Steve awoke from another uneasy dream, he arose from his bed and looked out of a window, early morning, how dull... His life had become quite redundant since he killed Matt, he had taken control of the city in which Matt had once inhabited, it turned out that half of the people that lived in this society had been enslaved, and were pretty happy he killed the person who controlled them. Frankly, it had been boring, Steve wanted adventure, a new rival, something to break the routine. Lately though, strange dreams had been running through his sleep, a man, or person, not Matt, worse... Every day, inching closer, something was wrong in this land, something horrible...
Chapter 2: Raw pork
Steve slowly got to his feet and began to walk toward the door. He climbed down the stairs and got to the chest where he stored food. He pushed the lid open and grabbed some bread and a raw porkchop. As he looked upon his raw, porky meal, he remembered his first night, killed a zombie and wolfed down a raw porkchop. Those had been good times, Steve missed adventure...
Chapter 3: Who would have guessed
Steve walked outside, he smelled the fresh air and looked upon his surroundings, a serene pathway leading down into the basin where he had originally made his home. He walked down the staircase, he continued to move past the cemetery, he dodged past some graves. He saw a flash of white, he turned, movement, white.... soulless......staring......EYES.....Steve's vision became clouded and he collapsed to his knees. Steve face planted into the ground. Dysfunctional and out of sync words were clouding his ears. A doctor... "may not survive" he said.... "coma" Steve had reckoned he was seeing the real world. It was strange though, out of tune, not in sync... just strange... Steve awoke, lying flat on the ground he looked around, he looked at his arm, scratched into it was the word HIM. Steve grabbed the wound and he felt a burning sensation as he wiped the blood from it. He uttered to himself "what the F***?"
Chapter 4: ZOMGWTFBBQ!
Steve looked at his hand and arm, they were clearly soaked in blood. He stumbled to his feet and looked around for the eyes. They were nowhere to be found, unnerved, Steve sprinted down the stairs and towards the basin he tripped and fell the last few stairs before landing on his feet and sliding across the grass. He stood up and walked across the cobblestone path into the city. He had a plan from the moment that he had risen from bed, he was going to go visit John,and now it seemed even more critical. He arrived at the door and knocked, crossing his fingers that John would be awake. To his relief, the door swung open and he saw Johns face. "What do I owe this very early visit to?" John asked "We need to talk..." Steve replied.
Chapter 5:The Legend
Steve sat down at the table, and asked politely for a bandage. "Why do you need a bandage?" John asked. "I'll explain everything" "as soon as I get a bandage." Steve got the bandage and wrapped it around his arm, he gazed across the table to see John sit down opposite of him. "What the hell is going on?!" John asked "You come stumbling in here with your arm a bloody mess and an apparently urgent topic on the mind, it's barely dawn!" Steve stared across the table, a grave expression on his face before saying "Do you remember when I told you about those weird flashes I have into the real world" John said "yes..." "It happened again today, but...it was.... different" Steve said, searching for a word to describe what had happened. "I saw a strange, man...with eyes... white eyes....PURELY white eyes" Steve said, looking for signs of recognition in John's face "Then I passed out and saw some hospital room, and when i woke up... THIS was on my arm" he unfurled the bandages and showed the haunting slashes into his arm, spelling "HIM". "You're kidding right?" John said, before breaking into laughter "I miss your pranks, you used to be such a funny guy before the indecent with Matt!" "Is it finally coming back to you?" Steve continued to stare solemnly at John "Its not a prank..." he said "COME ON!" John exclaimed "We've all heard of the legend of Herobrine, its just a tale mothers tell to stop their kids from wandering off" "I am one hundred percent serious John..." Steve said... "and I need your help....."
Chapter 6:New Adventure, Here I Come
"Okay then...What can I do to help you?" said John, for the first time, he realized that Steve meant business, and he had no reason not to believe the Herobrine story. "I've had a feeling for a long time" Steve said "It's pulling me to adventure, to somewhere I never got the chance to explore...Grattea..." "Whats that?" John asked "It was a civilization, till greifers got it...I've wanted to go back there ever since I left, some sort of strange power is pulling me there" Steve explained. "Well...lets get going" John said, and the pair set off past the newly rebuilt watchtower and into the plains beyond. The hours slipped past, with the two of them sharing entertaining stories and jokes of past adventures, as well as speculating about what this one would bring, and arrived just in time to see the sun setting beyond the ruins of Grattea.
