Chapter 1 - Panic
Chapter 2 - Let me explain...
Chapter 3 - Friends and Enemies discovered, but who is who?
Chapter 4 - A little history, a lot of sand.
Chapter 5 - Waking up in a strange place, again.
Chapter 6 - How does the accused bleed?
Chapter 7 - A secret plan, an annoyed protagonist.
Chapter 1 - Panic
I dashed around the corner into a nearby alley. I could hear the noteblock alarm sirens going off in the background. "What the Nether?!" I thought as I dashed into a nearby town house, "Steal a few diamonds from the mayor and the town goes into red alert? This doesn't seem right." I climbed the ladder to the roof. Opening the door with a lever from the inside, "Figures, people are so afraid of a common thieve that they set up locked iron doors right next to a glass window." I sighed. Oh well, I didn't think I had time for a robbery anyway, and what I saw on the roof confirmed that. The city was burning, slowly but surely, burning. "What?!" I spluttered, somewhat disappointed that all this fuss wasn't for me. I unsheathed my sword, shining in the light of the fire, as I heard footsteps on the floor below me. A couple of city guards armed with stone swords would be no match for me. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I was faced with two men armoured in the finest of steel and the blinding pain of an arrow in my leg. Knowing I was outmatched by these two mysterious men, I jumped and landed painfully on the roof of a lower building behind me. TWANG TWANG TWANG, arrows thudded into the wood around me, several more gouging themselves into my arms and leg. I hobbled over to the rooftop entrance of this house only to find a locked iron door blocking my path. "For Notch's sake!" I cursed. Turning around to face the two men who had so kindly come to finish me off, as I fell to my knees I drew my sword. At least I'd go down fighting. The taller of the two men glared down at me as he approached, knocking the sword out of my hand. "You shouldn't have ran thieve, you could have made a grand addition to the armies of Mongoli. But you're useless now." He sneered. As he raised his sword above his head to deliver the final blow he stopped and dropped the sword, an arrow sprouting from his neck. His companion turned with a look of surprise on his face only to be met with a sword at his neck. As I slowly succumbed to the cold darkness of unconsciousness I heard a female's voice saying, "Well, well, well, look what the sheep dragged in."
Chapter 2 - Let me explain...
It wasn't always this way. Me being a thieve, or even me being in this world. Things used to be better, let me just give you the clip notes. It started long ago on a day called by many names. Some call it "The Awakening," some call it "The Entrance to the Nightmare," most call it "The day we all got stuck in this place." Hundreds, maybe thousands of people appeared, scattered across this land. The first thing we noticed was how odd the world was, what with its rolling hills, lack of animals except for the common farm animals, and the fact that everything was made of blocks. The second thing we noticed was, "why is this odd?" For we couldn't remember anything else, and it remains that way to this day. Sure we remembered some basic things, such as our names, some simple tools to make, and to beware of what comes out at night, but other than that, nothing. We did the first thing that came naturally to us, to group together and form a safe place to live. At first, this was alright and everything was peaceful, other than the occasional attack from the creatures of the night, but soon some settlements started growing hungry for power, they attacked smaller settlements taking slaves and growing larger and larger. Soon there were only major empires, the occasional small settlement, and wandering bands of nomads that would kill you without a second thought. I was living in one of these small settlements for many months before I got bored, the daily routine was just too repetitive. This, was when I found the thieves guild, full of people who felt the same way as I did. I learned the way of the thieves and performed small heists on a daily basis, I forced my way out of my boredom and made a name for myself as a thieve, always following the one thieve's rule, "Never leave a friend behind."
Chapter 3 - Friends and Enemies discovered, but who is who?
I woke to discover myself in a familiar room. Walls hastily scraped together out of cobblestone, oh Notch, I was back in the basement of the Guild. I got off of the bed, if you could call it that, more of a cot really, and gathered my sword and armour from the corner. Sneaking to the ladder in the middle of the room, I crept up it silently as only a master thief could. Unfortunately for me, I just happened to be in the same building as person who is perhaps as sneaky and deceitful as me. "Hello Steve." said a cold voice, "Great to see you again." "Charlotte! Marvelous to be in your company once again," I said, hoping I sounded as confident as I felt nervous. "Hate to trouble you, I'll just be on my way now." I managed to stammer before making a dash to the door. Suddenly there she was, blocking my path with a sword to the throat. Her long blonde hair running down her back in a braid. Her steely blue eyes narrowed in anger. Quickly I glanced around the room, "Oi, where's Bernard and the rest of them?" I murmured. "Oh, you mean your fellow thieves, your friends? The ones you deserted along with the rest of us?" she said coldly, her voice cracking. "I didn't desert the guild Lotte, I just moved on." I said, my voice rising. "Well if it wasn't for your "moving on" you'd know that they were all either murdered or taken as slaves five days ago when the Mongoli attacked." she exclaimed almost in tears now. "Wait," I said: "I've been out for five days? Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance?" "Simple," she said coldly, "Your going to help me take down, what is probably the strongest empire in the world, the Mongoli."
