I read some creepypastas and wanted to make my own.The creepypastas I make are based on a youtuber that
plays MC,in this case Sky.This is my first creepypasta,so please go easy one me.Hope you get creeped out!
Note:This creepypastas has NO business with Sky,nor his friends.This stuff isn't real.This is just for entertainment.
Title:Abandoned Sky
I'm a HUGE Sky fan.I watch Sky's videos almost everyday.Wether I'm sick,sad,or bored,I'm ready to get out my iPad and watch Sky's videos.Man,I'm so addicted.Since I'm a fan of Skydoesminecraft,I wanted to join the Sky Army.
One day,I was so bored playing Minecraft (PC) that I wanted to look of servers to join to.I was scrolling so fast,I almost missed a server that caught my eye.I scrolled back up,and saw a server that said "DON'T JOIN SKY."
I was wondering if Sky was in there.I joined in,but it refused and a window popped up.It said "LEAVE NOW" with only a close button.I clicked it,then it disappeared.I kept trying to join in the server,but it kept doing the same thing.
After about 10 tries,it popped out a different window.It said,"FINE,BUT YOU BETTER HURRY."It worked and was loading.But something was creepy.While it was loading,some voice in the background was laughing in a demonic way.I jumped at first,then went back in my seat.It was finally done
loading.
Something was wrong.When I joined in the server,no voices were heard.Pure silence.Not even Sky's voice could be heard.Maybe everyone was muted.Another thing was,it didn't lag,even though there were like 200 people in the server.I said,"Hello?....."Then all of a sudden there were TONS of voices.
Some were familiar.Also,the world was weird.It had a reddish-colored sky,no sun or moon,and all the blocks were red,no matter what.I thought Sky liked budder (gold) I explored everywhere for Sky.I even tried to talk to Sky.But…Sky's voice couldn't be heard.Then all the voices were changed.There were some sobbing.Some were silent.I kept exploring,then I realized my hunger was low.There was a wheat farm.I silently got some wheat and found a crafting table.I crafted bread,then ate.All of a sudden,a guy with a farmer skin came up to me.I was caught!
But…luckily no.The farmer said,"It's okay…keep walking.Watch out for Sky…"
Then he left the server.I heard more people cry,shout and sob.I wondered why.Then I saw a COLOSSAL tower.When I said COLOSSAL tower,I mean it reached up until the sky limit and was about a size of two exposed abandoned mine-shafts.The tower…was horrifying.
It had blood on some of the walls,corpses almost everywhere,and budder (golden) armored people chained to walls,and squids everywhere.I was horrified.Why would Sky send squids in his tower?I thought he hated squids.Also,budder was replaced by blue ingots called "Squid Ingot."What?There's no such thing as a Squid Ingot.Also,the server was 100% VANILLA.So…how?Anyway,I went up the tower,and fought creepers with my FIST.It was insane,but worth it.Then ALL the people started sobbing,even louder.So loud,I had to turn down the volume.I finally went to the top room of the tower.I gasped.
