Hello my name is steve...or well it was now im called a monster,an enemy of all things living.I dont want to kill yet it hurts not to.Its as though peace will never be an opition just a preference.But as long as im dead what can a preference do for me other than make me want to be alive?
The sun is back up and the feeling of its joy just burns my skin and makes me want to be alive more.The creepers and spider just walk along not caring about the sunlights joy and happiness due to the fact they are happy as well.The creepers are happy because they are feared and spiders are happy because they are animals.Yet i think its just notch taunting me that i cant enjoy what living things can enjoy.All i can do is murder and wait for the man who lives in the house infront of me to come out....the only problem is he died 5 days ago and wont come back i might as well end my life by the sun but i can allow myself to do so.All i can do is wait and soon stavre do to a lack of flesh.
Not bad. The writing itself is quite nice, and it conveys the feelings of the character very well. I enjoyed reading it. The ending felt a little anti-climax though. Maybe the man in the house could have come out? I would also suggest to describe your surroundings in a more detailed way... For example, are you in a plain? In a forest? In a desert? Tell me what the house looks like, what your surroundings look like.
My favourite analogy to use for writing is that you are a painter, but instead of paints you use words. Paint a picture in the mind of the reader.
The only other thing I would suggest is to improve grammar. The way I find easiest to correct my work is to go through it and correct basic mistakes first, such as spelling, capitals and commas, and then move onto the more fiddly stuff, such as apostrophise (Oh those annoy me so much when I write).
If you could do that, this short story would be brilliant. Well done.
Im not going to change it due to tthe fact i was bored and wrote it for no reason,sorry.
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The sun is back up and the feeling of its joy just burns my skin and makes me want to be alive more.The creepers and spider just walk along not caring about the sunlights joy and happiness due to the fact they are happy as well.The creepers are happy because they are feared and spiders are happy because they are animals.Yet i think its just notch taunting me that i cant enjoy what living things can enjoy.All i can do is murder and wait for the man who lives in the house infront of me to come out....the only problem is he died 5 days ago and wont come back i might as well end my life by the sun but i can allow myself to do so.All i can do is wait and soon stavre do to a lack of flesh.
Well, not by ocelots...
XD