A pretty nice horror story, I liked the imagery and the characters, but it seemed like the characters without any clear personality are the ones who die, sort of dampening the suspense, but it's still pretty good.
I also noticed that you suddenly switched from third-person view (Narrator's view) to first-person view (Character's view) in chapter 4. It usually isn't a good idea to switch between the two in a story since it may confuse some readers.
I'll be looking forward to the fates of the people stuck in "The Heromines".
But from what I heard on the recording, they'll probably all survive, forget that it ever happened, and live happily ever after (I'm being sarcastic here )
Gah, I always do the thing with switching perspective in the middle of a story. It all depends on which book I'm reading at the time. I end up getting used to that and then write it. I'll try to edit it when I get back from school. I've been trying to develop all of the characters so that they all have some personality, but I get what you mean, I've killed off a lot of weak-personality characters. Thank you for the comment though, I'll definitely put what you said into consideration. Chapter five, here I come.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
There we go. I fixed the random perspective change in chapter four. Chapter five coming soon!
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Alrighty then peoples, I've decided to end this story early due to lack of comments. I'll probably end it at chapter 6-7 unless things pick up again. Writing chapter five as we speak.
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Like it. Great work. I hope to see more stories like this from the community. It would be like what it was a year ago.
Thank you! I appreciate it. And I've decided (not because of your comment, but because I personally enjoyed writing the fifth chapter, although your comment is definitely an ego-booster) to continue writing this short story until it reaches chapter...wait for it...eleven. See what I did there? Writing chapter six now, because why not?
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Chapter six is finished! Things finally took a turn, I decided to give them a break for once. Weird to think that there's already only five of them left. Or six, I should say.
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Chapter seven coming out tomorrow. If you like this or like the tv show "The Game Of Thrones", check out my new story!
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Thank you, good sir! Will be working on chapter seven now. Remember people, even one word comments are IMMENSELY appreciated!
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
I was so absorbed when reading this. I felt like I was actually a part of the story. Keep at it.
Why, thank you. Chapter seven is up now! Chapter eight probably coming tomorrow. Nearing the end, guys! Only four more chapters remain. Only four more characters remain, as well. Any bets on who dies next? Or any comment whatsoever, so that I can continue writing!
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
This. Is. The. Best. Horror. Story. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks! Appreciated immensely. Anybody else care to agree or disagree with this (awesome) guy?
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Chapter eight is up now! Chapter nine is coming soon, but chapter ten is going to need some motivation through commenting. Anybody?
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Chapter nine coming today, in a few hours. Already wrote the first half.
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Hey. Nice to meet ya. Sometimes it gets hard, people are used to more, er, easily...accessible? Media, like videos and games. So people don't read as much as they should. Don't let that get you down buddy, alright?
Hey. Nice to meet ya. Sometimes it gets hard, people are used to more, er, easily...accessible? Media, like videos and games. So people don't read as much as they should. Don't let that get you down buddy, alright?
This is great, please, keep it up man!
Alright, thank you!
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Posted chapter nine! Gotta say that I personally enjoyed writing this chapter a bit more than the others. Although I don't know why. Does this make me sadistic?
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So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
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Gah, I always do the thing with switching perspective in the middle of a story. It all depends on which book I'm reading at the time. I end up getting used to that and then write it. I'll try to edit it when I get back from school. I've been trying to develop all of the characters so that they all have some personality, but I get what you mean, I've killed off a lot of weak-personality characters. Thank you for the comment though, I'll definitely put what you said into consideration. Chapter five, here I come.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Thank you! I appreciate it. And I've decided (not because of your comment, but because I personally enjoyed writing the fifth chapter, although your comment is definitely an ego-booster) to continue writing this short story until it reaches chapter...wait for it...eleven. See what I did there? Writing chapter six now, because why not?
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Thank you, good sir! Will be working on chapter seven now. Remember people, even one word comments are IMMENSELY appreciated!
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Why, thank you. Chapter seven is up now! Chapter eight probably coming tomorrow. Nearing the end, guys! Only four more chapters remain. Only four more characters remain, as well. Any bets on who dies next? Or any comment whatsoever, so that I can continue writing!
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
This is my youtube channel where i post stuff about stuff: http://adf.ly/8SAzt
Thanks! Appreciated immensely. Anybody else care to agree or disagree with this (awesome) guy?
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
Not at all!
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
This is great, please, keep it up man!
Alright, thank you!
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.
So sing a lonely song/Of a deep blue dream/Seven horses seem to be on the mark/Yeah, don't you love her/Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door.