Sky…he had ink blood all over his face.I said ink blood because the blood looked like ink!People's arms and legs were stuck to him.And,instead of a budder sword,a blood-topped ink sword.He said,demonically,"I'm no Sky now…I'm part of the Squid Army now…HA!"He sliced Deadlox,in HALF.Literally right there in the screen,Deadlox screamed and cried in pain.Then he left the server.TrueMU had a budder (golden) sword,but then Sky shouted,"BUDDER (GOLD) HAS NO USE EXCEPT BECOMING S---!"I was shocked.TrueMU did the same action as Deadlox. Setosorcerer then came,this time in creative mode.I figured he was an admin.He said,sorrowful,"Why you'd killed us?We worked hard for your videos,and now you want to kill us?Why Sky?You lied to us…"Sky got his sword and chopped Seto's head.Budder (golden) blood came out.Sky then turned to me.He said,"We can rule Minecraft together and kill everyone. After that,I'll never be abandoned again…"
Sky continued,this time more demonic,"People,they loved gold,they called it budder…they were stupid.They don't know gold.Never.People would abandon my server,and never would come back.So I decided to trap everyone in my server and kill everyone.Everyone…"
I punched him once.Sky attacked me so hard I was half a heart left now.Sky then clicked a button.I tried to escape the tower,but I'd always teleport near Sky.I realized that Sky was using a command block.Darn it.If only if I were in creative mode…I punched Sky even more.Sky then laughed,and said,"You try to stop me?HA!Never survive,and never will.Because,once I flip this lever,It'll get every Minecrafter in the world to be in this server.You'll stay here,and watch everyone die…"
I punched Sky away from the lever.But…he didn't budge.I realized I flipped the lever!Sky punched me off the tower,and died.I spawned nowhere.Nothing could be seen.It was similar to a superflat map,except…nothing.Nothing at all.Sky laughed and laughed more,building up his demon voice.I cried for Sky.But Sky kept laughing."Thanks for everything,could've done this without you…"he whispered.He then banned me from the server,leaving a message that said,"Sky will never make videos again…just told ya."
I cried in sorrow.What happened to Sky?He'd never do those kind of stuff.He would be loud,funny,and happy.Why would he kill Deadlox and TrueMU?They were also my favorite youtubers. And…why did he begin to like squids?Squids are ugly.
Even though I like Sky,I never watched his videos again.I was horrified,and sometimes got nightmares of Sky trying to kill me.
That's why you should obey computers' warnings.
Suggestions,comments,questions,and other stuff that you want to talk about,talk about it right here!I'll try to read as many posts as I can.Again,I hope you got creeped out!
Okay,I'm sorry to bore you to death.I could've made a better gaming creepypasta.By the way I didn't review it or write it carefully,again I'm sorry to bore you to death.I'll try to make better creepypastas.Thanks for telling me that.
NOTE:I'm not going to make anymore creepypastas since you guys say it's ridiculous.However,I might post creepypastas offsite,but there's an unlikely chance I'll make another MC creepypasta. (Sorry to bore you guys to death!) *sighs*
I still want to write,just trying to think wether or not I should write another creepypasta.What do you guys think?Should I try to write another creepypasta? (It's okay,MadScientist! You didn't disappoint me,my brain disappointed me.) ………
The problem is not you but the overall idea of this story.
Sky teaming up with Squids is much, but not creepy.
I honestly think a bestselling psycho thriller author couldn't make this creepy.
It is also infinitely harder to make gaming creepypastas creepy because ... It is a game.
The probability meeting Slenderman is bigger than experiencing such a thing.
My 3 cents
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Would you like to know the atomic structure of a piece of bread?
NOTE:I'm not going to make anymore creepypastas since you guys say it's ridiculous.However,I might post creepypastas offsite,but there's an unlikely chance I'll make another MC creepypasta. (Sorry to bore you guys to death!) *sighs*
Don't be deterred. Anonymous criticism is always going to be harsh, but in all honesty it is the best criticism you can get. When you have no chance of knowing who those giving you criticism are, then they are more likely to give their honest opinions.
In terms of the actual piece itself, there are a good deal of issues. First and foremost, when writing anything, writing is important. I am speaking here about grammar and punctuation. It is extremely difficult to get into a piece of literature when the grammar is like this. Almost every sentence begins where the other ends, you should put 2 spaces between a period and a new letter. Ellipses (...) should NEVER be used in anything other than a script, or an official document. It is used to either indicate a pause in speech (in a script only, in regular dialogue, like in a novel, pauses are caused by commas), or to omit something in an official quote.
Punctuation and grammar are extremely important. They are as important, or more important, then any idea you want to express. Think of writing like painting a picture, you can draw fully fleshed out people (this is what happens when you use proper grammer), or you can draw stick figures. Which would draw the observer in more?
As far as the plot goes, it isn't half bad. I think it could be executed a little better, and to do so I would remove some of the cliche's. A cliche is something that is "overdone". Blood is overdone. And in and of itself, blood is not really a scary thing. "Leave Now" is kind of overdone too. What about something like the command prompt asking if you are sure? And then maybe, when you answer yes, it could say "I don't think so" or something.
