Hello all, thanks for taking a look at my brand new Minecraft Fan Fiction! I wrote chapter 1 of my very first Fanfic long ago, and was astonished at all the positive reviews I received. Even so, I dropped my story rather quickly. I then attempted various other stories, but just couldn't seem to get the ball rolling. This time, I am back with a better-planned idea and can't wait to start writing again!
Of course, I can't do this without your help! Below is a very short chapter 1 I put together. I would really appreciate your opinions and feedback so I can continue to improve. Thank you again for your time, and please enjoy!
I sat in my desk and played with my pencil, waiting for the teacher’s lecture to end so I could go home. Damn, still another hour, I thought after looking at my watch.
“Now class, let’s head out to the plantation to practice cutting down some trees on our final day!” beamed the teacher, Mr. Ericson.
Mr. Ericson was the woodcutting instructor. He had previously been a master lumberjack, but retired to teach. He was fairly old, and had streaks of gray hair, but looked young for his age. He was very well built and tall, with a chiseled face and somewhat spiky hair. He seemed sort of intimidating at first, but he was a pretty nice guy once you got to know him.
I nearly let out a groan. The rest of the class was excited for this surprise opportunity to test their skills and strength, but I wasn’t really interested. Oh well, at least I could get some fresh air.
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go Alex!” said Sam, my best friend. Sam was almost opposite of me in personality, or so most people in the class said. He was tall with curly brown hair, and matching brown eyes. He was always cheerful and social, whereas I could be rather shy and reserved.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” I said, rising from my seat.
I shielded his eyes from the bright sun as we exited the building. It was a bright and warm summer afternoon, not a cloud to be found in the sky. The school building was located at the center of the small village, and surrounding it were shops and stores of all different kinds.
The plantation was only a minute away, along with the wheat and vegetable farms. On the way the class passed the village bakery. I took a deep breath, inhaling the pleasant smell. I really wished I had some spare change for a loaf of bread.
“We’re here!” shouted Mr. Ericson, enthusiastically as we approached the plantation. “Everyone grab a wooden axe from the chest and find a tree!”
The plantation was a small field about 1000 cube blocks large. The ground was mostly composed of dirt, with a small amount of grass growing. It was surrounded by a simple fence, which was lined with several chests for storage of tools and saplings.
I liked it because it resembled the wilderness. When we were children Sam and I would occasionally climb the village walls and to try and see if we could get a glimpse of anything outside. Mostly all we saw were large forests and empty plains.
I was the last in line to grab an axe, and went over to an empty tree next to Sam. I put what he had learned in woodcutting class to use and swung at the tree with all my strength.
“Whoa Alex, you really are talented at this,” marveled Sam, who was having trouble removing his axe from his tree.
I laughed, and set down my axe to assist my friend. No matter how he tried, Sam would definitely never be accepted as a lumberjack. Tomorrow exams for jobs would be held. All of the current seniors, including Sam and I would be able to apply for our job of choice. If we are accepted, we will continue this job for the rest of our lives.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. I am definitely going to become an Explorer with you!” Sam exclaimed.
I frowned. One of the many professions that could be pursued in the village was the Explorer. It is a frightening job very few apply to. Even those who do apply rarely are accepted. While normal villagers are not permitted to leave the town walls, it is the Explorer’s duty to venture outside to collect materials and gather information. The mobs that plague the outside world are what make this job dangerous.
I have always been determined to be an Explorer. I can’t stand being cooped up in this small village for the rest of my life doing the same boring job everyday. Sure, woodcutting is fun and will help you put on a bit of muscle to appeal to the ladies, but it isn’t something I would want to do daily until death. I am more of an adventurer—or as much of an adventurer you can be in this small, uneventful town.
Sam, on the other hand is just following me. We have been friends since we were young, and I unconsciously dragged him into wanting to be an Explorer as well. I would feel responsible if he got hurt.
“What, don’t think I can do it? My grades have improved a lot you know, and I studied really hard for the exam!” Sam reassured.
