So... we all know what happened to How To NOT Live Forever; my parents caught wind of it and insisted that I publish it. So I had to take it offline so that they didn't find it.
But now I'm lost; so I've begun another story. One that doesn't have an extremely overpowered main character.
Back story will come. Don't fret.
Update one, prologue.
I drifted in a semi-conscious state for what felt to be ages. The blank darkness around me was occasionally lit up with bright flickers of undulating, auric colors, but never for long.
And then I realized that I existed.
It was a rather dull existence. Anything not lit up by the colors was the pitch black of nothingness. The colors ceased to amaze me after a rather long period of time passed. I, of course, was sad. I was sad because I still had my memories - I would have preferred to drift through the shadowy world for all of time, content to not know anything. But something had to give me self awareness... again.
It was incredibly boring. The blandness of the world was all encompassing; I didn't even feel anything. Well, I take that back. My mind was a maelstrom of mixed emotions and half remembered traumatic events.
That's about the time that I literally bumped into something. The funny thing is that I didn't really 'bump' into this 'something' so much as feel it's presence next to mine - yes, the thing had feeling. It felt vast, immeasurable. It felt filled with sadness. It felt yellow. It felt like a river. It felt like the sun.
It felt conscious.
I tried to speak. "[i]Hello?[/i]" Reverberated through my mind - not the world. Surprisingly, the thing seemed to have heard me. A soft, slightly timid, female voice sounded in my head. "[i]Who... who are you? Where am I? I can barely remember anything...[/i]"
I would have gasped with the shock of 'hearing' another voice, but I had no physical body (or I assumed that I didn't) anymore.
"[i]Are you real? I've been here for ages.[/i]" I thought to the mind.
"[i]I don't know... how do I know that you aren't part of my mind?[/i]" It said to me. Then it continued. "[i]I've been here for... a long time. I'm not even sure if time means anything in this place." It paused here and I could sense it trying to remember something.
"[i]My name is Kiuki. I can't remember why. Just... call me Kye, though.[/i]" It said, after a few seconds. Or perhaps it was a few years.
"[i]My name is Lyda. I think my last name was...[/i]" I paused as I tried to find my memories again. "[i]Ainsworth. Yeah, that was it.[/i]"
Then a flood of memories about my family hit me. I paused for several seconds as I sorted through them.
They'd always been there for me. Always comforted me, always talked to me. Always let me take whatever path I chose.
Then I'd left them.
All five of them - my mom, dad, two younger brothers, and older sister - had probably attended my funeral.
I wasn't sure though, because, of course, I was dead.
Update two: plot advancements!
[/i] Chapter one: The Beginning
[i]After yet another indeterminately long period of time had passed, I had figured out exactly what I’d say to the other person.
[i]You know, I never thought I’d die alone. [/i] I finally thought across to Kiuki (or Kye), just as a particularly bright golden flash of color blinked into and out of existence.
[i]Wait… but then how am I talking to you? Am I… dead? [/i] She asked me as soon as I’d finished thinking.
[i]Well, I know that at least I am dead. I’m not sure about you, though. Anyways,
I ended up dying completely and utterly alone, not a soul nearby. [/i] Sensing her curiosity with my special spiritual perception that I’d gained when I’d died, I continued the thought [i] It was… I died… Well… [/i] My thoughts grew into a jumbled whirlwind of chaos and pandemonium. There was no easy way – actually, no way – to explain what had happened, not without starting at the beginning.
[i]Hmm… well, I guess that it all started when I appeared on that beach, so, so long ago. [/i]
After an eternity of darkness and bland nothingness – worse than this place we’re in right now – I found myself thinking. Of course, this led to me existing. And suddenly, I did. Exist, that is.
My light eyelids opened of their own accord, allowing me to see the world that I had been thrown into. A few cottony clouds drifted high in the sky, all without a care in the world, all delivering rain without a complaint. The sun made the already sharp shadows underneath the clouds appear even sharper, and, when I turned to look at it, blinded me with its pure brightness. I quickly glanced the other way, finding a peaceful looking forest behind me – one that was populated with loosely compacted oak trees.
Amongst the entire sight sensory overload, I became aware that I was lying on something that felt gritty and somehow soft. It was also somewhat warm, probably due to the sunlight that had been illuminating whatever it was… at least before I appeared there. I also became aware that rather hard little twigs were digging into my skin from under my white t-shirt.
