The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
Washington
Join Date:
4/14/2013
Posts:
71
Location:
New Earth City
Minecraft:
Squeggonic
Xbox:
Squeggonic
Member Details
So, I just started writing one day...this is the result. Wondering if I should continue?
I woke. It was a simple Awakening, nothing jumped at me, nor made a loud sound. As I opened my eyes, what I appeared to be staring at was a large blue expanse with square clouds. Square clouds? Apparently so. I proceeded to examine them for a while, just laying on my back enjoying the soft blue hue of the expanse in front of me, which I had dubbed the sky seeing as I was laying down. I stopped looking at the sky for a minute and closed my eyes, listening for something, anything. I guess I hadn’t really been listening before. I heard a distant chicken, which I thought strange because you don’t usually hear farm animals walking around the middle of a city. I also heard a moo to my left, maybe I was on a farm now? I can't remember what happened last... Realizing I hadn’t looked around I turned my head in the direction of the moo and saw a cow a little ways away calmly gnawing on some grass. I was in a field, a large one. It had waving meadow-green grass and very strangely, everything was made out of blocks. Large blocks of grass were everywhere, and I was laying on some. Deciding I had had enough of lying there I proceeded to get up and look around. There was a forest to my immediate right, and green plains in all other directions. The sun was just finishing it’s apparently square rise out of the dotted sky and my best guess at the time was 10:30. I decided to check out the forest, which had brilliant forest green leaves and deep brown oak trunks. The forest must be composed of block trees? Still confused, I walked to the nearest tree I almost didn’t notice a blocky pig observing me from behind a tree. I took a step towards it and it didn’t move or run away, only turned directly toward me as if to get a better look. I decided to name him Julius as he wasn’t my enemy certainly, so I guess that made us friends. I walked back over to my tree and examined the trunk of it. It was small, only a couple of meters high and seemingly its only purpose was for shade. I plopped down under it and Julius decided to join me on another side of the tree to my left. Pleased at my new friend for taking to me so quickly I patted him on the head which he seemed enjoy. The sun was now high in the sky and it was about noon. I wondered what my purpose was in this world and as I was staring off into the distance I noticed a hill with an unfamiliar block on a tarnished side. I jogged over to it and looked at the different block. It looked as if it was deformed grass, for it had no green, but it still had the rocky under-soil of the grass. My best guess was dirt and I left it at that. Walking back to my tree I noticed the chicken had moved a bit closer to the forest and had found a friend to come with him. I couldn’t think of names for the both of them at the moment but I decided they were only slightly different, being chickens. As I plopped back down under my tree they walked by and into the forest. I was growing slightly frustrated as to my purpose in this world, and eventually I just needed to let it out so I slammed my fist down on the ground next to me. What happened to the grass block was astounding! It seemed to have cracks in it that faded after a second or two. I punched it again and the cracks repeated the process of the first punch. I punched the grass twice in quick succession and the cracks were almost twice as big! I wondered if the grass would break down into a pile of normal-looking dirt if I broke it. So I punched and punched and after a second it broke, I was expecting a pile of dirt but I got a floating, miniature dirt block instead. “Very odd” I said out loud. I stepped down into the hole which came up to my waist and grabbed the block. It was surprisingly light and didn’t seem of much value. I climbed out of the hole and decided it was a good idea to gather lots of the blocks. They seemed to weigh nothing while still taking up so much space while they were in the ground. Then it hit me: What if the same could be said for every block this world is made of? I got out of the hole and sat on the other side of my tree, facing the forest. I looked deep within and it seemed to be the same everywhere I looked. I sat all the dirt blocks I had collected down in front of me and counted them. There were 47 in all. I looked back behind the tree and thought I could use a little more. I continued to dig until I hit a block of dirt that had a very strange hard surface of bland grey behind it. It hurt to punch the grey surface which I later dubbed stone, and I decided to leave it be. It turns out that there’s a lot of the stone stuff below the dirt if you go far enough down. I went back up to my tree and counted again. 73 blocks of dirt. They still seemed to weigh nothing which was getting very odd. I noticed the sun getting low in the sky and knew it would get cold soon, and I had to find somewhere to spend the night. But I had one last thing to try. I went up to my tree and punched it again and again. It took longer to break than the grass and dirt but it did eventually. The rings inside the oak were evenly spread out and looked old. As I held the wood in my hand it seemed to feel like it had purpose, purpose which had not yet been defined. I concentrated on it and what happened was the strangest thing yet, It split into four neatly fashioned wood pieces of lighter color and density than the wood log I had punched. That’s when I noticed the tree was still standing, hanging there in limbo. I tapped the upper trunk pieces but it didn’t fall, as if gravity didn’t affect it. I had been walking and jumping so it obliviously affected me. This world was so strange, and so dark. The sun was setting on me and I had just realized it. I scooped up the wooden planks as I had decided they should be called, them and the dirt I had sifted up earlier and sprinted over to the spot I had woke up at. The soil was still warm from sitting in the sun so I decided, since the open was not the warmest place to be, to build a Small shack out of dirt. As I worked I heard a screeching groan from far behind the house. I decided not knowing was better and finished off the roof which was just above my head. My suspicions were correct. The dirt did not obey gravity either. It was pitch black in my two by three home and I decided to punch out a hole in the side so I could look out. That was a bad Idea. I was petrified at what I saw. Giant spiders roamed around the plain accompanied by other people in different levels of decay; the undead roamed this world at night. There were many zombies slouching around, and there were also skeletons which were armed with some kind of bow and arrow weapon from medieval times. I decided to not leave my shack any of them knowing that it would be the last bad decision I ever made. I decided to close up the hole in my abode and fiddle with what dirt I had and the wooden planks. I put the dirt aside and closely looked at the planks. They were still square like the rest of the things I had found but they still seemed to have greater purpose. I placed them down on the ground in front of me and sat with my back against a wall and re-arranged them until I dozed off, eventually waking to the feeling of the sun warming the dirt on my back. I punched through the dirt in front of me and was rewarded with the sight of zombies and skeletons burning in the light of the sunrise. The sight filled me with hope as surely the monsters could not exist during the day. I punched away the block beneath the one I had initially punched out and decided that it was an effective doorway. I turned around and scooped up the wooden planks and walked outside, feeling refreshed and awake. I walked back to my tree and had the rest of it punched down by mid-morning. Feeling accomplished I went back to the outside of my shack where Julius had decided to show up and was lying down, soaking up the new sun. I held all the logs in my hand and watched them turn to planks as I concentrated on them. It still amazed me how so little was required to do this. I thought of the possibilities of building a house out of these planks. So much could be accomplished through so little effort! It was an energizing feeling. As I fiddled with the planks I stacked some together in a one by two column and they swiftly converted into sticks. I layed down eight sticks and decided what to do next. Patterns seem to create things in this world so I arranged the planks into a two by two form and they changed and moulded into a bench of sorts. It was intriguing and fascinating! Just using my bear hands I had created a workbench, complete with a three by three indented square pattern on the top of it and small stone tools on the sides. I placed it down and it expanded into a full square of log-sized crafting bench. It looked quite advanced and I knew it would be useful. I punched it until it broke and put it in my dirt shack as the sun started its decent from high in the sky. I screwed around with sticks and planks, knowing somewhere in the back of my head there must be a purpose for all of this. I Put three sticks in a row on the bottom, and put three planks on another row on the top. This seemed to do nothing, but then I had a thought. Trees are made of wood, and what gets rid of wood? An axe! But I could use my fists? Regardless, I set out to make myself an axe, no matter what the cost. I worked furiously and managed to place sticks and planks in the order of top-right, top-middle, middle-right. And sticks in the corresponding places for a handle. I stood back and watched as the sticks and planks shuddered and then a blinding flash and when I looked back there was an axe laying there on the table. A Wooden axe. I decided to wait until morning to try it out.
1. Please use paragraphs. My eyes hurt.
2. Maybe you meant it like this, but I notice you are very descriptive about your settings and such and that here aren't much dialogue.
3. When you wrote "I walked back over to my tree and examined the trunk of it," I think it could've been "I walked back to the tree and examined its trunk." Just, MY opinion.
4. When you wrote "to build a Small shack out of dirt," you got a capitalization mistake. Nouns, Proper and Common. "...to build a small shack out of dirt."
Secondly,
it sounds to me like your normal Minecraft adventure, starting out. I have seen a lot of these on the Literature Forum, you should keep writing but you'll have to make your story spark and make it different. Pull your readers in with something interesting. You may want to check out the other popular Minecraft stories on here. For inspiration and stuff. I'd give this story a 4/10. I'm just being honest in my opinion.
Good Luck, you should continue the story, make it spark! Read and be inspired, keep going. Nobody starts a picture perfect.
From a fellow working-on-it writer, OnceInALongTime
1. Please use paragraphs. My eyes hurt.
2. Maybe you meant it like this, but I notice you are very descriptive about your settings and such and that here aren't much dialogue.
3. When you wrote "I walked back over to my tree and examined the trunk of it," I think it could've been "I walked back to the tree and examined its trunk." Just, MY opinion.
4. When you wrote "to build a Small shack out of dirt," you got a capitalization mistake. Nouns, Proper and Common. "...to build a small shack out of dirt."
Secondly,
it sounds to me like your normal Minecraft adventure, starting out. I have seen a lot of these on the Literature Forum, you should keep writing but you'll have to make your story spark and make it different. Pull your readers in with something interesting. You may want to check out the other popular Minecraft stories on here. For inspiration and stuff. I'd give this story a 4/10. I'm just being honest in my opinion.
Good Luck, you should continue the story, make it spark! Read and be inspired, keep going. Nobody starts a picture perfect.
From a fellow working-on-it writer, OnceInALongTime
This story is nicely written (as in: descriptively) but as OIALT already said, this spark of suspense, of mystery, of adventure is missing.
The best way to improve in writing is, of course, writing more, and reading other fanfictions, so you can make yerself known with how people write these kind of stories. For that, I suggest going to Farteh16's Minefic Story list. Some of the best fanfictions of this forum are archived there.
So in answer to your question, yes! Yes indeed!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Would you like to know the atomic structure of a piece of bread?
I woke. It was a simple Awakening, nothing jumped at me, nor made a loud sound. As I opened my eyes, what I appeared to be staring at was a large blue expanse with square clouds. Square clouds? Apparently so. I proceeded to examine them for a while, just laying on my back enjoying the soft blue hue of the expanse in front of me, which I had dubbed the sky seeing as I was laying down. I stopped looking at the sky for a minute and closed my eyes, listening for something, anything. I guess I hadn’t really been listening before. I heard a distant chicken, which I thought strange because you don’t usually hear farm animals walking around the middle of a city. I also heard a moo to my left, maybe I was on a farm now? I can't remember what happened last... Realizing I hadn’t looked around I turned my head in the direction of the moo and saw a cow a little ways away calmly gnawing on some grass. I was in a field, a large one. It had waving meadow-green grass and very strangely, everything was made out of blocks. Large blocks of grass were everywhere, and I was laying on some. Deciding I had had enough of lying there I proceeded to get up and look around. There was a forest to my immediate right, and green plains in all other directions. The sun was just finishing it’s apparently square rise out of the dotted sky and my best guess at the time was 10:30. I decided to check out the forest, which had brilliant forest green leaves and deep brown oak trunks. The forest must be composed of block trees? Still confused, I walked to the nearest tree I almost didn’t notice a blocky pig observing me from behind a tree. I took a step towards it and it didn’t move or run away, only turned directly toward me as if to get a better look. I decided to name him Julius as he wasn’t my enemy certainly, so I guess that made us friends. I walked back over to my tree and examined the trunk of it. It was small, only a couple of meters high and seemingly its only purpose was for shade. I plopped down under it and Julius decided to join me on another side of the tree to my left. Pleased at my new friend for taking to me so quickly I patted him on the head which he seemed enjoy. The sun was now high in the sky and it was about noon. I wondered what my purpose was in this world and as I was staring off into the distance I noticed a hill with an unfamiliar block on a tarnished side. I jogged over to it and looked at the different block. It looked as if it was deformed grass, for it had no green, but it still had the rocky under-soil of the grass. My best guess was dirt and I left it at that. Walking back to my tree I noticed the chicken had moved a bit closer to the forest and had found a friend to come with him. I couldn’t think of names for the both of them at the moment but I decided they were only slightly different, being chickens. As I plopped back down under my tree they walked by and into the forest. I was growing slightly frustrated as to my purpose in this world, and eventually I just needed to let it out so I slammed my fist down on the ground next to me. What happened to the grass block was astounding! It seemed to have cracks in it that faded after a second or two. I punched it again and the cracks repeated the process of the first punch. I punched the grass twice in quick succession and the cracks were almost twice as big! I wondered if the grass would break down into a pile of normal-looking dirt if I broke it. So I punched and punched and after a second it broke, I was expecting a pile of dirt but I got a floating, miniature dirt block instead. “Very odd” I said out loud. I stepped down into the hole which came up to my waist and grabbed the block. It was surprisingly light and didn’t seem of much value. I climbed out of the hole and decided it was a good idea to gather lots of the blocks. They seemed to weigh nothing while still taking up so much space while they were in the ground. Then it hit me: What if the same could be said for every block this world is made of? I got out of the hole and sat on the other side of my tree, facing the forest. I looked deep within and it seemed to be the same everywhere I looked. I sat all the dirt blocks I had collected down in front of me and counted them. There were 47 in all. I looked back behind the tree and thought I could use a little more. I continued to dig until I hit a block of dirt that had a very strange hard surface of bland grey behind it. It hurt to punch the grey surface which I later dubbed stone, and I decided to leave it be. It turns out that there’s a lot of the stone stuff below the dirt if you go far enough down. I went back up to my tree and counted again. 73 blocks of dirt. They still seemed to weigh nothing which was getting very odd. I noticed the sun getting low in the sky and knew it would get cold soon, and I had to find somewhere to spend the night. But I had one last thing to try. I went up to my tree and punched it again and again. It took longer to break than the grass and dirt but it did eventually. The rings inside the oak were evenly spread out and looked old. As I held the wood in my hand it seemed to feel like it had purpose, purpose which had not yet been defined. I concentrated on it and what happened was the strangest thing yet, It split into four neatly fashioned wood pieces of lighter color and density than the wood log I had punched. That’s when I noticed the tree was still standing, hanging there in limbo. I tapped the upper trunk pieces but it didn’t fall, as if gravity didn’t affect it. I had been walking and jumping so it obliviously affected me. This world was so strange, and so dark. The sun was setting on me and I had just realized it. I scooped up the wooden planks as I had decided they should be called, them and the dirt I had sifted up earlier and sprinted over to the spot I had woke up at. The soil was still warm from sitting in the sun so I decided, since the open was not the warmest place to be, to build a Small shack out of dirt. As I worked I heard a screeching groan from far behind the house. I decided not knowing was better and finished off the roof which was just above my head. My suspicions were correct. The dirt did not obey gravity either. It was pitch black in my two by three home and I decided to punch out a hole in the side so I could look out. That was a bad Idea. I was petrified at what I saw. Giant spiders roamed around the plain accompanied by other people in different levels of decay; the undead roamed this world at night. There were many zombies slouching around, and there were also skeletons which were armed with some kind of bow and arrow weapon from medieval times. I decided to not leave my shack any of them knowing that it would be the last bad decision I ever made. I decided to close up the hole in my abode and fiddle with what dirt I had and the wooden planks. I put the dirt aside and closely looked at the planks. They were still square like the rest of the things I had found but they still seemed to have greater purpose. I placed them down on the ground in front of me and sat with my back against a wall and re-arranged them until I dozed off, eventually waking to the feeling of the sun warming the dirt on my back. I punched through the dirt in front of me and was rewarded with the sight of zombies and skeletons burning in the light of the sunrise. The sight filled me with hope as surely the monsters could not exist during the day. I punched away the block beneath the one I had initially punched out and decided that it was an effective doorway. I turned around and scooped up the wooden planks and walked outside, feeling refreshed and awake. I walked back to my tree and had the rest of it punched down by mid-morning. Feeling accomplished I went back to the outside of my shack where Julius had decided to show up and was lying down, soaking up the new sun. I held all the logs in my hand and watched them turn to planks as I concentrated on them. It still amazed me how so little was required to do this. I thought of the possibilities of building a house out of these planks. So much could be accomplished through so little effort! It was an energizing feeling. As I fiddled with the planks I stacked some together in a one by two column and they swiftly converted into sticks. I layed down eight sticks and decided what to do next. Patterns seem to create things in this world so I arranged the planks into a two by two form and they changed and moulded into a bench of sorts. It was intriguing and fascinating! Just using my bear hands I had created a workbench, complete with a three by three indented square pattern on the top of it and small stone tools on the sides. I placed it down and it expanded into a full square of log-sized crafting bench. It looked quite advanced and I knew it would be useful. I punched it until it broke and put it in my dirt shack as the sun started its decent from high in the sky. I screwed around with sticks and planks, knowing somewhere in the back of my head there must be a purpose for all of this. I Put three sticks in a row on the bottom, and put three planks on another row on the top. This seemed to do nothing, but then I had a thought. Trees are made of wood, and what gets rid of wood? An axe! But I could use my fists? Regardless, I set out to make myself an axe, no matter what the cost. I worked furiously and managed to place sticks and planks in the order of top-right, top-middle, middle-right. And sticks in the corresponding places for a handle. I stood back and watched as the sticks and planks shuddered and then a blinding flash and when I looked back there was an axe laying there on the table. A Wooden axe. I decided to wait until morning to try it out.
1. Please use paragraphs. My eyes hurt.
2. Maybe you meant it like this, but I notice you are very descriptive about your settings and such and that here aren't much dialogue.
3. When you wrote "I walked back over to my tree and examined the trunk of it," I think it could've been "I walked back to the tree and examined its trunk." Just, MY opinion.
4. When you wrote "to build a Small shack out of dirt," you got a capitalization mistake. Nouns, Proper and Common. "...to build a small shack out of dirt."
Secondly,
it sounds to me like your normal Minecraft adventure, starting out. I have seen a lot of these on the Literature Forum, you should keep writing but you'll have to make your story spark and make it different. Pull your readers in with something interesting. You may want to check out the other popular Minecraft stories on here. For inspiration and stuff. I'd give this story a 4/10. I'm just being honest in my opinion.
Good Luck, you should continue the story, make it spark! Read and be inspired, keep going. Nobody starts a picture perfect.
From a fellow working-on-it writer, OnceInALongTime
Thank you very much! I will heed this advice.
The best way to improve in writing is, of course, writing more, and reading other fanfictions, so you can make yerself known with how people write these kind of stories. For that, I suggest going to Farteh16's Minefic Story list. Some of the best fanfictions of this forum are archived there.
So in answer to your question, yes! Yes indeed!
TT2000, you are genius.