“Nah that’s not it, never mind,” I replied as I got back to cutting my tree. That’s right, Sam wants to be an explorer almost as much as me. Even if we had never met he would probably have done the same thing.
An hour went by in what felt like minutes, and class was finally over. We piled our wood in a corner of the plantation and left to go home.
“This is it!” Sam exclaimed. “Tomorrow is the day we become Explorers!”
“Yeah, I am not taking no for an answer even if I do get rejected,” I said.
“That’s the spirit. Isn’t it exciting? Just imagine what we will see out there!” he said.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what we will see out there, Sam.”
Hello! Thank you for submitting your story to the Literature subsection. I know it can be hard to expose your writings to potential criticism but you seem to have understood and even openly welcomed that, so well done on that front.
As for my thoughts on reading your introduction, I noticed your particular emphasis on requiring feedback. I know how frustrating it can be to put a lot of effort into writing something and subsequently get ignored and not given feedback, and I'm not saying that's bad practice. Myself and almost every other writer here has asked for feedback at some point with varying degrees of emphasis, so it would sound ridiculous if I said that wasn't allowed. However I'd recommend that you don't place too much importance on feedback, at least in the beginning. If you continue writing it will usually come, and you shouldn't get discouraged if ti doesn't come as quickly as you hoped. If it does, that's great! But if it doesn't, don't feel like it's a judgement on your story. Again, I'm saying this this not because asking for feedback offends me or anyone else, but because I don't want you to lose faith in writing this story because there's a lack of initial feedback.
Boring lectures on believing in one's own merits regardless of support or lack thereof from others aside, I'll comment on your actual story. The prose is slightly dry, but you have all the basic concepts of it right. You've used paragraphs, which I commend you on (that may seem trivial but you'd be surprised how many people on the Literature subsection simply post blocks of text that are incredibly annoying to read). I, myself, am kind of infamous for demanding high levels of verbose description (of surroundings, people, objects, ideas and almost anything else that can be described) in stories, and have striven to make that one of the key features of my own story. You needn't write a whole book's worth of elaboration on scenery for every chapter, but you could include some more.
Now the chief way of finding out what needs more description in a story is asking questions and seeing if one can give more precise answers. For example, you can ask yourself the question: What does Sam look like? From the story I gathered he was male and not very strong. There's nothing wrong with sparse descriptions like this but lengthier, more elaborate ones tend to establish clearer, sharper pictures in the minds of readers and make the story as a whole seem more realistic, regardless of how fantastical and fictional it may in fact be.
So Sam is male and not very strong. How can one elaborate on that concept? Was Sam tall or short? Young or old? Probably young, considering he's graduating from high school. How does he look? What color is his skin and hair and eyes? How does he dress? How does he talk? Does he have an accent? What kind of personality does he have. He seems friendly enough in this story so far, but perhaps later on he can show signs of having a competitive streak in him or any number of other personality facets. I won't go into any further detail at risk of writing my own separate story here in the comments (it's happened :P), but you get the idea. Try and ask yourself those questions when you write the next chapters.
The premise of the story is interesting. I take it this is basically the story of two villagers living in Minecraft, and trying to survive and live using the skills required in the world of the game, these skills including the ones you mentioned,Lumberjacking and Exploring, and perhaps others that you will introduce later. I enjoy exploration stories in various worlds including Minecraft, so I find it interesting that the main character wants to be an "Explorer" for his village, a goal shared by his friend Sam.
in conclusion, I'll say that this is a really well-written story, and that I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you write in it. The dialogue and paragraphs are both great, and more description would improve it even further, as I said above. Good luck on continuing it, and keep writing!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Good beginning to the story, I like the basic premise... But i hope you manage to give it a twist because The premise is extremely overused... Good luck on your story, (I actually think i saw your first story yesterday while i was skimming the older pages) Also i second pretty much everything Kasparal said.
Hello! Thank you for submitting your story to the Literature subsection. I know it can be hard to expose your writings to potential criticism but you seem to have understood and even openly welcomed that, so well done on that front.
