In the lands of minecraft different factions ruled different lands when one day the lord of the taiga dicided he wanted more, he waged war against all the biomesand attacked them all was lost for his huge army crushed any resistence. Except he forgot all about one little biome, the Mushroom Biome the king sent out his finest warriors and builders and his only child to defeat the Taiga lord. Will they defeat? Or will they die trying?
Chapter 1
I assembled the team and made sure everyone knew whos who and what thier proffesion is:
from left: Albert Guard captain, Nicko guard, Bob-Lee guard, Cass food expert, Azura Potion maker and doctor
The middle: Remus the builder
We set off and many days of hard walking till we found the right spot
It was perfect!
we started setting up camp.
Chapter 2
We all decided to set up a guard house first incase any suprise attacks, it took us a day and a half to finish it but we did
It was cold and hard sleeping outside so we set up a inn to sleep in
Chapter 3
We got our first attack today not by knights or guards but by bandits
It was a hard battle but we fought with all our might and eventualy we defeated them!
Umm, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to criticize this since I'm more of a "Mostly words" reader and your story is heavily dominated by pictures that there's little to no writing. I will however give my views on it while leaving out most the writing aspect and focusing on story and creativity.
The backstory is nice, but I don't see much creative flow from it. It looks like the generic "corrupt warlord plans total domination. Small party of heroes will try to stop him and his army" Role-playing game story. It will need a surprising or creative plot twist here and there to make it interesting.
Also, judging from the first casualty (not casualtie). The guards are the expendable characters and will probably die first, which kind of kills the suspense of "Who's going to die or sacrifice himself next?" Although, if you are simply using this stereotype for a story twist later, then forget I said this
As for some of the writing, it seems to be taking the form of journal entries since we lack any clear description of what is happening except for pictures. I'm not saying that this is bad or anything. I'm only saying what it looks like in my eyes.
I also noticed several grammatical errors. If you want me to point them out then just give the word
I'd give it a score, but like I said, I might not be the right person to give a review on your work since I'm not used to your style. But my suggestion is to keep going and see where it leads
Here is your story with all of your spelling and grammatical errors fixed:
In the lands of Minecraft, different factions ruled different lands. One day, when the lord of the taiga dicided he wanted more, he waged war against all the biomes
and attacked them. All was lost, for his huge army crushed any resistence. Except he forgot all about one little biome, the Mushroom Biome. The king sent out his finest warriors, builders and his only child to defeat the Taiga lord. Will they defeat? Or will they die trying?
Chapter 1
I assembled the team and made sure everyone knew who's who and what their profession was:
From left: Albert, Guard captain; Nicko, guard; Bob-Lee, guard; Cass, food expert; Azura, Potion maker and doctor.
The middle: Remus the builder.
We set off and many days of hard walking 'til we found the right spot.
It was perfect!
We started setting up camp.
Chapter 2
We all decided to set up a guard house first, in case of any suprise attacks. It took us a day and a half to finish it, but we did.
It was cold and hard sleeping outside, so we set up an inn to sleep in.
Chapter 3
We got our first attack today. Not by knights or guards, but by bandits.
The bandits we vanquished:
We survived! But there was a casualty, Nicko died.
Umm, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to criticize this since I'm more of a "Mostly words" reader and your story is heavily dominated by pictures that there's little to no writing. I will however give my views on it while leaving out most the writing aspect and focusing on story and creativity.
The backstory is nice, but I don't see much creative flow from it. It looks like the generic "corrupt warlord plans total domination. Small party of heroes will try to stop him and his army" Role-playing game story. It will need a surprising or creative plot twist here and there to make it interesting.
Also, judging from the first casualty (not casualtie). The guards are the expendable characters and will probably die first, which kind of kills the suspense of "Who's going to die or sacrifice himself next?" Although, if you are simply using this stereotype for a story twist later, then forget I said this
As for some of the writing, it seems to be taking the form of journal entries since we lack any clear description of what is happening except for pictures. I'm not saying that this is bad or anything. I'm only saying what it looks like in my eyes.
I also noticed several grammatical errors. If you want me to point them out then just give the word
I'd give it a score, but like I said, I might not be the right person to give a review on your work since I'm not used to your style. But my suggestion is to keep going and see where it leads
Thank you for the review/help/whatever I suck at grammar so it would be a bit of help if you could point them out.
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I havevoicesin my head...... And they don't likeYOU!
