Two years before, Elizabeth's husband went out to look for diamonds. She waited days and days for him to come back. On the eighth day. She called up the miners to look for him. After two more days. They came back with bad news. “Elizabeth, your husband was killed a Zombie. None of his items are salvageable. We are sorry for your loss.” They walked away. Elizabeth stood in horror. “How could this be?” she thought. “ He is an explorer! He encounters zombies every day! How could this be?”
After she told the boys, all of them except Thomas started weeping. Owen cried the most of all of them. Thomas started crafting a tomb and they all had a funeral. The whole time Elizabeth wondering, was it really a zombie who killed him?
Back to the present. Owen became sick with salmonella. She asked the rest of the boys to take care of Owen and tend to the cattle. When they asked who would get the wood, she said she would of course. As she walked out, she waved back to the boys in the small barn. Then she went out to get wood.
She traveled to the jungle with her iron axe swinging in hand. She sung as she chopped away.
“Oh, I'm chopping trees, oh I'm chopping trees, oh I'm chopping trees in the jungle. And if you think that it is dumb, then you are looking at the wrong angle.”
After she got a stack she turned and saw a flash of white. She was knocked backwards and dropped her basket. She shook her head and picked up the wood she dropped. As she traveled back, she remembered the flash when she was a girl. She wondered what it was. When she came back. She dropped her basket. What she saw, was ruin.
I hope you like it! Next story soon!
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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, Minecraft is a journey of endless miles that does not start until you press that first button. Yes, I wrote this myself........
It's pretty good. I wonder what killed him... You could make the chapter longer and add again, more details and tension. If he died, then that is an area where you can stretch the chapter out the most. The mother's suspicions can also be more explained. How sad is she, really? The death in the beginning of a story is... Well, something your readers want to read, but you gotta add emotions.
Thanks again for the tips! I will work on that for the next chapter!
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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, Minecraft is a journey of endless miles that does not start until you press that first button. Yes, I wrote this myself........
The prose in this is actually written very nicely. It could be a little longer though, and you should definitely take Once's advice about only making one topic per story.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, Minecraft is a journey of endless miles that does not start until you press that first button. Yes, I wrote this myself........
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CHAPTER 2
Two years before, Elizabeth's husband went out to look for diamonds. She waited days and days for him to come back. On the eighth day. She called up the miners to look for him. After two more days. They came back with bad news. “Elizabeth, your husband was killed a Zombie. None of his items are salvageable. We are sorry for your loss.” They walked away. Elizabeth stood in horror. “How could this be?” she thought. “ He is an explorer! He encounters zombies every day! How could this be?”
After she told the boys, all of them except Thomas started weeping. Owen cried the most of all of them. Thomas started crafting a tomb and they all had a funeral. The whole time Elizabeth wondering, was it really a zombie who killed him?
Back to the present. Owen became sick with salmonella. She asked the rest of the boys to take care of Owen and tend to the cattle. When they asked who would get the wood, she said she would of course. As she walked out, she waved back to the boys in the small barn. Then she went out to get wood.
She traveled to the jungle with her iron axe swinging in hand. She sung as she chopped away.
“Oh, I'm chopping trees, oh I'm chopping trees,
oh I'm chopping trees in the jungle.
And if you think that it is dumb,
then you are looking at the wrong angle.”
After she got a stack she turned and saw a flash of white. She was knocked backwards and dropped her basket. She shook her head and picked up the wood she dropped. As she traveled back, she remembered the flash when she was a girl. She wondered what it was. When she came back. She dropped her basket. What she saw, was ruin.
I hope you like it! Next story soon!