They were vaguely uncomfortable and caused me to want to get up, so I did, sore muscles complaining and aching every inch of the way up. When I had gotten up, I noticed that the material I had been lying in was actually fairly tan sand. I raised my hand to my back to brush the remaining rough granules off of my shirt and got a good look at the long, rather narrow beach. I could see that there were kilometers and kilometers of this ‘sand’ stuff. Every now and then, some hopeless dead grass blades would be poking out of the beach, as if in lament of the battle they had lost. They stuck out like porcupine quills on a hamster, and felt like them too.
Now, at this point, I had no memories of who I had been, nor what I had been. I didn’t know how I knew about… all of the stuff I knew. The words I used, my mind picked them without my consent, calling up images and information to my consciousness as soon as I encountered anything.
The sand and the forest, I noticed, had a rather distinct borderline. It was located approximately twenty meters to my left, away from the water’s line, and consisted of green grass ending and soft sand beginning. There was no ‘meld period’, one just stopped, and the other began.
After all of this had been processed, my body became aware of another sensory stimulus, hearing. Waves crashed with miniature roars, boughs rustled their numerous leaves in the humming wind, and… in the distance, I heard a growing thunder. It was like… a thousand horses all galloping closer and closer to me.
This, of course, made me panic (I’d just woken up, what was I supposed to do?) and run into the forest – where I discovered my sense of smell. The scent of clay earthiness overwhelmed me, causing me to lose track of what I was doing and lose a lot of the control over myself. When I regained awareness, I found myself in one of the giant oak trees. Of course, this oak tree had thousands of light green leaves covering it like grass over a field and such, but I had no time to notice this; I was deathly terrified.
I was so worried because it was on some sort of floating boulder – ragged, with bits of it chipped off and moss growing all over it and vaguely spherical in nature – located in the middle of a giant ore covered rift between two sides of the earth. The freakishly unnatural roar, meanwhile, had disappeared – thankfully.
Logically, I had to get down. But my mind disagreed with me… “Stay up here were it’s safe and you have no danger of falling off of the small rock’s edges to your death!” It screamed at me.
Eventually, I did manage to get down. Something called a ‘strong gust of wind’ helped me make up my mind, and, when I reached the bottom of the straight oak tree, I could see that the boulder was actually medium size. It was also covered in the discarded seeds of the oak tree above me, littering the ground like puddles after a storm. One of the numerous blackened knotholes in the trunk of the oak tree glared at me.
“Hello? Anyone? Help?” I said, stupidly. Honestly, who could be there? I was in the middle of what appeared to be a giant trench, floating on top of a levitating land mass. Speaking of which, I slowly peered over the edge, grasping tightly to some weeds that provided rather poor handholds, attempting to see if the roughly hewn rock was actually levitating [i] or [/i] if it was connected to the ground by some more rock; a pillar which I couldn’t see.
“Oh, jeese.” I said. It was a long, long, long way down. I’m pretty sure that, in most canyons, there weren’t supposed to be clouds, right? It was also obvious to me, then, that the boulder was, in fact, floating. I calmed myself and asked muttered yet another question aloud.
“How did I get to this place, anyways?” I tried to penetrate the thick bank of clouds to see the bottom of the fissure I was currently floating in.
Suddenly, when I caught a glimpse of the ground far, far below, between two gray clouds clashing together, I gasped. Not only was it a [i] really [/i] long drop, there appeared to be a forest with a miniscule looking river running through it down there – it was so far down that I could barely tell that it was a river and not a thread of cyan colored silk.
I’d been alive for less than ten minutes, yet I’d already had a panic attack, mysteriously gotten onto an unsecured levitating rock with a giant oak tree on it, and discovered that there was some sort of world underneath the land I had [i] appeared [/i] in…
Sadly, this is how much of my life played out – so called ‘shockers’ every few paragraphs minutes.
[i]So, I eventually came to expect them and accept them as normal. I lost my intolerance to them and, in time, forgot that they were even called ‘shocking’ for a reason. [/i] I finished relaying the very first bits of the very first day to her and waited for feedback.
[i]Well… that’s really cool. Did you ever get down to that other land place? What was The Roar thing? How did you even get to that floating island? And, please tell me this, what did the trees look like? [/i] Was all she thought back to me.
