Hello everyone. I'm attempting story writting and I would like some feedback of what your thoughts are, good or bad either way I want them. I just made this story up cause I was bored and it's a sample of how I write and I would like to know if it's decent or not.
Also, if enough people want to read the second part I'll put it out there, but for now, it's only this part.
A Creepers Story </3
Part 1
It’s a cold desolate night. The moon was full. In the distance you could see the silhouette of a pitch Black creature so notorious for its actions it's more feared than Death itself. The creak of a skeletons bone would send a shiver down the spine of any living creature that May comprehend its own existence. The hiss of a spider paralyzes those who pass by. And the deathly stare of A Zombie is enough to petrify even the bravest of the brave. This story however, is about a creature that even the worst of the worst Don’t even dare contend with, for this creature is more than just Suicidal, this creature wants to die. This creature... Is the Creeper.
Morning
I awake to the sound of early morning birds squawking oh so annoyingly. Aroused from the sound of farm animals’ daily noises, I pull myself up from my bed to begin my days work. I peer out of the window just to the left of my bed, to observe the animals floundering about ever so clueless of the world around them, this harsh world... I have a fireplace that I've spent many a night snuggled beside, keeping as warm as possible from the harsh cold that the winter brings annually. I feel safe when I relax next to the comfort Zone that I call the "Steve Cave," cleverly named after my own name. I only wish that I had a friend to share this comfort with me, alas I am lonely.
After a few moments of reminisce, I gather myself and head to my storage shed around back. The path to my shed is beautifully decorated with flowers along the way. Each day I walk to my shed alone I find an inner peace that almost nothing else can give me. Although it's near perfect, it's still missing the most important ingredient, a friend.
As I approach the shed I notice something is different suddenly. The animals have silenced themselves. I look around and not a single cow or sheep is moving. *Clank* I hear the sound from the shed. "H-h-Hello?!" I call out timidly. *Clank* I hear in response but it was louder. "W-Who's THERE!?" I shout urgently. *BOOM* THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN! "MMMUUURRRRR!" A Zombie GROWELS at the top of his un-dead lungs. "AHHH!" I yelp now sprinting the other way. I glance back unsure of his pursuit but I don't stop, at least not until I reach a cave. Tired, I don't really notice it at first, but after a few moments of rest I catch my breath to find a massive hole that makes up the mouth of a cave I've never seen before.
I've mapped out most of the region I live in. I've seen every river, creek, rock, tree, bush, hole, and cave in the area. However this is new... I turn around checking for the Zombie to see if he followed, but he's long gone. That smell... It smells like rain is coming. I look to the skies to reveal angry looking storm clouds approaching overhead. I may as well take shelter in the cave until the storms passed. Before entering the cave I gather a few fallen branches from the nearby trees that expertly camouflage the entrance to the cave.
Later that day
*CRACKLE* The sound of thunder is loud. The flashes from the lightning light the cave's walls every so often. I've huddled into a nook with my campfire to the front of my a few feet and three walls surround my sides and back, allowing me to easily watch the front for enemies. The fire is warm, comforting even in this dark and dreary place I reside in. I only wish I had someone to share this with, maybe then it wouldn't be so bad. *Thud* A sound in the distance of the cave. It sounds like a rock just moved. "Hello?" I whisper. I'm the only one left on this godforsaken island. I arrived on this Island about a year ago, or so I think. I lost count of the days after a few months, realizing that I'm stuck here.
*THUD* The noise is louder. "HELLO?" I whisper frantically. "RAAAW!" A Screech echoes from the distance! I quickly dampen the fire until it's just smolders. I sacrificed warmth and light so I may remain hidden. *CLANK* "RAW!" *BOOM* "EEEK!" *THUD!!! THud!!. Thud!.. thud...* a battle just ended, or what sounded like a fight. Perhaps it was a slaughter from the sound of the grinding clanking noise of a skeleton and the screeching of a creeper. I'm not sure if the explosion was the creeper committing suicide to kill the skeleton or if it was just the Thunder. The Storm is ranging so hard now I can hardly hear anything whenever the thunder sets off. "whaa..." the sound of a dying creature is close. It fades into whimpering and then to just heavy breathing. I wait a few moments then I investigate the situation. after stumbling about I find a body, plush, slimy, and green. CREEPER! I panic... but wait... it's not dead and it's moaning.
