So... I just finished reading Chapter 13, and I must say, it does start out a little slow, but it sure does build! I like your sense of humor in this story, and I'm enjoying how the plot is setting up so far.
Also, after re-reading the prologue, I finally made the connection. Oh dear, it seems things are a little more complicated than I initially thought!
So... I just finished reading Chapter 13, and I must say, it does start out a little slow, but it sure does build! I like your sense of humor in this story, and I'm enjoying how the plot is setting up so far.
Also, after re-reading the prologue, I finally made the connection. Oh dear, it seems things are a little more complicated than I initially thought!
thanks!
heh, every so often i see people look at the length, then tell them that i've only chipped the surface of the adventure. so, yeah.
SPOILER ALERT:
i have yet to introduce three more important characters, at the very least.
Hello there, I actually just wrote a short story about Minecraft because I was bored and wanted to test myself. I'm actually writing a Sci-Fi myself and the Short Story is more like a sample of how I write. Anyway, I'm trying to get people to read it and comment on it. So if you would that would be great. This is the Link:
Now secondly, I read your proloug and your first chapter; then I skipped to your latest chapter, 13 and read it. I have noticed how you have come a ways since your begginings of this story. From what I've read it gets interesting later on, and I'm slightly intrigued in the beggining so I will most likely finish reading the rest. I do like what I've read so far. I saw a few grammar mistakes but nothing I care too much about haha. Eh the "Wall O' Text" was a bit besetting but I see you fixed that later.
Overall I like it and I think I'll finish it, so keep it up.
Nice story! Very well written, with nice attention to the details! I loved the Bluestone, as well as the way you portrayed the inventory. I must admit, this gave me an idea for a story, too. One thing I noticed that was common throughout the chapters what that there were no grammatical errors, or at least none that I noticed. Very nicely written.
Nice story! Very well written, with nice attention to the details! I loved the Bluestone, as well as the way you portrayed the inventory. I must admit, this gave me an idea for a story, too. One thing I noticed that was common throughout the chapters what that there were no grammatical errors, or at least none that I noticed. Very nicely written.
thank you! though, i'm not sure about there being no grammatical errors- every once in a while i'll spot one and make a quick stealthy edit to correct it.
thank you! though, i'm not sure about there being no grammatical errors- every once in a while i'll spot one and make a quick stealthy edit to correct it.
Yeah, normally I notice grammar/spelling/etc. errors in everything I read, but in yours, there either were none, or I was way to absorbed to notice them. Probably the latter.
Yeah, normally I notice grammar/spelling/etc. errors in everything I read, but in yours, there either were none, or I was way to absorbed to notice them. Probably the latter.
The bluestone seems so... cute! You really did a great job with this chapter,dragontyron! Now... just have the main character stick a bow in the stuff, and he'd be all set (I have an obsession with bows)!
The bluestone seems so... cute! You really did a great job with this chapter,dragontyron! Now... just have the main character stick a bow in the stuff, and he'd be all set (I have an obsession with bows)!
heh, bluestone doesnt *quite* work like that. cant infuse itself with wood.
Have anybody yet to tell you that you're creating a giant wall of text? And I don't mean like somebody who's rambling on and on and on. I mean it like your paragraph is pretty big. More like a chunk to be exact. Unfortunately, I'm the type of person who have the attention span of a fish and reading a chunk of words on the computer hurts my eyes. It's pretty ugly and can bore some readers, and I know, there's a book I read that had a chunk of just one paragraph that took up a page and a half (took a lot of effort to pull myself through it).
Though in your recent chapters, they're more spread out, so I like that. I know you're probably not gonna change this all for me, but I'm just saying. This is just how I formatted it because I want to make it easier for the readers. Shorter paragraphs, and spaces in between paragraphs. :] Clean and easy to read, especially for the forum which makes it seem so long D:
Now that I'm done with my own rambles, please excuse me as I tear your prologue into pieces (with love of course ;]). See you in the next post.
Have anybody yet to tell you that you're creating a giant wall of text? And I don't mean like somebody who's rambling on and on and on. I mean it like your paragraph is pretty big. More like a chunk to be exact. Unfortunately, I'm the type of person who have the attention span of a fish and reading a chunk of words on the computer hurts my eyes. It's pretty ugly and can bore some readers, and I know, there's a book I read that had a chunk of just one paragraph that took up a page and a half (took a lot of effort to pull myself through it).
Though in your recent chapters, they're more spread out, so I like that. I know you're probably not gonna change this all for me, but I'm just saying. This is just how I formatted it because I want to make it easier for the readers. Shorter paragraphs, and spaces in between paragraphs. :] Clean and easy to read, especially for the forum which makes it seem so long D:
Now that I'm done with my own rambles, please excuse me as I tear your prologue into pieces (with love of course ;]). See you in the next post.
yes, that's one of my shortcomings in writing. paragraph spacing. i've been working on it, as you can see.
yes, that's one of my shortcomings in writing. paragraph spacing. i've been working on it, as you can see.
