Hey everyone in the land of minecraft. I'm writing a book that take you into the mind of a scientist and his journal. There will be a chapter every...about...Um.. One - Two Week's.
Plz with this story can you mined my spelling and grammar because in a few post this is a problem people say um dude you spelled this WORD wrong. and I'm like dude it's just a word.so plz mind my grammar
Anyways here's the story
Minecraft-A sciencetist journal:
Prologue:
As a young lad I was allways fascinated by the world of minecraft. All it blocks, it textures, the seeds, the animals, the food, and the long distance biomes. As a young lad my father told me many stories of the creator Notch I believe this was his name his name. He also told me of many other story about the ender men and the dead brother of notch...Hold on where are my notes ahhh his name was Herobrine. A very evil Soul hero was. Ahh but were are my thoughts My name is dovolon. And I was coded into the game to find out its secrets. To unlock the mysterys of the game.
Journal log 1:My purpose
Why is it that I'm here? Well that's the most asked Question that everyone in minecraft asks of me so I came up with a solution to write a book on the secrets of minecraft a.k.a this journal. Now to answer that Question you do have a purpose and that is to have fun and shape this world. You see it's not just to fight the ender dragon it's Much much more then that. But if that didn't answer your Question then this will during my travels in a minecraft survers I found a temple that had a many booby traps in it. From persureplates, to falling sand and gravel to even silver fish. But at the end of all that trouble I found a strange floting orb known as an ender pearl. But, it showed me something I can describe it showed me people having fun: building it was incediable it was so spectacular.now that sould answer you question: why am I here?
It's a good beginning, and I think it has the potential to be a good story. However after reading it there are a few things I think you could improve on to make it better. Below I fixed and bolded all of the spelling and grammar mistakes and wrote a few suggestions:
As a young lad I was always fascinated by the world of Minecraft. All its blocks, it textures, the seeds, the animals, the food, and the long distance biomes. As a young lad (You shouldn't use the same phrase twice in such close proximity) my father told me many stories of the creator Notch, as I believe this was his name washis name. He also told me of many other stories about the Endermen and the dead brother of Notch . . . What was his name? . . . Hold on where are my notes?. . .ahhhhisnamewas Herobrine. Yes, that was his name. A very evil Soul Hero was. Ah but where are my thoughts? My name is Dovolon. And I was coded into the game to find out its secrets. To unlock the mysteries of the game.
Journal log 1:My Purpose Spoiler:
"Why is it that I'm here?" Well that's the most asked question that everyone in Minecraft asks of me so I came up with a solution. I'm going to write a book on the secrets of Minecraft, a.k.a this journal. Now to answer that question, you do have a purpose and that is to have fun and shape this world. You see it's not just to fight the Enderdragon, it's much, much more then that. But if that didn't answer your question then this will: during my travels in aMinecraftserver I found a temple that had a many booby traps in it. From pressure plates (wooden or stone ?), to falling sand and gravel to even Silverfish. But at the end ofafter I got through all that trouble I found a strange floating orb known as an Ender pearl. And it showed me something I can describe: it showed me people having fun building.It was incredible, it was so spectacular. Now that should answer the question: "Why am I here?"
Now aside from the spelling and grammar mistakes, it was pretty good. However there are a few techniques you could work on. The main thing I can suggest you improve on is description. Who is your main character? What is his name? What does he look like? Where does he live? You can ask yourself questions like that and answer them to create a scene in the minds of readers. You should describe almost everything in your story in a fair amount of detail. I'll give you an example of your paragraph about the temple with traps written with more detail:
During my travels throughout a certain Minecraft Server, I stumbled upon a temple in the desert. It was made of sandstone and towered high into the sky. Inside, I found traps around every corner. Stone pressure plates triggered falling rocks and lava pits, while trip wires, thin to the point of imperceptibility, summoned skeletons and zombies. I walked slowly through the winding corridors, always fearing that the block just ahead of me in the floor would shatter into a swarm of hungry silverfish. But, despite all the odds against me, I eventually reached the end, and it was there that I found a smooth stone pedestal. On it was an Ender Eye, a small circular green disc that hovered just above the flat surface of the top of the pedestal. I picked it up, and inside its shining surface I saw a moving picture, as though I were looking through an ephemeral window into a different part of the world. I saw people having fun building on the grassy ground of Minecraftia. And it was then that I truly realized the purpose of the players of Minecraft. They were not there to labor or struggle or work to the point of exhaustion. They were there for one simple reason: to have fun.
