The fires scalded my eyes. But still I watched as my father’s kingdom was reduced to dust. Another explosion rang out and another set of screams joined the cacophony. The fires were working their way from the core of the city; The Castle.
No one had listened to me when I warned that there was a new leader of the hordes. One that was ruthless, one that had decided that a kingdom the likes of which we inhabited should not exist. It was my fault that they had not listened in time.
I watched below as a set of armed forces retreated, taking with them the meager survivors. They would start anew, in a new land, with new hopes, new dreams. I watched them until they were obscured by the smoke raging from the mineshafts.
Perhaps they would survive the land they were headed to. For a moment I felt an uncontrollable urge to join them, to ensure that they did survive. I vanquished that thought. Watching as small groups of humans still wandered the debris littered streets.
They ducked through the houses retrieving what others had left. I felt my anger grow as they confronted an elderly man, and then killed him to take his belongings. I pulled out my bow and targeted a nearby creeper, trusting my aim I fired.
Sadly I watched as the creature of hell reduced the group of scavengers to bones. I shook my head as I watched a group of skeletons walking through the dead. They would stop at every other body, then they would touch the hands of the corpse, and they would walk to the next one.
After they continued the body would start to change; the skin would shrivel for a second, before it melted off the bones. After that the bones would start to move. It would right itself and move a newborn undead.
A smash from the bottom of my tower broke my reverie, "My time was up." I listened as the first troops succumbed to fireballs being flung at them. The traps would only hold for a while. I listened as the dispensers halted abruptly. With an abrupt realization I knew who had come for me.
I touched a button to the side of my window and turned to face the door. The door flew from its hinges flying past me and out the window. From the darkness in the doorway I could see two rectangular squares of light.
He walked towards me, wearing an evil grin. I laughed at him, and his face dropped of emotion. Below us I heard the large piles of TNT triggering. Hero brine for that was his true name, Spun as the sound of lit TNT surrounded us. As he looked back towards me realizing his predicament I pulled my sword.
He looked at me and I saw a slight resistance give way inside him, "For my father!" I growled as I stabbed at his heart. In a flash his famed pick appeared to block my strike. I feinted downward then stabbed him straight through the chest as his pick struggled to resume its previous position.
I fell back exhausted, as the building gave a final tremor. When the blast came I felt nothing but happiness. "Those people now would have a chance!" My body twisted and turned as it chaotically ascended. From my height I could see everything. I could see the total of my father’s kingdom now reduced to ash. But as I approached the ground I felt nothing but peace.
The fires scalded my eyes. But still I watched as my father’s kingdom was reduced to dust. Another explosion rang out and another set of screams joined the cacophony. The fires were working their way from the core of the city; The Castle.
No one had listened to me when I warned that there was a new leader of the hordes. One that was ruthless, one that had decided that a kingdom the likes of which we inhabited should not exist. It was my fault that they had not listened in time.
I watched below as a set of armed forces retreated, taking with them the meager survivors. They would start anew, in a new land, with new hopes, new dreams. I watched them until they were obscured by the smoke raging from the mineshafts.
Perhaps they would survive the land they were headed to. For a moment I felt an uncontrollable urge to join them, to ensure that they did survive. I vanquished that thought. Watching as small groups of humans still wandered the debris littered streets.
They ducked through the houses retrieving what others had left. I felt my anger grow as they confronted an elderly man, and then killed him to take his belongings. I pulled out my bow and targeted a nearby creeper, trusting my aim I fired.
Sadly I watched as the creature of hell reduced the group of scavengers to bones. I shook my head as I watched a group of skeletons walking through the dead. They would stop at every other body, then they would touch the hands of the corpse, and they would walk to the next one.
After they continued the body would start to change; the skin would shrivel for a second, before it melted off the bones. After that the bones would start to move. It would right itself and move a newborn undead.
A smash from the bottom of my tower broke my reverie, "My time was up." I listened as the first troops succumbed to fireballs being flung at them. The traps would only hold for a while. I listened as the dispensers halted abruptly. With an abrupt realization I knew who had come for me.