As for my thoughts on reading your introduction, I noticed your particular emphasis on requiring feedback. I know how frustrating it can be to put a lot of effort into writing something and subsequently get ignored and not given feedback, and I'm not saying that's bad practice. Myself and almost every other writer here has asked for feedback at some point with varying degrees of emphasis, so it would sound ridiculous if I said that wasn't allowed. However I'd recommend that you don't place too much importance on feedback, at least in the beginning. If you continue writing it will usually come, and you shouldn't get discouraged if ti doesn't come as quickly as you hoped. If it does, that's great! But if it doesn't, don't feel like it's a judgement on your story. Again, I'm saying this this not because asking for feedback offends me or anyone else, but because I don't want you to lose faith in writing this story because there's a lack of initial feedback.
Boring lectures on believing in one's own merits regardless of support or lack thereof from others aside, I'll comment on your actual story. The prose is slightly dry, but you have all the basic concepts of it right. You've used paragraphs, which I commend you on (that may seem trivial but you'd be surprised how many people on the Literature subsection simply post blocks of text that are incredibly annoying to read). I, myself, am kind of infamous for demanding high levels of verbose description (of surroundings, people, objects, ideas and almost anything else that can be described) in stories, and have striven to make that one of the key features of my own story. You needn't write a whole book's worth of elaboration on scenery for every chapter, but you could include some more.
Now the chief way of finding out what needs more description in a story is asking questions and seeing if one can give more precise answers. For example, you can ask yourself the question: What does Sam look like? From the story I gathered he was male and not very strong. There's nothing wrong with sparse descriptions like this but lengthier, more elaborate ones tend to establish clearer, sharper pictures in the minds of readers and make the story as a whole seem more realistic, regardless of how fantastical and fictional it may in fact be.
So Sam is male and not very strong. How can one elaborate on that concept? Was Sam tall or short? Young or old? Probably young, considering he's graduating from high school. How does he look? What color is his skin and hair and eyes? How does he dress? How does he talk? Does he have an accent? What kind of personality does he have. He seems friendly enough in this story so far, but perhaps later on he can show signs of having a competitive streak in him or any number of other personality facets. I won't go into any further detail at risk of writing my own separate story here in the comments (it's happened ), but you get the idea. Try and ask yourself those questions when you write the next chapters.
The premise of the story is interesting. I take it this is basically the story of two villagers living in Minecraft, and trying to survive and live using the skills required in the world of the game, these skills including the ones you mentioned,Lumberjacking and Exploring, and perhaps others that you will introduce later. I enjoy exploration stories in various worlds including Minecraft, so I find it interesting that the main character wants to be an "Explorer" for his village, a goal shared by his friend Sam.
in conclusion, I'll say that this is a really well-written story, and that I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you write in it. The dialogue and paragraphs are both great, and more description would improve it even further, as I said above. Good luck on continuing it, and keep writing!
Thanks! I know I am not an amazing writer, and I really want to improve (especially for my creative writing class I will be taking next year in high school), which is why I put such a huge emphasis on feedback, but you are right--I shouldn't worry about what others say and keep at it!
As for descriptions, I am glad you mentioned that! I am terrible with describing things, and am really trying to improve. Thanks for the feedback, and I will try my best to do better using your advice.
Thanks again for the all the constructive criticism and support, I really appreciate it!
Good beginning to the story, I like the basic premise... But i hope you manage to give it a twist because The premise is extremely overused... Good luck on your story, (I actually think i saw your first story yesterday while i was skimming the older pages) Also i second pretty much everything Kasparal said.
Thanks for the feedback! And here I thought I had a unique idea! I will try my best to make it interesting. I always feel my stories are bland and that I don't put enough "emotion" into my writing, so this is definitely another big obstacle I will have to overcome.
-snip-
Thanks for the feedback! And here I thought I had a unique idea! I will try my best to make it interesting. I always feel my stories are bland and that I don't put enough "emotion" into my writing, so this is definitely another big obstacle I will have to overcome.
