I will polish a chapter every Tuesday and Thursday and create a new chapter every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If you like this story, please give reputation and comment if you'd like.
"To Become Together" is a story about a depressed architecture critic who works for 3M. Nick, who was given a vacation to Minecraftia by his boss, ends up in a series of puzzling drama and sad romance. Nick faces obstacles that he fears and relates to, as he becomes more and more adept into the adventures of the large and dangerous biomes. At the same time, he falls in love with another companion who rides the adventure with him.
Prologue
The only reason I became an architecture critic was to tell the world what was really good and bad. I've seen many things in the past three years that has been truly amazing during my experience as Johnson's number one employee. Such a pig he is, with his white stained shirt with suspenders and a black tie with brown pants. I've never liked him because of his actions.
One time, Johnson was so intoxicated that he sexually touched one of the female co-workers on her breasts. She wasn't happy, and slapped him right across the face. It left Johnson with a huge red mark under his eyelid. The next thing that happened was unemployment.
Business was laid back a few years ago, until David, the nemesis of Johnson, destroyed Johnson's business by selling tree houses for dogs to everybody around the world, even the president of the United States thought it was a brilliant idea. Johnson's business started to become smaller. One day, Johnson came to my cubicle.
"Nick, come into my office please", Johnson said in a sturdy voice.
As I walked into his office, the lights became dimmer, the office building became quiet, and the air felt cold.
"What is it, sir?", I asked.
"It seems that 3M has been falling behind business, and I want you to do something about it. Do you have any ideas that can help the business get back on track?", Johnson asked.
I didn't know what to say, I've never handled such a responsible job before. "I don't know, sir. I've never done anything big like this before."
Of course, Johnson looked disappointed. He turned around to the window and lit a cigar. Slowly, he huffed and puffed the cigar. Dense smoke rose into the air. "How about this",
"What is it, sir?"
Johnson turned around in his chair and placed the cigar on the edge of an ashtray. "You can take a vacation."
"Really? Wow, but what about the business?" I said.
"I didn't finish yet. Nick, you are going to Minecraftia", Johnson said. "Your flight is in six hours, pack your stuff and get ready to leave for a very long time."
"Yes sir", I replied, then left Johnson's office.
Chapter 1: Skyfall
Nick ran down the hallways to the elevator as fast as he could. He has never been happier all of his life. Minecraftia was the best place to have a vacation, especially for an architect. Minecraftia was a place where builders dreamed to be. Minecraftia was a place for the toughest warriors of all Minecraft. Minecraftia was the best place for any kind of person to be in. Nick drove home in his crappy toyota and packed all of his iron, sticks, and pictures of his mother in his chest.
"What are you doing, Nick? What's the rush?", Nora asked.
"I'm packing my stuff and going on a business trip!" Nick lied. He didn't want to take Nora with him.
Nora looked at Nick with an angry face. "You've never told me about this trip! When are you leaving?"
"Right now! See you in ten years!". Nick ran out of his apartment and got into his car. He drove past the speed limit and drifted into the airport.
Nick saw the skies become more clear as the plane came closer to Minecraftia. Everyone on the plane looked out of the small round windows to awe at the sandy beaches and green jungles of Minecraftia. Nick has never seen land bigger than Iron Island, the most industrial continent of Minecraft. Suddenly, Nick's phone rang. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and answered.
"Hello, Nick," Johnson said.
"Hello, sir. I am having a great time!" Nick replied.
"That's great news, but that's not the reason why I've sent you on this vacation. Well, it's more of a business trip, but you don't need to do the usual work you'd do at your box office."
"Then, what am I here for?" Nick asked.
"You'll see", Johnson hung up.
Nick was very confused, he didn't know why Johnson sent him to Minecraftia in the first place. It was the most expensive place to visit, and only the most talented Minecraftians would visit. Nick did not have any skills but to swing a wooden sword in the most awkward way possible.
The plane started to shake. Everybody on the plane jumped up and down on their seats. The seat belts came off loose, and everybody started to panic. The electricity in the plane flickered. Engines stopped, and the power went off. Everyone and the plane began to slowly fall.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please keep calm! We are having technical difficulties! Please maintain yourselves and stay in your seat!", the pilot announced in the aisles.
Nick couldn't believe what was going on. Johnson gave Nick a trip to hell. As the plane fell faster, the skies became darker. Nick's vision became darker. Everyone became silent, and Nick's body felt small. On the other side of the plane, Nick saw a tall and dark man with purple glowing eyes. He'd never seen such a fearsome looking creature looking straight back at him. The creature's mouth opened wider than a wrench and shrieking a terrible sound. The dark creature disappeared into a flux of purple ash. Nick felt sick. He closed his eyes and fainted, as the plane crashed into the ocean.
I like how even the shortest story gets a comment, but a story I've put some time into has no evaluative reply. I know the action is just beginning, but imagine it as a preview, show some excitement like a movie trailer.
It was very well written, very nice flow and I liked the setting and descriptions. I could almost imagine myself in there somewhere . One thing I would say that confused me a little was when you switched from first person to third person and back again. In this bit-
"Yes sir", I replied, then left Johnson's office.