Here is your story with all of your spelling and grammatical errors fixed:
In the lands of Minecraft, different factions ruled different lands. One day, when the lord of the taiga decided he wanted more, he waged war against all the biomes
and attacked them. All was lost, for his huge army crushed any resistance. However, he forgot all about one little biome:, the Mushroom Biome. The king sent out his finest warriors, builders, and only child to defeat the Taiga lord. Will they defeat him? Or will they die trying?
Chapter 1
I assembled the team and made sure everyone knew who's who and what their profession was:
From left: Albert, Guard captain; Nicko, guard; Bob-Lee, guard; Cass, food expert; Azura, Potion maker and doctor.
The middle: Remus the builder.
We set off and had many days of hard walking 'til we found the right spot.
It was perfect!
We started setting up camp.
Chapter 2
We all decided to set up a guard house first, in case of any suprise attacks. It took us a day and a half to finish it, but we did it.
It was cold and hard sleeping outside, so we set up an inn to sleep in.
Chapter 3
We got our first attack today. Not by knights or guards, but by bandits.
The bandits we vanquished:
We survived! But there was a casualty, Nicko died.
Kr00k3d, there were stilll some mistakes in your "fixed" work . Let me correct them, see if you can spot the differences .
Note: I would've made some more changes, but I decided not to go too far from madd's original writing.
Under chapter 2, on mine, it says "It took us a day and a half to fix it, but we did." You don't need to say "...but we did it." because before the comma, it explains what "we" did.
Who really cares about grammar. Madd just made a story that was good and most of the grammar was passable. Anyway, Nice work! Did you use a mod for the characters or multiplayer?
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In the lands of minecraft different factions ruled different lands when one day the lord of the taiga dicided he wanted more, he waged war against all the biomes and attacked them all was lost for his huge army crushed any resistence. Except he forgot all about one little biome, the Mushroom Biome the king sent out his finest warriors and builders and his only child to defeat the Taiga lord. Will they defeat? Or will they die trying?
Chapter 1
I assembled the team and made sure everyone knew whos who and what thier proffesion is:
from left: Albert Guard captain, Nicko guard, Bob-Lee guard, Cass food expert, Azura Potion maker and doctor
The middle: Remus the builder
We set off and many days of hard walking till we found the right spot
It was perfect!
we started setting up camp.
Chapter 2
We all decided to set up a guard house first incase any suprise attacks, it took us a day and a half to finish it but we did
It was cold and hard sleeping outside so we set up a inn to sleep in
Chapter 3
We got our first attack today not by knights or guards but by bandits
It was a hard battle but we fought with all our might and eventualy we defeated them!
we survived! but there was a casualty Nicko died
The backstory is nice, but I don't see much creative flow from it. It looks like the generic "corrupt warlord plans total domination. Small party of heroes will try to stop him and his army" Role-playing game story. It will need a surprising or creative plot twist here and there to make it interesting.
Also, judging from the first casualty (not casualtie). The guards are the expendable characters and will probably die first, which kind of kills the suspense of "Who's going to die or sacrifice himself next?" Although, if you are simply using this stereotype for a story twist later, then forget I said this
As for some of the writing, it seems to be taking the form of journal entries since we lack any clear description of what is happening except for pictures. I'm not saying that this is bad or anything. I'm only saying what it looks like in my eyes.
I also noticed several grammatical errors. If you want me to point them out then just give the word
I'd give it a score, but like I said, I might not be the right person to give a review on your work since I'm not used to your style. But my suggestion is to keep going and see where it leads
Keep going
Chapter 1
I assembled the team and made sure everyone knew who's who and what their profession was:
From left: Albert, Guard captain; Nicko, guard; Bob-Lee, guard; Cass, food expert; Azura, Potion maker and doctor.
The middle: Remus the builder.
We set off and many days of hard walking 'til we found the right spot.
It was perfect!
We started setting up camp.
Chapter 2
We all decided to set up a guard house first, in case of any suprise attacks. It took us a day and a half to finish it, but we did.
It was cold and hard sleeping outside, so we set up an inn to sleep in.
Chapter 3
We got our first attack today. Not by knights or guards, but by bandits.
The bandits we vanquished:
We survived! But there was a casualty, Nicko died.
Thank you for the review/help/whatever I suck at grammar so it would be a bit of help if you could point them out.
Note: I would've made some more changes, but I decided not to go too far from madd's original writing.