The hallmark of a great writer is one that can take an overused storyline and create a whole new world with it.
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Hello all, thanks for taking a look at my brand new Minecraft Fan Fiction! I wrote chapter 1 of my very first Fanfic long ago, and was astonished at all the positive reviews I received. Even so, I dropped my story rather quickly. I then attempted various other stories, but just couldn't seem to get the ball rolling. This time, I am back with a better-planned idea and can't wait to start writing again!
Of course, I can't do this without your help! Below is a very short chapter 1 I put together. I would really appreciate your opinions and feedback so I can continue to improve. Thank you again for your time, and please enjoy!
“Now class, let’s head out to the plantation to practice cutting down some trees on our final day!” beamed the teacher, Mr. Ericson.
Mr. Ericson was the woodcutting instructor. He had previously been a master lumberjack, but retired to teach. He was fairly old, and had streaks of gray hair, but looked young for his age. He was very well built and tall, with a chiseled face and somewhat spiky hair. He seemed sort of intimidating at first, but he was a pretty nice guy once you got to know him.
I nearly let out a groan. The rest of the class was excited for this surprise opportunity to test their skills and strength, but I wasn’t really interested. Oh well, at least I could get some fresh air.
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go Alex!” said Sam, my best friend. Sam was almost opposite of me in personality, or so most people in the class said. He was tall with curly brown hair, and matching brown eyes. He was always cheerful and social, whereas I could be rather shy and reserved.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” I said, rising from my seat.
I shielded his eyes from the bright sun as we exited the building. It was a bright and warm summer afternoon, not a cloud to be found in the sky. The school building was located at the center of the small village, and surrounding it were shops and stores of all different kinds.
The plantation was only a minute away, along with the wheat and vegetable farms. On the way the class passed the village bakery. I took a deep breath, inhaling the pleasant smell. I really wished I had some spare change for a loaf of bread.
“We’re here!” shouted Mr. Ericson, enthusiastically as we approached the plantation. “Everyone grab a wooden axe from the chest and find a tree!”
The plantation was a small field about 1000 cube blocks large. The ground was mostly composed of dirt, with a small amount of grass growing. It was surrounded by a simple fence, which was lined with several chests for storage of tools and saplings.
I liked it because it resembled the wilderness. When we were children Sam and I would occasionally climb the village walls and to try and see if we could get a glimpse of anything outside. Mostly all we saw were large forests and empty plains.
I was the last in line to grab an axe, and went over to an empty tree next to Sam. I put what he had learned in woodcutting class to use and swung at the tree with all my strength.
“Whoa Alex, you really are talented at this,” marveled Sam, who was having trouble removing his axe from his tree.
I laughed, and set down my axe to assist my friend. No matter how he tried, Sam would definitely never be accepted as a lumberjack. Tomorrow exams for jobs would be held. All of the current seniors, including Sam and I would be able to apply for our job of choice. If we are accepted, we will continue this job for the rest of our lives.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. I am definitely going to become an Explorer with you!” Sam exclaimed.
I frowned. One of the many professions that could be pursued in the village was the Explorer. It is a frightening job very few apply to. Even those who do apply rarely are accepted. While normal villagers are not permitted to leave the town walls, it is the Explorer’s duty to venture outside to collect materials and gather information. The mobs that plague the outside world are what make this job dangerous.
I have always been determined to be an Explorer. I can’t stand being cooped up in this small village for the rest of my life doing the same boring job everyday. Sure, woodcutting is fun and will help you put on a bit of muscle to appeal to the ladies, but it isn’t something I would want to do daily until death. I am more of an adventurer—or as much of an adventurer you can be in this small, uneventful town.
Sam, on the other hand is just following me. We have been friends since we were young, and I unconsciously dragged him into wanting to be an Explorer as well. I would feel responsible if he got hurt.
“What, don’t think I can do it? My grades have improved a lot you know, and I studied really hard for the exam!” Sam reassured.
“Nah that’s not it, never mind,” I replied as I got back to cutting my tree. That’s right, Sam wants to be an explorer almost as much as me. Even if we had never met he would probably have done the same thing.
