
Shut up! Don't talk about the quarantine people!
You SWORE you saw Stephanie, didn't you? Poor, sweet, Stephanie, you hacked at her until she broke into pieces. You were blubbering a lot, too. Wipe the snot off your face, Steve.
...
Don't be a baby, Steve.
...
Steve, if you do that -- ohhh, that's... a lot of blood.
--
Good morning, Steve.
I found separating the voices to be kind of difficult. Maybe switching one to bold/italics?
Should I expand on it?
A lot of times, a series can get dry and disgusting. It's like stale cake -- you can still eat it, but what's the point of eating something so expensive (time-wasting) that tastes better when it's fresh?
ohhhh, me and my crazy comparisons.
I would make one of them bold, but it's already been done :/ can't change it now.
Thanks for feedback! :33
Maybe just one or two chapters explaining why he is so guilt ridden, who Stephanie is, what happened with the riots, etc.
Are you not allowed to edit posts?
My fan fiction of the game: http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/1957118-programmer-my-first-fan-fiction/#entry24096758
I think keeping things mysterious is better.
As for editing, to be honest, I don't know how
Maybe I should. I might think about it! Thanks for responding :33
IT WILL HAUNT YOU FOREVER. AND EVER. AND EVER. UNTIL YOU DIE.
Haha, I would say "jk", but I really hope it sticks in your head. Thanks for the feedback!