"WHAA!" It cries when I touch it. I look around quickly to see if I can catch a glimpse of the skeleton, but all I can see is the darkness that engulfs the cave. I look down to notice the creeper has two arrows lodged into its squishy body. One in its tiny stub like leg, and the other in its chest. "I don't know if you can understand me, but I'm going to try to help you!" I say slowly and clearly, unsure if the creeper can understand me. "Whaa.." It groans. "Okay, here goes nothing." I say wincing. I pull the arrow out of its chest right out. "WHAAAAA... SSsss-" It cries then starts to hiss but stops. My heart beating a million miles an hour now I proceed for the leg. "Please Mr. Creeper, don't blow up on me." I say hopefully. "Okay, one, two -THREE!" I say all at once while ripping the arrow out. I hear something tear as I do it. "WHAAAAAAA- SSSSSSSSSSSS...-" It started again but stopping.
I take the blanket I wove out of leaves and string and manipulate it to act as a bandage around the broken creature. You know, if they're not trying to kill you they're actually quite peaceful creatures. "There there, you'll be fine." I say assuring the beast, still unsure if it understands me or not. It looks at me with its big black eyes that normally pierce your soul look to be gentle and in pain.
The next morning
I set up another fire for me and the creeper. He's done nothing but sleep, curled in a ball this whole time, however I've been keeping watch for another skeleton. I notice it starts to shuffle a little. "Oh you're awake. This storm finally passed. I wanted to wait until you woke up to bring you to my home, perhaps I can take care of you until you recover." I say to the creeper thinking it can understand me. Strangely enough though, it looks right at me with grown eyes and nods a little. They're surprisingly light and easy to carry. I pick the creeper up and set off for my home.
It was still the entire walk home. On the way back I picked a few apples for dinner, since I don't think I'll have time to cook any of the pork I have. As I approach the top of the hill revealing my homestead, the creeper finally starts to squirm, obviously it wants to be let down. "Are you sure you can walk?" I ask. I sits still for a moment and looks at me. "Roh lakeh Ni SHA'sss." It responds in a high pitched voice. My eyes widen, "HOLY NOTCH YOU JUST SPOKE! I mean I didn't understand a word but, YOU JUST SPOKE!!!" I yell while releasing the creeper. Astonished that it spoke I'm frozen in awe, but it's interrupted when I see it's normal frown turn upwards slightly. "OH OH, I... AM... STEEEVE." I say slowly and loudly. It's eyes narrow and it seems almost confused. "I... AM... STEEEEVE?" It mimics me in the same high pitched loud voice. "Haha no, I'm Steve so what's your name?" I ask. "UTo Gizack Ni, SHA'sss!" It says in excitement. I have no idea what it's saying but I'm glad I finally found a friend.
A few weeks later
The past few weeks have been great. I've discovered that my new friends name is, SHA'sss and that he is actually a she. There aren't any male creepers. I can't really understand her most of the time but she is clear enough when she speaks English now. She's a fast learner. We've spent so much time together, I never thought that creepers wouldn't be so creepy. I've even built a pressure plate Mechanism so she may come and go as she pleases.
