This is my first story, but I'm still going to try my best
Chapter One
In the beginning, there were two god-like beings: The Creator and the Destroyer. The Creator was merciful and kind. But the Destroyer was evil and abused his legendary power. The Destroyer murdered The Creator so that he would control the universe. Later, he realized his mistake, because there was no one to rule. He killed himself in rage. Unbeknownst to him, however, there were people to rule. The Creator had created people long ago. They were called, "Pigmen". The Pigmen were kindhearted, but, sadly, they were incredibly stupid.
One day a Pigman was reading the book, "How to read", and he (Unlike the rest of his kind) understood it. The other pigmen discovered this and made him their leader. The leader, Jim, decided that there had to be an heir to the throne, because he was diagnosed with Bacon, a horrid disease for the Pigman. One day, he was walking around and he met a beautiful Pigwomen. They had a child, named George, and he became king. While George was leading, a rebellion was forming. Some pigmen wanted to be free, so they prepared a ritual to bring back the destroyer. Once they succeeded, The Destroyer killed them.
Meanwhile, in the village, a scout saw something. He told the Chief (George) and he prepared his warriors. The somethings were four legged green creatures. The pigmen lifted their weapons and attacked!
George had his sword and was by far the strongest. He saw most of his warriors being killed. He saw archers shooting at the monsters. The monsters were being killed via bow. Then, George's best friend ran in with a giant sword, attacked one of the creatures, and, suddenly, the creature was glowing. And then, it exploded, murdering both the Chief and his friend
Chapter 2
The war went on for many years. When it had ended, the pigmen could not find the body of their leader. They mourned, but not long after the funeral, a new pigman was born. He read better than any pigman ever before. His name was Hamuel. On his eleventh birthday, a strange being appeared in his dreams. The being said his name was Miclee. He was the creator, and that Hamuel had to teach the other pigmen how to read. Then, when Hamuel woke up, he saw something on his bed. It was a book, known as "The book of the game". He walked outside, and everyone sang to him: Happy bacon to you, Happy bacon to you Happy bacon dear Hamuel Happy bacon to you!
He was happy. From his Mother, he received a carrot, from his father, wheat, but from his sister... He got a sword. He named it, The Swine Sword.
Later that day, Hamuel met with his sister and told her he had a bad case of bacon. He told her she had to learn to read. She was a fast learner. Later that day, he disappeared... Everyone thought it was because of his Bacon, but he was lying about that. It was really because he had to find the body of George, their old chief.
Chapter 3
As Hamuel was searching for their old chief, his sister, Hamantha, was reading a book. She was very happy her brother had taught her how to read, but suddenly, her mother came into the room, in tears. She explained that Hamuel had died. But Hamantha didn't think so. She stood, and calmed her mother down. Hamantha said that she had to talk to her dad, and she ran off. But she had no intention of speaking with her father. She had a friend to talk with.
Hamantha went to a secret underground cave, the path to where the creator, Miclee, was recovering from being mortally wounded by the Destroyer. She went over to him.
"Miclee, you gifted my brother with The Book of the Game, but he has just died" she said to him. Miclee explained that Hamuel had not been killed by the bacon, and that he was on a perilous journey. Suddenly, the chamber caved in. "Hamantha!" "Miclee" They yelled out to each other. Miclee, in his dying words said, "If Hamuel can stop the end from happening, I will be healed... but I must bid the world... Adeiu."
Hamantha contemplated what her friend had just said, but suddenly she heard screams. She ran upstairs, and saw a huge grey flying spaceship, and she felt an evil aura from it. Miclee's last words echoed in her head. "If Hamuel can stop the end from happening, I will be healed... but I must bid the world... Adeiu." And that's when she realized: This is the end
Note: That is NOT the end of the story. There is more
Chapter 4
Meanwhile, Hamuel was searching for George. However, after one month, he had run out of supplies and food. He passed out soon after. Little did Hamuel know that he was being helped on this journey, and his "helper" wasn't going to let him die.