Squids everywhere is not a cliche, and actually stands out more to me than almost naything else in this piece. I think that is good, because it is inherently odd, and things not being quite as they normally are is unsettling. When something is unsettling, you can prey on that, and turn a person from being unsettled to on edge, and then you can take them from on edge to a little frightened. And then you can take them from a little frightened to downright scared.
Putting a feeling in your reader is like seducing a beautiful woman. You can't just throw a box of condoms at her and expect her to give it up right then and there. You need to take her to dinner, get her to like you, make her feel comfortable, and THEN rock her world.
I'm a firm believer that any idea can be well translated to the page. It needs to be done well, though. I've been writing for about ten years, and it is very easy for me to throw out something crappy. Writing is challenging. This idea has potential, and with some good effort, it could probably be pretty good. Writing takes time, and it takes effort.
Finally, I understand that this is your first creepypasta, but in the future, try and avoid breaking the fourth wall AT ALL. Explaining to your audience in the very beginning that the following writing is fiction makes it harder for the reader to suspend their disbelief. If you need to ask for feedback, do so at the end, after you have concluded the story completely. That way, at least, you take them on the ride from beginning to end with no interruptions, and they can be more easily drawn in this way. Also, don't title your work a "Creepypasta". Present it as if it is real, right down to the title of your thread.
If you're serious about writing, then stick with it. But do take the time to learn proper grammar and punctuation. If the people reading your work are avid readers at all, they will eat you alive for ignoring proper English. That is by and far the biggest thing to improve. It doesn't matter where you post your work, if you aren't following the rules English, your writing will not be good.
Aye,you turned my brain back on again.I know there are cliches,but you know why?It's because of this:
1.I read creepypastas and wanted to make my own.
2.I was so excited.
3.I didn't know about cliches til now.
4.I sometimes suck.
5.I sometimes suck.
6.It was an accident…I realized that now.
7.Yeah.
I expected people to be scared.And then,my grammar.Yup.I understand.I might make another creepypasta called "CurseCraft" but let's see.
Everybody makes mistakes,right? Yup.
Don't be deterred. Anonymous criticism is always going to be harsh, but in all honesty it is the best criticism you can get. When you have no chance of knowing who those giving you criticism are, then they are more likely to give their honest opinions.
In terms of the actual piece itself, there are a good deal of issues. First and foremost, when writing anything, writing is important. I am speaking here about grammar and punctuation. It is extremely difficult to get into a piece of literature when the grammar is like this. Almost every sentence begins where the other ends, you should put 2 spaces between a period and a new letter. Ellipses (...) should NEVER be used in anything other than a script, or an official document. It is used to either indicate a pause in speech (in a script only, in regular dialogue, like in a novel, pauses are caused by commas), or to omit something in an official quote.
Punctuation and grammar are extremely important. They are as important, or more important, then any idea you want to express. Think of writing like painting a picture, you can draw fully fleshed out people (this is what happens when you use proper grammer), or you can draw stick figures. Which would draw the observer in more?
As far as the plot goes, it isn't half bad. I think it could be executed a little better, and to do so I would remove some of the cliche's. A cliche is something that is "overdone". Blood is overdone. And in and of itself, blood is not really a scary thing. "Leave Now" is kind of overdone too. What about something like the command prompt asking if you are sure? And then maybe, when you answer yes, it could say "I don't think so" or something.
Squids everywhere is not a cliche, and actually stands out more to me than almost naything else in this piece. I think that is good, because it is inherently odd, and things not being quite as they normally are is unsettling. When something is unsettling, you can prey on that, and turn a person from being unsettled to on edge, and then you can take them from on edge to a little frightened. And then you can take them from a little frightened to downright scared.
Putting a feeling in your reader is like seducing a beautiful woman. You can't just throw a box of condoms at her and expect her to give it up right then and there. You need to take her to dinner, get her to like you, make her feel comfortable, and THEN rock her world.
