9/10 because I want more.
Suggestions: When he comes back to life or whatever, add unfamilar charaters like a villager person or a farmer people like that.
Maybe have him start a village?
Also add wolfs, they haven't got mentioned yet. oh and maybe ocelots.
I'm planning on writing like 30 chapters. It's gonna be long. Also, that suggestion, that's the basic summary of what I'm writing for Chapter 4, but with a bit left out. I won't reveal more than that.
This is good! I'd like to see this made into a novel! Aside from some minor spelling errors, and weird grammar glitches, I have nothing wrong with it. Very good story, I can't wait for more chapters! :biggrin.gif:
This is good! I'd like to see this made into a novel! Aside from some minor spelling errors, and weird grammar glitches, I have nothing wrong with it. Very good story, I can't wait for more chapters!
9.5/10
Thanks for the compliments. I just hope it's actually that good, and you're not just saying that, I try. Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to make this into a novel because I'm working on another story. So I don't really have much time.
DUE TO INCONVENIENCE OF INAPROPRIATE WORDS, AS WELL AS BAD GRAMMAR, SPELLING, AND STORYTELLING, JARJAR3'S STORY HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE QUOTE.
There comes a time when one needs to sit back, and realize that one's self is no good at a certain thing. In this case, it is you who needs to realize that your writing sucks. Now, let me show you some real writing. I came up with this idea in less than 5 minutes, while walking home from school.
Today was an important day. Tankinator did not know it, but there was going to be a massive turn of events today. As he walked out the door, he brought up his tele-communication device that Minxed had created for him, and called up J.J. Three-Eighty.
"Hello?" Said J.J. Three-Eighty.
"Hi, it's Tankinator."
"Oh, hey Tankinator. I'm kind of in a bad position right now, can you call me up la-" he said, before getting cut off. Tankinator heard J.J. Three-Eighty's T.C.D. clatter to the ground. In the background, he could hear spiders hissing and spitting. Then heard a sudden cry from J.J. Three-Eighty, "Oh f***! Somebody get these d*** spiders to get the h*** out of here!"
Tankinator ended the call, and put it away, annoyed that J.J. was at it again. "I thought I told him not to go back there!" Tankinator shouted at the sky angrily. As Tankinator began to move away from the town, he saw a figure off in the fields, close to the exit of the cave that J.J. was in. Tankinator was about to wave, glad he wasn't dead, when he saw the solid white eyes of Herobrine. Tankinator froze in his tracks, his arm falling to his side, bag and T.C.D. clattering to the ground. Without thinking, Tankinator made a dual call to Aboba, Pluto, Minxed, and J.J. He told them that Herobrine was in the field by the entrance to the spider cave, and they needed to get there quick.
Not too long later, everyone was there, about thirty yards away from Herobrine. Aboba had his sword back from Tankinator, and Tankinator his bow from Aboba. Then, J.J. yelled out, "Don't worry! I'll save us!" and he charged foreward, iron sword in hand. As he moved closer, Herobrine raised his hand at at an angle toward the sky, and a lightning bolt launched from the clouds. It seemed to Tankinator that time its self had slowed down, and he watched, knowing that he would never again see J.J. Then, Minxed lunged foreward, and tackled J.J, getting J.J. and himself out of the way of the bolt. A smile crossed Herobrine's face, and pulled his sword out, swinging it over his shoulder like a baseball bat.
Nothing moved for a moment, then Minxed jumped into the air, and dove toward Herobrine in a foolhardy attempt to take his sword. Herobrine swung, and it seemed to Tankinator as if the very air was parting, as a shockwave cut through space and time its self, and cut Minxed in half. In one last futile attempt, Tankinator loaded a silver arrow, and launched it at Herobrine. Herobrine knocked it away, and rose his hand toward the sky once again. As Tankinator, Pluto, and Aboba turned to run, a lightning bolt fell from the clouds once more. J.J, still standing there in shock, was hit by the bolt. Smoldering and in excruciating pain, he lay there, screaming for help.
As Tankinator looked back, he saw a figure in a black cape, with a black sword in his arm, materialize out of the air. Herobrine again raised his hand to the sky, but this time, the lightning bolt was blue, and it moved too fast for any human to respond. In an instant, the figure, who Tankinator then recognized as Minxed, ducked down, and reflected the bolt off his cape. Everything was coming together now. The Minxed that had been cut in half, was the real Minxed, but this was too. What he had done was beyond comprehension at the time, but Tankinator knew he was safe now.