Chapter 4 - A little history, a lot of sand.
The ship drifted lazily down the canal. I was lying in the cabin trying to get a few hours of sleep before I did the most stupid thing I can think of. Doubtless Charlotte would have a plan, she always did. Even when we were new to the guild, out of her, Bernard, and I, she was always the one with the plan. Where as Bernard and I just preferred to rush in and rob the place; well, we tended to burst in only to find the valuables missing and typically her initials carved into the wall. I chuckled to myself as I was remembering this, I had eventually gotten better at the whole planning business, but Bernard had been reckless to the end. One thing was for sure though, no one could beat Bernard when it came to swordsmanship or archery. I was going to miss him.
The boat thudded to a stop and I heard a harsh "Steve, get out here" from outside the cabin. Reluctantly I dragged myself out of the bunk and walked outside. "What the?" I exclaimed: "I thought you said we were headed to Mongoli?" "No, I just said we were going to take down Mongoli, I never said it would be our first stop." She stated. Sand, as far as the eye could see, sand. "Where are we then?" I inquired. "Trinyte Desert" she replied climbing the nearest dune. I rolled my eyes and decided to just follow along. After a few hours of climbing sand dune after sand dune, we came across a small wooden hut. Briefly I considered asking what in Notch's name we were doing here, but decided against it. As we approached the hut the sand disappeared from beneath my feet. I remember falling, cursing violently while doing so, falling into a pool of water; then, nothing.
Chapter 5 - Waking up in a strange place, again.
I opened my eyes, darkness. "Oh Notch, not again" I said, somewhat tired of the whole waking up in a strange place gig. Looking around I realized I was in some sort of holding cell. Getting up off my wonderfully cozy pile of straw in the corner I wondered who had attacked me this time, and what time dinner would be served. I knocked on the iron door in the corner of my cell to see if I could get a few answers. "Back away from the door, outsider!" Came the gruff reply. I did as I was told figuring it would be best for my general health to watch the door be kicked open and watch a broad shouldered man walk in. The first thing I noticed about him, besides the fact that the he was about six and a half feet tall was how unusually pale he was. He was wearing steel armour and his helm was so low I couldn't see his eyes. He gestured out into the passageway with his sword and a gruff "Out." I walked out into the dimly lit, windowless hallway that from thee looks of it, was subterranean. After walking down the hall a way, I began to notice something about the people I was passing. They were all strangely pale, as though they rarely saw the light of day. Eventually the guard stopped outside a door and turned to me, "Door at the end of the hall." He growled. As soon as I opened the door a bespectacled, scrawny looking fellow ran straight into me. "Oh dreadfully sorry!" He squeaked, dust falling from his sandy brown hair. I bent to helped him pick up his paper, and noticed the heading at the top, "History of the Mongoli." "Interested in the Mongoli?" I inquired. "Oh yes, I --" "Sebastian! Do not associate yourself with the outsider." The guard shouted angrily. " Oh yes, sorry Bruno, my mistake c-completely." Sebastian stammered, "I must be on my way." And hurried past me. Continuing through the doorway down the hall, I stopped at the double doors at the end. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever may be on the other side, and walked in. I immediately wished I had taken a longer time to prepare.
Chapter 6 - How does the accused bleed?