Chapter 7:That friggin portal
As Steve and John approached the ruins of the city they gazed upon the old nether portal, still standing proudly above the rest of the ruins. It was flickering oddly as if it had changed in some obscure way, Steve looked upon it and saw the obsidian surrounding it glowing a soft purple. "John!" Steve exclaimed, pointing at the portal "Do you see this?" "see what?" John asked. "The obsidian, its glowing!" John looked at him with a strange expression "What are you smoking?" he asked. Steve pondered this strange phenomenon, starting up at the portal, when suddenly, a shadow of a man appeared in the portal, with the same white eyes as before. "AHHH!!!" Steve exclaimed as he fell backwards onto the ground. John rushed to his side "Steve is everything okay? STEVE!?" Steve's vision was becoming blurred again, he got to his feet and looked forward in confusion What? he thought to himself when suddenly he heard a menacing footstep and before he had the chance to warn John..... SSSSSsSSSSSssss BOOM
Chapter 8: A mostly ridiculous amount of creepers
Another explosion, Steve was falling downward into the crater now created by the explosion of the creeper. He looked above to the portal where he'd seen the man with the white eyes, Creepers were pouring out of the portal at an alarming rate. Steve climbed out of the crater and drew his sword, running directly at the large crowd of Creepers. He swung and hit a creeper, slicing it clear in half, he heard more hissing behind him, the creeper exploded. He went flying into the small area under the portal, which he had witnessed being ripped apart by TNT from griefers. He landed in a pile of sand, sharp bits of glass were stabbing into his arms and chest. He coughed and began crawling across the sand and rubble, further into the darkness. His outstretched arm pressed against the back wall, he rolled over and looked through the opening at the creepers now ravaging the land. Steve reached for his sword, and realized that he had lost it in the second creeper explosion. He couldn't stay there, hidden in the rubble forever, he had to move, he had but two options. Firstly, run out unarmed and hope for the best, or secondly, climb the broken building and get back to the portal. The second option would have to do, Steve ran out from under the the cave and jumped, grabbing atop the cave and onto the floor of the broken building. He tried pulling himself up, how Steve regretted not trying to be more physically active. He finally pulled himself up onto the top of the cave. He grasped the first handhold he could find, and kept climbing. Hand over hand, foot over foot. He finally reached the top of the building. the portal awaited him. Steve threw himself into it.
dude this story was so good. for school we are doing Facebook posters but they were so post to be on books so i f*** that up but i found this and i actual read novels and this sounds like a good one
This is an EXCELLENT piece of work. You should really continue writing.
Hopefully, this will develop into a plot-twistin epic. :biggrin.gif:
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Newb: Someone whom is uneducated on what they're doing, and asks for help. Noob: is someone whom thinks they know what they're doing but doesn't have a clue, and rants on about their supposed greatness.
I honestly cant believe that people like my story as much as they do, id like to write more but i have alot to do and i sometimes forget about this story, im glad you guys like this and there will be more coming Very soon
Here is some positive criticism. 1. I would make the chapters longer. They are all one paragraph and could be longer.
2. Split up the dialogue between characters. While I could see who was talking, it looks better when it is split up on different lines.
Those were the only things that could be improved. Also check this out. It is a list of Fanfics. If you send this story in the right format and the owner approves, you can get it on the list. It helps grow the writing community and might get you extra views.
Also coincidentally, I have a story with Steve and a companion named John in it. That's kinda funny.
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Civcraftia
Book series (Fanfic) of adventure in the land of Civcraftia
not bad not bad at all 1 green arrow up for you can you do me a favor and read part of my book to pleas (you don't have to read it all mines at page 37 already)
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If Mine Craft were real I would have your diamonds
This is good, I quite like where you're going with this.