"Isn't morning just fantastic?" I ask Sha'sss. "Sha'sss likes daylight!" she says smiling. "Okay, well let's get some stuff out of storage to start the day!" I cheerfully suggest. She nods her head with just as much excitement. We head down the flower path that leads to the storage shed... wait. Something is familiar here. Just like before, the day I met Sha'sss. The animals have silenced again suddenly. "Oh no." *Clank* a noise is heard from the shed. "Sha'sss I think there is a-" *SLAM!* THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AGAIN ONLY TO REVEAL, NOT A ZOMBIE BUT SEVERAL SKELETONS!!! "RUN!" I start sprinting as fast as I can, but then I remember, SHA'ss can't run any more due to her leg injury. I skid to a halt and turn around only to find the horde of skeletons laying waste into her with their cursed bows. "NOOOO!!" I RAGE! "GET AWAY FROM HER!" I SCREAM NOW SPRINTING AS FAST AS i CAN TOWARDS THEM. As I draw near I grab a shovel that's off to my left quickly bringing it round' the front to my right shattering the closest skeleton. They all quickly snap to me like clockwork prepping their bows for a barrage, but before I give them a second to rally I leap from skeleton to skeleton clawing and ripping them apart like a desperate animal defending its young. *THUD* a shockwave through my body stuns me for a moment and I fall to the ground. "GAHH!" I cry out in pain. One of the arrows finally landed, but I WON'T GIVE UP! Without missing a beat I pull myself up dodging one arrow after the next and giving each swing of the shovel everything I have! "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" I SHOUT FOR EACH KILL!
"Heeeh.... Heeeh...." I breathe heavily. SHa'sss! Forgetting that I have an arrow sticking out of my chest, I run to sha'sss and drop to her side. "Sha'sss? Sha'sss?! SHA'SSS!!!! NOOO! WAKE UP! WAAAAKE UUUPP!!!" I SCREAM! "S-S-Teave??" She whispers. "G-G-Good bye... F-Friend....." She says closing her beautiful black eyes. "Sha'sss? Sha'sss? SHA'SSS!?!?!" I Shout. "Hehehehehe, you fool. You're not the only one on this Island." A man says a few feet behind me. "WHAT!?" I yell spinning around to find... HEROBRINE!
very nice! i like your storyline, and ideas. your writing could use a little bit of improvement here and there, though. one of the bigger issues is your use of caps. usually, capitalizing doesn't work very well, unless in certain situations. most of the time, substituting all-caps areas with italics on emphasized words works better. think of it as though you were telling the story verbally, and put emphasized words in italics.
though even then, you have to remember that the key is not to overuse it. i'll look forward to the next part!
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Also, if enough people want to read the second part I'll put it out there, but for now, it's only this part.
It’s a cold desolate night. The moon was full. In the distance you could see the silhouette of a pitch Black creature so notorious for its actions it's more feared than Death itself. The creak of a skeletons bone would send a shiver down the spine of any living creature that May comprehend its own existence. The hiss of a spider paralyzes those who pass by. And the deathly stare of A Zombie is enough to petrify even the bravest of the brave. This story however, is about a creature that even the worst of the worst Don’t even dare contend with, for this creature is more than just Suicidal, this creature wants to die. This creature... Is the Creeper.
I awake to the sound of early morning birds squawking oh so annoyingly. Aroused from the sound of farm animals’ daily noises, I pull myself up from my bed to begin my days work. I peer out of the window just to the left of my bed, to observe the animals floundering about ever so clueless of the world around them, this harsh world... I have a fireplace that I've spent many a night snuggled beside, keeping as warm as possible from the harsh cold that the winter brings annually. I feel safe when I relax next to the comfort Zone that I call the "Steve Cave," cleverly named after my own name. I only wish that I had a friend to share this comfort with me, alas I am lonely.
After a few moments of reminisce, I gather myself and head to my storage shed around back. The path to my shed is beautifully decorated with flowers along the way. Each day I walk to my shed alone I find an inner peace that almost nothing else can give me. Although it's near perfect, it's still missing the most important ingredient, a friend.