I'm a firm believer that any idea can be well translated to the page. It needs to be done well, though. I've been writing for about ten years, and it is very easy for me to throw out something crappy. Writing is challenging. This idea has potential, and with some good effort, it could probably be pretty good. Writing takes time, and it takes effort.
Finally, I understand that this is your first creepypasta, but in the future, try and avoid breaking the fourth wall AT ALL. Explaining to your audience in the very beginning that the following writing is fiction makes it harder for the reader to suspend their disbelief. If you need to ask for feedback, do so at the end, after you have concluded the story completely. That way, at least, you take them on the ride from beginning to end with no interruptions, and they can be more easily drawn in this way. Also, don't title your work a "Creepypasta". Present it as if it is real, right down to the title of your thread.
If you're serious about writing, then stick with it. But do take the time to learn proper grammar and punctuation. If the people reading your work are avid readers at all, they will eat you alive for ignoring proper English. That is by and far the biggest thing to improve. It doesn't matter where you post your work, if you aren't following the rules English, your writing will not be good.
This whole post, is getting me back to 30 minutes of staring at my screen wondering if I got my punctuation right. But this is true!
I sometimes have the same problems with punctuation and grammar, but over criticism, my story is turning out okay so far! I mean, people are actually reading it with great constructive criticism (I learned a new for from this guy) and my friends (who are also criticizing it) think it is great so far.
But I can still go the extra mile and make my writing better. If you are serious about it, like what he said, don't give up! Writers come and go, if you don't think you are a writer, you don't have to be. If you want to be, you are a writer. You are just in the process of climbing up Mount. Everest.
Okay,I'm sorry to bore you to death.I could've made a better gaming creepypasta.By the way I didn't review it or write it carefully,again I'm sorry to bore you to death.I'll try to make better creepypastas.Thanks for telling me that.
Ignore them I thought it was funny actually. A comedic creepypasta
plays MC,in this case Sky.This is my first creepypasta,so please go easy one me.Hope you get creeped out!
Note:This creepypastas has NO business with Sky,nor his friends.This stuff isn't real.This is just for entertainment.
Title:Abandoned Sky
I'm a HUGE Sky fan.I watch Sky's videos almost everyday.Wether I'm sick,sad,or bored,I'm ready to get out my iPad and watch Sky's videos.Man,I'm so addicted.Since I'm a fan of Skydoesminecraft,I wanted to join the Sky Army.
One day,I was so bored playing Minecraft (PC) that I wanted to look of servers to join to.I was scrolling so fast,I almost missed a server that caught my eye.I scrolled back up,and saw a server that said "DON'T JOIN SKY."
I was wondering if Sky was in there.I joined in,but it refused and a window popped up.It said "LEAVE NOW" with only a close button.I clicked it,then it disappeared.I kept trying to join in the server,but it kept doing the same thing.
After about 10 tries,it popped out a different window.It said,"FINE,BUT YOU BETTER HURRY."It worked and was loading.But something was creepy.While it was loading,some voice in the background was laughing in a demonic way.I jumped at first,then went back in my seat.It was finally done
loading.
Something was wrong.When I joined in the server,no voices were heard.Pure silence.Not even Sky's voice could be heard.Maybe everyone was muted.Another thing was,it didn't lag,even though there were like 200 people in the server.I said,"Hello?....."Then all of a sudden there were TONS of voices.
Some were familiar.Also,the world was weird.It had a reddish-colored sky,no sun or moon,and all the blocks were red,no matter what.I thought Sky liked budder (gold) I explored everywhere for Sky.I even tried to talk to Sky.But…Sky's voice couldn't be heard.Then all the voices were changed.There were some sobbing.Some were silent.I kept exploring,then I realized my hunger was low.There was a wheat farm.I silently got some wheat and found a crafting table.I crafted bread,then ate.All of a sudden,a guy with a farmer skin came up to me.I was caught!