An hour went by in what felt like minutes, and class was finally over. We piled our wood in a corner of the plantation and left to go home.
“This is it!” Sam exclaimed. “Tomorrow is the day we become Explorers!”
“Yeah, I am not taking no for an answer even if I do get rejected,” I said.
“That’s the spirit. Isn’t it exciting? Just imagine what we will see out there!” he said.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what we will see out there, Sam.”
As for my thoughts on reading your introduction, I noticed your particular emphasis on requiring feedback. I know how frustrating it can be to put a lot of effort into writing something and subsequently get ignored and not given feedback, and I'm not saying that's bad practice. Myself and almost every other writer here has asked for feedback at some point with varying degrees of emphasis, so it would sound ridiculous if I said that wasn't allowed. However I'd recommend that you don't place too much importance on feedback, at least in the beginning. If you continue writing it will usually come, and you shouldn't get discouraged if ti doesn't come as quickly as you hoped. If it does, that's great! But if it doesn't, don't feel like it's a judgement on your story. Again, I'm saying this this not because asking for feedback offends me or anyone else, but because I don't want you to lose faith in writing this story because there's a lack of initial feedback.
Boring lectures on believing in one's own merits regardless of support or lack thereof from others aside, I'll comment on your actual story. The prose is slightly dry, but you have all the basic concepts of it right. You've used paragraphs, which I commend you on (that may seem trivial but you'd be surprised how many people on the Literature subsection simply post blocks of text that are incredibly annoying to read). I, myself, am kind of infamous for demanding high levels of verbose description (of surroundings, people, objects, ideas and almost anything else that can be described) in stories, and have striven to make that one of the key features of my own story. You needn't write a whole book's worth of elaboration on scenery for every chapter, but you could include some more.
Now the chief way of finding out what needs more description in a story is asking questions and seeing if one can give more precise answers. For example, you can ask yourself the question: What does Sam look like? From the story I gathered he was male and not very strong. There's nothing wrong with sparse descriptions like this but lengthier, more elaborate ones tend to establish clearer, sharper pictures in the minds of readers and make the story as a whole seem more realistic, regardless of how fantastical and fictional it may in fact be.
So Sam is male and not very strong. How can one elaborate on that concept? Was Sam tall or short? Young or old? Probably young, considering he's graduating from high school. How does he look? What color is his skin and hair and eyes? How does he dress? How does he talk? Does he have an accent? What kind of personality does he have. He seems friendly enough in this story so far, but perhaps later on he can show signs of having a competitive streak in him or any number of other personality facets. I won't go into any further detail at risk of writing my own separate story here in the comments (it's happened :P), but you get the idea. Try and ask yourself those questions when you write the next chapters.
The premise of the story is interesting. I take it this is basically the story of two villagers living in Minecraft, and trying to survive and live using the skills required in the world of the game, these skills including the ones you mentioned, Lumberjacking and Exploring, and perhaps others that you will introduce later. I enjoy exploration stories in various worlds including Minecraft, so I find it interesting that the main character wants to be an "Explorer" for his village, a goal shared by his friend Sam.
in conclusion, I'll say that this is a really well-written story, and that I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you write in it. The dialogue and paragraphs are both great, and more description would improve it even further, as I said above. Good luck on continuing it, and keep writing!
Thanks! I know I am not an amazing writer, and I really want to improve (especially for my creative writing class I will be taking next year in high school), which is why I put such a huge emphasis on feedback, but you are right--I shouldn't worry about what others say and keep at it!
As for descriptions, I am glad you mentioned that! I am terrible with describing things, and am really trying to improve. Thanks for the feedback, and I will try my best to do better using your advice.
Thanks again for the all the constructive criticism and support, I really appreciate it!
Thanks for the feedback! And here I thought I had a unique idea! I will try my best to make it interesting. I always feel my stories are bland and that I don't put enough "emotion" into my writing, so this is definitely another big obstacle I will have to overcome.