Surrounding me were hundreds of people, all except two sitting in the stands surrounding the room as if they were at the Romanasi Colosseum, all except one looking angrily at me. "Take your seat." said a man sitting at a raised platform in the center of the room, gesturing to the chair next to Charlotte. After doing so I hissed, "Lotte, what are we doing here?" She replied with a nervous, "Getting some backup for Mongoli, I hope." I tried to inquire further, but the man in the center of the room suddenly said, "You know why you are here before me outsiders?" Me and Charlotte shook our heads. "Let me list your charges." He stated, "Intrusion upon Irdstan land, unauthorized possession of weapons, and finally, possession of Mongoli, our most hated enemy's armour. How do you plead?" At which point, I stood up and yelled angrily, "What do you mean how do you plead?! We didn't know your silly little country was here, let alone your laws." To which the man, standing up, coldly replied, "That is none of our concern. You violated the laws you must pay the price." By this time Charlotte was standing as well and said loudly, "Sir! I think what my companion here is trying to say," Now glaring venomously at me, "is that we are very sorry that we broke your laws, we just came to ask for your help." "Bloody well not what I meant at all." I muttered only to be rewarded with a painful stomping on my foot. The man at this point, his curiosity piqued, asked, "Help with what exactly?" "Help taking down the Mongoli Empire." Charlotte said boldly. At which everyone in the room immediately started bursting out laughing. "You?! Take down the Mongoli? Better men than you have tried child." Charlotte stomped her foot, her face reddening. "Sir, I have a plan which I don't think even your 'Better men' could of thought of"
Chapter 7 - A secret plan, an annoyed protagonist.
As I sat on the cold wooden steps, resting my arm on the blank sign on the side of them, I could hear the occasional word through the office door. "...alliance...group of g-...he's the best there is...retrieve..." It was unnerving. Finally, I got up, the walked past the secretary's desk, and burst into the room. "Ok, what's going on?" I growled. Charlotte and the man, who by now I had been informed was the king of these people, these Irdstanians, were paused, mid-handshake staring at me. "We've just finished up our agreement" the king stated. "What agreement?! Why are we here in this frightened underground city? I've had about enough of not being told wha-" I paused mid-rant, as something on the wall caught my eye. A full set of diamond armour along with the finest diamond blade I had ever seen hung on the wall. "Whoa, who's is that?" I asked. The king stood up and said: "Mine. I mined all those diamonds myself and wore that into battle shortly after I founded this "frightened underground city." I stared on slightly embarrassed, but still angry. "Ok then, you still haven't answered my question. What agreement?" I asked. Charlotte stood up and said: "The agreement in which King Aaron here gives us a group of guards in return for taking down the Mongoli." "Ok then, you still haven't told me how you plan on going about taking down the Mongoli." I stated. She grinned, "And I won't until the time comes to do so" she said haughtily. I rolled my eyes and asked if I would "At least get a bit of payment for my efforts in this venture?" Both her and King Aaron looked at each other then said in unison, "Yes." "But you're not going to tell me what, are you?" I asked. "No." They replied. I rolled my eyes, told Charlotte to get me when she was about to leave. After about three hours of sleep, I was awoken to the clinking of metal and the pain of a suit of new Iron armour being dropped on my stomach. A voice said: "Gear up. Walk down the hall to the left when you're done." After suiting up as the voice had so politely suggested, I started walking down the hall.
Again, Longer chapters and make it in word or something and check on grammar mistakes [not that i noticed some just a tip]. And don't make a lot of things happen after each other, it's confusing, is not interesting and makes people stop reading. i suggest redoing this or going straight; like focus on one major thing and not making a lot of things happen.
Also don't post name of chapters before you posted them it makes you wonder what happens next.
Again, Longer chapters and make it in word or something and check on grammar mistakes [not that i noticed some just a tip]. And don't make a lot of things happen after each other, it's confusing, is not interesting and makes people stop reading. i suggest redoing this or going straight; like focus on one major thing and not making a lot of things happen.
Also don't post name of chapters before you posted them it makes you wonder what happens next.
I don't exactly understand what you mean by making too many things happen at once. I thought this chapter went by pretty smoothly. And, yeah you're right. I should make the chapters longer. Chapter six coming out tonight!
first chapter: city burning
second chapter: little explanation
third chapter: he wakes up in a place and sees charlotte.
fourth chapter: they don't go to the mongoli but to a desert and he falls down.
fifth chapter: wakes up in a strange place.
so first city burns, second he wakes up in a place that is familiar, third he falls in a down and fourth he wakes up in a strange place.
with straight i mean like
he wakes up in a strange place he goes searching for people when it's night he makes a shelter etc.
Hey guys, sorry for not updating in a while. I've been a bit busy doing some testing and working on a few projects. I've started on chapter six tonight and I'll upload the rest tomorrow. (Hopefully with chapters 7-9 as well.) As always I appreciate your comments and love to hear your opinion. I'll try to use as much as the advice you give/have given me as possible. Again, if anyone knows a good place to get a sig made for this, let me know. (Xcorpius, I saw the link you posted I'm just interested in getting a varied selection.) Thanks.