But…luckily no.The farmer said,"It's okay…keep walking.Watch out for Sky…"
Then he left the server.I heard more people cry,shout and sob.I wondered why.Then I saw a COLOSSAL tower.When I said COLOSSAL tower,I mean it reached up until the sky limit and was about a size of two exposed abandoned mine-shafts.The tower…was horrifying.
It had blood on some of the walls,corpses almost everywhere,and budder (golden) armored people chained to walls,and squids everywhere.I was horrified.Why would Sky send squids in his tower?I thought he hated squids.Also,budder was replaced by blue ingots called "Squid Ingot."What?There's no such thing as a Squid Ingot.Also,the server was 100% VANILLA.So…how?Anyway,I went up the tower,and fought creepers with my FIST.It was insane,but worth it.Then ALL the people started sobbing,even louder.So loud,I had to turn down the volume.I finally went to the top room of the tower.I gasped.
Sky…he had ink blood all over his face.I said ink blood because the blood looked like ink!People's arms and legs were stuck to him.And,instead of a budder sword,a blood-topped ink sword.He said,demonically,"I'm no Sky now…I'm part of the Squid Army now…HA!"He sliced Deadlox,in HALF.Literally right there in the screen,Deadlox screamed and cried in pain.Then he left the server.TrueMU had a budder (golden) sword,but then Sky shouted,"BUDDER (GOLD) HAS NO USE EXCEPT BECOMING S---!"I was shocked.TrueMU did the same action as Deadlox. Setosorcerer then came,this time in creative mode.I figured he was an admin.He said,sorrowful,"Why you'd killed us?We worked hard for your videos,and now you want to kill us?Why Sky?You lied to us…"Sky got his sword and chopped Seto's head.Budder (golden) blood came out.Sky then turned to me.He said,"We can rule Minecraft together and kill everyone. After that,I'll never be abandoned again…"
Sky continued,this time more demonic,"People,they loved gold,they called it budder…they were stupid.They don't know gold.Never.People would abandon my server,and never would come back.So I decided to trap everyone in my server and kill everyone.Everyone…"
I punched him once.Sky attacked me so hard I was half a heart left now.Sky then clicked a button.I tried to escape the tower,but I'd always teleport near Sky.I realized that Sky was using a command block.Darn it.If only if I were in creative mode…I punched Sky even more.Sky then laughed,and said,"You try to stop me?HA!Never survive,and never will.Because,once I flip this lever,It'll get every Minecrafter in the world to be in this server.You'll stay here,and watch everyone die…"
I punched Sky away from the lever.But…he didn't budge.I realized I flipped the lever!Sky punched me off the tower,and died.I spawned nowhere.Nothing could be seen.It was similar to a superflat map,except…nothing.Nothing at all.Sky laughed and laughed more,building up his demon voice.I cried for Sky.But Sky kept laughing."Thanks for everything,could've done this without you…"he whispered.He then banned me from the server,leaving a message that said,"Sky will never make videos again…just told ya."
I cried in sorrow.What happened to Sky?He'd never do those kind of stuff.He would be loud,funny,and happy.Why would he kill Deadlox and TrueMU?They were also my favorite youtubers. And…why did he begin to like squids?Squids are ugly.
Even though I like Sky,I never watched his videos again.I was horrified,and sometimes got nightmares of Sky trying to kill me.
That's why you should obey computers' warnings.
Suggestions,comments,questions,and other stuff that you want to talk about,talk about it right here!I'll try to read as many posts as I can.Again,I hope you got creeped out!
-.0
Don't know what to say.
It is definitely one thing. : not scary enough.
If Sky would come to your house or you get letters from him that only YOU can see you or a friend suddenly gets murder-
Sky: BLOOD... GORE, DELICIOUS ! *proceeds to eat my intestines*
TT2000, you are genius.
I am displeased with me making you not want to write anymore.
I am sorry -.-
TT2000, you are genius.
Sky teaming up with Squids is much, but not creepy.
I honestly think a bestselling psycho thriller author couldn't make this creepy.
It is also infinitely harder to make gaming creepypastas creepy because ... It is a game.
