This is my first story so I'm still new at this. [really its a elament fanfic because it has the elements like blocky world, block mobs but the charactors are not blocky]
Ordelia woke with a gasp, never has she ever had a nightmare quite like this. Her kingdom
was nothing but dust. Then she saw a figure stand a ways in front of her. It was a girl not much older than 15. As the dust cleared Ordelia saw the girl more clearly. She had brown hair with black streaks, Her eyes were a menacing green, she was scrawny but still very tall. She wore a white tank-top which was covered in mud and blood stains, her pants legs were torn and one was nearly sliced in half. In her hand was a blade 1-in-a-half foot long and was a dark blue with a small glow. "Stop! Who are you?" the Queen of the Redcastle demanded. "I demand to know who you are!" Ordered Queen Ordelia. She was getting angry. She reviewed every dark spell of harming she possessed but was stopped when the girl spoke It was Like a chorus of people speaking all at once. "You have cursed this land, for that you shall die." With that she lifted her sword behind her head and throw it perfectly aimed at the queen's head. Then she woke up
What would a normal day would be? ((I do not understand.)) Hmm... well first, you should know that I'm not a normal 'gal' so to speak. My name is Tilda the Dragon Tamer, so I bet you could imagine what my life has been like. ((No, we can't. We don't even really know who she is yet. Nor her personality or background. So we don't know yet.)) Also I, like a few others, have special powers that either make their ((Who is their?)) life easy or hard. You are probaly wondering what mine is... Well, I'll tell you, but my way: it all starts with a story. ((It still makes no sense.))
There are some spelling and punctuation errors. Also, the prologue is only 5-6 sentences, so you should add to it. And, all my other notes are above. You should explain more about Tilda, we don't know how her life is. We don't know her in general, we don't know her personality or background so we have no way of knowing. A lot of other sentences don't make sense to me too.
i was thinking that and i no there would be spelling errors since i did this on notepad [worst way of typing a book] i'm going to change that soon like in a few hours when i post the story, and i didn't want to give to much away so you can get to know her in the story but i knew i would have to change it
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"Noting is really ever forgotten. Not really." -The Doctor
Well, a prologue doesn't really tell us about her background and personality. I just said not to really add the "you can imagine my life..." part because we can't. Anyway, a prologue shows the event that comes before the story and affects the whole story. So first, if Herobrine killed the Queen... It should be a scene where the King is being accused of her murder and Herobrine plays a part where he is also blaming the King. When it is fact himself who killed her. I have an idea on how to write it, but it's your story.
hmm.. well the queen was an evil queen so every one at the king's kindom thought it was him who killed the queen and he took all the credit for defeating the evil force when it was her servant who killed her but instead of getting thanked he felled were the battle was and it make a lot more sense when you hear the whole story which i'll be posting tonight.your supposed to learn her backround since i might make a sequel depending on how it will go
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"Noting is really ever forgotten. Not really." -The Doctor
Well, maybe you can explain the prologue as if it was happening right now. Maybe, present? And then at the end... Well, write the story as if is happening now. And then end it with, "That is how it all started..." or something...
i was thinking that and i no there would be spelling errors since i did this on notepad [worst way of typing a book] i'm going to change that soon like in a few hours when i post the story, and i didn't want to give to much away so you can get to know her in the story but i knew i would have to change it
I Write everything on notepad!
Then i pass it through word for spell and grammar check.
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"Stop! Who are you?" the Queen of the Redcastle demanded.
"I demand to know who you are!" Ordered Queen Ordelia. She was getting angry. She reviewed every dark spell of harming she possessed but was stopped when the girl spoke
It was Like a chorus of people speaking all at once.
"You have cursed this land, for that you shall die." With that she lifted her sword behind her head and throw it perfectly aimed at the queen's head.
Then she woke up
wut's it about? Got a prologue?
Result:
The prologue is short but i didn't want it long so i could get to the story part
What would a normal day would be? ((I do not understand.)) Hmm... well first, you should know that I'm not a normal 'gal' so to speak. My name is Tilda the Dragon Tamer, so I bet you could imagine what my life has been like. ((No, we can't. We don't even really know who she is yet. Nor her personality or background. So we don't know yet.)) Also I, like a few others, have special powers that either make their ((Who is their?)) life easy or hard. You are probaly wondering what mine is... Well, I'll tell you, but my way: it all starts with a story. ((It still makes no sense.))
There are some spelling and punctuation errors. Also, the prologue is only 5-6 sentences, so you should add to it. And, all my other notes are above. You should explain more about Tilda, we don't know how her life is. We don't know her in general, we don't know her personality or background so we have no way of knowing. A lot of other sentences don't make sense to me too.
Then i pass it through word for spell and grammar check.