Sorry about the lack of updates guys. I've been really bogged down with some work right now. I'll try to get more out but I don't think I'll be able to get up to the chapter a day or more pace.
I will be continuing. [excuse]I've been really swamped with work and tests right now for a certain application process I'm involved in.[/excuse] I should get the results of which back at the end of April. Then, I will continue this story. Promise.
I will be continuing. [excuse]I've been really swamped with work and tests right now for a certain application process I'm involved in.[/excuse] I should get the results of which back at the end of April. Then, I will continue this story. Promise.
Chapter 2 - Let me explain...
Chapter 3 - Friends and Enemies discovered, but who is who?
Chapter 4 - A little history, a lot of sand.
Chapter 5 - Waking up in a strange place, again.
Chapter 6 - How does the accused bleed?
Chapter 7 - A secret plan, an annoyed protagonist.
I dashed around the corner into a nearby alley. I could hear the noteblock alarm sirens going off in the background. "What the Nether?!" I thought as I dashed into a nearby town house, "Steal a few diamonds from the mayor and the town goes into red alert? This doesn't seem right." I climbed the ladder to the roof. Opening the door with a lever from the inside, "Figures, people are so afraid of a common thieve that they set up locked iron doors right next to a glass window." I sighed. Oh well, I didn't think I had time for a robbery anyway, and what I saw on the roof confirmed that. The city was burning, slowly but surely, burning. "What?!" I spluttered, somewhat disappointed that all this fuss wasn't for me. I unsheathed my sword, shining in the light of the fire, as I heard footsteps on the floor below me. A couple of city guards armed with stone swords would be no match for me. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I was faced with two men armoured in the finest of steel and the blinding pain of an arrow in my leg. Knowing I was outmatched by these two mysterious men, I jumped and landed painfully on the roof of a lower building behind me. TWANG TWANG TWANG, arrows thudded into the wood around me, several more gouging themselves into my arms and leg. I hobbled over to the rooftop entrance of this house only to find a locked iron door blocking my path. "For Notch's sake!" I cursed. Turning around to face the two men who had so kindly come to finish me off, as I fell to my knees I drew my sword. At least I'd go down fighting. The taller of the two men glared down at me as he approached, knocking the sword out of my hand. "You shouldn't have ran thieve, you could have made a grand addition to the armies of Mongoli. But you're useless now." He sneered. As he raised his sword above his head to deliver the final blow he stopped and dropped the sword, an arrow sprouting from his neck. His companion turned with a look of surprise on his face only to be met with a sword at his neck. As I slowly succumbed to the cold darkness of unconsciousness I heard a female's voice saying, "Well, well, well, look what the sheep dragged in."
It wasn't always this way. Me being a thieve, or even me being in this world. Things used to be better, let me just give you the clip notes. It started long ago on a day called by many names. Some call it "The Awakening," some call it "The Entrance to the Nightmare," most call it "The day we all got stuck in this place." Hundreds, maybe thousands of people appeared, scattered across this land. The first thing we noticed was how odd the world was, what with its rolling hills, lack of animals except for the common farm animals, and the fact that everything was made of blocks. The second thing we noticed was, "why is this odd?" For we couldn't remember anything else, and it remains that way to this day. Sure we remembered some basic things, such as our names, some simple tools to make, and to beware of what comes out at night, but other than that, nothing. We did the first thing that came naturally to us, to group together and form a safe place to live. At first, this was alright and everything was peaceful, other than the occasional attack from the creatures of the night, but soon some settlements started growing hungry for power, they attacked smaller settlements taking slaves and growing larger and larger. Soon there were only major empires, the occasional small settlement, and wandering bands of nomads that would kill you without a second thought. I was living in one of these small settlements for many months before I got bored, the daily routine was just too repetitive. This, was when I found the thieves guild, full of people who felt the same way as I did. I learned the way of the thieves and performed small heists on a daily basis, I forced my way out of my boredom and made a name for myself as a thieve, always following the one thieve's rule, "Never leave a friend behind."
