(The Italicized words are his thoughts and the Italicized and bold words are his Book&Quill writing)
Where am I? All I can remember is clicking the Login button then this weird laser lights flashing in my face. Then I woke up in this pixilated world. I searched my pocket to find a backpack with stone tools, a dairy, and a few torches and pieces of coal. I guess all I can do now is to live.
I took out my Book and started to write.
The Land
The land I woke up on is very abundant with grass, cows, and Oak and Birch trees. I can see the tip of a desert to the east from the highest point of the forest, it seems long and wide I’ll have to explore it later. It’s about noon I’ll have to start cutting down trees and start building a house.
I took my axe and started to cut down Oak trees. By evening I had cut down two stacks of Oak and 1 stack of Birch. Now the land has fewer trees than before. I started to build my house I was almost done with the log out line when something came up to me. It had green skin with torn jeans I knew exactly what it was –A Zombie. This was the end I knew it, it came closer and closer I was digging through my backpack looking for my sword it kept walking towards me. By now I knew that I was going to die. I finally got my sword and started to slash it. It took about 3 hits
to be killed, after that experience I HAVE to be careful. I finished the outline by midnight it took me the rest of the night to fill it in with oak wood.
My First Acounter
It was very scaring every time it moved I got more more confident that I was going to die,that night could have been my last.
Am I the only one?
Am I the only one on this world? Or am I just one of the millions stranded alive on here? These questions may never be answered but if I do find another human on this world I'll make sure we stay together and defeat every zombie in this messed up world. The only thing I wish I could know would be why there was only 1 zombie and nothing else. One could only Imagine for a world full of people. I guess I'll have to put down my bed.
Chapter 2
Mining Surprise
My axe had broke when I was building my wood house. I decided to go build a mine it was designed with a wood circle and glass. I started to dig down by digging a 3x3 hole and a air hole in the middle. I got near bedrock and started heading back. I got a stack of iron, 2 stacks of coal, 26 gold and 10 diamonds. I headed up about half way when I heard something. I turned around to see a creeper. I walked up some more trying to sprint out of this mine. I got to my house and stored my ores and headed back down to kill the creeper. I got back where I was - the creeper was gone- I headed back up to go get my ores and furnace them. I couldn't tell what was going on.
I will be brutally honest here, just a warning. No offense, but I think you're just not cut out for writing.
Number one - STOP. BUMPING. YOUR. OWN. THREAD. I've seen so many post three times in a row, trying to get more views. If you're writing solely on the purpose that you are trying to get views, chances are you're not actually enjoying writing. If you want more views, thats natural to want, but when you bump it like this, it's pretty annoying.
Number two - I noticed very many spelling and grammatical errors. I found "acounter" which is wrong, it is spelled "encounter." Also, I found so many errors in the mining surprise "chapter," which are VERY confusing and uses wrong words for actions. For example, "furnace ores" doesn't make sense, because (1) furnace is a noun, (2) there is no way or tense that furnace could be a noun. And your descriptions are very vague, actually most of the story in general, I can barely picture this story as I read it.
Number three - Every chapter moves much too quickly, and not enough happens in them. You also used an overused topic - wake up in minecraft, start punching wood, blah, blah - but yours cannot be any more vague. Who is this character? What is his name? What does he look like? What is his personality? You need to describe alot more things and details, discuss it with us, and actually maybe just rewrite your whole story, taking care to fix grammar and drag it out a bit.
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I took out my Book and started to write.
I took my axe and started to cut down Oak trees. By evening I had cut down two stacks of Oak and 1 stack of Birch. Now the land has fewer trees than before. I started to build my house I was almost done with the log out line when something came up to me. It had green skin with torn jeans I knew exactly what it was –A Zombie. This was the end I knew it, it came closer and closer I was digging through my backpack looking for my sword it kept walking towards me. By now I knew that I was going to die. I finally got my sword and started to slash it. It took about 3 hits
to be killed, after that experience I HAVE to be careful. I finished the outline by midnight it took me the rest of the night to fill it in with oak wood.
#BAUM4EXILE2014
:^)
HELP CAPSLOCK KEY FELL OFF IT SWITCHES ON AND OFF, HELP PLS.
#BAUM4EXILE2014
:^)
HELP CAPSLOCK KEY FELL OFF IT SWITCHES ON AND OFF, HELP PLS.
#BAUM4EXILE2014
:^)
HELP CAPSLOCK KEY FELL OFF IT SWITCHES ON AND OFF, HELP PLS.
#BAUM4EXILE2014
:^)
HELP CAPSLOCK KEY FELL OFF IT SWITCHES ON AND OFF, HELP PLS.
Number one - STOP. BUMPING. YOUR. OWN. THREAD. I've seen so many post three times in a row, trying to get more views. If you're writing solely on the purpose that you are trying to get views, chances are you're not actually enjoying writing. If you want more views, thats natural to want, but when you bump it like this, it's pretty annoying.
Number two - I noticed very many spelling and grammatical errors. I found "acounter" which is wrong, it is spelled "encounter." Also, I found so many errors in the mining surprise "chapter," which are VERY confusing and uses wrong words for actions. For example, "furnace ores" doesn't make sense, because (1) furnace is a noun, (2) there is no way or tense that furnace could be a noun. And your descriptions are very vague, actually most of the story in general, I can barely picture this story as I read it.
Number three - Every chapter moves much too quickly, and not enough happens in them. You also used an overused topic - wake up in minecraft, start punching wood, blah, blah - but yours cannot be any more vague. Who is this character? What is his name? What does he look like? What is his personality? You need to describe alot more things and details, discuss it with us, and actually maybe just rewrite your whole story, taking care to fix grammar and drag it out a bit.