Nick ran down
I don't know... that bit's a little confusing.
But on the whole, this is brilliant! Looking for more xD!
With the thing about people not replying... thing is, most people will read it but not reply. And the reason (I think) stories on the shorter side have more replies is because there are more ways they could improve. (e.g, if a story is short with no description, people will post something like- "Hey there! Try to use more description! Good job!" or something). Anyway, don't worry about that- my story got my first comment about a week later when I was on chapter 3 .
G'luck with this, looking forward to more!
thanks haha
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"To Become Together" is a story about a depressed architecture critic who works for 3M. Nick, who was given a vacation to Minecraftia by his boss, ends up in a series of puzzling drama and sad romance. Nick faces obstacles that he fears and relates to, as he becomes more and more adept into the adventures of the large and dangerous biomes. At the same time, he falls in love with another companion who rides the adventure with him.
Prologue
The only reason I became an architecture critic was to tell the world what was really good and bad. I've seen many things in the past three years that has been truly amazing during my experience as Johnson's number one employee. Such a pig he is, with his white stained shirt with suspenders and a black tie with brown pants. I've never liked him because of his actions.
One time, Johnson was so intoxicated that he sexually touched one of the female co-workers on her breasts. She wasn't happy, and slapped him right across the face. It left Johnson with a huge red mark under his eyelid. The next thing that happened was unemployment.
Business was laid back a few years ago, until David, the nemesis of Johnson, destroyed Johnson's business by selling tree houses for dogs to everybody around the world, even the president of the United States thought it was a brilliant idea. Johnson's business started to become smaller. One day, Johnson came to my cubicle.
"Nick, come into my office please", Johnson said in a sturdy voice.
As I walked into his office, the lights became dimmer, the office building became quiet, and the air felt cold.
"What is it, sir?", I asked.
"It seems that 3M has been falling behind business, and I want you to do something about it. Do you have any ideas that can help the business get back on track?", Johnson asked.
I didn't know what to say, I've never handled such a responsible job before. "I don't know, sir. I've never done anything big like this before."
Of course, Johnson looked disappointed. He turned around to the window and lit a cigar. Slowly, he huffed and puffed the cigar. Dense smoke rose into the air. "How about this",
"What is it, sir?"
Johnson turned around in his chair and placed the cigar on the edge of an ashtray. "You can take a vacation."
"Really? Wow, but what about the business?" I said.
"I didn't finish yet. Nick, you are going to Minecraftia", Johnson said. "Your flight is in six hours, pack your stuff and get ready to leave for a very long time."
"Yes sir", I replied, then left Johnson's office.
Chapter 1: Skyfall
Nick ran down the hallways to the elevator as fast as he could. He has never been happier all of his life. Minecraftia was the best place to have a vacation, especially for an architect. Minecraftia was a place where builders dreamed to be. Minecraftia was a place for the toughest warriors of all Minecraft. Minecraftia was the best place for any kind of person to be in. Nick drove home in his crappy toyota and packed all of his iron, sticks, and pictures of his mother in his chest.
"What are you doing, Nick? What's the rush?", Nora asked.
"I'm packing my stuff and going on a business trip!" Nick lied. He didn't want to take Nora with him.
Nora looked at Nick with an angry face. "You've never told me about this trip! When are you leaving?"
"Right now! See you in ten years!". Nick ran out of his apartment and got into his car. He drove past the speed limit and drifted into the airport.
Nick saw the skies become more clear as the plane came closer to Minecraftia. Everyone on the plane looked out of the small round windows to awe at the sandy beaches and green jungles of Minecraftia. Nick has never seen land bigger than Iron Island, the most industrial continent of Minecraft. Suddenly, Nick's phone rang. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and answered.
"Hello, Nick," Johnson said.
"Hello, sir. I am having a great time!" Nick replied.
"That's great news, but that's not the reason why I've sent you on this vacation. Well, it's more of a business trip, but you don't need to do the usual work you'd do at your box office."
"Then, what am I here for?" Nick asked.
"You'll see", Johnson hung up.
Nick was very confused, he didn't know why Johnson sent him to Minecraftia in the first place. It was the most expensive place to visit, and only the most talented Minecraftians would visit. Nick did not have any skills but to swing a wooden sword in the most awkward way possible.
The plane started to shake. Everybody on the plane jumped up and down on their seats. The seat belts came off loose, and everybody started to panic. The electricity in the plane flickered. Engines stopped, and the power went off. Everyone and the plane began to slowly fall.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please keep calm! We are having technical difficulties! Please maintain yourselves and stay in your seat!", the pilot announced in the aisles.
Nick couldn't believe what was going on. Johnson gave Nick a trip to hell. As the plane fell faster, the skies became darker. Nick's vision became darker. Everyone became silent, and Nick's body felt small. On the other side of the plane, Nick saw a tall and dark man with purple glowing eyes. He'd never seen such a fearsome looking creature looking straight back at him. The creature's mouth opened wider than a wrench and shrieking a terrible sound. The dark creature disappeared into a flux of purple ash. Nick felt sick. He closed his eyes and fainted, as the plane crashed into the ocean.
Chapter 2: (Where emotional times begin)
thanks haha