I woke to discover myself in a familiar room. Walls hastily scraped together out of cobblestone, oh Notch, I was back in the basement of the Guild. I got off of the bed, if you could call it that, more of a cot really, and gathered my sword and armour from the corner. Sneaking to the ladder in the middle of the room, I crept up it silently as only a master thief could. Unfortunately for me, I just happened to be in the same building as person who is perhaps as sneaky and deceitful as me. "Hello Steve." said a cold voice, "Great to see you again." "Charlotte! Marvelous to be in your company once again," I said, hoping I sounded as confident as I felt nervous. "Hate to trouble you, I'll just be on my way now." I managed to stammer before making a dash to the door. Suddenly there she was, blocking my path with a sword to the throat. Her long blonde hair running down her back in a braid. Her steely blue eyes narrowed in anger. Quickly I glanced around the room, "Oi, where's Bernard and the rest of them?" I murmured. "Oh, you mean your fellow thieves, your friends? The ones you deserted along with the rest of us?" she said coldly, her voice cracking. "I didn't desert the guild Lotte, I just moved on." I said, my voice rising. "Well if it wasn't for your "moving on" you'd know that they were all either murdered or taken as slaves five days ago when the Mongoli attacked." she exclaimed almost in tears now. "Wait," I said: "I've been out for five days? Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance?" "Simple," she said coldly, "Your going to help me take down, what is probably the strongest empire in the world, the Mongoli."
The ship drifted lazily down the canal. I was lying in the cabin trying to get a few hours of sleep before I did the most stupid thing I can think of. Doubtless Charlotte would have a plan, she always did. Even when we were new to the guild, out of her, Bernard, and I, she was always the one with the plan. Where as Bernard and I just preferred to rush in and rob the place; well, we tended to burst in only to find the valuables missing and typically her initials carved into the wall. I chuckled to myself as I was remembering this, I had eventually gotten better at the whole planning business, but Bernard had been reckless to the end. One thing was for sure though, no one could beat Bernard when it came to swordsmanship or archery. I was going to miss him.
The boat thudded to a stop and I heard a harsh "Steve, get out here" from outside the cabin. Reluctantly I dragged myself out of the bunk and walked outside. "What the?" I exclaimed: "I thought you said we were headed to Mongoli?" "No, I just said we were going to take down Mongoli, I never said it would be our first stop." She stated. Sand, as far as the eye could see, sand. "Where are we then?" I inquired. "Trinyte Desert" she replied climbing the nearest dune. I rolled my eyes and decided to just follow along. After a few hours of climbing sand dune after sand dune, we came across a small wooden hut. Briefly I considered asking what in Notch's name we were doing here, but decided against it. As we approached the hut the sand disappeared from beneath my feet. I remember falling, cursing violently while doing so, falling into a pool of water; then, nothing.
I opened my eyes, darkness. "Oh Notch, not again" I said, somewhat tired of the whole waking up in a strange place gig. Looking around I realized I was in some sort of holding cell. Getting up off my wonderfully cozy pile of straw in the corner I wondered who had attacked me this time, and what time dinner would be served. I knocked on the iron door in the corner of my cell to see if I could get a few answers. "Back away from the door, outsider!" Came the gruff reply. I did as I was told figuring it would be best for my general health to watch the door be kicked open and watch a broad shouldered man walk in. The first thing I noticed about him, besides the fact that the he was about six and a half feet tall was how unusually pale he was. He was wearing steel armour and his helm was so low I couldn't see his eyes. He gestured out into the passageway with his sword and a gruff "Out." I walked out into the dimly lit, windowless hallway that from thee looks of it, was subterranean. After walking down the hall a way, I began to notice something about the people I was passing. They were all strangely pale, as though they rarely saw the light of day. Eventually the guard stopped outside a door and turned to me, "Door at the end of the hall." He growled. As soon as I opened the door a bespectacled, scrawny looking fellow ran straight into me. "Oh dreadfully sorry!" He squeaked, dust falling from his sandy brown hair. I bent to helped him pick up his paper, and noticed the heading at the top, "History of the Mongoli." "Interested in the Mongoli?" I inquired. "Oh yes, I --" "Sebastian! Do not associate yourself with the outsider." The guard shouted angrily. " Oh yes, sorry Bruno, my mistake c-completely." Sebastian stammered, "I must be on my way." And hurried past me. Continuing through the doorway down the hall, I stopped at the double doors at the end. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever may be on the other side, and walked in. I immediately wished I had taken a longer time to prepare.