[i]The… trees? They… looked like trees, you know, tall, chiseled with bark, lots of random leaves all over them. Loosely packed together, they created a dappling affect on the light and made the scene all moody and stuff, but, due to the fact that I had been running from… ‘The Roar’, as you call it, I had no chance to really look around and appreciate my surroundings. [/i] I sent back to her, hoping, in my heart, that it was a good enough explanation.
[i]Anyways, do you want to hear the rest of the story? It gets really interesting, I swear![/i] I eventually continued, dismayed at her continued silence.
[i]Yeah, I mean, it’s better than staring out into the blankness until we drift apart and forget that either of us had been nothing more than a figment of the other’s imagination... [/i] She told me after some time spent thinking. [i] We could both be dead. I think I’m dead. Something about… something called the Void? Argh… it makes my… mind hurt, I suppose, seeing as though I have no… head. Anyways, continue, please! [/i] Kiuki went on to say.
I'm sure that there will be more to come in a year soon!
PS: I would appreciate people picking out all the little things I didn't do, as I haven't edited this yet (I usually edit after every three chapters are released.)
Why? What's so good about it? (No, really... I haven't even checked it; I wrote it last night (Or was it earlier today? GAAH!) and, as such, it may have annoying (to me) errors in it.)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Why? What's so good about it? (No, really... I haven't even checked it; I wrote it last night (Or was it earlier today? GAAH!) and, as such, it may have annoying (to me) errors in it.)
To be honest I don't really care about grammar as long as it isn't unbearable.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Lost interest in Minecraft, only here for Off Topic. EUA YAXK NGBK G RUZ UL ZOSK UT EUAX NGTJY.
Quote from Zhorom »
Very long ago. One scientist. Take pig and bird. Boom boom science explosions. FlyingPig6789 happened.
So, I just finished reading the prologue, and I have to say it's REALLY intriguing. I definitely want to know what happens next and you did a really good job with suspense and then putting a sudden reveal at the very end. I thought the narrator was supposed to be the sentient personality of the Void at first, but perhaps that's only because the Void is sentient in my story, not to spoil anything . . .
The blank darkness around me was occasionally lit up with bright flickers of chromatic colors, but never for long.
Everything was black.
But I thought you said there were bright colors? Also, aren't colors always "chromatic"? I'm confused.
Other than that though great prologue! I really want to read the rest of the chapters. I have to wonder how a story can continue when the narrator is dead from the beginning. I suppose we'll have to see! Good work!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
So, I just finished reading the prologue, and I have to say it's REALLY intriguing. I definitely want to know what happens next and you did a really good job with suspense and then putting a sudden reveal at the very end. I thought the narrator was supposed to be the sentient personality of the Void at first, but perhaps that's only because the Void is sentient in my story, not to spoil anything . . .
The blank darkness around me was occasionally lit up with bright flickers of chromatic colors, but never for long.
Everything was black.
But I thought you said there were bright colors? Also, aren't colors always "chromatic"? I'm confused.
Other than that though great prologue! I really want to read the rest of the chapters. I have to wonder how a story can continue when the narrator is dead from the beginning. I suppose we'll have to see! Good work!
And so, my errors are revealed... I knew it.
This is what happens when I just type something out and pay no attention to said work.
PS: I know there are some other errors in there somewhere, and, if not errors, places where I could add more detail. Mind telling me where, though? XD**Fixed stupid errors. Beginning to work on chapter one. Probably won't post until tomorrow. SCHOOLS OUT! YAY!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
This is what happens when I just type something out and pay no attention to said work.
PS: I know there are some other errors in there somewhere, and, if not errors, places where I could add more detail. Mind telling me where, though? XD
You can add more detail almost anywhere you want, really. If I were to suggest a place I would say the environment and how the narrator feels about it. You mentioned it was black and had some colors but you could easily stretch that out. For example:
Around me there was only darkness, undulating up and down in waves like a stormy sea. It stretched on into infinity, as far as one could see and doubtless farther still. I might have thought I was blind had not the crest of each wave of shadow occasionally surfaced, just for an instant, into a rainbow of bright colors before being swallowed again by the ocean of the void.
My style is a little overdramatic I know, but you get the idea.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Yes... the thing is that her location is supposedly very VERY bland - no motion at all, just random 'auric' colors (auric as in golden) appearing at random intervals on a black backdrop of nothingness.
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Yes... the thing is that her location is supposedly very VERY bland - no motion at all, just random 'auric' colors (auric as in golden) appearing at random intervals on a black backdrop of nothingness.