His helper was a toy he made a while ago. Hamuel named it "The Iron Giant". So the helper picked hamuel up, and tried to venture on. He refused to let his master down, and he brought him to the Pigman City of "New Pork City". The Pigmen there helped to recuperate Hamuel with carrots, and in three days and nights, Hamuel was ready to go. Hamuel ran off, with the helper following him, and they soon found a magnificent place. It was called "The Tomb of George". With his quest accomplissed, he went into the tomb, his helper secretly following, to finally complete his quest
Chapter One
One day a Pigman was reading the book, "How to read", and he (Unlike the rest of his kind) understood it. The other pigmen discovered this and made him their leader. The leader, Jim, decided that there had to be an heir to the throne, because he was diagnosed with Bacon, a horrid disease for the Pigman. One day, he was walking around and he met a beautiful Pigwomen. They had a child, named George, and he became king. While George was leading, a rebellion was forming. Some pigmen wanted to be free, so they prepared a ritual to bring back the destroyer. Once they succeeded, The Destroyer killed them.
Meanwhile, in the village, a scout saw something. He told the Chief (George) and he prepared his warriors. The somethings were four legged green creatures. The pigmen lifted their weapons and attacked!
George had his sword and was by far the strongest. He saw most of his warriors being killed. He saw archers shooting at the monsters. The monsters were being killed via bow. Then, George's best friend ran in with a giant sword, attacked one of the creatures, and, suddenly, the creature was glowing. And then, it exploded, murdering both the Chief and his friend
The war went on for many years. When it had ended, the pigmen could not find the body of their leader. They mourned, but not long after the funeral, a new pigman was born. He read better than any pigman ever before. His name was Hamuel. On his eleventh birthday, a strange being appeared in his dreams. The being said his name was Miclee. He was the creator, and that Hamuel had to teach the other pigmen how to read. Then, when Hamuel woke up, he saw something on his bed. It was a book, known as "The book of the game". He walked outside, and everyone sang to him:
Happy bacon to you,
Happy bacon to you
Happy bacon dear Hamuel
Happy bacon to you!
He was happy. From his Mother, he received a carrot, from his father, wheat, but from his sister... He got a sword. He named it, The Swine Sword.
Later that day, Hamuel met with his sister and told her he had a bad case of bacon. He told her she had to learn to read. She was a fast learner. Later that day, he disappeared... Everyone thought it was because of his Bacon, but he was lying about that. It was really because he had to find the body of George, their old chief.
Chapter 3
As Hamuel was searching for their old chief, his sister, Hamantha, was reading a book. She was very happy her brother had taught her how to read, but suddenly, her mother came into the room, in tears. She explained that Hamuel had died. But Hamantha didn't think so. She stood, and calmed her mother down. Hamantha said that she had to talk to her dad, and she ran off. But she had no intention of speaking with her father. She had a friend to talk with.
Hamantha went to a secret underground cave, the path to where the creator, Miclee, was recovering from being mortally wounded by the Destroyer. She went over to him.
"Miclee, you gifted my brother with The Book of the Game, but he has just died" she said to him. Miclee explained that Hamuel had not been killed by the bacon, and that he was on a perilous journey. Suddenly, the chamber caved in. "Hamantha!" "Miclee" They yelled out to each other. Miclee, in his dying words said, "If Hamuel can stop the end from happening, I will be healed... but I must bid the world... Adeiu."
Hamantha contemplated what her friend had just said, but suddenly she heard screams. She ran upstairs, and saw a huge grey flying spaceship, and she felt an evil aura from it. Miclee's last words echoed in her head. "If Hamuel can stop the end from happening, I will be healed... but I must bid the world... Adeiu." And that's when she realized: This is the end
Note: That is NOT the end of the story. There is more
His helper was a toy he made a while ago. Hamuel named it "The Iron Giant". So the helper picked hamuel up, and tried to venture on. He refused to let his master down, and he brought him to the Pigman City of "New Pork City". The Pigmen there helped to recuperate Hamuel with carrots, and in three days and nights, Hamuel was ready to go. Hamuel ran off, with the helper following him, and they soon found a magnificent place. It was called "The Tomb of George". With his quest accomplissed, he went into the tomb, his helper secretly following, to finally complete his quest
What are the grammar problems?
I'm not good at grammar, so I can't really fix it for you.
But I suggest you add more paragraphs to the story, it makes it more coherent.
Don't forget, it has multiple chapters
+1
Thank you
NP, while I'm not an official fanfic reviewer, hope to be one someday. I comment on almost every recent fanfic posted.
Ya, I agree. This is quite different from other Minecraft fanfics.