Chesse scrambled through the opening in the cave wall, his nearly broken sword clutched in inexplicably attached to his blocky hand. He had not repaired or replaced any tools or armor since losing his job as the village idiot, and his pick had shattered before he had even reached Hell. Chesse made sure that today would not be the day the spiders hunting him would taste the flesh of a Space Orc (or whatever the hell that ugly green thing is) and blocked the wall's hole, depleting his stone reserves to nearly nothing. Panting, he backed away from his handiwork to rest on the wall behind him. However, the wall was a meter past a deep hole in the ground. Chesse fell into the devious trap, screaming as he dropped through Hell's darkest shadows.
He hit the ground with a loud clang, just barely saved by his thick iron armor, which was now split in two on the ground beside him. Fighting for consciousness, he realized that this room was decently lit. "At last!" he thought, grinning and giving a thumbs-up, "People who might not know what an annoying ***** I am!".
As he stood up, his heart dropped from his chest to his stomach, realizing that his hearts had dropped from full to one and a half. Limping across the flat stone floor, his head swung around, and he realized that this room was lit not by torches, but by lava trenches dug into the floor. Chesse winced, noticing a sharp pain in his arm. He needed to meet whoever lived here, and annoy them into giving him a meal. He brought out his shovel, which served the dual purpose of making annoying noises when the metal hit the ground, and acting as a decent crutch.
From the large room at the end of the hallway, Chesse heard a sound sweeter than a choir of all of Notch's angels. A burst of blissful oinks, which excited him to the point that he dropped his shovel-crutch and nearly began running. Tears of joy ran across his mottled green skin, as he drew nearer and nearer to the possibility of living to enrage people another day.
But when he reached the expansive room, he did not find pigs, but a large pool of lava, with a strange idol jutting out of it. He would have dropped to his knees in sadness at the loss of his meal, but he was too intrigued by the stone idol to do so. Moving closer to take a look, Chesse realized that the idol was a statue of a large creeper, and was apparently very important, as its eyes and mouth were filled with diamond. Elated, he built a bridge over the pool, finishing off his stone blocks in the process. He desperately wanted the diamond, and punched and kicked at it until the first of the block popped off the creeper statue's face. He smiled maniacally at the small, reflective gem in his dirtied hands, turning it back and forth to look for impurities. His happiness was cut short, however, for as soon as he began to strike the second diamond, he heard the most horrid, chilling hiss from behind him. Chesse realized that he was going to be vaporized, and felt a twinge of something he had never felt before. Regret, for being banished after insisting that a lava miner is somehow superior to a coal miner.
As any true denizen of Hell is aware, sand is sparser than the mighty, elusive Rana of myth, and as a result of this sparseness, TNT is impossible to craft. However, the mighty king of Hell has smiled upon us, and sent his own children to die so that we may clear space for our own selfish castles, homes, and mines. We are eternally grateful to his mightiness, Creepistopheles, and we demonstrate that gratitude by building temples and statues in his glorious image.
All who accept and respect his wondrous power will prosper, hisses responding to their every beck and call. Ceepistoheles' children will continue to serve the loyal just as they would serve their own father.
Those who deny him, especially in his own domain, will be lucky not to find themselves ending up as a puddle of blood at the bottom of a crater.
Join in the service of our mighty lord and live happily, even in the darkest depths of Hell! However, for those who do not the consequences will be grave, and they should never dare enter the lands of the Servants of Creepisthopheles.
TL;DR, you lazy ******* Chesse20 dies, and I'm starting a cult dedicated to the use of creepers as a natural form of TNT. Whee!
EDIT: Clan organization so the Mods don't throw a fit.
-Our dark lord, Creepistopheles
-A circle of 5 or so clerics (Dudebro)
-20 lesser priests
-Initiates and/or peons
EDIT II: Actual information about the clan
Violently opposes whatever Creepisthopholes demands opposition to.
TNT is an ugly, selfish attempt to harness the power of the creeper for mankind.
Bases are underground temples, adorned with carvings and/or statues of creepers.