As I approach the shed I notice something is different suddenly. The animals have silenced themselves. I look around and not a single cow or sheep is moving. *Clank* I hear the sound from the shed. "H-h-Hello?!" I call out timidly. *Clank* I hear in response but it was louder. "W-Who's THERE!?" I shout urgently. *BOOM* THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN! "MMMUUURRRRR!" A Zombie GROWELS at the top of his un-dead lungs. "AHHH!" I yelp now sprinting the other way. I glance back unsure of his pursuit but I don't stop, at least not until I reach a cave. Tired, I don't really notice it at first, but after a few moments of rest I catch my breath to find a massive hole that makes up the mouth of a cave I've never seen before.
I've mapped out most of the region I live in. I've seen every river, creek, rock, tree, bush, hole, and cave in the area. However this is new... I turn around checking for the Zombie to see if he followed, but he's long gone. That smell... It smells like rain is coming. I look to the skies to reveal angry looking storm clouds approaching overhead. I may as well take shelter in the cave until the storms passed. Before entering the cave I gather a few fallen branches from the nearby trees that expertly camouflage the entrance to the cave.
*CRACKLE* The sound of thunder is loud. The flashes from the lightning light the cave's walls every so often. I've huddled into a nook with my campfire to the front of my a few feet and three walls surround my sides and back, allowing me to easily watch the front for enemies. The fire is warm, comforting even in this dark and dreary place I reside in. I only wish I had someone to share this with, maybe then it wouldn't be so bad. *Thud* A sound in the distance of the cave. It sounds like a rock just moved. "Hello?" I whisper. I'm the only one left on this godforsaken island. I arrived on this Island about a year ago, or so I think. I lost count of the days after a few months, realizing that I'm stuck here.
*THUD* The noise is louder. "HELLO?" I whisper frantically. "RAAAW!" A Screech echoes from the distance! I quickly dampen the fire until it's just smolders. I sacrificed warmth and light so I may remain hidden. *CLANK* "RAW!" *BOOM* "EEEK!" *THUD!!! THud!!. Thud!.. thud...* a battle just ended, or what sounded like a fight. Perhaps it was a slaughter from the sound of the grinding clanking noise of a skeleton and the screeching of a creeper. I'm not sure if the explosion was the creeper committing suicide to kill the skeleton or if it was just the Thunder. The Storm is ranging so hard now I can hardly hear anything whenever the thunder sets off. "whaa..." the sound of a dying creature is close. It fades into whimpering and then to just heavy breathing. I wait a few moments then I investigate the situation. after stumbling about I find a body, plush, slimy, and green. CREEPER! I panic... but wait... it's not dead and it's moaning.
"WHAA!" It cries when I touch it. I look around quickly to see if I can catch a glimpse of the skeleton, but all I can see is the darkness that engulfs the cave. I look down to notice the creeper has two arrows lodged into its squishy body. One in its tiny stub like leg, and the other in its chest. "I don't know if you can understand me, but I'm going to try to help you!" I say slowly and clearly, unsure if the creeper can understand me. "Whaa.." It groans. "Okay, here goes nothing." I say wincing. I pull the arrow out of its chest right out. "WHAAAAA... SSsss-" It cries then starts to hiss but stops. My heart beating a million miles an hour now I proceed for the leg. "Please Mr. Creeper, don't blow up on me." I say hopefully. "Okay, one, two -THREE!" I say all at once while ripping the arrow out. I hear something tear as I do it. "WHAAAAAAA- SSSSSSSSSSSS...-" It started again but stopping.
I take the blanket I wove out of leaves and string and manipulate it to act as a bandage around the broken creature. You know, if they're not trying to kill you they're actually quite peaceful creatures. "There there, you'll be fine." I say assuring the beast, still unsure if it understands me or not. It looks at me with its big black eyes that normally pierce your soul look to be gentle and in pain.
I set up another fire for me and the creeper. He's done nothing but sleep, curled in a ball this whole time, however I've been keeping watch for another skeleton. I notice it starts to shuffle a little. "Oh you're awake. This storm finally passed. I wanted to wait until you woke up to bring you to my home, perhaps I can take care of you until you recover." I say to the creeper thinking it can understand me. Strangely enough though, it looks right at me with grown eyes and nods a little. They're surprisingly light and easy to carry. I pick the creeper up and set off for my home.