Ah... I remember having that problem too... wait... it was the opposite. I wrote in single lines instead of actual paragraphs, hah! xD
Stop distracting me some reading your story D: <
The island was massive... a massive floating landmass.
Really? The island was massive that it's a massive floating landmass? I don't really know what to say to that. Quite a hook you got there. But in all seriousness, the word play here kind of makes you sound like somebody who's trying to quickly tell a person a story right there on the spot and you completely forgot the meaning of details. Or just in short: The opening needs some revision.
The pearl landed on the hard stone of the ground,...
You don't have to specifically tell me that the hard stone is of the ground. Just hard stone is fine. I sometimes do that too, describing too much.
You've been calling the First [it] but at one point you did this: The First willed himself to go to a place that pleased it,...
Why so sudden? The next sentence you went back to [itself]. The First was personified for like a sentence.
Creating mythical items that only they could use at the time, called Music Discs.
So they made Music Dics, huh... well it explains that one track ._. (was it called 13?)
For He is Herobrine.
I like that line. Just saying.
Man, no grammical error, nice. Wish I was like that :c unfortunately I'm still learning English.
---
So what I'm grasping at the story right now is this: Enderman. The First made more Enderman. Herobrine mad, Enderman supposed to be slave. Herobrine make Enderdragon. Kill Enderman. Endless War. But Enderdragon soon develop conscious. Alright, seems legit. I'll buy that. Oh, and... where are all those pearls coming from? xD The First seems to be pulling them out of his butt. Though it's a pretty interesting concept of how the Enderman was created. I still can't get over the first sentence...
To be honest with you, I was extremely confused at first since I didn't know what was going on. Reread it a few times, I kind of get it now in caveman terms. Can't say I'm amazed at the current plot, but I'll go with it. It doesn't make me eager to want to read the next chapter (I think it's because I just want to go to sleep). I've read people's comment and they say it's a pretty good story. So I'll give it another shot and see if it gets better as it goes on. :] Whew, 13 (or 14) more chapters to go.
*note to self: Never review at night time. Bad idea.
The island was massive... a massive floating landmass.
Really? The island was massive that it's a massive floating landmass? I don't really know what to say to that. Quite a hook you got there. But in all seriousness, the word play here kind of makes you sound like somebody who's trying to quickly tell a person a story right there on the spot and you completely forgot the meaning of details. Or just in short: The opening needs some revision.
The pearl landed on the hard stone of the ground,...
You don't have to specifically tell me that the hard stone is of the ground. Just hard stone is fine. I sometimes do that too, describing too much.
You've been calling the First [it] but at one point you did this: The First willed himself to go to a place that pleased it,...
Why so sudden? The next sentence you went back to [itself]. The First was personified for like a sentence.
Creating mythical items that only they could use at the time, called Music Discs.
So they made Music Dics, huh... well it explains that one track ._. (was it called 13?)
For He is Herobrine.
I like that line. Just saying.
Man, no grammical error, nice. Wish I was like that :c unfortunately I'm still learning English.
---
So what I'm grasping at the story right now is this: Enderman. The First made more Enderman. Herobrine mad, Enderman supposed to be slave. Herobrine make Enderdragon. Kill Enderman. Endless War. But Enderdragon soon develop conscious. Alright, seems legit. I'll buy that. Oh, and... where are all those pearls coming from? xD The First seems to be pulling them out of his butt. Though it's a pretty interesting concept of how the Enderman was created. I still can't get over the first sentence...
To be honest with you, I was extremely confused at first since I didn't know what was going on. Reread it a few times, I kind of get it now in caveman terms. Can't say I'm amazed at the current plot, but I'll go with it. It doesn't make me eager to want to read the next chapter (I think it's because I just want to go to sleep). I've read people's comment and they say it's a pretty good story. So I'll give it another shot and see if it gets better as it goes on. :] Whew, 13 (or 14) more chapters to go.
*note to self: Never review at night time. Bad idea.
yeah, i'll pay a visit to the prologue sometime. when writing stories, i tend to always flail around a little until i get the thing going in my head, then it gradually gets better.
as for where the ender pearls come from... the First is magical. he simply makes them happen. how do you think Herobrine made the First's ender pearl?
EXTREMELY LATE EDIT: Also, the prologue is supposed to be kinda confusing. The main purpose of it is to show readers that the story isn't your generic survival story, since it starts out like one in Chapter One. It also gives out some stuff to wonder about later in the story.
I LOVED IT! I love the bluestone! The way it interacts with the environment around it is awesome! Very niecly done!
Thanks! I've been debating whether or not I should use the anvil's item naming function and give it a name or not. Even if I do, it'll be a while before Tyron gets to use one.