It was a pretty good story, but those are some things you can improve on. Keep writing!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Good beginning, we arent trying to hurt your progress by telling you your mistakes. It is meant to be constructive so you can learn to write better.
Oh yeah, definitely. If that wasn't obvious in my earlier post then I should say this isn't to insult you or anything. It's just so you can improve and become a better writer. Unless you're the guy who wrote "An Angry Critique of the First Published Minecraft Fanfic", criticism is good!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
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Plz with this story can you mined my spelling and grammar because in a few post this is a problem people say um dude you spelled this WORD wrong. and I'm like dude it's just a word.so plz mind my grammar
Anyways here's the story
Minecraft-A sciencetist journal:
Prologue:
Journal log 1:My purpose
As a young lad I was always fascinated by the world of Minecraft. All its blocks, it textures, the seeds, the animals, the food, and the long distance biomes. As a young lad (You shouldn't use the same phrase twice in such close proximity) my father told me many stories of the creator Notch, as I believe
this washis name washis name. He also told me of many other stories about the Endermen and the dead brother of Notch . . . What was his name? . . . Hold on where are my notes? . . .ahhhhisnamewasHerobrine. Yes, that was his name. A very evil Soul Hero was. Ah but where are my thoughts? My name is Dovolon. And I was coded into the game to find out its secrets. To unlock the mysteries of the game.Journal log 1:My Purpose
Spoiler:
"Why is it that I'm here?" Well that's the
most askedquestion that everyone in Minecraft asksofme so I came up with a solution. I'm going to write a book on the secrets of Minecraft, a.k.a this journal. Now to answer that question, you do have a purpose and that is to have fun and shape this world. You see it's not just to fight the Enderdragon, it's much, much more then that. But if that didn't answer your question then this will: during my travels in a Minecraft server I found a temple that had a many booby traps in it. From pressure plates (wooden or stoneat the end ofafter I got through all that trouble I found a strange floating orb known as an Ender pearl. And it showed me something I can describe: it showed me people having fun building. It was incredible, it was so spectacular. Now that should answer the question: "Why am I here?"Now aside from the spelling and grammar mistakes, it was pretty good. However there are a few techniques you could work on. The main thing I can suggest you improve on is description. Who is your main character? What is his name? What does he look like? Where does he live? You can ask yourself questions like that and answer them to create a scene in the minds of readers. You should describe almost everything in your story in a fair amount of detail. I'll give you an example of your paragraph about the temple with traps written with more detail:
During my travels throughout a certain Minecraft Server, I stumbled upon a temple in the desert. It was made of sandstone and towered high into the sky. Inside, I found traps around every corner. Stone pressure plates triggered falling rocks and lava pits, while trip wires, thin to the point of imperceptibility, summoned skeletons and zombies. I walked slowly through the winding corridors, always fearing that the block just ahead of me in the floor would shatter into a swarm of hungry silverfish. But, despite all the odds against me, I eventually reached the end, and it was there that I found a smooth stone pedestal. On it was an Ender Eye, a small circular green disc that hovered just above the flat surface of the top of the pedestal. I picked it up, and inside its shining surface I saw a moving picture, as though I were looking through an ephemeral window into a different part of the world. I saw people having fun building on the grassy ground of Minecraftia. And it was then that I truly realized the purpose of the players of Minecraft. They were not there to labor or struggle or work to the point of exhaustion. They were there for one simple reason: to have fun.
It was a pretty good story, but those are some things you can improve on. Keep writing!
Oh yeah, definitely. If that wasn't obvious in my earlier post then I should say this isn't to insult you or anything. It's just so you can improve and become a better writer. Unless you're the guy who wrote "An Angry Critique of the First Published Minecraft Fanfic", criticism is good!
No problem! Long-winded, rambling messages are my forte. I'd like to see more of your story once you post it!