It was still the entire walk home. On the way back I picked a few apples for dinner, since I don't think I'll have time to cook any of the pork I have. As I approach the top of the hill revealing my homestead, the creeper finally starts to squirm, obviously it wants to be let down. "Are you sure you can walk?" I ask. I sits still for a moment and looks at me. "Roh lakeh Ni SHA'sss." It responds in a high pitched voice. My eyes widen, "HOLY NOTCH YOU JUST SPOKE! I mean I didn't understand a word but, YOU JUST SPOKE!!!" I yell while releasing the creeper. Astonished that it spoke I'm frozen in awe, but it's interrupted when I see it's normal frown turn upwards slightly. "OH OH, I... AM... STEEEVE." I say slowly and loudly. It's eyes narrow and it seems almost confused. "I... AM... STEEEEVE?" It mimics me in the same high pitched loud voice. "Haha no, I'm Steve so what's your name?" I ask. "UTo Gizack Ni, SHA'sss!" It says in excitement. I have no idea what it's saying but I'm glad I finally found a friend.
The past few weeks have been great. I've discovered that my new friends name is, SHA'sss and that he is actually a she. There aren't any male creepers. I can't really understand her most of the time but she is clear enough when she speaks English now. She's a fast learner. We've spent so much time together, I never thought that creepers wouldn't be so creepy. I've even built a pressure plate Mechanism so she may come and go as she pleases.
"Isn't morning just fantastic?" I ask Sha'sss. "Sha'sss likes daylight!" she says smiling. "Okay, well let's get some stuff out of storage to start the day!" I cheerfully suggest. She nods her head with just as much excitement. We head down the flower path that leads to the storage shed... wait. Something is familiar here. Just like before, the day I met Sha'sss. The animals have silenced again suddenly. "Oh no." *Clank* a noise is heard from the shed. "Sha'sss I think there is a-" *SLAM!* THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AGAIN ONLY TO REVEAL, NOT A ZOMBIE BUT SEVERAL SKELETONS!!! "RUN!" I start sprinting as fast as I can, but then I remember, SHA'ss can't run any more due to her leg injury. I skid to a halt and turn around only to find the horde of skeletons laying waste into her with their cursed bows. "NOOOO!!" I RAGE! "GET AWAY FROM HER!" I SCREAM NOW SPRINTING AS FAST AS i CAN TOWARDS THEM. As I draw near I grab a shovel that's off to my left quickly bringing it round' the front to my right shattering the closest skeleton. They all quickly snap to me like clockwork prepping their bows for a barrage, but before I give them a second to rally I leap from skeleton to skeleton clawing and ripping them apart like a desperate animal defending its young. *THUD* a shockwave through my body stuns me for a moment and I fall to the ground. "GAHH!" I cry out in pain. One of the arrows finally landed, but I WON'T GIVE UP! Without missing a beat I pull myself up dodging one arrow after the next and giving each swing of the shovel everything I have! "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" I SHOUT FOR EACH KILL!
"Heeeh.... Heeeh...." I breathe heavily. SHa'sss! Forgetting that I have an arrow sticking out of my chest, I run to sha'sss and drop to her side. "Sha'sss? Sha'sss?! SHA'SSS!!!! NOOO! WAKE UP! WAAAAKE UUUPP!!!" I SCREAM! "S-S-Teave??" She whispers. "G-G-Good bye... F-Friend....." She says closing her beautiful black eyes. "Sha'sss? Sha'sss? SHA'SSS!?!?!" I Shout. "Hehehehehe, you fool. You're not the only one on this Island." A man says a few feet behind me. "WHAT!?" I yell spinning around to find... HEROBRINE!
Can't wait for next part!
though even then, you have to remember that the key is not to overuse it. i'll look forward to the next part!