I also decided that thsi would be my last post if i want to full fill my dead line which is funny cuz i just got accepted on the camp half blood rp *nervous laugh* so bye
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"Noting is really ever forgotten. Not really." -The Doctor
So I'm going to assume people have already given you feedback on your story but while I'm looking I may as well comment and give my own, if you are planning on continuing this. Basically, there are a few typos and grammatical issues, but above all what you should try to do is add more description and make it longer. It's actually easier than it sounds. You can describe a thousand things about the scene. What did the kingdom look like before it was destroyed? What does it look like now? How are the two Queens dressed? Paint a picture, I guess you could say. A lot of stories like yours have good beginnings but need more description. Good work!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Hmm... I suppose some dreams do have a lot of description. I just assumed that the prologue was just a message (you know those indistinct dreams where you know what's going on, but you can't really see the details, right?) from some other being and, as such, was undeserving of dreamtails (details+dreams).
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Hmm... I suppose some dreams do have a lot of description. I just assumed that the prologue was just a message (you know those indistinct dreams where you know what's going on, but you can't really see the details, right?) from some other being and, as such, was undeserving of dreamtails (details+dreams).
I suppose you could say that it being a dream does make it okay to be a little vague. Perhaps it's just personal preference, but I like all of my descriptions to be really vivid and long, even those in dreams (as you will see in Chapter 1 of Dark Aether when it's posted). But I'll admit that it's also partly personal preference and as long as it's comprehensible it's probably fine. That said, I expect to see more detail in the first chapter!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
I agree... I just assumed that she would put a lot more detail into the first chapter anyways.
Did you manage to read HTNL4ever before I removed it?
Have you checked out Curiosity and the Cat?
I think you'd be a really good editor.
The first one I might have but if I did I've forgotten what it was about. The second one no, but I will. Also, I suppose I should ask that you check out my own story Dark Aether: The Clockwork Archives. I only have the prologue so far but I'm going to post more soon.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Meh... I can send it in a PM to you.
Looking back on it, I don't think it was really that good... T_T
OH! I saw this like an hour ago and I thought it was an offer to send "Hyperbole and a Half" to me, in which case I wasn't that interested because I already found it online. But I can see now that you meant How Not to Live Forever. In that case, I'd definitely want to see it! Sorry it took so long to respond to that.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
OH! I saw this like an hour ago and I thought it was an offer to send "Hyperbole and a Half" to me, in which case I wasn't that interested because I already found it online. But I can see now that you meant How Not to Live Forever. In that case, I'd definitely want to see it! Sorry it took so long to respond to that.
Roflcanon. Will do.
And the story is open to your (surely monolithic) criticism. See what I did there? I used 'monolithic' to describe a noun. XD
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
And the story is open to your (surely monolithic) criticism. See what I did there? I used 'monolithic' to describe a noun. XD
Well, I read part of it, and it seems fairly good. I guess I could go on another rant about description, but reading this and reading Curiosity and the Cat I can definitely say you've improved. The prologue alone is five times better and longer. I think your new story is going to be a lot better!
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
Well, I read part of it, and it seems fairly good. I guess I could go on another rant about description, but reading this and reading Curiosity and the Cat I can definitely say you've improved. The prologue alone is five times better and longer. I think your new story is going to be a lot better!
**If I ever get to writing the first chapter. I have most of it written down... now, if only I had the energy to type all of it into word or something. XD
***'Ave you gotten to the later chapters, yet? Because I'm pretty sure that the writing gets much better, even if things don't make any more sense. XD
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
**If I ever get to writing the first chapter. I have most of it written down... now, if only I had the energy to type all of it into word or something. XD
***'Ave you gotten to the later chapters, yet? Because I'm pretty sure that the writing gets much better, even if things don't make any more sense. XD
No I didn't read all of it but I can definitely say the prologue of Curiosity and the Cat is better. Though you probably don't need me to tell you that.
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
It's kind of amazing to think that a story with only a prologue is going to become a "Hot Topic" really soon, but I suppose I shouldn't be talking because I also only have an Overture and I already have 65 replies. My goal is to at least get out Chapter One before I get (if I get) "Hot Topic".
Feel free to leave your comments. Or criticisms, I suppose, if they're constructive. Almost anything really, unless it's an outright threat. In that case I'd prefer you put it in a private message.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
I suppose you could say that it being a dream does make it okay to be a little vague. Perhaps it's just personal preference, but I like all of my descriptions to be really vivid and long, even those in dreams (as you will see in Chapter 1 of Dark Aether when it's posted). But I'll admit that it's also partly personal preference and as long as it's comprehensible it's probably fine. That said, I expect to see more detail in the first chapter!
Did you manage to read HTNL4ever before I removed it?
Have you checked out Curiosity and the Cat?
I think you'd be a really good editor.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
The first one I might have but if I did I've forgotten what it was about. The second one no, but I will. Also, I suppose I should ask that you check out my own story Dark Aether: The Clockwork Archives. I only have the prologue so far but I'm going to post more soon.
Looking back on it, I don't think it was really that good... T_T
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
OH! I saw this like an hour ago and I thought it was an offer to send "Hyperbole and a Half" to me, in which case I wasn't that interested because I already found it online. But I can see now that you meant How Not to Live Forever. In that case, I'd definitely want to see it! Sorry it took so long to respond to that.
Roflcanon. Will do.
And the story is open to your (surely monolithic) criticism. See what I did there? I used 'monolithic' to describe a noun. XD
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
Well, I read part of it, and it seems fairly good. I guess I could go on another rant about description, but reading this and reading Curiosity and the Cat I can definitely say you've improved. The prologue alone is five times better and longer. I think your new story is going to be a lot better!
**If I ever get to writing the first chapter. I have most of it written down... now, if only I had the energy to type all of it into word or something. XD
***'Ave you gotten to the later chapters, yet? Because I'm pretty sure that the writing gets much better, even if things don't make any more sense. XD
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
No I didn't read all of it but I can definitely say the prologue of Curiosity and the Cat is better. Though you probably don't need me to tell you that.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."