The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
California
Join Date:
8/2/2011
Posts:
280
Minecraft:
abricahohoho
Member Details
My first story. I just made this up right now, don't know if it's been done before or overused, but whatever. Give me helpful criticism.
Prologue
Steve was mining in his mineshaft like any other day. Just mining. He was a bit tired and was just ready to go back up to his house when he heard the infamous hissing sound from behind. Steve froze, sweat dripping from his armpits. "Don't move and it won't notice you..." he thought to himself as the hissing sound drew nearer. Steve's fears were confirmed when he heard the crunch of a creeper's foot on the cold stone floor. Suddenly, the hissing stopped. Steve breathed a sigh of relief and started mining again. He thought the creeper was gone. Nope. The creeper pounced on Steve and exploded without warning. His partners, upstairs whacking away at zombies, heard the explosion. They broke right through the door and jumped in the mine, where they found a large crater. Inside was a dead Steve, lying on the ground, surrounded by bits of creeper.
Chapter 1
Steve could see nothing. He felt a warm rock floor of some sort underneath him. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was a big white face stained with tears and short tentacles below it. Steve shrieked. The face said, "Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. You must be new here. What's your name?" Steve stopped shrieking and said, "Hey, I know what you are! You're a Ghast! I read about you in a library!" The Ghast said, "Yeah, I'm a Ghast, and a fairly good one, too! And you must be..." Steve stammered, "Sorry, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Steve." Steve and the Ghast shook tentacles... wait. Steve looked at his hand, or rather, tentacle. He fainted right on the netherrack.
So, what do you think? How should I improve this? Post you suggestions below.
Prologue
Steve was mining in his mineshaft like any other day. Just mining. He was a bit tired and was just ready to go back up to his house when he heard the infamous hissing sound from behind. Steve froze, sweat dripping from his armpits. "Don't move and it won't notice you..." he thought to himself as the hissing sound drew nearer. Steve's fears were confirmed when he heard the crunch of a creeper's foot on the cold stone floor. Suddenly, the hissing stopped. Steve breathed a sigh of relief and started mining again. He thought the creeper was gone. Nope. The creeper pounced on Steve and exploded without warning. His partners, upstairs whacking away at zombies, heard the explosion. They broke right through the door and jumped in the mine, where they found a large crater. Inside was a dead Steve, lying on the ground, surrounded by bits of creeper.
Chapter 1
Steve could see nothing. He felt a warm rock floor of some sort underneath him. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was a big white face stained with tears and short tentacles below it. Steve shrieked. The face said, "Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. You must be new here. What's your name?" Steve stopped shrieking and said, "Hey, I know what you are! You're a Ghast! I read about you in a library!" The Ghast said, "Yeah, I'm a Ghast, and a fairly good one, too! And you must be..." Steve stammered, "Sorry, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Steve." Steve and the Ghast shook tentacles... wait. Steve looked at his hand, or rather, tentacle. He fainted right on the netherrack.
So, what do you think? How should I improve this? Post you suggestions below.
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