I, personally, did not like this story. It lacked.... detail compared to some of your other work, the whole thing felt unfinished. Don't get me wrong, I've read some of your other stories, most of them are well writen and extremely interesting.
1.At the start of the story I did not understand what was happening. I see how this could appeal to some audiences but it just didn't catch me.
2. When Bryan meets the hero they are suspost to become friends, right? I never really saw experience them becoming friends, alright it says that they had known each other for a few months but I would really have liked a little more detail.
And 3. The story just wasn't the same syle of your others, this, again, could be a plus for some people.
I give this story 4/10
Your other ones are very good though. Please continue writing. :smile.gif:
I've read some of your other stories, most of them are well writen and extremely interesting.
1.At the start of the story I did not understand what was happening. I see how this could appeal to some audiences but it just didn't catch me.
2. When Bryan meets the hero they are suspost to become friends, right? I never really saw experience them becoming friends, alright it says that they had known each other for a few months but I would really have liked a little more detail.
3. The story just wasn't the same syle of your others, this, again, could be a plus for some people.
I give this story 4/10
Your other ones are very good though. Please continue writing. :smile.gif:
Thanks.
1: I see no problem with the beginning. He respawned, wanted to go home and then a skeleton got in his way. Darien saves him. Done.
2: Well, I probably should have done that to establish the whole friendship thing. Make the death seem more...shattering.
3: Yeah, this story was more...something. I don't know. My other stories are more about drama. This is more about...a guy slowly going insane.
I, personally, did not like this story. It lacked.... detail compared to some of your other work, the whole thing felt unfinished. Don't get me wrong, I've read some of your other stories, most of them are well writen and extremely interesting.
1.At the start of the story I did not understand what was happening. I see how this could appeal to some audiences but it just didn't catch me.
2. When Bryan meets the hero they are suspost to become friends, right? I never really saw experience them becoming friends, alright it says that they had known each other for a few months but I would really have liked a little more detail.
And 3. The story just wasn't the same syle of your others, this, again, could be a plus for some people.
I give this story 4/10
Your other ones are very good though. Please continue writing. :smile.gif:
Ganz Allein
Personally, Heroe's Sadness >>>>>>> All Jesonomi's other stories combine and reinforced with SuperRussianVodkaFoam and guarded by 50 rocket ponies.
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Finally. I've finally rewritten this used-to-be-plot-hole-filled-cheese story. The changes mostly revolve around chapters 1 and 2. I left three almost completely alone.
And before anyone starts smacking me with the reporting stick, it's a major update sort of bump, which is allowed. Rules! The more you know. ^^
Oh wow. This is really brilliant.
I'm not that good at giving criticism, especially when there is nothing wrong, in my eyes, with the story!
So, props to you (:
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“I was thinking that work is like fertilizer in that I'm glad it exists; I just don't ever want to get stuck in it.”
Oh wow. This is really brilliant.
I'm not that good at giving criticism, especially when there is nothing wrong, in my eyes, with the story!
So, props to you (:
Awesome, to be honest, I was losing hope. :dry.gif:
But anyway, thanks a lot! :laugh.gif:
Umm, I know I'm reading into this too much. But this story gets a thumbs up from the LGBT world. I know you weren't trying to make a love story between two guys but it kinda seems like that and I just wanted to say that it gets support from us all in the LGBT world. Props to you. Like alot of props.
1.At the start of the story I did not understand what was happening. I see how this could appeal to some audiences but it just didn't catch me.
2. When Bryan meets the hero they are suspost to become friends, right? I never really saw experience them becoming friends, alright it says that they had known each other for a few months but I would really have liked a little more detail.
And 3. The story just wasn't the same syle of your others, this, again, could be a plus for some people.
I give this story 4/10
Your other ones are very good though. Please continue writing. :smile.gif:
Ganz Allein
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Retired StaffThanks.
1: I see no problem with the beginning. He respawned, wanted to go home and then a skeleton got in his way. Darien saves him. Done.
2: Well, I probably should have done that to establish the whole friendship thing. Make the death seem more...shattering.
3: Yeah, this story was more...something. I don't know. My other stories are more about drama. This is more about...a guy slowly going insane.
Thanks again!
Personally, Heroe's Sadness >>>>>>> All Jesonomi's other stories combine and reinforced with SuperRussianVodkaFoam and guarded by 50 rocket ponies.
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Retired StaffThank you! I do love feedback. I am still writing, and if you would like to see my other stories, just click that "Clicky!" link in my signature. :3
See? Not hope is entirely lost. :tongue.gif:
Please click, it depends on you --->
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Retired StaffAnd before anyone starts smacking me with the reporting stick, it's a major update sort of bump, which is allowed. Rules! The more you know. ^^
Anyway, hope you enjoy it!
~Jesonomi
I'm not that good at giving criticism, especially when there is nothing wrong, in my eyes, with the story!
So, props to you (:
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Retired StaffAwesome, to be honest, I was losing hope. :dry.gif:
But anyway, thanks a lot! :laugh.gif: