This story is written verily good. You have improved it a lot!
Thanks, that was my intention. Chapter 3 is working out to be a lot harder... 0_0 I am going to aim for 3,000 words, is kind of a battle scene but... (I should shut up before i give away way too man spoilers.)
Appearance: When in battle, Diomedes wears full obsidian armor. When he isn't, he wears thiner armor. Which is at least more vulnerable than his full armor. He wears a chain around his neck with an Ender Pearl is, which was his father's before... (read Bio)
Special weapon or item: A sword made of Enderstone (Things just got magical)
Bio: [This is kind of weird in a way. If you don't accept it because of this bio, I'm fine. :)]
When he was a mere infant and had just been spawned into the new world, or The End, his house was under attack. He does not know why to this day, but he remembers his father taking him to the safest place, which was with his other family. He grew up as a child with his grandparents and didn't see his parents until he was seven. His father told him that his mother died, suffering a rare disease from the effects of attacking years ago and died a week ago. She was in great pain and his father buried her nearby their attacked home on a hill.
Diomedes continued to live with his grandparents, angry at his father for letting her die. By the time Diomedes reached the age of ten, he was taken away to fight in the military. In the End, there were some problems in society at the moment which were predicted to last a few years (which is different in the time of the Overworld). He worked hard as a child and stayed in the military for ten years. He was not allowed any contact to his father or his grandparents. He escaped, with his skill, and returned to the home of his grandparent's. Upon arriving, he found the house in ruins and his grandparents dead in the center of the house, piled under rubble.
Diomedes rushed to the home of is father's house and was glad for once to see him alive. His father told him to leave, but Diomedes was foolish and stayed no matter how his father tried to get him out. Moments later, the door blew open and out came several creatures which covered their faces. Diomedes and his father defended themselves, but at the end, the house was broken down and his father trapped in the house and crushed. Diomedes witnessed his own father died and had no family he knew of to go to.
Angry, Diomedes seemed out a way out of the cursed world and found a way. He broke into a few places and kidnapped a few Endermen and Enderwomen, collecting information. Eventually, he found the Ender Portal. Using it, he escaped to the Overworld and was unable to be tracked after he had gone through. Due to a time glitch, he had aged and the number twenty-eight floated in his mind. And he assumed that was his age.
He learned of the weaknesses he had in the Overworld and what a dangerous place it was. He almost died nearly forty-three times he counted. He seeks out nothing and fights in honor of himself, and attacks every so often. Perhaps a real companion and to know what he really wants, for he has made allies before in that world, but only to be betray them and grow more enemies.
Any questions?
He found a companion, also i will be rewriting this just a smidge. He is going to be one of the head commanders of the endermen. He can't teleport unless he uses and enderpearl from another enderman. Also the Enderdragon(The egg hatched after steve killed it) Wants him back. Good?
name: Foxfiend gender: Male age: 23 species: probably human (no one is sure) special weapon or item: anything redstone. bio: He grew up to around age 8 in a normal village leading a normal life. That is when strange this started happening around him, random redstone would appear around him, the concept of electricity came easily to him after that. By age 9 he mastered his ability to make redstone appear so it appeared when he wanted where he wanted. Then he worked on summoning other redstone things. Pistons, repeaters, torches. This took him 3 more years to master, he was 12. The village kicked him out for witchcraft by age 10. In the mean time he perfected build with it. since then he has been working on making his home better and more protected on the nearby mountain. Recently he has been noticing a different kind of strange happenings and seen Ashley's home not to far away.
Hope you can find someway to implement my character. He hasn't been around people for a long time so he is going slightly insane. Yet though he is insane he is still very functional and someone to trust. He often talks to himself to keep him from finishing going crazy, and finding someone else will be a relief for him. Sorry for not including this info in the bio. Hope I gave enough info about him. feel free to make slight modifications.
How he looks: brown ruffled wavy hair. Red eyes, His right eye is covered in a redstone eyepatch that act as a replacement eye(lost in an accident) with extra binocular features. normal steve cothes with a white scientist robe around it that is stained with streaks of redstone(looks like blood from a distance, don't tell him, he doesn't know!).
name: Foxfiend gender: Male age: 23 species: probably human (no one is sure) special weapon or item: anything redstone. bio: He grew up to around age 8 in a normal village leading a normal life. That is when strange this started happening around him, random redstone would appear around him, the concept of electricity came easily to him after that. By age 9 he mastered his ability to make redstone appear so it appeared when he wanted where he wanted. Then he worked on summoning other redstone things. Pistons, repeaters, torches. This took him 3 more years to master, he was 12. The village kicked him out for witchcraft by age 10. In the mean time he perfected build with it. since then he has been working on making his home better and more protected on the nearby mountain. Recently he has been noticing a different kind of strange happenings and seen Ashley's home not to far away.
Hmmm, good character! (Might get me over this writers block. :D)
You should know that the skills you provided him with casts him as a wizard... (Someone who can easily place or conjure blocks)
Hope you can find someway to implement my character. He hasn't been around people for a long time so he is going slightly insane. Yet though he is insane he is still very functional and someone to trust. He often talks to himself to keep him from finishing going crazy, and finding someone else will be a relief for him. Sorry for not including this info in the bio. Hope I gave enough info about him. feel free to make slight modifications.
How he looks: brown ruffled wavy hair. Red eyes, His right eye is covered in a redstone eyepatch that act as a replacement eye(lost in an accident) with extra binocular features. normal steve cothes with a white scientist robe around it that is stained with streaks of redstone(looks like blood from a distance, don't tell him, he doesn't know!).
name: Foxfiend gender: Male age: 23 species:human appearance: brown ruffled wavy hair. Red eyes, His right eye is covered in a redstone eyepatch that act as a replacement eye(lost in an accident) with extra binocular features. normal steve cothes with a white scientist robe around it that is stained with streaks of redstone(looks like blood from a distance, don't tell him, he doesn't know!). special weapon or item: anything redstone. bio: He grew up to around age 8 in a normal village leading a normal life. That is when strange this started happening around him, random redstone would appear around him, the concept of electricity came easily to him after that. By age 9 he mastered his ability to make redstone appear so it appeared when he wanted where he wanted. Then he worked on summoning other redstone things. Pistons, repeaters, torches. This took him 3 more years to master, he was 12. The village sent him to with a group of wizards so they might make use of his skills at age 10. In the mean time he perfected his techniques, and has been working on making his home better and more protected on the nearby mountain.
Appearance: When in battle, Diomedes wears full obsidian armor. When he isn't, he wears thiner armor. Which is at least more vulnerable than his full armor. He wears a chain around his neck with an Ender Pearl is, which was his father's before...
Special weapon or item: A sword made of Enderstone
Bio:
When he was a mere infant and had just been spawned into the End, his house was attacked by his fathers enemies. He was scared and alone, his mother spirited him away to a safe place before bidding him farewell. He was raised by his grandparents, out of contact with the rest of the world. After an indeterminable amount of years he finally gained contact with his father, only to find that his mother had long since passed away from a wasting disease.
Angry and distraught Diomedes returned to his grandparents realm and stayed there for a time, but as always War found them. He was forced into servitude fighting a meaningless campaign against his own people for ten long years. He advanced in rank until his command was only superseded by the Draconem itself.
His only wish was to regain contact with his grandparents. The Draconem refused him his leave so he took it instead. He returned to the house only to find a cruel mark listed over the remains of the house. He was escorted back to the Draconem's arena, and chided for disobeying orders.
Enraged he cast his allegiance aside and stepped through the void to reach his father. His father Saw him appear and hurriedly commanded him to leave. Before he could the house was ripped open and the Draconem's children ripped his father apart before him.
Diomedes cast himself into the void, hoping to die. Instead he awoke in a vaguely familiar world. Slowly he learned how to survive in the overworld, living as a thief and a warrior. Fighting for honor and dignity. He spurns his weaknesses in favor of his strengths and eludes the Draconem's bidding.
Finally got around to it... Quite a bit rewritten,
Hmmm, good character! (Might get me over this writers block. )
You should know that the skills you provided him with casts him as a wizard... (Someone who can easily place or conjure blocks)
Sound good, might edit his appearance a bit...
Good thing a wizard is a class and not a race. I do a lot of roleplaying and know the difference. You are right about that but he isn't a normal wiz. Normally when you think of wizards you think fireballs and ice blasts. He is more of a conjurer I think. I maybe getting terms mixed up though. Hope this helps. thanks for the compliment.
Good thing a wizard is a class and not a race. I do a lot of roleplaying and know the difference. You are right about that but he isn't a normal wiz. Normally when you think of wizards you think fireballs and ice blasts. He is more of a conjurer I think. I maybe getting terms mixed up though. Hope this helps. thanks for the compliment.
Ahh, No. Wizards in this world are people who can conjure blocks,(not from inventory) Instantly place blocks(Time delay in the future.), Or are telepathic.
Hmmm, good character! (Might get me over this writers block. )
You should know that the skills you provided him with casts him as a wizard... (Someone who can easily place or conjure blocks)
Sound good, might edit his appearance a bit...
I've been thinking about the character a bit. Just conjuring the blocks he needs doesn't sound right either, I feel that he more draws the resources out of the ground and if the resources aren't in any of the chunks nearby then he is unable to draw them up. If it is a bit late and you've already started working with him then keep him how he is.
I've been thinking about the character a bit. Just conjuring the blocks he needs doesn't sound right either, I feel that he more draws the resources out of the ground and if the resources aren't in any of the chunks nearby then he is unable to draw them up. If it is a bit late and you've already started working with him then keep him how he is.
Still a bit stuck on the writing part, but he will be able to just conjure/create redstone machinery. I rather he has that essential Overpowered feel.
I'm sorry, it's been a while since I've checked back in with this forum, I think you maybe right about that over powered bit, perhaps having him get exausted and using more energy for bigger things would make it more balanced, so if he want to do something small he only needs a snack after it but for something large it may require him to sleep for a day or more after and he would be very hungry.
Thou I love the playfull crazyness you gave him in that chapter. And after a stunt like that he would be a bit tired, makes sense that he fell asleep right there.
When writing a story it is good to remember where it is going and flesh it out from there. Even let the story get side tracked from time to time as long as it comes back to the story. I'm excited to see what happens when Foxfiend wakes.
When writing a story it is good to remember where it is going and flesh it out from there. Even let the story get side tracked from time to time as long as it comes back to the story. I'm excited to see what happens when Foxfiend wakes.
Also, where this is going to take the story with Ashley/Stormgale.
Do you need more characters to populate the world? I'm sure I can start working on more characters, will probably be small side characters that have little to do with the story except maybe plot pushers.
name; Garry gender; Male age; 20 species; Villager special weapon or item; Lucky Family Emerald bio; Just a villager that disaster seems to avoid, example: if a house was to fall it would fall right behind him instead of on him. Or if a projectile is shot at him the person just can't quite seem to hit. He actually has to choose to let disaster happen to him, but when he does it avoids those around him. He is convinced that his emerald is lucky but it is him. The lucky emerald is actually a key to a hidden machine that can restore an area of choosing to a previous version of minecraft so old features(milk healing, any other mechanics that are changed) work. He doesn't know that he has a key nor does he know of this machine. because of incompatibility of versions the longer the area is in the earlier version the more unstable it gets and the chance of it just falling out of the world increases. Also the farther back the version the faster in destabilizes.Gosh darn it, I wanted to do a simple character and ideas started flowing. well, hope you can use him.
gender: Male
age: 23
species: probably human (no one is sure)
special weapon or item: anything redstone.
bio: He grew up to around age 8 in a normal village leading a normal life. That is when strange this started happening around him, random redstone would appear around him, the concept of electricity came easily to him after that. By age 9 he mastered his ability to make redstone appear so it appeared when he wanted where he wanted. Then he worked on summoning other redstone things. Pistons, repeaters, torches. This took him 3 more years to master, he was 12. The village kicked him out for witchcraft by age 10. In the mean time he perfected build with it. since then he has been working on making his home better and more protected on the nearby mountain. Recently he has been noticing a different kind of strange happenings and seen Ashley's home not to far away.
How he looks: brown ruffled wavy hair. Red eyes, His right eye is covered in a redstone eyepatch that act as a replacement eye(lost in an accident) with extra binocular features. normal steve cothes with a white scientist robe around it that is stained with streaks of redstone(looks like blood from a distance, don't tell him, he doesn't know!).
You should know that the skills you provided him with casts him as a wizard... (Someone who can easily place or conjure blocks)
Sound good, might edit his appearance a bit...
name: Foxfiend
gender: Male
age: 23
species:human
appearance: brown ruffled wavy hair. Red eyes, His right eye is covered in a redstone eyepatch that act as a replacement eye(lost in an accident) with extra binocular features. normal steve cothes with a white scientist robe around it that is stained with streaks of redstone(looks like blood from a distance, don't tell him, he doesn't know!).
special weapon or item: anything redstone.
bio: He grew up to around age 8 in a normal village leading a normal life. That is when strange this started happening around him, random redstone would appear around him, the concept of electricity came easily to him after that. By age 9 he mastered his ability to make redstone appear so it appeared when he wanted where he wanted. Then he worked on summoning other redstone things. Pistons, repeaters, torches. This took him 3 more years to master, he was 12. The village sent him to with a group of wizards so they might make use of his skills at age 10. In the mean time he perfected his techniques, and has been working on making his home better and more protected on the nearby mountain.
little rewritten...
Name: Diomedes Chased
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Species: Enderman
Appearance: When in battle, Diomedes wears full obsidian armor. When he isn't, he wears thiner armor. Which is at least more vulnerable than his full armor. He wears a chain around his neck with an Ender Pearl is, which was his father's before...
Special weapon or item: A sword made of Enderstone
Bio:
When he was a mere infant and had just been spawned into the End, his house was attacked by his fathers enemies. He was scared and alone, his mother spirited him away to a safe place before bidding him farewell. He was raised by his grandparents, out of contact with the rest of the world. After an indeterminable amount of years he finally gained contact with his father, only to find that his mother had long since passed away from a wasting disease.
Angry and distraught Diomedes returned to his grandparents realm and stayed there for a time, but as always War found them. He was forced into servitude fighting a meaningless campaign against his own people for ten long years. He advanced in rank until his command was only superseded by the Draconem itself.
His only wish was to regain contact with his grandparents. The Draconem refused him his leave so he took it instead. He returned to the house only to find a cruel mark listed over the remains of the house. He was escorted back to the Draconem's arena, and chided for disobeying orders.
Enraged he cast his allegiance aside and stepped through the void to reach his father. His father Saw him appear and hurriedly commanded him to leave. Before he could the house was ripped open and the Draconem's children ripped his father apart before him.
Diomedes cast himself into the void, hoping to die. Instead he awoke in a vaguely familiar world. Slowly he learned how to survive in the overworld, living as a thief and a warrior. Fighting for honor and dignity. He spurns his weaknesses in favor of his strengths and eludes the Draconem's bidding.
Finally got around to it... Quite a bit rewritten,
Good thing a wizard is a class and not a race. I do a lot of roleplaying and know the difference. You are right about that but he isn't a normal wiz. Normally when you think of wizards you think fireballs and ice blasts. He is more of a conjurer I think. I maybe getting terms mixed up though. Hope this helps. thanks for the compliment.
I've been thinking about the character a bit. Just conjuring the blocks he needs doesn't sound right either, I feel that he more draws the resources out of the ground and if the resources aren't in any of the chunks nearby then he is unable to draw them up. If it is a bit late and you've already started working with him then keep him how he is.
Chapter 5 Uploaded "Endersight staff, FoxFiend"
Also, where this is going to take the story with Ashley/Stormgale.
if I did this right the link should take you to the image.
http://www.mediafire.com/view/arw5i2afpw5xwnv/foxfiends_arival.png
gender; Male
age; 20
species; Villager
special weapon or item; Lucky Family Emerald
bio; Just a villager that disaster seems to avoid, example: if a house was to fall it would fall right behind him instead of on him. Or if a projectile is shot at him the person just can't quite seem to hit. He actually has to choose to let disaster happen to him, but when he does it avoids those around him. He is convinced that his emerald is lucky but it is him. The lucky emerald is actually a key to a hidden machine that can restore an area of choosing to a previous version of minecraft so old features(milk healing, any other mechanics that are changed) work. He doesn't know that he has a key nor does he know of this machine. because of incompatibility of versions the longer the area is in the earlier version the more unstable it gets and the chance of it just falling out of the world increases. Also the farther back the version the faster in destabilizes.Gosh darn it, I wanted to do a simple character and ideas started flowing. well, hope you can use him.