Surrounding me were hundreds of people, all except two sitting in the stands surrounding the room as if they were at the Romanasi Colosseum, all except one looking angrily at me. "Take your seat." said a man sitting at a raised platform in the center of the room, gesturing to the chair next to Charlotte. After doing so I hissed, "Lotte, what are we doing here?" She replied with a nervous, "Getting some backup for Mongoli, I hope." I tried to inquire further, but the man in the center of the room suddenly said, "You know why you are here before me outsiders?" Me and Charlotte shook our heads. "Let me list your charges." He stated, "Intrusion upon Irdstan land, unauthorized possession of weapons, and finally, possession of Mongoli, our most hated enemy's armour. How do you plead?" At which point, I stood up and yelled angrily, "What do you mean how do you plead?! We didn't know your silly little country was here, let alone your laws." To which the man, standing up, coldly replied, "That is none of our concern. You violated the laws you must pay the price." By this time Charlotte was standing as well and said loudly, "Sir! I think what my companion here is trying to say," Now glaring venomously at me, "is that we are very sorry that we broke your laws, we just came to ask for your help." "Bloody well not what I meant at all." I muttered only to be rewarded with a painful stomping on my foot. The man at this point, his curiosity piqued, asked, "Help with what exactly?" "Help taking down the Mongoli Empire." Charlotte said boldly. At which everyone in the room immediately started bursting out laughing. "You?! Take down the Mongoli? Better men than you have tried child." Charlotte stomped her foot, her face reddening. "Sir, I have a plan which I don't think even your 'Better men' could of thought of"
As I sat on the cold wooden steps, resting my arm on the blank sign on the side of them, I could hear the occasional word through the office door. "...alliance...group of g-...he's the best there is...retrieve..." It was unnerving. Finally, I got up, the walked past the secretary's desk, and burst into the room. "Ok, what's going on?" I growled. Charlotte and the man, who by now I had been informed was the king of these people, these Irdstanians, were paused, mid-handshake staring at me. "We've just finished up our agreement" the king stated. "What agreement?! Why are we here in this frightened underground city? I've had about enough of not being told wha-" I paused mid-rant, as something on the wall caught my eye. A full set of diamond armour along with the finest diamond blade I had ever seen hung on the wall. "Whoa, who's is that?" I asked. The king stood up and said: "Mine. I mined all those diamonds myself and wore that into battle shortly after I founded this "frightened underground city." I stared on slightly embarrassed, but still angry. "Ok then, you still haven't answered my question. What agreement?" I asked. Charlotte stood up and said: "The agreement in which King Aaron here gives us a group of guards in return for taking down the Mongoli." "Ok then, you still haven't told me how you plan on going about taking down the Mongoli." I stated. She grinned, "And I won't until the time comes to do so" she said haughtily. I rolled my eyes and asked if I would "At least get a bit of payment for my efforts in this venture?" Both her and King Aaron looked at each other then said in unison, "Yes." "But you're not going to tell me what, are you?" I asked. "No." They replied. I rolled my eyes, told Charlotte to get me when she was about to leave. After about three hours of sleep, I was awoken to the clinking of metal and the pain of a suit of new Iron armour being dropped on my stomach. A voice said: "Gear up. Walk down the hall to the left when you're done." After suiting up as the voice had so politely suggested, I started walking down the hall.
don't worry bout no replies just make more chapters and tell people you know that your making a story.
Make a good title it gets people interested and put [STORY] in front.
if you go on i will give you
Make longer chapters and give us a little more information on who everybody is and what happened before.
[don't use the coal yet..]
Thanks mate, I'll try to put in more of that in the future; although, I want to reveal Steve's and Charlotte's (Lotte's) history slowly.
Also, if anyone knows where I can get a banner to put in my signature for this story, let me know.
Thanks for your comments and advice guys, keep it coming.
ask Aiero he makes minecraft related sigs
http://www.minecraftforum.net/viewtopic.php?f=1018&t=201878%20
Also don't post name of chapters before you posted them it makes you wonder what happens next.
I don't exactly understand what you mean by making too many things happen at once. I thought this chapter went by pretty smoothly. And, yeah you're right. I should make the chapters longer. Chapter six coming out tonight!
first chapter: city burning
second chapter: little explanation
third chapter: he wakes up in a place and sees charlotte.
fourth chapter: they don't go to the mongoli but to a desert and he falls down.
fifth chapter: wakes up in a strange place.
so first city burns, second he wakes up in a place that is familiar, third he falls in a down and fourth he wakes up in a strange place.
with straight i mean like
he wakes up in a strange place he goes searching for people when it's night he makes a shelter etc.
P.S. I like this part:
^Thanks to xAppareoOfOdium^
I love you to
Well I'm just an old fart here...like 500 years in internet time.