I dont remember much from before i woke up. Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth. Its been a long time since i woke up on that lonely island. Since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is steve. Im not sire if theyre right but its all i have. I work for them gathering resources from wherever i may find them such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. Im not sure why the villagers are afraid but i support their choice for peace and not violence. I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday i discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapiz. Today is the day i go back to the smiths house to find out who was right.i find myself hoping its diamond because i grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how i got on that island. Maybe it wont. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
I usually don't nitpick this kind of thing but the point of a fan fiction is to write a story. The LEAST you could do is give your story the most BASIC SENTENCE AND PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE!
Also, wrong section.
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I usually don't nitpick this kind of thing but the point of a fan fiction is to write a story. The LEAST you could do is give your story the most BASIC SENTENCE AND PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE!
Also, wrong section.
As much as i appreciate your valid opinion, its a journal entry i planned on doing more. Also grieving isnt appreciated.
I usually don't nitpick this kind of thing but the point of a fan fiction is to write a story. The LEAST you could do is give your story the most BASIC SENTENCE AND PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE!
Also, wrong section.
As much as i appreciate your valid opinion, its a journal entry i planned on doing more. Also grieving isnt appreciated.
I dont remember much from before i woke up. Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth. Its been a long time since i woke up on that lonely island. Since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is steve. Im not sire if theyre right but its all i have. I work for them gathering resources from wherever i may find them such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. Im not sure why the villagers are afraid but i support their choice for peace and not violence. I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday i discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapiz. Today is the day i go back to the smiths house to find out who was right.i find myself hoping its diamond because i grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how i got on that island. Maybe it wont. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
Oh gosh, how am I to put this...? Instead, I will try gently to tell you what Badprenup meant. Let's see...
1. You lack proper punctuation
2. Some words are misspelled
3. Some words are not correctly capitalized when needed to
4. You need to work on either using line breaks or proper paragraphs
EX: Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming *syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth.
-> *straight
-> Every night I see glimpses of this black object coming straight towards me, spewing __________ from its mouth.
5. I think you're new around here, and for one thing, titles here are important. It gives out the main idea without actually giving it out (To actually understand it, you have to read whatever the author wrote.). First off, maybe you can think of something more interesting (Lures in readers real quick!) and please, capitalization (As a writer, I'm a little strict about that on the inside, it's just me.).
6. This was a diary entry? Because, while I was reading it, I was unsure what it even was. Until you told Badprenup what it was. So... Make that clearer please.
7. Could you show some story structure or build up? I really did not see any movement during this. There weren't many details, or any (I think.) and the story did not progress much. Or it kind of did, but it wasn't very interesting and being my young age (You probably have no idea how old I am...) it was not very obvious.
8. Diary entries usually have the date and time above it and this diary entry lacked both.
9. From where I think this is going, I think the story plot in your head is overused. As long as there is a twist, it should be fine, but please. The above.
Oh, okay then. Also, @sirjokesatxbl, keep writing. I, as a reader, want to see how (if you read post #6) you keep on writing. I want to see what possibly interesting corners and turns will be revealed.
Oh gosh, how am I to put this...? Instead, I will try gently to tell you what Badprenup meant. Let's see...
1. You lack proper punctuation
2. Some words are misspelled
3. Some words are not correctly capitalized when needed to
4. You need to work on either using line breaks or proper paragraphs
EX: Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming *syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth.
-> *straight
-> Every night I see glimpses of this black object coming straight towards me, spewing __________ from its mouth.
5. I think you're new around here, and for one thing, titles here are important. It gives out the main idea without actually giving it out (To actually understand it, you have to read whatever the author wrote.). First off, maybe you can think of something more interesting (Lures in readers real quick!) and please, capitalization (As a writer, I'm a little strict about that on the inside, it's just me.).
6. This was a diary entry? Because, while I was reading it, I was unsure what it even was. Until you told Badprenup what it was. So... Make that clearer please.
7. Could you show some story structure or build up? I really did not see any movement during this. There weren't many details, or any (I think.) and the story did not progress much. Or it kind of did, but it wasn't very interesting and being my young age (You probably have no idea how old I am...) it was not very obvious.
8. Diary entries usually have the date and time above it and this diary entry lacked both.
9. From where I think this is going, I think the story plot in your head is overused. As long as there is a twist, it should be fine, but please. The above.
Op? Did I miss something? Maybe I know Op, but I don't recall the name, Op, or any username really. Explanation would be appreciated. And me? Write this story? Uhum...
Op? Did I miss something? Maybe I know Op, but I don't recall the name, Op, or any username really. Explanation would be appreciated. And me? Write this story? Uhum...
Haha, OP = original poster. Are you sure you don't want to write it? I have a feeling punctuation would be present.
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Let me just translate this....