It's a "her"? I couldn't really tell from the name. Also, if you meant it to be nondescript on purpose then okay.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Yeah, I remember thinking that "Lyda" sounded like a girls name but somehow I just assumed this was going to be one of those "you are the main character in many ways" things. And I'm pretty sure you aren't a girl. That was probably my fault.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Not even close. Your chapters will be about 11 pages long each. Mine will be about 4 pages long each, if that.
So, technically speaking, you are FAR ahead of me in terms of page count/word count... XD
Well perhaps. Currently I'm at six pages and just over 3,000 words so maybe they won't be that different. I just like to describe things a lot, and it makes my writing seem longer.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Yes... I tend to lie at a 7 on the 1-10 description scale. 1=He walked there. 5=He walked through the forest and up the hill. 7=He walked through the dark, mysteriously shadowed forest that was filled with twisted trees whirling their boughs in the wind and up the small, grass covered bump of dirt on the ground that could barely be classified as a 'hill'.
Something like that... XD
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
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But now I'm lost; so I've begun another story. One that doesn't have an extremely overpowered main character.
Back story will come. Don't fret.
Update one, prologue.
I drifted in a semi-conscious state for what felt to be ages. The blank darkness around me was occasionally lit up with bright flickers of undulating, auric colors, but never for long.
And then I realized that I existed.
It was a rather dull existence. Anything not lit up by the colors was the pitch black of nothingness. The colors ceased to amaze me after a rather long period of time passed. I, of course, was sad. I was sad because I still had my memories - I would have preferred to drift through the shadowy world for all of time, content to not know anything. But something had to give me self awareness... again.
It was incredibly boring. The blandness of the world was all encompassing; I didn't even feel anything. Well, I take that back. My mind was a maelstrom of mixed emotions and half remembered traumatic events.
That's about the time that I literally bumped into something. The funny thing is that I didn't really 'bump' into this 'something' so much as feel it's presence next to mine - yes, the thing had feeling. It felt vast, immeasurable. It felt filled with sadness. It felt yellow. It felt like a river. It felt like the sun.
It felt conscious.
I tried to speak. "[i]Hello?[/i]" Reverberated through my mind - not the world. Surprisingly, the thing seemed to have heard me. A soft, slightly timid, female voice sounded in my head. "[i]Who... who are you? Where am I? I can barely remember anything...[/i]"
I would have gasped with the shock of 'hearing' another voice, but I had no physical body (or I assumed that I didn't) anymore.
"[i]Are you real? I've been here for ages.[/i]" I thought to the mind.
"[i]I don't know... how do I know that you aren't part of my mind?[/i]" It said to me. Then it continued. "[i]I've been here for... a long time. I'm not even sure if time means anything in this place." It paused here and I could sense it trying to remember something.
"[i]My name is Kiuki. I can't remember why. Just... call me Kye, though.[/i]" It said, after a few seconds. Or perhaps it was a few years.
"[i]My name is Lyda. I think my last name was...[/i]" I paused as I tried to find my memories again. "[i]Ainsworth. Yeah, that was it.[/i]"
Then a flood of memories about my family hit me. I paused for several seconds as I sorted through them.
They'd always been there for me. Always comforted me, always talked to me. Always let me take whatever path I chose.
Then I'd left them.
All five of them - my mom, dad, two younger brothers, and older sister - had probably attended my funeral.
I wasn't sure though, because, of course, I was dead.
Update two: plot advancements!
Chapter one: The Beginning
[i]After yet another indeterminately long period of time had passed, I had figured out exactly what I’d say to the other person.
[i]You know, I never thought I’d die alone. [/i] I finally thought across to Kiuki (or Kye), just as a particularly bright golden flash of color blinked into and out of existence.
[i]Wait… but then how am I talking to you? Am I… dead? [/i] She asked me as soon as I’d finished thinking.
[i]Well, I know that at least I am dead. I’m not sure about you, though. Anyways,
I ended up dying completely and utterly alone, not a soul nearby. [/i] Sensing her curiosity with my special spiritual perception that I’d gained when I’d died, I continued the thought [i] It was… I died… Well… [/i] My thoughts grew into a jumbled whirlwind of chaos and pandemonium. There was no easy way – actually, no way – to explain what had happened, not without starting at the beginning.