A couple points of constructive (can't stress that word enough) criticism though:
I think that starting a new line every time a different person is talking would be a good thing to do, it helps the reader know who's talking relatively fast, I did get confused a couple of times in your story (although I am easily confused)
Also I think that some of your chapters could be combined, for example chapters 1 and 2. They don't really have much significance by themselves and not much changes in between them so they don't need to be separated quite like that.
Other than that though I think it works well. The story flows well and your writing is pretty good. Keep writing! I'll be watching
EDIT: Unless you have stopped. In which case I look like a bit of a fool
Steve awoke from another uneasy dream, he arose from his bed and looked out of a window, early morning, how dull... His life had become quite redundant since he killed Matt, he had taken control of the city in which Matt had once inhabited, it turned out that half of the people that lived in this society had been enslaved, and were pretty happy he killed the person who controlled them. Frankly, it had been boring, Steve wanted adventure, a new rival, something to break the routine. Lately though, strange dreams had been running through his sleep, a man, or person, not Matt, worse... Every day, inching closer, something was wrong in this land, something horrible...
Steve slowly got to his feet and began to walk toward the door. He climbed down the stairs and got to the chest where he stored food. He pushed the lid open and grabbed some bread and a raw porkchop. As he looked upon his raw, porky meal, he remembered his first night, killed a zombie and wolfed down a raw porkchop. Those had been good times, Steve missed adventure...
Steve walked outside, he smelled the fresh air and looked upon his surroundings, a serene pathway leading down into the basin where he had originally made his home. He walked down the staircase, he continued to move past the cemetery, he dodged past some graves. He saw a flash of white, he turned, movement, white.... soulless......staring......EYES.....Steve's vision became clouded and he collapsed to his knees. Steve face planted into the ground. Dysfunctional and out of sync words were clouding his ears. A doctor... "may not survive" he said.... "coma" Steve had reckoned he was seeing the real world. It was strange though, out of tune, not in sync... just strange... Steve awoke, lying flat on the ground he looked around, he looked at his arm, scratched into it was the word HIM. Steve grabbed the wound and he felt a burning sensation as he wiped the blood from it. He uttered to himself "what the F***?"
Chapter 4: ZOMGWTFBBQ!
Steve looked at his hand and arm, they were clearly soaked in blood. He stumbled to his feet and looked around for the eyes. They were nowhere to be found, unnerved, Steve sprinted down the stairs and towards the basin he tripped and fell the last few stairs before landing on his feet and sliding across the grass. He stood up and walked across the cobblestone path into the city. He had a plan from the moment that he had risen from bed, he was going to go visit John,and now it seemed even more critical. He arrived at the door and knocked, crossing his fingers that John would be awake. To his relief, the door swung open and he saw Johns face. "What do I owe this very early visit to?" John asked "We need to talk..." Steve replied.
Chapter 5:The Legend
Steve sat down at the table, and asked politely for a bandage. "Why do you need a bandage?" John asked. "I'll explain everything" "as soon as I get a bandage." Steve got the bandage and wrapped it around his arm, he gazed across the table to see John sit down opposite of him. "What the hell is going on?!" John asked "You come stumbling in here with your arm a bloody mess and an apparently urgent topic on the mind, it's barely dawn!" Steve stared across the table, a grave expression on his face before saying "Do you remember when I told you about those weird flashes I have into the real world" John said "yes..." "It happened again today, but...it was.... different" Steve said, searching for a word to describe what had happened. "I saw a strange, man...with eyes... white eyes....PURELY white eyes" Steve said, looking for signs of recognition in John's face "Then I passed out and saw some hospital room, and when i woke up... THIS was on my arm" he unfurled the bandages and showed the haunting slashes into his arm, spelling "HIM". "You're kidding right?" John said, before breaking into laughter "I miss your pranks, you used to be such a funny guy before the indecent with Matt!" "Is it finally coming back to you?" Steve continued to stare solemnly at John "Its not a prank..." he said "COME ON!" John exclaimed "We've all heard of the legend of Herobrine, its just a tale mothers tell to stop their kids from wandering off" "I am one hundred percent serious John..." Steve said... "and I need your help....."