Minxed charged, raised his sword, and swung. Herobrine was just able to get his sword into a blocking position before the blow hit him, but the power behind it was so much that it made Herobrine stumble backward, and fall on his back. Then, Minxed reached down, and grabbed Herobrine by the shoulder, holding him in the air. As Minxed began to straiten his back, he seemed to grown in size. Then it dawned upon him. Aboba, being a somewhat experienced magician, had tried to use a potion on him, but it hadn't seemed to do anything. What had really happened, though, was it had made Minxed super-human.
Suddenly there was a loud squealing sound, and Herobrine fell to the ground, writing in pain and agony. From his chest, there protruded Minxed's Carboritite sword. After a moment, Herobrine began to dissolve. Then, he turned into ash. Nothing moved. All was silent. It seemed as if nothing had changed, but then, the world began to transform. Something stirred in the air, and Tankinator felt something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. Something he hadn't felt since Herobrine first came into being, over one thousand years ago. It was a soothing feeling, and it brought back memories of his home at the seashore. The breeze gently caressed the grass, as it flowed with the wind. Everything was back to normal now. Well, almost everything. There were just a few things wrong still.
First of all; the land back home had yet to heal from the wounds of the first and terrible battle with Herobrine, second; their families were gone, third; the girl Tankinator had loved was no longer with them, and fourth; they all had become different people. They were more hardened, and ready for battle. They were always expecting something bad to happen, and thus, they had all sorts of defensive measures everywhere. They all looked at each other. In a time like this, everyone should be happy, but they could not rejoice. Minxed fell on his knees, and began to cry. All this time, no one had thought he would be the first at the end to cry, but he was. He had been the one who had fallen in love at first sight, and he had never strayed from that love. Now that it all was over, though, he had time to mourn.
Early the next morning, Pluto went over and burnt J.J's body, leaving a memorial to him. When he got back to the town, everyone had packed up, and was ready to go. They all turned and looked as Pluto returned. He looked back at the memorial, and everyone bowed their heads, in honor of the lost warrior. They took one last look around, and took off for the last time. This would be their last journey together. Now, they would all go back home. Tankinator to his smith's shop, Minxed to his castle, and Aboba to his dwelling in the sky. Pluto would leave them to live in the forest nearby. He had plans to build a little cottage, and stay there until he left that world. Tankinator, Aboba, and Minxed, however, had been blessed with unending life, which is why they were going home. They knew that if there was anywhere they loved, it was back home, where it had all started.
So, you get the idea. I might actually have something like that be the end of my story, but for now, that's enough writing.
Sorry guys, it's being really glitchy right now, and it's removing parts of the story, as well as not knowing what some symbols mean. It'll probably take a while, but I'll get it under control.
I'm planning on writing like 30 chapters. It's gonna be long. Also, that suggestion, that's the basic summary of what I'm writing for Chapter 4, but with a bit left out. I won't reveal more than that.
omg that waz AMAZING
Your a very good writrer
!
Halp mah little egg! plz lol.
9.5/10
Thanks for the compliments. I just hope it's actually that good, and you're not just saying that, I try. Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to make this into a novel because I'm working on another story. So I don't really have much time.
DUE TO INCONVENIENCE OF INAPROPRIATE WORDS, AS WELL AS BAD GRAMMAR, SPELLING, AND STORYTELLING, JARJAR3'S STORY HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE QUOTE.
There comes a time when one needs to sit back, and realize that one's self is no good at a certain thing. In this case, it is you who needs to realize that your writing sucks. Now, let me show you some real writing. I came up with this idea in less than 5 minutes, while walking home from school.
Today was an important day. Tankinator did not know it, but there was going to be a massive turn of events today. As he walked out the door, he brought up his tele-communication device that Minxed had created for him, and called up J.J. Three-Eighty.
"Hello?" Said J.J. Three-Eighty.
"Hi, it's Tankinator."
"Oh, hey Tankinator. I'm kind of in a bad position right now, can you call me up la-" he said, before getting cut off. Tankinator heard J.J. Three-Eighty's T.C.D. clatter to the ground. In the background, he could hear spiders hissing and spitting. Then heard a sudden cry from J.J. Three-Eighty, "Oh f***! Somebody get these d*** spiders to get the h*** out of here!"
Tankinator ended the call, and put it away, annoyed that J.J. was at it again. "I thought I told him not to go back there!" Tankinator shouted at the sky angrily. As Tankinator began to move away from the town, he saw a figure off in the fields, close to the exit of the cave that J.J. was in. Tankinator was about to wave, glad he wasn't dead, when he saw the solid white eyes of Herobrine. Tankinator froze in his tracks, his arm falling to his side, bag and T.C.D. clattering to the ground. Without thinking, Tankinator made a dual call to Aboba, Pluto, Minxed, and J.J. He told them that Herobrine was in the field by the entrance to the spider cave, and they needed to get there quick.
