Boats leaving, to survive until the day when Notch promised 1.8...
(That was the mini prologue, this is the real one:)
A really bad storm was coming! Only I survived, I didn't know what had happened, because I was knocked out on the shore!!!
Chapter 1:
I woke up and saw a tree, there was an axe nearby, I hardly remembered anything, I was in a forest, there was a mountain nearby, and I knew I wasn't safe. I grabbed the axe and chopped the tree. SSSsssssssss...
I knew what that sound was. A creeper was hiding inside the tree! I ran so fast. When I got away I felt some weight.
Even for a prologue, that was short. Very short. There was also very little description in it, so maybe try to include more writers techniques such as similes, metaphors, and so on. Also, make the story lead somewhere. While I can see you are doing a good job of withholding information (another of those writers techniques) you are maybe doing it too well...This has potential, but it just needs expanding.
So perhaps the line- Fires burned everywhere!- can become-
Harsh tongues of flame burned furiously on every corner, throwing bright sparks into the night sky.
Perhaps a little overkill, and not the best example, but you get the point .
Anyway, just have more, because I want to read more of this, I want to know what happens next. That's good, but make it even better. A good metaphor I like to use for people is that you are a painter. You trying to paint a picture, and the paper (computer, iPhone, whatever you use) is your canvas, and instead of paints you use words! And the reader is like the gallery, or a museum, for paintings, and you need to try and paint an amazing picture for it. Try to paint an amazing picture in the reader's mind!
Anyway, there is a tiny bit that does not make sense (and this pretty minor) in this line-
Boats leaving, to survive until the day, until the day, where Notch promised 1.8...
Take out the second 'until the day' like this, and add 'when' rather than 'where'-
Boats leaving, to survive until the day when Notch promised 1.8...
Anyway, good luck with this. Keep working, keep improving, keep writing. OH and I almost forgot. Don't only write the story if you get enough feedback because the simple, harsh truth is that feedback is often scarce. Most people prefer reading rather than feed backing. Write for yourself, and consider 'feedback' as an unexpected bonus. Stories need to come from you, because you need to be the one who likes it the best.
It took me a whole day and a great person for me to realise this.
All you came up with was that he found an axe? You need to write more at a time. And it doesn't describe his surroundings? How does he feel when he wakes up? You need descriptions in there.
All you came up with was that he found an axe? You need to write more at a time. And it doesn't describe his surroundings? How does he feel when he wakes up? You need descriptions in there.
Perhaps describe the setting more before jumping straight to the axe?
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Stay Genuine. Stay Fearless.
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~ fellow author
Stay Genuine. Stay Fearless.
I don't remember putting two Until the day
K, feedback will make me create more...
All you came up with was that he found an axe? You need to write more at a time. And it doesn't describe his surroundings? How does he feel when he wakes up? You need descriptions in there.
Perhaps describe the setting more before jumping straight to the axe?
Stay Genuine. Stay Fearless.