One day, Herobrine woke up in his house. Herobrine lived in MineVille with his brother, Notch. It was another good day in the world of minecraftia. The other people in the village were up, too. Herobrine and Notch made the village. It was a normal world everything so peaceful, with nothing that can kill the people. Herobrine wanted to extend the village up a bit, so he told Notch that he was going down into the cave to get some resources.
"Don't dig straight down, Herobrine!", Notch told Herobrine. Herobrine took his iron pick, and went down into the cave next to MineVille. He got cobblestone, he found coal, iron, and gold. But no diamonds. He went deeper down into the cave, and found lava. Herobrine found diamonds next to the lava. He mined the diamonds, and when he got it, he saw a small room behind the diamonds. He mined the rest of the diamonds, and he entered the room. There was a big thing standing in the room. There was obsidian in a rectangle shape order and purple stuff in between. He did not know what it was. But then, it came to Herobrine's head, that he should call it a portal. Right when Herobrine was about to leave the room, monsters started coming out of the portal. They pulled Herobrine into the portal. He came out of the portal and fell. Herobrine was laying on this reddish rock. He looked up and saw that there was lava everywhere. The monsters grabbed him again, and they tortured Herobrine. The monsters burnt his eyes and they took them out. Then, they threw Herobrine off the cliff, and he fell into lava and he burned to death.
Herobrine woke back up on the reddish rock in front of the portal. But, he wasn't feeling the same. He had pure white eyes. He felt evil. Herobrine saw all the monsters. Herobrine called them mobs. He called the skeletons, skeletons. He called these green things creepers. He called the spiders, spiders. And he called the zombies, zombies. Herobrine also made a tall black scary thing, and he called it an enderman. Herobrine let all the mobs free to the real world. He called the placed where he was killed in, the Nether. Herobrine also called the portal, the Nether portal. He went back through the portal, and he told the mobs to destroy MineVille. The mobs destroyed MineVille, they killed all the people. Notch was in a hurry, taking all of his stuff to leave MineVille. As Notch left, he saw Herobrine staring at him. But all Notch did was run far away.
And that's how mobs roamed the nights of minecraftia.
Notch did not know what to do. He was in a world ruled by his own brother. Notch needed to end this somehow.
But it was hard to kill his own brother. Notch has taken care of Herobrine for years. And now Herobrine has turned evil. Notch is going to have to get resources to get prepared for the last stand. It will be a Brother vs. Brother.
1. The "of" in the title shouldn't be capitalized, since it starts with a vowel.
2. Minecraftia should be capitalized because it is a proper noun.
3. This is a story? It's 2 paragraphs. Make chapters, maybe?
Good explanation of Herobrine's death. But I agree with Warcraft, don't rush into things. Maybe get some background and events before and after what happened. Add detail. It's good, though.
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The Story Of Herobrine
One day, Herobrine woke up in his house. Herobrine lived in MineVille with his brother, Notch. It was another good day in the world of minecraftia. The other people in the village were up, too. Herobrine and Notch made the village. It was a normal world everything so peaceful, with nothing that can kill the people. Herobrine wanted to extend the village up a bit, so he told Notch that he was going down into the cave to get some resources.
"Don't dig straight down, Herobrine!", Notch told Herobrine. Herobrine took his iron pick, and went down into the cave next to MineVille. He got cobblestone, he found coal, iron, and gold. But no diamonds. He went deeper down into the cave, and found lava. Herobrine found diamonds next to the lava. He mined the diamonds, and when he got it, he saw a small room behind the diamonds. He mined the rest of the diamonds, and he entered the room. There was a big thing standing in the room. There was obsidian in a rectangle shape order and purple stuff in between. He did not know what it was. But then, it came to Herobrine's head, that he should call it a portal. Right when Herobrine was about to leave the room, monsters started coming out of the portal. They pulled Herobrine into the portal. He came out of the portal and fell. Herobrine was laying on this reddish rock. He looked up and saw that there was lava everywhere. The monsters grabbed him again, and they tortured Herobrine. The monsters burnt his eyes and they took them out. Then, they threw Herobrine off the cliff, and he fell into lava and he burned to death.
Herobrine woke back up on the reddish rock in front of the portal. But, he wasn't feeling the same. He had pure white eyes. He felt evil. Herobrine saw all the monsters. Herobrine called them mobs. He called the skeletons, skeletons. He called these green things creepers. He called the spiders, spiders. And he called the zombies, zombies. Herobrine also made a tall black scary thing, and he called it an enderman. Herobrine let all the mobs free to the real world. He called the placed where he was killed in, the Nether. Herobrine also called the portal, the Nether portal. He went back through the portal, and he told the mobs to destroy MineVille. The mobs destroyed MineVille, they killed all the people. Notch was in a hurry, taking all of his stuff to leave MineVille. As Notch left, he saw Herobrine staring at him. But all Notch did was run far away.
And that's how mobs roamed the nights of minecraftia.
Make sure to see part 2: Herobrine's Last Stand.
Herobrine's Last Stand
Notch did not know what to do. He was in a world ruled by his own brother. Notch needed to end this somehow.
But it was hard to kill his own brother. Notch has taken care of Herobrine for years. And now Herobrine has turned evil. Notch is going to have to get resources to get prepared for the last stand. It will be a Brother vs. Brother.
Coming soon. I hope you liked the first one.
2. Minecraftia should be capitalized because it is a proper noun.
3. This is a story? It's 2 paragraphs. Make chapters, maybe?