[i]Hmm… well, I guess that it all started when I appeared on that beach, so, so long ago. [/i]
After an eternity of darkness and bland nothingness – worse than this place we’re in right now – I found myself thinking. Of course, this led to me existing. And suddenly, I did. Exist, that is.
My light eyelids opened of their own accord, allowing me to see the world that I had been thrown into. A few cottony clouds drifted high in the sky, all without a care in the world, all delivering rain without a complaint. The sun made the already sharp shadows underneath the clouds appear even sharper, and, when I turned to look at it, blinded me with its pure brightness. I quickly glanced the other way, finding a peaceful looking forest behind me – one that was populated with loosely compacted oak trees.
Amongst the entire sight sensory overload, I became aware that I was lying on something that felt gritty and somehow soft. It was also somewhat warm, probably due to the sunlight that had been illuminating whatever it was… at least before I appeared there. I also became aware that rather hard little twigs were digging into my skin from under my white t-shirt.
They were vaguely uncomfortable and caused me to want to get up, so I did, sore muscles complaining and aching every inch of the way up. When I had gotten up, I noticed that the material I had been lying in was actually fairly tan sand. I raised my hand to my back to brush the remaining rough granules off of my shirt and got a good look at the long, rather narrow beach. I could see that there were kilometers and kilometers of this ‘sand’ stuff. Every now and then, some hopeless dead grass blades would be poking out of the beach, as if in lament of the battle they had lost. They stuck out like porcupine quills on a hamster, and felt like them too.
Now, at this point, I had no memories of who I had been, nor what I had been. I didn’t know how I knew about… all of the stuff I knew. The words I used, my mind picked them without my consent, calling up images and information to my consciousness as soon as I encountered anything.
The sand and the forest, I noticed, had a rather distinct borderline. It was located approximately twenty meters to my left, away from the water’s line, and consisted of green grass ending and soft sand beginning. There was no ‘meld period’, one just stopped, and the other began.
After all of this had been processed, my body became aware of another sensory stimulus, hearing. Waves crashed with miniature roars, boughs rustled their numerous leaves in the humming wind, and… in the distance, I heard a growing thunder. It was like… a thousand horses all galloping closer and closer to me.
This, of course, made me panic (I’d just woken up, what was I supposed to do?) and run into the forest – where I discovered my sense of smell. The scent of clay earthiness overwhelmed me, causing me to lose track of what I was doing and lose a lot of the control over myself. When I regained awareness, I found myself in one of the giant oak trees. Of course, this oak tree had thousands of light green leaves covering it like grass over a field and such, but I had no time to notice this; I was deathly terrified.
I was so worried because it was on some sort of floating boulder – ragged, with bits of it chipped off and moss growing all over it and vaguely spherical in nature – located in the middle of a giant ore covered rift between two sides of the earth. The freakishly unnatural roar, meanwhile, had disappeared – thankfully.
Logically, I had to get down. But my mind disagreed with me… “Stay up here were it’s safe and you have no danger of falling off of the small rock’s edges to your death!” It screamed at me.
Eventually, I did manage to get down. Something called a ‘strong gust of wind’ helped me make up my mind, and, when I reached the bottom of the straight oak tree, I could see that the boulder was actually medium size. It was also covered in the discarded seeds of the oak tree above me, littering the ground like puddles after a storm. One of the numerous blackened knotholes in the trunk of the oak tree glared at me.
“Hello? Anyone? Help?” I said, stupidly. Honestly, who could be there? I was in the middle of what appeared to be a giant trench, floating on top of a levitating land mass. Speaking of which, I slowly peered over the edge, grasping tightly to some weeds that provided rather poor handholds, attempting to see if the roughly hewn rock was actually levitating [i] or [/i] if it was connected to the ground by some more rock; a pillar which I couldn’t see.
“Oh, jeese.” I said. It was a long, long, long way down. I’m pretty sure that, in most canyons, there weren’t supposed to be clouds, right? It was also obvious to me, then, that the boulder was, in fact, floating. I calmed myself and asked muttered yet another question aloud.
“How did I get to this place, anyways?” I tried to penetrate the thick bank of clouds to see the bottom of the fissure I was currently floating in.
Suddenly, when I caught a glimpse of the ground far, far below, between two gray clouds clashing together, I gasped. Not only was it a [i] really [/i] long drop, there appeared to be a forest with a miniscule looking river running through it down there – it was so far down that I could barely tell that it was a river and not a thread of cyan colored silk.