"Okay then...What can I do to help you?" said John, for the first time, he realized that Steve meant business, and he had no reason not to believe the Herobrine story. "I've had a feeling for a long time" Steve said "It's pulling me to adventure, to somewhere I never got the chance to explore...Grattea..." "Whats that?" John asked "It was a civilization, till greifers got it...I've wanted to go back there ever since I left, some sort of strange power is pulling me there" Steve explained. "Well...lets get going" John said, and the pair set off past the newly rebuilt watchtower and into the plains beyond. The hours slipped past, with the two of them sharing entertaining stories and jokes of past adventures, as well as speculating about what this one would bring, and arrived just in time to see the sun setting beyond the ruins of Grattea.
As Steve and John approached the ruins of the city they gazed upon the old nether portal, still standing proudly above the rest of the ruins. It was flickering oddly as if it had changed in some obscure way, Steve looked upon it and saw the obsidian surrounding it glowing a soft purple. "John!" Steve exclaimed, pointing at the portal "Do you see this?" "see what?" John asked. "The obsidian, its glowing!" John looked at him with a strange expression "What are you smoking?" he asked. Steve pondered this strange phenomenon, starting up at the portal, when suddenly, a shadow of a man appeared in the portal, with the same white eyes as before. "AHHH!!!" Steve exclaimed as he fell backwards onto the ground. John rushed to his side "Steve is everything okay? STEVE!?" Steve's vision was becoming blurred again, he got to his feet and looked forward in confusion What? he thought to himself when suddenly he heard a menacing footstep and before he had the chance to warn John..... SSSSSsSSSSSssss BOOM
Another explosion, Steve was falling downward into the crater now created by the explosion of the creeper. He looked above to the portal where he'd seen the man with the white eyes, Creepers were pouring out of the portal at an alarming rate. Steve climbed out of the crater and drew his sword, running directly at the large crowd of Creepers. He swung and hit a creeper, slicing it clear in half, he heard more hissing behind him, the creeper exploded. He went flying into the small area under the portal, which he had witnessed being ripped apart by TNT from griefers. He landed in a pile of sand, sharp bits of glass were stabbing into his arms and chest. He coughed and began crawling across the sand and rubble, further into the darkness. His outstretched arm pressed against the back wall, he rolled over and looked through the opening at the creepers now ravaging the land. Steve reached for his sword, and realized that he had lost it in the second creeper explosion. He couldn't stay there, hidden in the rubble forever, he had to move, he had but two options. Firstly, run out unarmed and hope for the best, or secondly, climb the broken building and get back to the portal. The second option would have to do, Steve ran out from under the the cave and jumped, grabbing atop the cave and onto the floor of the broken building. He tried pulling himself up, how Steve regretted not trying to be more physically active. He finally pulled himself up onto the top of the cave. He grasped the first handhold he could find, and kept climbing. Hand over hand, foot over foot. He finally reached the top of the building. the portal awaited him. Steve threw himself into it.
http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/853721-the-following-days/
Chapter 5 done
Hopefully, this will develop into a plot-twistin epic. :biggrin.gif:
2. Split up the dialogue between characters. While I could see who was talking, it looks better when it is split up on different lines.
Those were the only things that could be improved. Also check this out. It is a list of Fanfics. If you send this story in the right format and the owner approves, you can get it on the list. It helps grow the writing community and might get you extra views.
Also coincidentally, I have a story with Steve and a companion named John in it. That's kinda funny.
Book series (Fanfic) of adventure in the land of Civcraftia
Chapter 8 Done!
i love pancake at the disco. i love their song "I like skin now marry me" and brendon theory is so hot
A couple points of constructive (can't stress that word enough) criticism though:
I think that starting a new line every time a different person is talking would be a good thing to do, it helps the reader know who's talking relatively fast, I did get confused a couple of times in your story (although I am easily confused)
Also I think that some of your chapters could be combined, for example chapters 1 and 2. They don't really have much significance by themselves and not much changes in between them so they don't need to be separated quite like that.
Other than that though I think it works well. The story flows well and your writing is pretty good. Keep writing! I'll be watching
EDIT: Unless you have stopped. In which case I look like a bit of a fool