I touched a button to the side of my window and turned to face the door. The door flew from its hinges flying past me and out the window. From the darkness in the doorway I could see two rectangular squares of light.
He walked towards me, wearing an evil grin. I laughed at him, and his face dropped of emotion. Below us I heard the large piles of TNT triggering. Hero brine for that was his true name, Spun as the sound of lit TNT surrounded us. As he looked back towards me realizing his predicament I pulled my sword.
He looked at me and I saw a slight resistance give way inside him, "For my father!" I growled as I stabbed at his heart. In a flash his famed pick appeared to block my strike. I feinted downward then stabbed him straight through the chest as his pick struggled to resume its previous position.
I fell back exhausted, as the building gave a final tremor. When the blast came I felt nothing but happiness. "Those people now would have a chance!" My body twisted and turned as it chaotically ascended. From my height I could see everything. I could see the total of my father’s kingdom now reduced to ash. But as I approached the ground I felt nothing but peace.
It's really good! I really like the description, and you know how much a compliment on description means coming from a description fanatic like me. I have two questions. One, is this going to be continued in a longer story or is it just a short story. And two, is this based off of Fallen Kingdom like dragontyron's aptly named "Fallen Kingdom" was?
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
It's really good! I really like the description, and you know how much a compliment on description means coming from a description fanatic like me. I have two questions. One, is this going to be continued in a longer story or is it just a short story. And two, is this based off of Fallen Kingdom like dragontyron's aptly named "Fallen Kingdom" was?
One; Most likely not. I have a lot on my plate and my family is getting back at me for spending so much time writing.
(They are throwing me a pink Sweet sixteen!(Yes i am a guy!))
Two; I doubt it... It could be though, not a central part of it taken from the video at the least though.
One; Most likely not. I have a lot on my plate and my family is getting back at me for spending so much time writing.
(They are throwing me a pink Sweet sixteen!(Yes i am a guy!))
Two; I doubt it... It could be though, not a central part of it taken from the video at the least though.
Um . . . well have fun with that. And yeah, it's pretty easy to make stories that resemble Fallen Kingdom accidentally because kingdoms being destroyed are a pretty common though sometimes well-used, as it was here, topic. I just though Herobrine destroying the kingdom and setting off TNT was too close to Fallen Kingdom to be a coincidence. Though now that I think about it, the King's son was baby and was killed along with his wife in a creeper explosion so maybe they aren't that similar. Though he could always have had another son . . . Who knows?
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Um . . . well have fun with that. And yeah, it's pretty easy to make stories that resemble Fallen Kingdom accidentally because kingdoms being destroyed are a pretty common though sometimes well-used, as it was here, topic. I just though Herobrine destroying the kingdom and setting off TNT was too close to Fallen Kingdom to be a coincidence. Though now that I think about it, the King's son was baby and was killed along with his wife in a creeper explosion so maybe they aren't that similar. Though he could always have had another son . . . Who knows?
No the son killed Herobrine and set off the TNT to make sure he was dead.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
It's really good! I really like the description, and you know how much a compliment on description means coming from a description fanatic like me. I have two questions. One, is this going to be continued in a longer story or is it just a short story. And two, is this based off of Fallen Kingdom like dragontyron's aptly named "Fallen Kingdom" was?
Please correct his grammar. I have nothing against most of the description, and I'd correct it myself... but... so tired and worn out from correcting one of Dejer's other paragraphs. Which I turned into... I believe... four paragraphs? Meh.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Please correct his grammar. I have nothing against most of the description, and I'd correct it myself... but... so tired and worn out from correcting one of Dejer's other paragraphs. Which I turned into... I believe... four paragraphs? Meh.
Sadly correcting grammar has lost it's appeal for me. That's what happens when you're correcting grammar on the Literature subsection. There's just too much. I think the story was actually pretty good, grammar problems aside.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
But... I cannot read a story with grammar issues. Maybe I'm a G-Nazi... meh, maybe not. I tend to have a rather unique/interesting style, and I... my god, I could easily be either of the four nations...