The probability meeting Slenderman is bigger than experiencing such a thing.
My 3 cents
TT2000, you are genius.
TT2000, you are genius.
Don't be deterred. Anonymous criticism is always going to be harsh, but in all honesty it is the best criticism you can get. When you have no chance of knowing who those giving you criticism are, then they are more likely to give their honest opinions.
In terms of the actual piece itself, there are a good deal of issues. First and foremost, when writing anything, writing is important. I am speaking here about grammar and punctuation. It is extremely difficult to get into a piece of literature when the grammar is like this. Almost every sentence begins where the other ends, you should put 2 spaces between a period and a new letter. Ellipses (...) should NEVER be used in anything other than a script, or an official document. It is used to either indicate a pause in speech (in a script only, in regular dialogue, like in a novel, pauses are caused by commas), or to omit something in an official quote.
Punctuation and grammar are extremely important. They are as important, or more important, then any idea you want to express. Think of writing like painting a picture, you can draw fully fleshed out people (this is what happens when you use proper grammer), or you can draw stick figures. Which would draw the observer in more?
As far as the plot goes, it isn't half bad. I think it could be executed a little better, and to do so I would remove some of the cliche's. A cliche is something that is "overdone". Blood is overdone. And in and of itself, blood is not really a scary thing. "Leave Now" is kind of overdone too. What about something like the command prompt asking if you are sure? And then maybe, when you answer yes, it could say "I don't think so" or something.
Squids everywhere is not a cliche, and actually stands out more to me than almost naything else in this piece. I think that is good, because it is inherently odd, and things not being quite as they normally are is unsettling. When something is unsettling, you can prey on that, and turn a person from being unsettled to on edge, and then you can take them from on edge to a little frightened. And then you can take them from a little frightened to downright scared.
Putting a feeling in your reader is like seducing a beautiful woman. You can't just throw a box of condoms at her and expect her to give it up right then and there. You need to take her to dinner, get her to like you, make her feel comfortable, and THEN rock her world.
I'm a firm believer that any idea can be well translated to the page. It needs to be done well, though. I've been writing for about ten years, and it is very easy for me to throw out something crappy. Writing is challenging. This idea has potential, and with some good effort, it could probably be pretty good. Writing takes time, and it takes effort.
Finally, I understand that this is your first creepypasta, but in the future, try and avoid breaking the fourth wall AT ALL. Explaining to your audience in the very beginning that the following writing is fiction makes it harder for the reader to suspend their disbelief. If you need to ask for feedback, do so at the end, after you have concluded the story completely. That way, at least, you take them on the ride from beginning to end with no interruptions, and they can be more easily drawn in this way. Also, don't title your work a "Creepypasta". Present it as if it is real, right down to the title of your thread.
If you're serious about writing, then stick with it. But do take the time to learn proper grammar and punctuation. If the people reading your work are avid readers at all, they will eat you alive for ignoring proper English. That is by and far the biggest thing to improve. It doesn't matter where you post your work, if you aren't following the rules English, your writing will not be good.
1.I read creepypastas and wanted to make my own.
2.I was so excited.
3.I didn't know about cliches til now.
4.I sometimes suck.
5.I sometimes suck.
6.It was an accident…I realized that now.
7.Yeah.
Everybody makes mistakes,right? Yup.
TT2000, you are genius.
Wow. Where did THAT come from?
This whole post, is getting me back to 30 minutes of staring at my screen wondering if I got my punctuation right. But this is true!
I sometimes have the same problems with punctuation and grammar, but over criticism, my story is turning out okay so far! I mean, people are actually reading it with great constructive criticism (I learned a new for from this guy) and my friends (who are also criticizing it) think it is great so far.
But I can still go the extra mile and make my writing better. If you are serious about it, like what he said, don't give up! Writers come and go, if you don't think you are a writer, you don't have to be. If you want to be, you are a writer. You are just in the process of climbing up Mount. Everest.
I'll be working on another creepypasta called CurseCraft.Thanks to everyone who encouraged me.
Herobrine: Hello.