I dont remember much from before i woke up. Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth. Its been a long time since i woke up on that lonely island. Since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is steve. Im not sire if theyre right but its all i have. I work for them gathering resources from wherever i may find them such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. Im not sure why the villagers are afraid but i support their choice for peace and not violence. I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday i discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapiz. Today is the day i go back to the smiths house to find out who was right.i find myself hoping its diamond because i grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how i got on that island. Maybe it wont. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
And Translated:
I don't remember much from before I woke up, every night I get glimpses of this black object coming straight towards me spewing fire from it's mouth. It's been a long time since I woke up on that lonely island, since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is Steve. I'm not sure if they're right but its all I have. I work for them, gathering resources from wherever I may find them, such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. I'm not sure why the villagers are afraid, but I support their choice for peace and not violence, I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday I discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapis. Today is the day I go back to the smithy's house to find out who was right. I find myself hoping it's diamond, because I grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how I got on that island, maybe it won't. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
Haha, OP = original poster. Are you sure you don't want to write it? I have a feeling punctuation would be present.
Acronyms these days, agh. Wow, what did I just sound like? Anyways, I wouldn't have an idea where the story would go... Maybe a short story, who knows? If the OP is gone, this thread will sorta sink into the sea of abandoned threads. Kinda sad, huh?
Acronyms these days, agh. Wow, what did I just sound like? Anyways, I wouldn't have an idea where the story would go... Maybe a short story, who knows? If the OP is gone, this thread will sorta sink into the sea of abandoned threads. Kinda sad, huh?
Like someone who's just learned another acronym against their will.
I don't think the OP had a clue either. You never know, you could inadvertently write a blockbuster, a story so popular that people will whisper about it in generations to come, but then the OP would make an untimely reappearance and the true story would begin!
But don't be sad, sometimes you just have to let these threads go...... <sniff>
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ModeratorAlso, wrong section.
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As much as i appreciate your valid opinion, its a journal entry i planned on doing more. Also grieving isnt appreciated.
As much as i appreciate your valid opinion, its a journal entry i planned on doing more. Also grieving isnt appreciated.
That was hilarious..... it's a comedy right?
1. You lack proper punctuation
2. Some words are misspelled
3. Some words are not correctly capitalized when needed to
4. You need to work on either using line breaks or proper paragraphs
EX: Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming *syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth.
-> *straight
-> Every night I see glimpses of this black object coming straight towards me, spewing __________ from its mouth.
5. I think you're new around here, and for one thing, titles here are important. It gives out the main idea without actually giving it out (To actually understand it, you have to read whatever the author wrote.). First off, maybe you can think of something more interesting (Lures in readers real quick!) and please, capitalization (As a writer, I'm a little strict about that on the inside, it's just me.).
6. This was a diary entry? Because, while I was reading it, I was unsure what it even was. Until you told Badprenup what it was. So... Make that clearer please.
7. Could you show some story structure or build up? I really did not see any movement during this. There weren't many details, or any (I think.) and the story did not progress much. Or it kind of did, but it wasn't very interesting and being my young age (You probably have no idea how old I am...) it was not very obvious.
8. Diary entries usually have the date and time above it and this diary entry lacked both.
9. From where I think this is going, I think the story plot in your head is overused. As long as there is a twist, it should be fine, but please. The above.
Okay guys, did I leave anything out?
Op's gone, I think you need to write the story!
Haha, OP = original poster. Are you sure you don't want to write it? I have a feeling punctuation would be present.
I dont remember much from before i woke up. Every night i get glimpses of this black object coming syraiht towards me spewing from its mouth. Its been a long time since i woke up on that lonely island. Since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is steve. Im not sire if theyre right but its all i have. I work for them gathering resources from wherever i may find them such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. Im not sure why the villagers are afraid but i support their choice for peace and not violence. I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday i discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapiz. Today is the day i go back to the smiths house to find out who was right.i find myself hoping its diamond because i grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how i got on that island. Maybe it wont. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
I don't remember much from before I woke up, every night I get glimpses of this black object coming straight towards me spewing fire from it's mouth. It's been a long time since I woke up on that lonely island, since then i have established a residence with some nice villagers who keep saying my name is Steve. I'm not sure if they're right but its all I have. I work for them, gathering resources from wherever I may find them, such as in the abandoned shafts that the villagers do not dare to go. I'm not sure why the villagers are afraid, but I support their choice for peace and not violence, I find them blocks with ingots on the inside and they teach me how to make weapons and tools for survival out of them! Just yesterday I discovered this magical block with a blue ore in it. One villager says it may be something called a diamond that makes powerful and sturdy tools and weapons. Others say that they are mistaken badly and its simply lapis. Today is the day I go back to the smithy's house to find out who was right. I find myself hoping it's diamond, because I grow tired of my wooden tools not being able to get the job done. Perhaps if it is diamond it will bring me closer to remembering how I got on that island, maybe it won't. Either way whats life without a little hope right?
*Insert signature here*
Like someone who's just learned another acronym against their will.
I don't think the OP had a clue either. You never know, you could inadvertently write a blockbuster, a story so popular that people will whisper about it in generations to come, but then the OP would make an untimely reappearance and the true story would begin!
But don't be sad, sometimes you just have to let these threads go...... <sniff>