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
But... I cannot read a story with grammar issues. Maybe I'm a G-Nazi... meh, maybe not. I tend to have a rather unique/interesting style, and I... my god, I could easily be either of the four nations...
Sorry i am working on writing with better grammar.
So did i it only seemed right that he would go down with the remnants of his fathers kingdom. I meant for it to be more philospophical and to have him debating on wether or not to stay but this came out instead.
Dejers Garth
No one had listened to me when I warned that there was a new leader of the hordes. One that was ruthless, one that had decided that a kingdom the likes of which we inhabited should not exist. It was my fault that they had not listened in time.
I watched below as a set of armed forces retreated, taking with them the meager survivors. They would start anew, in a new land, with new hopes, new dreams. I watched them until they were obscured by the smoke raging from the mineshafts.
Perhaps they would survive the land they were headed to. For a moment I felt an uncontrollable urge to join them, to ensure that they did survive. I vanquished that thought. Watching as small groups of humans still wandered the debris littered streets.
They ducked through the houses retrieving what others had left. I felt my anger grow as they confronted an elderly man, and then killed him to take his belongings. I pulled out my bow and targeted a nearby creeper, trusting my aim I fired.
Sadly I watched as the creature of hell reduced the group of scavengers to bones. I shook my head as I watched a group of skeletons walking through the dead. They would stop at every other body, then they would touch the hands of the corpse, and they would walk to the next one.
After they continued the body would start to change; the skin would shrivel for a second, before it melted off the bones. After that the bones would start to move. It would right itself and move a newborn undead.
A smash from the bottom of my tower broke my reverie, "My time was up." I listened as the first troops succumbed to fireballs being flung at them. The traps would only hold for a while. I listened as the dispensers halted abruptly. With an abrupt realization I knew who had come for me.
I touched a button to the side of my window and turned to face the door. The door flew from its hinges flying past me and out the window. From the darkness in the doorway I could see two rectangular squares of light.
He walked towards me, wearing an evil grin. I laughed at him, and his face dropped of emotion. Below us I heard the large piles of TNT triggering. Hero brine for that was his true name, Spun as the sound of lit TNT surrounded us. As he looked back towards me realizing his predicament I pulled my sword.
He looked at me and I saw a slight resistance give way inside him, "For my father!" I growled as I stabbed at his heart. In a flash his famed pick appeared to block my strike. I feinted downward then stabbed him straight through the chest as his pick struggled to resume its previous position.
I fell back exhausted, as the building gave a final tremor. When the blast came I felt nothing but happiness. "Those people now would have a chance!" My body twisted and turned as it chaotically ascended. From my height I could see everything. I could see the total of my father’s kingdom now reduced to ash. But as I approached the ground I felt nothing but peace.
It's really good! I really like the description, and you know how much a compliment on description means coming from a description fanatic like me.
(They are throwing me a pink Sweet sixteen!(Yes i am a guy!))
Two; I doubt it... It could be though, not a central part of it taken from the video at the least though.
Um . . . well have fun with that.
Oh . . . well Herobrine and TNT were still involved though. But I guess you're right, they aren't that similar.
And is good story indeeeeeede!!!
TT2000, you are genius.
Please correct his grammar. I have nothing against most of the description, and I'd correct it myself... but... so tired and worn out from correcting one of Dejer's other paragraphs. Which I turned into... I believe... four paragraphs? Meh.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Reminds me of Fallen Kingdom, but still amazing.
8/10.
Sadly correcting grammar has lost it's appeal for me. That's what happens when you're correcting grammar on the Literature subsection. There's just too much. I think the story was actually pretty good, grammar problems aside.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Sorry i am working on writing with better grammar.
Good intro? Thanks.
So did i it only seemed right that he would go down with the remnants of his fathers kingdom. I meant for it to be more philospophical and to have him debating on wether or not to stay but this came out instead.
Stories get buried quickly... As i said the theme is similar.
A parody done of coldplay's viva la vida. And a Fan fiction here on the forums done by DragonTyron.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."