Your momma is so short that she committed suicide by jumping off of her bed!
Your momma is so dumb that she stole free bread!
Your momma is so fat that it negatively effects her self of steam.
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1 Year ago the military was on the losing side of the war. All seemed bleak until one soldier brought a penguin in to training. They had trained that penguin in the use of explosives and sent him out into the field. They had thought that they had won but the agent went rouge. Now he only lives on as a legend, the legend of ShotgunPenguin.
There was a man stranded on a island. A genie visited him. He said, "I'll give you two wishes." He said, "I want a bottle of never ending water for my first wish." The genie gives him a bottle of never ending water. After a one minute sip, he said, "That was so good! I wish for another one!"
A man is stranded on an island. He is about to give up and commit suicide when he finds a lamp. he rubs it and a genie pops out. "I will grant you three wishes." The genie says. The man smiles and thinks for a while before saying, "I'd like a large gourmet feast." The genie snaps his fingers and the feast appears. "You have two wishes left." He says. The man thinks again before answering. "How about a mansion?" He suggests. The genie snaps his fingers and a mansion appears. The man looks at it in awe as the Genie says, "You have one wish remaining." The man thinks long and hard before giving his answer. Finally, he says, "Well, ya know, none of this stuff does me any good if I stay on this island. Can you build me a bridge back to the main land?" The genie bows his head. "Master," He says, "This is a very difficult request. Could you possibly pick something else?" The man sighs and says, "Well, there is something. Can you help me understand women?" The genie looks up and asks, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes, or three?"
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My current avatar is Gyro Zeppeli from the popular manga Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. He's my favorite character. I love his optimism, dry humor, and his ability to do considerable damage even without a stand.
The Canadians launched a mission to the moon. Shortly after, they realized their pens failed to work in zero gravity conditions. So, for the next seven years, the Canadian government collaborated with the USA with $10 billion set aside to develop a pen that is indestructible, can write on any surface, and in any condition. It can write in acid, on metal, stone, unprocessed trees, and anything else you can think of.
I'm sitting in my chem class when I hear two guys talking about a girl.
The first guy goes, "Hey man, do you know her number?"
The second guy shrugs. "Sorry, I don't know."
I walk over to the two. "I know her number."
The first guy looks at me. "Really?"
"Yeah, her atomic number is 67."
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Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.
Because the Days of Fuchsia Past
Saw this next one on reddit (skyrim dad joke)
How many fingers does the dragonborn have on one hand?
Four fingers and a Thu'um
I have a Spoon. Your argument is invalid.
"Well son she should be in the kitchen"
"She isn't"
"WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"
A lawyer walks into a bar, gets punched and sues it.
A robber walks into a bar
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
#BAUM4EXILE2014
:^)
HELP CAPSLOCK KEY FELL OFF IT SWITCHES ON AND OFF, HELP PLS.
Your momma is so dumb that she stole free bread!
Your momma is so fat that it negatively effects her self of steam.
Pull the pin and throw it back!
The programmer returns with a dozen loaves of bread.
There was a man stranded on a island. A genie visited him. He said, "I'll give you two wishes." He said, "I want a bottle of never ending water for my first wish." The genie gives him a bottle of never ending water. After a one minute sip, he said, "That was so good! I wish for another one!"
If all of us give a little bit of something to a good cause, we can help to make that cause happen.
My current avatar is Gyro Zeppeli from the popular manga Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. He's my favorite character. I love his optimism, dry humor, and his ability to do considerable damage even without a stand.
Hey you can check out my website if you want: Stories I Scribbled
The Russians used a pencil.
Joke:
John has 100 sweets. He ate 50 this afternoon. What does John have now?
Diabetes. John has diabetes.
banks market baseball legal piano laptop password packaging island piano pandemonium cabin Jan paying Jeff's kings Crichton section lives stop la ski drunk Heidi Kennedy official Cecil Leigh kitchen lab Baugh being.
Isn't Auto Correct cool?
This sums up 90% of all elementary school math problems.
So original
smh tbh fam
How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge? 3. Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
How many steps does it take to put a deer in the fridge? 4. Open the door, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the door.
The lion king throws a huge party. Every animal is there except one. Who is it? The deer, he's still in the fridge.
A lady manages to swim across a crocodile-infested swamp without even seeing a crocodile. How does she do it? All of the crocodiles are at the party.
She dies after leaving the swamp. How did that happen? A brick fell from the sky and hit her in the head.
Nacho cheese
I'm back!
My old account: http://www.minecraft...0242-vxelerate/
It's extra funny since Buddhists don't believe in reincarnation. Rebirth, maybe, but it's irrelevant to Buddhism.
The first guy goes, "Hey man, do you know her number?"
The second guy shrugs. "Sorry, I don't know."
I walk over to the two. "I know her number."
The first guy looks at me. "Really?"
"Yeah, her atomic number is 67."
Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.