Then the the sun sets And the moon rises I can make a bet I'm not earning prizes As darkness once fell Something rings a bell A harsh groan is heard Why, it is absurd!
My mind has gone mad Or am I just bad Don't call me a noob I'm new to this cube I slip to the dark Next to some tree bark A sharp twang is heard Why, it is absurd!
I am full of doubt As I start to scout Around the big trees Quickly blows a breeze I shiver in cold Something attracts me But it was fool's gold Yet, despite a plea I was dragged in To somewhere I have been A loud hiss was heard Why, it is absurd!
Or was it?
I don't know where I am. All I see is a bright light. Should I walk to it? You tell me.
Nice poem. The only discrepancy I saw was that the rhyming pattern switched from
Rhyme A/
Rhyme B/
Rhyme A
/Rhyme B
to
Rhyme A/
Rhyme A/
Rhyme B
/Rhyme B
after the first line of verse, then switched back halfway through the third line then switched back a third time before the rhyming portion of the poem ended. I'm unsure if that's accidental or you purposely did that to change the poem, but either way it's a stylistic inconsistency so it's not really a mistake. I especially liked:
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Then the the sun sets
And the moon rises
I can make a bet
I'm not earning prizes
As darkness once fell
Something rings a bell
A harsh groan is heard
Why, it is absurd!
My mind has gone mad
Or am I just bad
Don't call me a noob
I'm new to this cube
I slip to the dark
Next to some tree bark
A sharp twang is heard
Why, it is absurd!
I am full of doubt
As I start to scout
Around the big trees
Quickly blows a breeze
I shiver in cold
Something attracts me
But it was fool's gold
Yet, despite a plea
I was dragged in
To somewhere I have been
A loud hiss was heard
Why, it is absurd!
Or was it?
I don't know where I am.
All I see is a bright light.
Should I walk to it?
You tell me.
Rhyme A/
Rhyme B/
Rhyme A
/Rhyme B
to
Rhyme A/
Rhyme A/
Rhyme B
/Rhyme B
after the first line of verse, then switched back halfway through the third line then switched back a third time before the rhyming portion of the poem ended. I'm unsure if that's accidental or you purposely did that to change the poem, but either way it's a stylistic inconsistency so it's not really a mistake. I especially liked:
"Don't call me a noob. I'm new to this cube."
Well done. Keep writing!