Not too long later, everyone was there, about thirty yards away from Herobrine. Aboba had his sword back from Tankinator, and Tankinator his bow from Aboba. Then, J.J. yelled out, "Don't worry! I'll save us!" and he charged foreward, iron sword in hand. As he moved closer, Herobrine raised his hand at at an angle toward the sky, and a lightning bolt launched from the clouds. It seemed to Tankinator that time its self had slowed down, and he watched, knowing that he would never again see J.J. Then, Minxed lunged foreward, and tackled J.J, getting J.J. and himself out of the way of the bolt. A smile crossed Herobrine's face, and pulled his sword out, swinging it over his shoulder like a baseball bat.
Nothing moved for a moment, then Minxed jumped into the air, and dove toward Herobrine in a foolhardy attempt to take his sword. Herobrine swung, and it seemed to Tankinator as if the very air was parting, as a shockwave cut through space and time its self, and cut Minxed in half. In one last futile attempt, Tankinator loaded a silver arrow, and launched it at Herobrine. Herobrine knocked it away, and rose his hand toward the sky once again. As Tankinator, Pluto, and Aboba turned to run, a lightning bolt fell from the clouds once more. J.J, still standing there in shock, was hit by the bolt. Smoldering and in excruciating pain, he lay there, screaming for help.
As Tankinator looked back, he saw a figure in a black cape, with a black sword in his arm, materialize out of the air. Herobrine again raised his hand to the sky, but this time, the lightning bolt was blue, and it moved too fast for any human to respond. In an instant, the figure, who Tankinator then recognized as Minxed, ducked down, and reflected the bolt off his cape. Everything was coming together now. The Minxed that had been cut in half, was the real Minxed, but this was too. What he had done was beyond comprehension at the time, but Tankinator knew he was safe now.
Minxed charged, raised his sword, and swung. Herobrine was just able to get his sword into a blocking position before the blow hit him, but the power behind it was so much that it made Herobrine stumble backward, and fall on his back. Then, Minxed reached down, and grabbed Herobrine by the shoulder, holding him in the air. As Minxed began to straiten his back, he seemed to grown in size. Then it dawned upon him. Aboba, being a somewhat experienced magician, had tried to use a potion on him, but it hadn't seemed to do anything. What had really happened, though, was it had made Minxed super-human.
Suddenly there was a loud squealing sound, and Herobrine fell to the ground, writing in pain and agony. From his chest, there protruded Minxed's Carboritite sword. After a moment, Herobrine began to dissolve. Then, he turned into ash. Nothing moved. All was silent. It seemed as if nothing had changed, but then, the world began to transform. Something stirred in the air, and Tankinator felt something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. Something he hadn't felt since Herobrine first came into being, over one thousand years ago. It was a soothing feeling, and it brought back memories of his home at the seashore. The breeze gently caressed the grass, as it flowed with the wind. Everything was back to normal now. Well, almost everything. There were just a few things wrong still.
First of all; the land back home had yet to heal from the wounds of the first and terrible battle with Herobrine, second; their families were gone, third; the girl Tankinator had loved was no longer with them, and fourth; they all had become different people. They were more hardened, and ready for battle. They were always expecting something bad to happen, and thus, they had all sorts of defensive measures everywhere. They all looked at each other. In a time like this, everyone should be happy, but they could not rejoice. Minxed fell on his knees, and began to cry. All this time, no one had thought he would be the first at the end to cry, but he was. He had been the one who had fallen in love at first sight, and he had never strayed from that love. Now that it all was over, though, he had time to mourn.
Early the next morning, Pluto went over and burnt J.J's body, leaving a memorial to him. When he got back to the town, everyone had packed up, and was ready to go. They all turned and looked as Pluto returned. He looked back at the memorial, and everyone bowed their heads, in honor of the lost warrior. They took one last look around, and took off for the last time. This would be their last journey together. Now, they would all go back home. Tankinator to his smith's shop, Minxed to his castle, and Aboba to his dwelling in the sky. Pluto would leave them to live in the forest nearby. He had plans to build a little cottage, and stay there until he left that world. Tankinator, Aboba, and Minxed, however, had been blessed with unending life, which is why they were going home. They knew that if there was anywhere they loved, it was back home, where it had all started.
So, you get the idea. I might actually have something like that be the end of my story, but for now, that's enough writing.
EDIT: "It" is the forum.
Hiya Minxe! I was unaware that this was still active.
Oh.
Posted 17th of September.
T_T.
OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."
And he looked, and the story returned, and he rejoiced.
It's active again. Happy reading.