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Curse PremiumAlso, after re-reading the prologue, I finally made the connection. Oh dear, it seems things are a little more complicated than I initially thought!
thanks!
heh, every so often i see people look at the length, then tell them that i've only chipped the surface of the adventure. so, yeah.
SPOILER ALERT:
http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/1609294-a-creepers-story-3-part-12/
Now secondly, I read your proloug and your first chapter; then I skipped to your latest chapter, 13 and read it. I have noticed how you have come a ways since your begginings of this story. From what I've read it gets interesting later on, and I'm slightly intrigued in the beggining so I will most likely finish reading the rest. I do like what I've read so far. I saw a few grammar mistakes but nothing I care too much about haha. Eh the "Wall O' Text" was a bit besetting but I see you fixed that later.
Overall I like it and I think I'll finish it, so keep it up.
So, like it? Hate it? Fashioning yourself a blue rock friend now because of it? LEMME KNOW!!!
thanks! i assure you, many more adventures are yet to be hatched. muahahahahahahah...
thank you! though, i'm not sure about there being no grammatical errors- every once in a while i'll spot one and make a quick stealthy edit to correct it.
Yeah, normally I notice grammar/spelling/etc. errors in everything I read, but in yours, there either were none, or I was way to absorbed to notice them. Probably the latter.
hehe, and that is the effect i try to go for!
The bluestone seems so... cute! You really did a great job with this chapter,dragontyron! Now... just have the main character stick a bow in the stuff, and he'd be all set (I have an obsession with bows)!
heh, bluestone doesnt *quite* work like that. cant infuse itself with wood.
Though in your recent chapters, they're more spread out, so I like that. I know you're probably not gonna change this all for me, but I'm just saying. This is just how I formatted it because I want to make it easier for the readers. Shorter paragraphs, and spaces in between paragraphs. :] Clean and easy to read, especially for the forum which makes it seem so long D:
Now that I'm done with my own rambles, please excuse me as I tear your prologue into pieces (with love of course ;]). See you in the next post.
yes, that's one of my shortcomings in writing. paragraph spacing. i've been working on it, as you can see.
Ah... I remember having that problem too... wait... it was the opposite. I wrote in single lines instead of actual paragraphs, hah! xD
Stop distracting me some reading your story D: <
Really? The island was massive that it's a massive floating landmass? I don't really know what to say to that. Quite a hook you got there. But in all seriousness, the word play here kind of makes you sound like somebody who's trying to quickly tell a person a story right there on the spot and you completely forgot the meaning of details. Or just in short: The opening needs some revision.
The pearl landed on the hard stone of the ground,...
You don't have to specifically tell me that the hard stone is of the ground. Just hard stone is fine. I sometimes do that too, describing too much.
You've been calling the First [it] but at one point you did this: The First willed himself to go to a place that pleased it,...
Why so sudden? The next sentence you went back to [itself]. The First was personified for like a sentence.
Creating mythical items that only they could use at the time, called Music Discs.
So they made Music Dics, huh... well it explains that one track ._. (was it called 13?)
For He is Herobrine.
I like that line. Just saying.
Man, no grammical error, nice. Wish I was like that :c unfortunately I'm still learning English.
---
So what I'm grasping at the story right now is this: Enderman. The First made more Enderman. Herobrine mad, Enderman supposed to be slave. Herobrine make Enderdragon. Kill Enderman. Endless War. But Enderdragon soon develop conscious. Alright, seems legit. I'll buy that. Oh, and... where are all those pearls coming from? xD The First seems to be pulling them out of his butt. Though it's a pretty interesting concept of how the Enderman was created.
I still can't get over the first sentence...
To be honest with you, I was extremely confused at first since I didn't know what was going on. Reread it a few times, I kind of get it now in caveman terms. Can't say I'm amazed at the current plot, but I'll go with it. It doesn't make me eager to want to read the next chapter (I think it's because I just want to go to sleep). I've read people's comment and they say it's a pretty good story. So I'll give it another shot and see if it gets better as it goes on. :] Whew, 13 (or 14) more chapters to go.
*note to self: Never review at night time. Bad idea.
yeah, i'll pay a visit to the prologue sometime. when writing stories, i tend to always flail around a little until i get the thing going in my head, then it gradually gets better.
as for where the ender pearls come from... the First is magical. he simply makes them happen. how do you think Herobrine made the First's ender pearl?
EXTREMELY LATE EDIT: Also, the prologue is supposed to be kinda confusing. The main purpose of it is to show readers that the story isn't your generic survival story, since it starts out like one in Chapter One. It also gives out some stuff to wonder about later in the story.
Anyhow, like it? Hate it? Going to go get some tissues because of it? LEMME KNOW!
I LOVED IT! I love the bluestone! The way it interacts with the environment around it is awesome! Very niecly done!
Thanks! I've been debating whether or not I should use the anvil's item naming function and give it a name or not. Even if I do, it'll be a while before Tyron gets to use one.