I’d been alive for less than ten minutes, yet I’d already had a panic attack, mysteriously gotten onto an unsecured levitating rock with a giant oak tree on it, and discovered that there was some sort of world underneath the land I had [i] appeared [/i] in…
Sadly, this is how much of my life played out – so called ‘shockers’ every few
paragraphsminutes.[i]So, I eventually came to expect them and accept them as normal. I lost my intolerance to them and, in time, forgot that they were even called ‘shocking’ for a reason. [/i] I finished relaying the very first bits of the very first day to her and waited for feedback.
[i]Well… that’s really cool. Did you ever get down to that other land place? What was The Roar thing? How did you even get to that floating island? And, please tell me this, what did the trees look like? [/i] Was all she thought back to me.
[i]The… trees? They… looked like trees, you know, tall, chiseled with bark, lots of random leaves all over them. Loosely packed together, they created a dappling affect on the light and made the scene all moody and stuff, but, due to the fact that I had been running from… ‘The Roar’, as you call it, I had no chance to really look around and appreciate my surroundings. [/i] I sent back to her, hoping, in my heart, that it was a good enough explanation.
[i]Anyways, do you want to hear the rest of the story? It gets really interesting, I swear![/i] I eventually continued, dismayed at her continued silence.
[i]Yeah, I mean, it’s better than staring out into the blankness until we drift apart and forget that either of us had been nothing more than a figment of the other’s imagination... [/i] She told me after some time spent thinking. [i] We could both be dead. I think I’m dead. Something about… something called the Void? Argh… it makes my… mind hurt, I suppose, seeing as though I have no… head. Anyways, continue, please! [/i] Kiuki went on to say.
I'm sure that there will be more to come
in a yearsoon!PS: I would appreciate people picking out all the little things I didn't do, as I haven't edited this yet (I usually edit after every three chapters are released.)
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Why didn't you just explain to your parents that you can't just publish a Minecraft fanfic?
I'd get it, though.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
P.S it means cat-awesome
Why? What's so good about it? (No, really... I haven't even checked it; I wrote it last night (Or was it earlier today? GAAH!) and, as such, it may have annoying (to me) errors in it.)
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
To be honest I don't really care about grammar as long as it isn't unbearable.
The blank darkness around me was occasionally lit up with bright flickers of chromatic colors, but never for long.
Everything was black.
But I thought you said there were bright colors? Also, aren't colors always "chromatic"? I'm confused.
Other than that though great prologue! I really want to read the rest of the chapters. I have to wonder how a story can continue when the narrator is dead from the beginning. I suppose we'll have to see! Good work!
And so, my errors are revealed... I knew it.
This is what happens when I just type something out and pay no attention to said work.
PS: I know there are some other errors in there somewhere, and, if not errors, places where I could add more detail. Mind telling me where, though? XD**Fixed stupid errors. Beginning to work on chapter one. Probably won't post until tomorrow. SCHOOLS OUT! YAY!
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
You can add more detail almost anywhere you want, really. If I were to suggest a place I would say the environment and how the narrator feels about it. You mentioned it was black and had some colors but you could easily stretch that out. For example:
Around me there was only darkness, undulating up and down in waves like a stormy sea. It stretched on into infinity, as far as one could see and doubtless farther still. I might have thought I was blind had not the crest of each wave of shadow occasionally surfaced, just for an instant, into a rainbow of bright colors before being swallowed again by the ocean of the void.
My style is a little overdramatic I know, but you get the idea.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
It's a "her"? I couldn't really tell from the name. Also, if you meant it to be nondescript on purpose then okay.
Wait... 'Lyda' is a guy's name as well? O_O
Yeah, 'she's' a girl.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Yeah, I remember thinking that "Lyda" sounded like a girls name but somehow I just assumed this was going to be one of those "you are the main character in many ways" things. And I'm pretty sure you aren't a girl. That was probably my fault.
Anyways, I've been fleshing the ideas for chapter one out in my head. Maybe I should start typing them down? XD
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Probably. I already wrote part of chapter one of my story, so I guess we're in the same place in regards to progress.
So, technically speaking, you are FAR ahead of me in terms of page count/word count... XD
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Well perhaps. Currently I'm at six pages and just over 3,000 words so maybe they won't be that different. I just like to describe things a lot, and it makes my writing seem longer.
Something like that... XD
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."